Calling All Asian Men: What Do You Love About Western Women?

(John and I, posing for our wedding photos)

This past week, a commenter named Centaur wrote:

Jocelyn and all the western women still reading this thread, maybe we should have a thread where Asian men can comment on what they love about western women.

Centaur, I can’t agree more! What a great way to honor the Western women in your life — or just honor us in general — during the month that includes International Women’s Day.

And even better, Centaur started it off with his own Top 10 List:

1) Your eyes. Deeply set, bright, shaded with long lashes, infinitely seductive. They can have so many colors — blue, green, gray, brown, … , and the color can even change with sunlight. If I stare into them, I’d forget what I was saying.
2) Your hair. Curly, soft, fine, always makes me want to run my fingers through it.
3) Your nose. Long, high, strong (no, I am not making fun of you). It gives your face so much character.
4) Your narrow cheekbones. Contrary to the typical Western view, we don’t find high cheekbones very attractive.
5) Your curves and long legs, they give you such a feminine look.
6) You know how to handle high heels.
7) You enjoy sex. You are open, evolved, and sexual.
8) You are affectionate and you love kissing.
9) You know how to put on makeup.
10) You like to work out and you age gracefully.

So to continue this, I pulled John aside and asked him what he loves most about me. And here are John’s Top 10:

1. My curves. Some readers might remember I wrote about how my husband helped me learn to love my curves — so it’s no wonder he considers this one of my “assets”!

2. My height. We may have three inches of separation between us, but he’s still proud to have a wife who stands taller.

3. My emotions. When I feel something strongly, I can’t help but let it show — which is different from John. You might say we balance each other, an “emotional yin-yang.”

4. My filial piety — whether towards his parents or towards other elders, like my grandma.

5. Good póxí guānxì (婆媳关系, relationship between me and my mother-in-law). I know, I know — one of my most popular posts talks about the troubling Chinese mother-in-law relationship. But actually, mine hasn’t really been all that troubling after we married, which is kind of a miracle!

6. Because he thinks I’m beautiful and a great cook. John actually expressed this with a Chinese saying: shàng dé liao tīngtáng, xià dé liao chúfáng (上得了厅堂,下得了厨房), or someone who can “meet guests (i.e. presentable), and go into the kitchen.” While this might sound kind of old-fashioned, I’ll still take the compliment!

7. My courage. When I returned to China for the second time in 2001 (after a year of teaching English from 1999 to 2000), I actually went alone — something that led my husband to privately dub me a “hero” (which is kind of funny to me!) and praise my courage. And while I know  it sure doesn’t rank highest on the courage-meter, it’s definitely a sweet thing to appreciate.

8. Attentive. He said so for many reasons, but the fact that I’m a vegan and still make him his favorite meats — such as red-braised pork — definitely counts towards this!

9. My intelligence. I’ll be honest, I blushed at first when he told me this. But it’s kind of nice to have a man who loves that I’m a nerd.

10. Hardworking. Another one that makes me blush! And at a loss for words. (Thanks, Sweetie!)

(photo by Austin H. Kapfumvuti via

And now it’s time to turn the floor over to you, the reader.

Asian men reading thishow about you? What do you love about Western women in general? Or what do you love about the special Western woman in your life? Tell us in the comments! You don’t have to have a Top 10 — it could be even one, two or three things.

Ladies, if your special guy or friend is too embarrassed to comment, feel free to post his answers below! 

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134 Replies to “Calling All Asian Men: What Do You Love About Western Women?”

  1. Well, to be honest, I’m more proud of John’s list than Centaur’s (no offense). I never was interested in marrying a Chinese woman only because of her looks, which through no real fault Centaur only focuses on. In the end, I wanted to marry my wife because of her intelligence, her personality, her artistic and thoughtful flair, her Buddhism, her deep knowledge of i-ching and feng shui and more. It is a bonus that she is pretty with a young face, and that she is fit. However, I do know that it isn’t hard to meet someone shallow in China, just as it takes virtually no effort here in the U.S.

    And good for John (and Joss)! I’ve known Jocelyn off and on for half my life, and she is lucky to have someone like John to appreciate her and her sharp, creative mind, as well as everything else. 恭喜, 恭喜!

    1. The question asked specifically for Western women and the things you look for can apply to women of any race because they have nothing to do with it. Centaur’s points were about looks mostly because saying that he likes Western woman for being artistic would suggest that Chinese aren’t which is not true. Though I’d expect an Asian girl to be better with heels since they’re so short so they might be more likely to wear them. John’s list is, on the other hand more personalized. It’s about a woman he loves and admires and it goes deeper than the eyes can see.

  2. Pure visional effect due to long term brain washing. Yes, I am white washed.
    Never attracted to western features until influx of western media bombardment. Without exotic influence, my native and instinct sence of beauty is for ancient Han women in traditional Han dress which turned me on instantly in my teen years.
    So do not discount media influence and brain washing. Now I love big breast and wider hip.

    Personal anecdote.

  3. Yes, Chinese/Asian men are extremely attracted to John’s top 10 list !! I agree on all 10 !!!!!!!! LOL It’s true!! 🙂 . You know Chinese/Asian men just pick our women very carefully. I may sound wild and out of control sometimes but my heart likes something that can not be denied. OMG #6 is my favorite (John’s list).

    Right on.

    For physical appearance, I think the different colors and shades of hair is unique among Europeans.
    People only fancy western girls obviously have never dated attractive Asian women.

  5. 1)Outgoing (compared to Asian girls lol)
    2) Curves
    3) strong beliefs
    4) Facial structure
    5) Willingness to stand up for herself/strong beliefs
    6) Sexually open
    7) Eyes

    1. Best comments I have ever got from women relate to my cooking skills (an ex-GF loved how I modified a fettuccini dish), my sense of humor, my values, and a few other talents. Believe me, being a “short Asian guy” is no obstacle to finding romance with women of different races/ethnic backgrounds including Asian ladies. In the past, I’ve been “accused” of being “unfair” to women for “not making myself available.” I’ve been told before by women that had I shown interest in them when they were still single and unattached, they would have married me instead of someone else. Even an old flame with which I had a really nasty split, she eventually tried to ease her way back into my life, and she even told me in recalling our breakup, it felt to her like “losing a member of her family.” I had to kind of put a stop to her efforts because I really had no more feelings for her anymore.

  6. I agree with Kevin’s list! I am attracted to pretty independent minded woman believe it or not. I’m into woman that can speak her mind but at the same time not see men as the enemy. In other words, I am sucker for your usual feminine mystique! I love the diversity of your looks whether its the color of your hairs, eyes and body types. Curves on Western Women are to die for!

  7. Wow Jocelyn, you execute fast! Thank you. A thread like this is long overdue. (BTW based on how diligently you are cultivating this blog over the past several years, I agree with John — you have very good work ethic.)

