life in China | Speaking of China

Stereotypes About Couples of Chinese Men-Western Women

This post exploring stereotypes is a collaboration with Gerald Schmidt. We wondered about the idea of stereotypes in Chinese-Western couples — how are they different, and who has it harder? Read Gerald’s take on the Chinese man-Western woman pairing.

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Couples of Chinese men and Western women are so rare, so unstereotypical, you might think we’re immune to stereotypes altogether.

Well, we may not have “yellow fever” — but, in some circles, we’re not such a “healthy” idea.

So, what are those stereotypes, and how do they affect Chinese men and Western women who love each other? Continue reading “Stereotypes About Couples of Chinese Men-Western Women”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Will Chinese Boyfriend Accept Out of Wedlock Baby?

Baby foot — Will your Chinese boyfriend give you the boot if you already have a baby, and it's not his?

Baby-in-tow asks:

I have a Chinese boyfriend staying here in our town and working in a big company, and he is 30 years of age and he has stayed here almost 6 years. I’m 23 years of age and i just want to ask if my boyfriend will accept me if he knows that I have a daughter in my past relationship (I’m not married and we have totally broken up).Please help me in my problem?..what should I do.??? My boyfriend loves me and really cares for me..hope you can help me. Thank you so much!

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Teen pregnancy. Single motherhood. In China, these are no better than fairytale dragons. Because, for most Chinese people, they just don’t exist: Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Will Chinese Boyfriend Accept Out of Wedlock Baby?”

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How I Learned to Read Chinese, Published on Matador

Reading Chinese characters — I detail my pathway to Chinese literacy in "How I Learned to Read Chinese," published on Matador.

Great news! Matador just published my article titled “How I Learned to Read Chinese.”

For those of you dying to know about my path to fluency, this piece tracks how I left illiteracy in Chinese behind. Curious? Here’s a snippet:

When I came to Hangzhou, China in August 2001 as a writer – and to work on Mandarin fluency – I faced a great, embarrassing wall: I was illiterate.

Sure, I could speak and understand basic conversational Chinese, because I’d studied while teaching English in China from 1999 to 2000. Then, as a beginner, speaking and listening in a tonal language was so challenging that I didn’t want to deal with the characters.

But in Hangzhou, my ignorance was a big deal. Even though I could chat with locals, order food and ask directions, I was baffled by business cards, menus, and even store signs. I needed to read so I could build vocabulary and truly be fluent. But how?

For the “thrilling conclusion” — and to discover the Meteor Garden connection in all of this — read the full piece at Matador. And if you like it, share it. And thanks! 😉

UPDATE: Got this in an e-mail from Matador:

I wanted to let you know that your article was featured in this week’s Traverse newsletter, which means it was picked out by senior editor David Miller as one of the strongest pieces published during the week.

That made my day!

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The Chinese Zodiac Effect

Lit-up red Chinese lanterns — When you live in China, you cannot escape the Chinese zodiac, and the light it shines on everyday life.

My Chinese husband used to be what his mother called nanyang (难养, difficult to raise). But she didn’t turn to any Chinese equivalent of Dr. Spock to solve the problem. She saw a fortune teller.

“The fortune teller said I had a conflict with my father,” John told me. He’s a horse in the Chinese zodiac, and apparently rats — the sign of his father — just don’t get along well with their equine brethren. “So the fortune teller suggested she find a godfather who is a tiger.” That’s a tiger in the Chinese zodiac.

And that explains why a man John refers to as “godfather” shows up at John’s family home for Chinese New Year and other major holidays in China. He may not be blood family, but he’s important to the family harmony.

It’s not the first time I’d experienced the Chinese zodiac at work in daily life in China. Continue reading “The Chinese Zodiac Effect”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Movies with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love

Yes, sometimes the Chinese man does get the Western woman in the movies -- such as in "For All Eternity." (image from Amazon.com)

B asks:

I was wondering because you often mention about Hollywood and the lack of Chinese men getting the girl. Can you think of any other movies to recommend where a foreign girl gets together with a Chinese or even an Asian male. All I can think of is Shanghai Kiss, Mao’s Last Dancer and the other one Ramen Girl is in Japan so it’s kind of not the same.

My friend told me about a movie aired on CCTV in Chinese about a rich American woman who falls for a peasant Chinese man but she forgets the name of it. Do you happen to know it? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Movies with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love”

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The China Birthday Enthusiasm Gap

Happy birthday cake — Happy birthday meant something completely different to John, my Chinese husband (photo by Brandon Rittenhouse)

When my birthday came along this summer, my Chinese husband orchestrated yet another in a long line of grand “birthday programs” — mining the rainbow gleam of opal; breathing in the azure beauty of a pristine trout stream filled with river otters; and savoring the fragrant delight of coconut curries at a Thai restaurant downtown. The entire day felt as precious and beautiful as the double rainbow we glimpsed from the highway, arching in twin perfection against the tumultuous gray skies behind.

