Just Friends asks:
My question concerns Chinese men and gauging their interest level, especially through modern means of communication like texting! I’m trying to figure out if I need to put a couple Chinese men frequently calling/texting at an arm’s length in order to keep from leading them on (does this mean that they’re interested romantically?)
If male friends of mine frequently text and call to make casual plans, either just the 2 of us or with friends, should I assume this means they have a romantic interest in me? In the U.S., I would make this assumption if a single guy repeatedly texted or called to see me, and honestly in China I’ve also begun to wonder about the men that are spoken for. I don’t want to be rude by unnecessarily giving a friend the cold shoulder, but I also do NOT want to lead on any men in whom I’m uninterested!! I don’t want to keep agreeing to meet or continue texting if they’ll interpret that as positively receiving their advances.
Could you speak a little about this modern communication and what it means in the dating world of China? I would really love to hear your thoughts! Thank you!
——-
JF, China may be the land of indirect dating, but sometimes, a text is just a text.
I’ve had close Chinese male friends who would often message me to go out to dinner, or to watch a DVD, or even for a walk. But I never doubted we were anything beyond friends. Why? Because of context when we’re together.
He wouldn’t shower me with romantically charged compliments (i.e. “foreigners are beautiful,” “you have lovely eyes,” — two I’ve heard), or try to get too close to my personal space, or be unusually interested in what I’m doing next or on a certain date (and then offer to accompany me).
If that’s your guy too, then chances are, he just wants to be friends.
Look at his text messages, too. When Chinese guys were interested in me, they’d often text things like “I’m so glad to get messages from you” and “Your company makes me feel so happy.”
If you’re not reading that kind of love in his cold, hard words, or how he behaves when, say, you’re a dinner, you should be safe (apart, that is, from the roaring traffic you might have to cross to get that restaurant). 😉
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China (or in Chinese culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.
I meet a Chinese guy on language app. He asked me to be his friend. It’s only 4 days since we started chatting.He told me to download WeChat but I couldn’t because its not available in my region he registered instagram but his account got deactivated so we only chat through the language app.He always wished me good morning and good night and our chats are simple and we do stuffs like 文爱 and he said it was ok because 主要是我们有好感 that’s what he says and said he wants to continue playing.When he go to KTV he always tell me in advance that he’ll play late with his friends and say goodnight to me in advance.I once jokingly wrote a lullaby but he said this jokes aren’t funny and tild me that I’m not his mom (I included mom in the song ) and told me not to do like this anymore he dislike those who disrespect elders I was confused but I just said sorry .I just wanted to know if he’s being polite or that’s what every Chinese guys do .
I have met an Chinese boy in an language app who is one year older then me and we speaks daily only at night time saying good night wish.We exchanged mail address so when I not able to go in language app we talks in mail about how day went all this he asks me to download QQ or wechat both are banned in my region so I can’t download he shares whatever program he sees he tells the title and I’ll watch it then he says he really don’t want to get married and he said he won’t give nick name for other so quickly but he always calls me like🐷🐷 even I said to stop calling like that he says you are cute like a 🐷😐 and he says 爱你，朋友，哈哈 so I am confused now.He always plays games and we fixed our chat timing so we chat on that particular timing only.