    My initial top-10 list was not intended to be the “why I married her” list. It’s about sexual attraction, no more, no less. These thoughts can come to my mind in the first ten seconds after I see a beautiful western woman, before I even talk to her. And I can come up with a much longer list, but I don’t know if Jocelyn would appreciate sexually explicit language on her blog 🙂 Perhaps there should be an 18+ thread on the top 10 things I love about Western women ~in bed~, like what you do with fortune cookies.

    And, this is a blog about relationship between western women and Asian men. Like any relationship, how can it exist without sex? One thing I love about western women, is how sexually and emotionally evolved they often are (I know, this is a crude generalization): You can be shy but not behind closed doors. You are not embarrassed to wear sexy lingerie for me, talk dirty to me, or tell me what you like in bed. And I can always talk about sex with you — you don’t come with the baggage that sex is a bad and embarrassing thing. It feels liberating to be in love with you.

    I know one should not judge a book by its cover. But damn I just love that cover. I can read the book later, but I want that cover, now. After being married to my wife for many years, I still tell her how I never get tired of gazing into her eyes and looking at her face. (@Ryan, I am sure you love your wife’s face and physical appearances, in addition to her intellectual traits.)

    But, the list doesn’t stop here. There is something more profound when you marry a western woman. At least here in the US, among all the WFAM couples I know, the wives are all very dedicated to their husbands and children. Perhaps by the fact that they choose to marry Asian men, they are already a self-selected group. Nonetheless, they all support their husbands and would go to the mat for them (Jocelyn being a perfect example). Regarding the Chinese mother-in-law problem, the answer is quite simple my book: I am married to my wife, not my mother, and we all know how possessive Asian MILs can be (imagine tiger moms turning into tiger MILs).

    @MADEINCHINA & askdsk, media might have played a role at some point, but I found western women to be attractive before I left China, way before the influx of Hollywood and McDonalds. No, I am not discounting Asian women here (I get it that Asian women have the same magical effect on some western men, as western women do on me), and many of them are beautiful human specimens, but they just don’t get my heart racing as much as western women do.

  8. When I started to date women, I did not want to date Western women and only wanted to have a Chinese woman. Later I changed.

    Here are the reasons why I, as a Chinese man, now love Western woman:
    1) they are beautiful (multiple colors of eyes, hair, & skin)
    2) they are honest about their emotions (when they smile you know they are happy; when they are sad, you know they truly feel sad);
    3) they have great curves and excellent buxom and bossom;
    4) they are more open and expressive about sex, feelings and hedonism
    5) they are more direct;
    6) they are taller and hence having children with them will likely produce taller children
    7) they sound very sexy when they speak while using certain inflections, tones and demeanor
    8) they are fearless and not shy about love and sex
    9) they are shapely when they are physically fit
    10) they are absolutely wild when in bed.

    So, many years ago, I said “good-bye” to Chinese women and “HELLO” Western girls. So, I married one.

  9. Let’s say pretty women are always attractive, no matter what race they are. Here in US, there are many pretty white girls around proportional to population, but only one of them makes my heart skip beats … She is driven, independent and smart, with bubbly personality, and also a typical hotty.

  10. My taste for white women is learned one like my taste for sushi or beer. My taste for western culture and women started from ancient Greek arts. I am also white washed to the point that I only like white women. I only realized this after I noticed that my past relationships are over 95% with white women. Now very few Asian women can turn me on now.
    What do I like about western women? Almost every thing from looks to sexuality.

    One thing about western women superior to Chinese women is sex life. Most western women I dated all displayed far stronger sex drive than limited asian women I dated. Daily sex is almost guaranteed (actually twice a day quite common).

    Pale skin from females are always sexy, another point superior to Chinese women. (Some northern Chinese women do have skin color comparable to white women).

    Now I am almost dating white women exclusively. Yes, I like to show off to my fellow country men when I am with my white girl friend. In Shanghai, I was cheered up numerous times by Chinese guys when they shouting at me 搞个金发洋妞 好样的!给中国人长脸!(Proud of your dating white blonde)

    1. What about Hispanic women? I have white skin. Sometimes people freakout when I speak Spanish or Japanese.???? I am 5’2″ 170lbs… so I feel that I am to “fat”.

  11. We really need more Chinese men to date Western women. It’s easier to interactive with them instead of being a creepy person. 2 times a day? 🙂 maybe you’re a young guy and have lots of time.. Once, you’re married maybe 2 to 4 times a week 🙂 .

  12. I know I may sound bitter & miserable, but instead of “why do I like Western women”, the main motivation is that I have no fond feeling toward Asian women: nothing feels worse than being categorically rejected by your own on racial ground. This brands Asian women (at least in my mind) as a specially vile breed.

  13. @Henry Yeh
    What you said is a sad reality. I never dated Asian girls born in US. Most of them learn to reject their own because of the racial reality. People who come here to worship the white girls are also been influenced by the same things. To me, it is plain stupid.

  14. Here is my view on reality: Asian is small percentage in US. Limiting yourself to Asian girls is basically looking for trouble.
    If a girl of different race likes you, why not like her back?

  15. I am an overseas Chinese student studying in Australia. I totally agree with what Centaur has in his top 10 list. But I just want to add one more thing: their tender and rosy lip with shiny lipsticks is definitely a big turn on for me, it’s like honey peach with a lot of juice.

    Before I came to Australia I’d never thought I would date a white girl due to some pre-assumed stupid stereotype towards them. And just like a typical Asian nerdy boy, I focused on studying just so that it meets my parents’ expectations. But once I started to approach white girls, they bring me massive surprise.

    Now I preferably want to date white girls, I haven’t made my first move yet because I don’t want to scare them off and I am kinda afraid of being rejected. But when I am fully prepared, they will know my absolute love and appreciation towards them. I am confident to find a gorgeous white girl, from inner personality to outer appearance.

    I should mention racial discrimination thing here: who gives a damn about it. All I know is I just need to find someone to love. I am so lonely without a girl lying on my chest.

  16. well
    1 good relationship with my family
    2 well organized
    3 clear mind and very open to discussç
    4 really care about the others ,a really kind heart
    5 funny
    6 like to share information
    7 hot and sexy and cute
    8 professional
    9 a reallly good “Friend”
    10 Im her favorite one

  17. Jocelyn,
    As Tony took his time to do the list, even though your article is not about what western women like about their chinese men, I thought is fair for him when I list what I like abot him, so here we go:
    1 Funny
    2 He does not judge people in advance or by their “cover” (always thinks good from them)
    3 Kind-hearted
    4 Willingness to learn (stay hungry, stay foolish)
    5 Attractive
    6 He is a great friend
    7 He is not good in matching colors, I just love this one 🙂
    8 He does not regreat about his past
    9 He finishes work always with a smile, does not mind how bad or good was the day
    10 He loves people, in general: he says elderly have experience and you can see that in their wrinkles, children are inocent and funny, and everyone else has his her own problems

    1. Yeap, Laura! I have a Chinese boyfriend. He is just amazing! And he is the best lover I have ever had. I totally agree with 1, 2, 6, 9!!!