Two months later, when his birthday arrived, along with the new semester, I imagined a day of birthday revelry fit for the one man who captured my heart and soul. “Maybe we could go to the hot springs. Or a planetarium in a science museum. Or what about visiting a state park?”

But John shrugged, as if I was just discussing the week’s shopping list with him. “We don’t really have the time,” he said, referring to his heavy workload this semester. “You can just make me a chocolate cake,” he smiled.

“A chocolate cake?” I replied, with incredulity. “That’s all?” Continue reading “The China Birthday Enthusiasm Gap”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Western Women Can’t Wear Qipaos?

Love Qipaos asks:

I have been taught Mandarin by a Chinese girl living abroad for a year now and sometimes she gives me some comments, that let me think. Mostly, this applies for clothes. I must say, my taste in clothes is not the average kind, and I especially like Asian style clothes, but the traditional kind. I own a qipao and also fisherman pants from Thailand, and when I wear those kind of clothes she asks me stuff like: “Why are you wearing this? You’re not Asian!” or she says “Nobody in China even wears this anymore!” I then ask her why she’s wearing blue jeans and western style clothes, when she is not from the west, but t seems like this doesn’t matter at all. I kinda get the feeling that when a western girl wears eastern clothes it gives off the impresion, that she’s trying to be Asian, but if it’s the other way around, no one seems to really care, even though all the Chinese girls that I know wear western clothes and some even dye their hair blond and such. So is this just the impression that I get or a general trend? Or is it just because there are so few western girls who are even interested in wearing traditional eastern clothes, that makes us stand out so much? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Western Women Can’t Wear Qipaos?”

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Ask the Yangxifu: The Subtext of Frequent SMS Texts from Chinese Men

SMS from Chinese men — What's the subtext of frequent SMS text messages from Chinese men?

Just Friends asks:

My question concerns Chinese men and gauging their interest level, especially through modern means of communication like texting! I’m trying to figure out if I need to put a couple Chinese men frequently calling/texting at an arm’s length in order to keep from leading them on (does this mean that they’re interested romantically?)

If male friends of mine frequently text and call to make casual plans, either just the 2 of us or with friends, should I assume this means they have a romantic interest in me? In the U.S., I would make this assumption if a single guy repeatedly texted or called to see me, and honestly in China I’ve also begun to wonder about the men that are spoken for. I don’t want to be rude by unnecessarily giving a friend the cold shoulder, but I also do NOT want to lead on any men in whom I’m uninterested!! I don’t want to keep agreeing to meet or continue texting if they’ll interpret that as positively receiving their advances.

Could you speak a little about this modern communication and what it means in the dating world of China? I would really love to hear your thoughts! Thank you! Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: The Subtext of Frequent SMS Texts from Chinese Men”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Can Western Women Love a Communist Chinese Military Man?

People's Liberation Army soldiers in Shanghai — Can Western women fall in love with Chinese men who are Communist Party members, and in the military?

Concerned Chinese Person asks:

I’m a Chinese service man,and I’m a number of the communist party of China,I have a question about it,My identity isn’t like the ordinary people,if I build a serious relationship with a western girl,would she mind of my identity?

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CCP, chances are, she wouldn’t care if you’re a Communist or in the military.

Sure, back in the era of McCarthyism, consorting with Communists could suddenly make you “un-American” and put you on the fast track to unemployment.

Even today, some extremists throw around the label “Communism” as if it’s a four-letter word, and “fear government takeover.” But, by and large, these people wouldn’t even think of coming to China, studying Chinese, or having anything to do with a country that has a red flag with a hammer and a sickle on it.

That means, the Western women you’d end up meeting in China probably don’t see Communism as a big deal anymore. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Can Western Women Love a Communist Chinese Military Man?”

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Finally, a Taobao for Foreigners in China – Shoppinglu.com

Shoppinglu.com, the first e-commerce site for foreigners in China — Taobao, eat your heart out -- Shoppinglu.com, the first e-commerce shop for foreigners in China, has landed in Shanghai, and wants to serve you.

E-commerce in China is simple for foreigners who can’t do Chinese.

Get a Chinese friend to help you search, translate and make the purchase on Taobao. Repeat every time you need something online in China. (And as you tire of this, wonder why on earth Taobao, in its rush for riches, left behind the foreigners.)

Jack Ma might just kick himself when he discovers the latest addition to the e-Commerce world in China — Shoppinglu.com, the first English (and Chinese) e-Commerce site just for foreigners in China.

Like Taobao, it has a wide array of merchandise for sale at deep discounts (20 to 80 percent), just a click away — from strappy sandals to Hello Kitty hair straighteners to laptops to android devices to even scooters. Currently they have more than 3,000 items available, and plan to add even more. And, like Taobao, you can communicate with sellers if you need another color or size. Continue reading “Finally, a Taobao for Foreigners in China – Shoppinglu.com”

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