  18. Agree with most of the listings here. Just want to add the stage of attractiveness as a different angle:
    1) The beginning stage: Facial structure, body type, openness. Lust factors ?
    2) The later stage: personality, such as bubbly, kindness, forgiveness, compromise. Love factors ?

  19. @all my brothers: There is nothing wrong, “plain stupid,” or “racist,” in preferring western women over Asian women, even if it’s just for the sex appeal. Same thing if a woman prefers Asian, black, white, or Latino guys. Whatever floats one’s boat, right? Let’s also not get hung up on those ABC women who exclude themselves from Asian men. Perhaps they feel they need to be dominated by white men, perhaps they feel they can dominate white men, perhaps it’s for the social-economic status, perhaps it’s for the looks, or for whatever reason. They are also just doing the thing that floats their boat. Griping about it won’t change a thing, right?

    That being said, for us Asian guys, pursuing western women in a western society is generally not easy, simply because western women have a lot more choices with western men — most people feel more at ease dating their own race. That, combined with the language barrier, cultural differences, and a completely different set of dating protocols (rules of jungle in the west vs. subtlety and courtship in the east), makes things more challenging and rewarding at the same time.

    @Howard Yeh, please don’t feel discouraged by the few oversea-born Asian women. The way they are, I believe, is the result of their upbringing. Most of the parents of the current generation of ABCs who are at the age for dating/marriage, came to the US (or other western developed countries) at a time when China was still very poor. Coming to the west was a huge step up. In addition, most of those parents still hold the view that a daughter is less “valuable” than a son, to the point that they would prefer their daughter to “marry up” to a white man instead of a Chinese man. This utilitarian view of marriage and life in general, coupled with the typical protective Chinese way of raising a child, can easily indoctrinate a little girl.

    @Vince — right on. My question is: why wait? Are you waiting for the “right girl?” If she shows up one day, will you be ready? Don’t be afraid of rejection. We all get rejected, and we learn from mistakes.

    @ Jocelyn — here is another idea for your future article, or series of articles: advice for Asian men if you want to date western women (in China or in the US). I know there is JT Tran’s Asian Playboy thing, but it really doesn’t apply here and it’s not what western women really want.

    1. @Centaur — I hadn’t heard of JT Tran before reading your post, so I googled the name. You are correct that his thing doesn’t generally apply here. That’s not what most of the western women I have known want. Certainly not me, an introvert who has always preferred quality over quantity.

      At the risk of referring to another stereotype, Mr. Tran reminds me of strutting Italian-American men in some movies, especially in the 1970s when I was a kid. (Saturday Night Fever, anyone?) I’ve met some Italian-American men who have that machismo, but I knew a lot more who didn’t. It’s kind of gross. I guess, to each his or her own.

      ‘Dated a Vietnamese-American guy. I’ve known more Asian and Asian-American women than men. Maybe I’m living in the wrong part of the country to meet more. lol.


  20. Learn from rejections and you will be more rounded and confident the next time. Don’t be afraid of rejections. Just say ” hey you want to hang out later or wanna get a cup of coffee later blah blah blah” . Think of something/some events that you can spend more time with her. Try to touch/hold her hand more often and hug her more often. If this one rejects you that’s fine. Find another woman or befriend her and maybe she’ll have more friends who will love you. That’s the secret.

    Bruce 🙂

  21. You will have rejections trust me! Don’t let rejections control your emotion. When you’re kicked down, just climb back up . You will be surprise that the “next” woman will say “YES”! I was surprised too that even I’m married over a decade and my mom said there was a woman asked my mom if I was married already hint hint! I know who she was but I only talked to her once. I was focused on school and I missed alot of chances that I didn’t asked those Western women out who showed ALOT of interest . That’s life man you will miss that chance if you don’t ask. ASK HER OUT THIS WEEK AND REPORT TO US HERE. Good luck!

  22. @Bruce
    Both of you guys have truly given valuable advice for Asian guys who are attracted to white women. Thanks!That’s helping a lot.

    JT.Tran has given some advice on his website as well and I find it particularly useful on how to build up confidence in a society where AMWW couples are rare.But there are something I am not totally agree with. He emphasis a lot about the sexual relationship to a level which makes me feel it becomes the dominant reason for an Asian guy to chase a white girl. Subconsciously that doesn’t feel right for me. Isn’t it like you love a woman first, and then you enjoy sex? Hey I mean sex should keep the relationship bounded together, but if we use sex in an abusive way, we would end up being a ‘playboy’, which, in my opinion, is not laudable.

    And HELL YEA! I should make my move when I meet a girl I like <3 But I want a relationship that does not only stay at the superficial level, but we have inner spiritual communications. If I am ONLY attracted to the physical looks of this girl, we would easily break up when things go wrong and this wouldn't be fair for her.

    My guidelines to date a white girl: be brave but also cautious, be romantic but also keep the feet on the ground, be sincere but also cunning in a harmless and humorous way.

    I will post on SpeakingofChina when I make my move towards a white girl! White girls are awesome =3

  23. Vince,

    You ‘re correct that J T is using this kind of method so you can step your foot in the door. Well, you want her to be attracted to you sexually first and you can work on the “traditional loving ” part. I do agree that things will get out of hand if you will become a player once you are good at talking and seducing women. It happened to my good friend with that problem. His gf dumped him indirectly and went with another “well off” man ( this man treats her like sh.. now). After that incident, my friend went to clubs all the time and started his playboy journey for 10 yrs. He picked up alot of beautiful western women. His style is passive/aggressive but it worked for him. He is tall and he dresses very trendy and built. Vince, women are also visual creatures too. They like men who are expressive and mean what what they say. They like you talking to them and show them who you have as a person. Of course, having a great physique will help you alot ( please do not listen to asian/chinese regarding how your physique should be!!!!!!!!!!). Even you are not the strongest guy but you have the “look” that you’re powerful and that will attracts more women. In addition, working out will calm you down so you don’t use so much emotion when you fail at school or picking up a woman you like ( when you fail, depression will occur) . Vince, wear tigher clothes and this is a must. If you work out and have big chest , trapezius and huge biceps/triceps, SHOW THEM!! If you wear XL size , try L size. Now everything will just POP OUT and you will look amazing!!!

  24. This topic is just way appealing to me and pumped up my passion during my final week 😀
    My two cents is I feel so natural myself when I am with western girls and we have so much in common. And their physical appearance is just paramount and beyond the literal description. As a result, I always feel like being above the cloud nine when I’m talking to them.
    Being a Chinese student studying in the U.S, I feel like the most significant difference I notice is the personal bubble here in the campus. And it is a bit hard to find out the girls interested in Asian culture among those you encounter in daily life. I haven’t really got to known how to attract them in both physical and mental way which would turn them on.

  25. No offence, but these posts aren’t made by real Asian men. Just a bunch of white-washed, sexually frustrated morons. Asian women are far more beautiful than white, Western women. AF/WM couples are and will always be the majority interracial couple in the world. WF/AM couples are too forced, unnatural, and incompatible. That’s why their numbers are few and their sightings are rare. That, and most of these couples don’t stay together for very weird. Contrary to what some delusional fools believe, WF/AM couples are shrinking/becoming less common, while AF/WM couples begin to grow. AF/WM couples are beautiful and loving, while WF/AM couples are, well, not to sound rude, are bitter and unattractive, getting together out of anger and hatred for the opposite coupling. But there are a few exceptions. And if you rely on someone like J.T. Tran for help, you are a sad, sad little man.

  26. I recently met a blond girl online and then we started to chat. It seems we getting alone well.

    But when I know that she is not a virgin, I started to question myself: is this really what I wanted?

    I am a virgin boy, and I cannot withstand my loved one is not a virgin. I can’t stop picturing she having sex with another man on bed when I talk to this girl. I keep trying to get rid of those thoughts but I couldn’t. It feels so bad to think my loved girl has another man’s semen in her body.

    I will give my virginity for the girl I really loved(I will wait after marriage if necessary).

    It’s not good to follow JT Tran, because women are not just sex objects. Guys, when you give your heart to a girl, whether she is white or Asian or any women from other ethnic groups, you should proud of yourself. And girls will respond you positively.

    1. Vince:

      You are rare, I think, in any culture. I know that this was posted three years ago. And I hope you find (or found) someone to share those values. It’s awesome.

  27. @Vince,
    You have a very graphic imagination. We all carry our own past as a backpack.
    Instead of picturing the girl in the past, did you try to picture her in the future? Maybe you can try to picture a future of yourself with that girl and if what you “see” is what you like, that backpack will become smaller and smaller.
    I understand is not easy, but if you want to give yourself to someone you really love and you believe you could love her, then that should be enough. I suggest you don´t include her in a “black list” for that reason, give her a chance, no one is perfect.

    Do you think it could work for you?

  28. @Laura
    I am so depressed now. She is really attractive and kind-hearted.

    She was hurt hard in her past 2 relationships and seems to lose hope on people now. On one hand I want to show my kindness to her and want to be her boyfriend and protect her; on the other hand, I just couldn’t completely accept her. If the girl is mine, I want her body, mind and soul. We shall completely belong to one another.

    I would try to forgive her past, but I don’t know what the future holds. Maybe we will be together, but maybe not.

    1. OMG, such immaturity, and self-righteousness…Vince, you want her “mind, body, and soul?” You will “try to ‘forgive’ her past?” If her alleged “transgressions” were against you, you can “forgive” that, but if this has to do with stuff that happened before she even met you, you are no position to “forgive.” How dare you! Too bad I don’t know the girl because if I do, I would have told her to steer clear.

  29. @Vince,
    Is not about forgiving, is about dealing with it. If you start to treat her like a loser or a person who did a huge mistake, then your relationship / friendship won´t work out.
    That´s part of her past, like it or not, she can´t change that. She does not need to be fixed, like you said, we are talking about people and not objects.
    Therefore if you want to be with her you both need to focus in something more important than that.
    The way you talk about her seems like you are doing a huge favour by accepting her as she is, forgiving.
    That´s part of her life, that´s all.

  30. @Carl. Are you a white dude or an Asian dude?

    No interracial pairing other than WM/AF has a higher incidence where one or both members of the pair racially fetishize each other, though the WM is generally the one that gets called out more often.

    It also always amazes me how often a WM who is with an AF exhibit the worst of racist attitudes towards Asian men. I’ve seen it in real life and its even more blatant with the anonimity of the internet. Spend 15 mins on an forum for Western expats in China or for some other Asian country, you’ll see what I mean.

    And while WM/AF couples don’t get together because of resentment towards AM/WF couples because simply the latter pairing is too few and far between for anyone to get too pissed off about, alot of WMs who date AFs exclusively seem to have serious hate issues towards WFs . This is even more true when you talk about AFs who date WMs exclusively and their attitudes towards AMs.

    I will agree with you on a couple of points, though.
    The AM/WF pairing is in fact “less compatible” (for lack of a better way to put it) because it is going against the grain. I think if the parties involved make it about race rather than just about two individuals who clicked, they will definitely have a harder time because society will give them a harder time.

    Second, I don’t like it one bit when the Asian dude adopts the “WF trophy attitude” and basically objectifies the WF or uses her as a status symbol. Fortunately, most of the WFs that post here seem intelligent enough to see through it and have healthy enough self-esteem not to put up with it.

    In relation to this particular blog entry, I agree with an early comment that I like John’s (Jocelyn’s husband) top ten list better than the one that solely focused on physical characteristics. That shows me he is seeing his mate as a complete person and finds her attractive as a complete person.

  31. @Vince – A person is a person, virginity is just a myths. Cherish what you have today, look forward to tomorrow. Scrutiny yesterday is a dead end for any relationship. Remember you are not perfect either.

  32. Who is a “white-washed” Asian man? Someone who speaks English (or another European language) fluently, perhaps born and raised in the West or moved there at an early age, does not only hang out amongst Asian friends, and at the same time does not necessarily hate his own heritage, etc. Sounds like a real Asian man to me.

    It is very normal for this Asian man to be romantically involved with someone of another race, likely a white woman in a mostly white-populated society. It is not about the Asian man hating his own race, but meeting and falling in love with someone who just happens to be of a different race.

    It appears that Asian men who are dating or married outside their ethnicity or race tend to be more sociable, well-adjusted and integrated with the greater society. They are generally less bitter and prejudiced than those Asian men who only limit themselves to dating or marrying within their own race.

    As for the compatibility of Asian men and white women, I can only say that from personal observation and based on physical appearance alone, they are usually a good match. For instance, a good looking Asian man will generally be seen with a good looking white woman. A nerdy Asian man will be seen with a nerdy white woman. This is the general trend that I’ve noticed. Heh! 🙂

  33. @ forest,
    Hi! Where are you from, or what did you study?! Seems like we use the same reasoning. Impressive.

    Allen has a lot of good points in his comment. I know several multirracial couples (western female & chinese male, western male & chinese female) and from what I hear from them they both face issues. But I could say that couples formed by western females and chinese males face different kind of issues which can have a greater impact from at least, my point of view.
    [ Any topic related to parenting which is unique to women (pregnancy, delivery, after delivery “rules”; schooling and clothing is something common for both father and mother].

    I asked the Chinese women in these couples and it seemed to be an easier procedure for them (1. because some are based in China and is their own way to do things. 2. those abroad said it was far more easy and comfortable, but they missed the unconditional support of their Chinese mom). I can say that should be very hard for them too.

    Easy things don´t help people to become stronger. When some problem arises my dad reminds me that diamonds grow in turbulent environments.

    @ Canadian-Born Chinese guy,
    My Chinese partner is good looking ,no doubt, and I´m not, so I guess we are the exemption to the rule! 🙂

  34. @Carl
    I hope you are not implying it is acceptable for a white guy to do whatever. The other types of relationships become unnatural.

  35. @Laura @Forest
    Oftentimes things are easy to say, but hard to carry out, even if you know it’s right. I just feel uncomfortable when I think about she is not a virgin. Think about the future? Think about how would she compare me with her ex-boyfriends on bed? 🙁 that is so sad and ironic..

    I’m not doing her a big favour, I am doing a favour for myself when I determine my mind to love her, cherish her and be with her. Whether it’s forgiving or forgetting her past, I do this so that I can continue to love her without doubting.

    Virginity is not just a myths for me. It tells me if the girl(same for man) is pure or not. After a girl having her first sex, the body will respond intensively. She will keep thinking about it, and eventually doing it more and more because now she knows how wonderful sex is.

    If the couple have had an intimacy relationship already, then broke up will make the whole thing complicated and miserable. But if the couple set boundaries and keep their virginity until they decided to be with each other in the rest of their lives, broken up seems less hurting. You can still be friends and not embarrassed or feel uncomfortable when seeing each other.

    I have to agree with Carl. The modern entertainment industry is promoting sex in an unhealthy way. Sex is a good thing, but we shouldn’t spoil it.

  36. Based on these statements:

    “Asian women are far more beautiful than white, Western women.”

    “AF/WM couples are beautiful and loving, while WF/AM couples are, well, not to sound rude, are bitter and unattractive, getting together out of anger and hatred for the opposite coupling.”

    I’d say “Carl” is probably a bitter Asian woman.

    And, sorry folks for lack of better a word, WTF??

  37. @Vince,
    If you feel so umcomfortable and you are so sure that you won´t make it there is no reason to keep thinking about it. If you are open to what we suggested it may finally work, or not, but at least you try and you learn from yourself and the others.
    But from what you say you are not willing to do so. If you go on a date with her with that mindset then I promise is miserable.
    What makes you think that she will be thinking about someone else?
    Didn´t you mention that we are not sexual objects? Then why are you giving so much importance to the sexual part of the relationship?

    You say you are a virgin but you feel savvy about sex, who told she will be doing it more and more? And secondly, repeat, didn´t you say we are not sexual objects?

    I also agree with Carl, some men are sexual morons, but some are not. Same with women.

  38. @vince,

    Sorry — here come some harsh words: Don’t worry about the girl. You need to lose your virginity (and hence become a man) first.

    Remember to learn how to use the condom, and read up as much as you can on how to be a good lover. Get a copy of “The Joy of Sex.”

  39. @Laura
    No No Laura, it’s not like what you said. I still want to be with her. I AM willing to try but I am just saying this seems to be so hard for me right now. Maybe time will change my mind.

    But I am not actually gonna worry her too much now.

    Texted 4 messages, but I haven’t got any responds. I don’t know what I have done wrong, or maybe she just felt annoyed of my constant messaging. Tried to ring her during the day, but she didn’t take the call.

    If she doesn’t reply back, I don’t think I need to make any further moves. If someone you are not interested keep texting you, you will get bored and annoyed as well.

  40. @Centaur
    I don’t think you will need to lose your virginity first to become a man, having sex with girls and getting experienced on bed do not make you a man.

    You become a man by knowing how to respect woman, take responsibility and make her feel secure.

    Sooner or later you will know how to use a condom, but if we don’t know how to LOVE a woman, we are just boys. Women are just like your video games to bring you more fun but in a different way.

  41. Vince,

    Don’t think this way like if she is still a virgin etc. You just sound traditional and girls will actually run away dude. I understand everything. Maybe you have to go back to High School in order to find girls that pure. Women who are virgin attending college are rare but possible.

  42. @Laura – I am from New York, Science major, Geek 🙂
    @Vince @Jason – I believe everything needs practice to get better, including relationship and sex. It is possible to practice with your one and only perfect match, kind of like HOPE CHESS when you HOPE every move is as you expected. But … surprise, life just checkmated you !
    Would you rather fail early with breakups when you are young or later with divorce when everything is a big mess ?

  43. Vince: I am a white Australian girl who shares the same values as you, and I am very keen on Asian men. Let me know if you want contact.

  44. “Carl” is clearly an unattractive Asian woman. The handful of times I’ve heard people express such a view, it’s always being screeched by a manly, unappealing Asian woman who is rejected by Asian and non-Asian men. Very typical bitterness.

  45. And in case anyone thought the one possible “fact” hidden in “Carl’s” bitter wailing was true, according to the US Census… “Among all newlyweds in 2008, intermarried pairings were primarily White-Hispanic (41%)”. Asian-White marriages have never made up the majority of interracial marriages in US history, or any other nation’s history, based on what I’ve read. Sorry, ugly Asian chick.

  46. Get into this forum by chance,it’s quite interesting. I’m a sophomore student,I only know one western woman. She was my English teacher when I was a freshman. She is awesome! Sweet smile,naturally beautiful look without makeup,easygoing,lively,humorous,totally different from most Chinese girls I know. I think that’s because western girls know more about how to live their life to the fullest. That’s what western girls attract me most.

  47. @Vincent,
    what if you loose your virginity to a virgin girl, but you and her end up breaking up because of some reason other than sex? Would that make you unfit to meet and love another woman? I hope you know the obvious answer to this question.

    You are talking about LOVING a woman, but I don’t think you fully understand what it means to do that. As the moon has two sides, people do as well. You need to ask yourself if you can accept and cherish the side of your beloved one, which you deem imperfect.
    To love someone, you sometimes need to place yourself in her shoes. It’s called empathy. But this is especially hard to do, because love often is selfish. You want to make a person yours, because you can’t bear loosing that person. In extreme forms, love even becomes distorted into clinginess and possessiveness, it gets creepy then.

    I know very well, where this anxiety about virginity stems from: It’s the traditional (Chinese) family value vs. the (Western) emancipated one. The Chinese concept of virginity talks about the man taking the responsibility of a girl who looses her virginity to him. This was crucial in a traditional society, because a girl would be socially disgraced, if she looses her virginity to some one other than her (future) husband. Thus, binding this girl to the man forever. But such binding is not because of everlasting, marriage-proof and hardship enduring love, but because of social convention and coercion. It simply puts the man in an advantageous position over the woman. I daresay this is a primary reason why there are so many dominant family fathers in traditional Chinese families who command over their wives, because they could never imagine their wives to divorce them.

    But in a modern Westernized society, with many strong-willed emancipated women, loosing virginity to each other is no longer a guarantee that a couple would stay together. Seriously, just how many woman in Western countries end up with their first boyfriend? This puts additional pressure on the man, because he needs to be consistent and prove himself worthy even after marriage and consummation. If he starts treating his girl badly, she can leave him without fearing social prejudice and perhaps end up with a better guy. Truth be told, in such a society the man needs to have the gut to take up even more responsibility and work harder for the girl.

    Now many young Chinese males, especially those with contact to Western influence find themselves in an awkward situation. On the one hand they are brought up with traditional family values and have grown up reading about them in every textbook, on the other hand they know that some of those values are rotten and archaic deep down and where once abused to maintain a feudal society, which looked down on women, for centuries. Here comes the exotic White girl, who are unbound by such stereotyped view on women with their free nature and open mind, who won’t fit into the image of the submissive type of ‘good wife’ prevalent in China. The Chinese man is left bewildered and (sexually) excited at the same time. But eventually they find out that these emancipated women just want to be equals to their spouses, making love more challenging but still rewarding.

    When it comes to cross-cultural love you need to open up your mind to different values, otherwise it won’t make out. Sometimes, you need to take a step backward and make concessions. There is a Chinese saying which goes ‘Don’t drill into a bull’s horn’ (不要钻牛角尖),so stop pestering about insignificant details and focus on what really matters: Follow your heart. A quote from Oscar Wilde sums up this dilemma perfectly: “Men always want to be a woman’s first love. – What women like is to be a man’s last romance.” It’s the selfishness and vanity of both sexes. Take a look inside yourself to make sure of what you truly want: Her first love or last romance? Then give it your best shot and fight for it. Good luck!

  48. John’s list is a good summarize.

    I am attracted by Western females’ curve too. It’s interesting to know that it’s not always considered beautiful by western females themselves. Maybe they are influenced by media propaganda, or maybe it’s my personal preferences. For me, I see curves as a sign of good health. But I also know Asian males who prefer skinny girls. So maybe it depends on individuals.

    The other thing I like is that Western females behave in a more natural way, compared to Asian girls. They seem more relaxed and confident. I think it’s partly due to the education in most western nations guaranteed more freedom when they grow up.

  49. Ok, dear boys and girls? who’ve posted on this topics, please understand that not ALL white women are open about s*x, honestly it makes me sick just thinking that we have this reputation of being direct about sensual advances which is true for the majority..but NOT for some of us, I particularly find it repulsive and disgusting when a girl acts so forward and indiscreet with a man, so please don’t assume stuff.

    1. @Simone — yes, I’ve seen a few of those assumptions from some posts. It doesn’t apply to me. It is very much an individual thing.

  50. Carl, you are definitely a jealous Asian prejudiced woman and also a mean and a double-standard bitch. So it’s okay for Asian girls to take white men but white women are not allowed to receive true love from Asian men? You need to be slapped across the face, how selfish can you be? Asian girls have all men: asian, white and black, but you turn into a freak when a white girl gets some Asian man, you’re desperate and insatiable, you’re a man-pig. Or maybe you’re some deluded white man hating on white women, you have a bizarre fetish for Asian women which makes you a freak. Conclusion, you’re a mean hypocrite freak whatever you are.

  51. I prefer latin girls, but only exclusively date chinese girls because I myself am chinese.

    I’ve dated white girls, latin girls, black girls, mixed and asian girls and to be honest they’re all the same. women are women.

    I’ll end up marrying a chinese girl because i don’t want my kids to be half breeds and I also don’t want my parents to have to have half breed grand children. that would upset them.

    1. BH, son, you’re a wimp because you can still respect your parents and choose whoever you want for marriage. Anyway, that’s why it’s better to stay away from Asians guys, they won’t marry you white girls, they will only use you for sex if you’re naive enough to think they mean otherwise.

      Rule for all Caucasian women that read this: Asian boys will always prefer an Asian woman for marriage and you’re gonna be left with a sore lip so beware, don’t develop feelings for Asian boys.

      1. I am not here to argue but don’t miss judge all Asian man just because you saw someone giving their own subjective opinions here.

        If you like an Asian boy, why stay away from him? So long as he’s single, go ahead and get to know him. Chances are they might also be interested in you. I am Asian and I like Caucasian girls. They are cute, cheerful and forthright. If a western girl is willing to marry me, I will be greatly joyed!

        I see sex as a type of union between 2 people and I believe using a girl’s sex just for fun is absurd. I can assure there are plenty of boys agree with me.


        1. Hi! Truth is, I didn’t mean to sound harsh or angry, but sometimes the truth is difficult to accept. My honest advice was directed towards Caucasian women that develop crushes and strong emotions for Asian guys, I only wanted to say that their feelings won’t be reciprocated, it’s just wishing upon stars and wasting time.

          We can all agree that it’s unhealthy to desire someone that has other plans and doesn’t invest the same amount of feelings and actions.

        2. Uh, maybe girls would just rather avoid guys who might “want them ‘mind, body, and soul.'” Seriously, dude, I think you might have taken creepiness to a whole new level.

      2. Really? Asia is such a vast continent, billions of people, a variety of different cultures and ethnic groups, and you’re telling us that “Asian guys will “only” ‘marry’ Asian girls?” You were writing satire, right? LOL

    2. @BH — You had me at “women are women.” You lost me at “halfbreeds.” I hate that word. It suggests that only one-half of them is a person.

      1. “Half-breed” is now considered a “derogatory” term, usually denotes one of mixed parentage, but oftentimes, “shunned,” as in not accepted by members of either group or society. Boy, relationship blogs such as this sometimes bring out the “worst” in people!

        1. Indeed, it does, Manila Memories.

          I’m trying to post a response in our conversation at the bottom of these comments, but it isn’t showing (yet?). Hopefully it will soon.

          1. Hi Jen,
            I had that experience myself, something not posting, automatically…I had that problem too and I e-mailed Jocelyn. She replied that my post accidentally went into the SPAM folder and she went ahead and fixed it. Looking forward to reading your response! 🙂

  52. @Princess. It is not true that all Asian boys only want sex from the White or Latin girls and then dump their assess to marry their fellow Asian girls. I can attest to the contrary that I married a White Brazilian girl and we have 2 children together. I still love her very much to this day and we are doing well and living happily ever after. Perhaps you are speaking out of anger and stereotype based on a bad experience with one or few Asian boys. If you wish to unduly foreclose the experience of having love and fulfillment with a certain type man based on race or ethnicity (such as Asian boys), then you are simply denying yourself of the potential joy of a wonderful relationship.

    @ BH. You should adopt such a poor attitude in life. You should be disposed to dating and marrying anyone of any race or color, because there are great women among all races and colors. Don’t take a self limited attitude. I once had a self-limited attitude and only wanted to date and marry Chinese girls as I am Chinese myself, but I was not successful with any Chinese girls and so I dated outside my race and color. Finally, I settled down with a hot Brazilian White girl. You can read my story here:

    So, everyone go out there and get yourselves a hot girl regardless of whether she is white, black, purple or green. Just love her dearly and you will have the joy and fulfillment.


  53. *Calling all colors* Honestly, I find this topic very interesting. I think it is great to look at it from all perspectives and be open-minded. Socially accepted interracial relationships are still a new concept to today’s world, especially when we look at them from a wider margin of time.
    However, no matter our own opinions, I am grateful for everyone who even gives mind to new ideas such as these for better or worse. Personally- as a white woman who presently lives in a racist U.S. South- I am disheartened by those who speak negatively on culture mixing. I have Korean family on one side and Chinese family on the other side- through marriage- then several family members living in Japan at the moment. What I have learned through my limited experiences is that people are people and cultures and races can be important to an extent- they do honestly in fact help make us a part of who we are- but discrimination for such differences is often more ignorant than not.
    I am attracted to men of all races, but the person I will marry will be based on personality and shared values. Not that I will unjustly judge others with different beliefs-they make great friends and people to learn from- but I think what we are ALL saying is we chose someone, no matter what race, on what attracts us personally.

  54. Hey there,

    I’m a young adult Caucasian female, and I have just developed my first crush on an Asian man! (cue bells and whistles!) Totally kidding.

    Anyway I have a very open mind and I am a total free spirit. Therefore I believe dating strictly within or out of one’s race (purely because of race) is absurd! It shouldn’t matter what someone is or isn’t, whats important it’s how they make you feel. But everyone is entitled to their own desires and opinions so who am I to judge?

    Personally I don’t see race as a factor in any part of my life. I am just excited to be with someone new and intriguing; also accents are undoubtedly sexy. It is the shyness and mystery this particular guy exhibits that I enjoy. Though I’m sure I’ll contain the relationship to just sex (a lot of sex haha), I’m very excited to see how it goes. What I am attracted to most is the foreign quality of this man, he is unknown to me, a mystery and I really enjoy the chase…

    P.S. I love reading all of these positive remarks about Western women coming from Asian men and would love to hear more. Asian guys feel free to let me know a thing or two, if you’d like to share.

    P.S.S. Every race is beautiful and every individual is beautiful. Love is fun, sex is awesome, don’t be a prude and racist your whole life! It’s never too late to get out there and lay in the grass and flowers, feel your feelings!

  55. Thank you for this wonderful post and all the replies; I enjoyed reading them and appreciate the honesty and openness from the Asian makes regarding WFAM relationships.

    I’m currently living in Asia and I am finding it difficult to date here. I’m young and reasonably attractive but the western men here seem to have serious hate issues towards western women or are simply not interested. I find Asian men to be very good looking also and am not opposed to the idea of dating outside my race at all. I find it difficult to talk to local guys here. I try all the time to spark a conversation wherever I am and be friendly and approachable but they are serious and distant in most cases. The few that I exchanged numbers with, nothing became of it.

    I would like to get to know some Chinese men and I am open to the idea of it very much so but I confused where to go from here, how to meet them, what to say and how to go about dating.

    I hope some Asian men can help me by giving me some advice.

    Thank you


    1. @Alex

      I can’t give you any advice in terms of dating. But I can share with you my thoughts on why Chinese men are “serious and distant”. I grew up in China, and I found that in China, supressing the expression of feelings is (kinda) considered attractive, just like guys’ confidence is considered masculine(and attractive) in the States. If a Chinese man has never been living in another culture before, he will probably feel a little at a loss of what to do if a western female tries to start a casual talk. Most likely your initiative will put them in a scenario they never faced before, and they panicked. But it’s such a unmanly thing to get panicked, so they figured it’s better to be aloof, even if that might hurt the female.

      It’s probably biased, but I’m sure there’s some truth in it.

    2. I was brought up in China and I’ve been studying overseas for years. Knowing the gaps between western and eastern culture (and their subcultures), I can tell that dating outside your race can be troublesome sometimes. But if you are willing to deal with the cultural differences, here are some tips to help you progress further:

      1. The best way to avoid awkwardness of confronting a guy directly is to make things seem less purposeful. For example, join a friend’s DIY trip. I am sure that friend will bring someone you don’t know – and there goes your chance of meeting your potential crush.

      2. Let them speak more by asking them questions. Ask things you don’t know, curious about, or interest in. Most guys are kind-hearted and they are willing to answer your questions. This will keep the conversation going.

      3. Do you learn Chinese? If you communicate the guy with English, make sure your are understandable.

      4. Some guys may have never dated before and they are super shy. You might have to make the first move. For example, give the guy a peck on the way he walks you home and tell him you want to be his girlfriend. Don’t worry, he will take the lead once you become his gf.

      5. Asian people tend to express their feelings indirectly. The culture highly regards these traits of a man(although it’s kind old fashioned now): gentleness, politeness, respectfulness and modesty.

      6. Dating an Asian guy is nothing different from dating a western guy. Things like going to a coffee shop, watching a movie and going to amusement park. Don’t worry, he will take the lead when you are officially dating each other.

  56. I have to say that I love Asian men. I’ve dated both white and Asian men, but I’m attracted men Asian more. I’ve dated a half Korean, a Japanese, and a Filipino man. I hope to teach English overseas this Winter and eventually find myself an Asian husband! <3

  57. happy, hello, i am from pakistan, my name is Anjum Iqbal, i am age 29 yearsl old, i am at home family , city Chakwal Pakistan, i am at work , Sui Northern Gas Pipelines Limited, office meter reader, i am phone number 00923157835456 Okay, my are you china friend welcome
    Thank you very much

  58. I am falling in love with a kind intelligent amazing handsome Chinese man. I am a curvy blond but he is attracted to my loving heart and he admires my work with dementia patients. My brothers have married lovely sweet ladies from other countries. In our family cultural diversity is welcomed. My parents are retired missionaries and taught us that each person has unique value regardless of culture.

  59. I had to add why I admire Kai: His warm voice that invites conversations about everything important to both of us, his love and character as a father to his son from a previous marriage, his volunteer service in his community in CA, his love of nature( we both love hiking and fishing)his kindness to all he meets, the way he sings Chinese love songs to me, encouragement when a day is rough…I could go on forever about his warm eyes and all the ways he respects me and how trust worthy he is. Lol, I will spare you more mushy stuff.

  60. @ Beth A.

    Well, I must say that you are amongst the few Western women who are willing to date Chinese men. As Jocelyn correctly pointed out in her post called “On The Rarity of Western Women with Chinese Boyfriends/Husbands” it is truely rare to see AM/WF pairings, while the WM/AW pairings are so ubiquitous. So, feel glad that you are defying the trend and may you both have ever lasting love and success.

  61. Well he did break up with me this week..but at least he was honest. I would still date a Chinese man in the future, if that was meant to be. I believe a man’s heart is the most important quality, not money or looks.

  62. @beth

    hi beth, i’m so sad to hear that you just broke up with him. i found that interracial marriage/relationship is interesting because it’s colorful but also it the same time it keeps challenge me and my curiosity. Tbh, i don’t want to marry someone just because her skin color alone, i think there are many factors outside it that are more important such as intelligence, similar values, believe & principles.

    Btw i’m not chinesse tho, i’m an Indonesian but nonetheless i’m an asian, i like to have friendship with you and if you like, you can drop me your email so we can have further conversation to share some ideas. thanks…

  63. Hey, thanks for your posting…… Great website & articles 😀

    Anyway, anybody wants to be friend,,,
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  64. I have read all and each of the posts above. And I just want to say one thing: I met my husband some years ago and I am super happy with him. He is Chinese and I am from Barcelona, and of course there has been some cultural differences ( basically when we are in China and with his friends and family)but a part from that, everything has been very very good. I love him! And after some years we know each other more and more and our relationship just improves. With this I want to say that skin color, ethnicity… It shouldn’t matter so much. Look at the person you have in front and get to know them! You will be surprised!

  65. I agree that it’s fine for everyone to have a preference, but the Asian men I’ve encountered take preferences to a whole new level! Lol. The ones I’ve met (so this is just MY experience) will complain that no one likes them because of their race, but then tell girls (who aren’t white) that they don’t like them because of THEIR race. I am a “Blasian” girl (Black mom & Korean-American dad). I thought this article would help me because I really do like Asian men and I am a “Western” woman, but I noticed when y’all say “Western,” you really mean only white. Is my half-Blackness really that much of a repellant?

      1. Indeed, skin color is certainly no issue with me, and I’m Asian-American….These are all just shades of pigmentation that do not necessarily reflect one’s personality/character traits….

    1. @Jade — that is awful. “Western” is too general a term for me. Just my opinion. I refer to myself as Caucasian, which is accurate as far as I know. I pray that you have better experiences. People can be so nasty.

    2. I remember at least on a couple of occasions where I encountered a AM/BF couple, and I could not help but do a double-take, the reason being that the girls reminded me of Tyra Banks, tall and gorgeous, while the guys….Okay, I admit to seeing a “mismatch” in the looks department….

  66. After 26 years my first love an Asian guy from HK found me again. I am a Western woman. Our love was so beautiful and strong with promises that it would last forever. We were saying what a perfect match we were!! We met in Europe where we had a fantastic time, so liverated and amazing! wheras in July I visited him in HK where I noticed a totally different behavior, a bit sarcastic and remote. His obsession with hygiene (note that I am a very clean person) and germs. If i coughed he was asking me if I was sick, if I went to pee for more than 3 times he was asking me if I had infection!! During intimate moments he made a very insulting comment that I couldnt get over. When I came back home I couldnt keep that yo myself so I confronted him (by text message). The result was that he left me. Hurt and abundoned! I am struggling to get over it as I ve known him all my life and I loved him so much. He chased me in the beginning it was his persistence and devotion that convinced me to be with him. I defied the distance and all obstacles. I will never date an Asian guy again! There are many cultural differences and willing to put up with. I m sorry…

    1. I’m really sorry to hear that, and I do not blame you one bit for feeling that way! This is the kind of situation that I always fear happens far too often: this whole cultural/personality mismatch….No good woman deserves to be mistreated this way…..In reality, I am not keen on such relationships….No, I’m not totally against AMWF being together because sometimes, the guys are much more amendable and they may possess positive qualities that more than make up for other cultural/personality differences….

  67. I think ANY woman who is brave enough to step out of a traditional gender role is attractive. I was born in America and am Chinese. Happy to have found your blog.

  68. As an “Asian-American” man, what do I like about “Western” women? That’s a hard question to answer because what attracts me to certain women are particular qualities that are not necessarily uniquely “Western.” One can find these traits among different women out there….

  69. Well-said, ManilaMemories. We probably all (all humans) fit into some shared characteristics, but the longer one knows another they see the uniqueness.

  70. Thanks, Jen….Indeed, you are right! I admit to finding it “fascinating,” reading these AMWF blogs and their accompanying posts/responses mostly to gain perspective into people’s different experiences and that “uniqueness” that you mention, mostly focusing on the “positive.” But one thing that I cannot seem to avoid seeing is that “creepiness” aspect and a tendency to generalize and or lump people into categories whereby we downplay or even ignore individual uniqueness….

  71. I wanted to add a few more things-not that I think they represent “unique” qualities the differentiate “Western” women from those who are not….And I might add, this is more about individual personality traits expressed during intimate conversations….The only woman who has ever told me that I would make a “good husband,” is white. At one point during our relationship, she even expressed a desire to convert to my religion, if that’s what it would take for me to marry her, and this after having previously said many times in the past that she could never do such a thing because she felt like she’d be denying her cultural background….And additionally, she has verbally expressed her feelings in other ways with such utmost sincerity, stuff I have only seen heard in the movies, that I admit to being completely stunned….I will say, though, that if our personal/family circumstances were “different,” perhaps we could have made it work…..We still communicate to this day although distance has really kept us apart, but she has told me that if one day I do decide to settle down and marry someone else, that she’s perfectly okay with that…..

    Incidentally, she’s a major reason why I feel more “sympathetic” towards white women in AMWF relationships….The guys, not so much because I’m all too familiar with that Asian male mentality (not exclusive to them though) that views white women as some sort of “trophy” designed to enhance their prestige among their buddies, or to use these women as sexual playthings or to dominate them, in other ways…..All that weighs heavily on my mind…..

  72. The word “creepiness” rings true for me. Sometimes it becomes uncomfortable because there’s a tendency for people of each gender in the AMWF arena to put the other on a pedestal. I will say that I generally find Asian men more attractive physically than most Caucasians, and even more so than Black men. That’s probably in part due to hearing from Caucasian men (and women) that I’m too pale (all of my life). But it is mostly because I find the generic Asian features beautiful. Still, I don’t date someone because of or in spite of their race. Only once did I have the chance to date an Asian-American guy, and frankly I never had anyone treat me so well. I know that doesn’t mean that all Asian or Asian-American men would be the same.

    I had a few Asian male acquaintances in college, each of whom had different personalities. Of my female Asian friends, this was true as well. And the Caucasian Americans as well.

    Anyway, the word “creepiness” is a good choice.

    1. Instead of “generic”, I think that I should say “certain physical features that seem to be common to Asians.”

  73. Hi Jen, For me, the “creepiness” is all about Asian and Asian-American guys whose main purpose is to “score” with a white girl especially for “bragging rights,” to gain some financial benefit or to fulfill their porn-induced sexual fantasies and all that I find truly “disturbing.” That’s primarily the reason why I feel a great deal of empathy towards white women who get involved in AMWF relationships….I only hope and pray that they are with really “nice” guys who truly love and care for them….As for myself, I have no specific preferences in terms of physical attractiveness in women, although I would probably be more comfortable with someone who is “average-looking” just like me, I suppose, of any race….Personality/character traits, shared interests, compatibility in terms of values, viewpoints, etc. are more important factors that contribute overall to how I rate “attractiveness…..”

  74. Man, you are so mature. That is awesome. If you don’t already have someone in your life, I pray that you find someone good. Healthy relationships are much easier when the two people come from a good place.

    1. Thanks, Jen….I’d like to think that I have “matured” since the early days….I will admit to this, though. There is a special lady in my heart….And yes, she also happens to be “white.” We first met years ago and became friends at a time when she was still in another relationship, which was long-term. When that ended, we took our relationship to a more intimate level….
      What I truly find “special” about her is how she verbally communicates her feelings-really heart-felt with a great deal of sincerity! Some of the stuff is like what I see in the movies!
      But for a lot of “practical” reasons we cannot be “together” although she has graciously told me that it’s perfectly alright with her if I move on with someone else because in her view, I would make a “wonderful husband and father.” We live a good distance from each other and we have both dealt with personal difficulties that make it impossible to sustain a normal, romantic relationship. Hence, we rarely see each other, but we do stay in-touch on a regular basis….

  75. Thanks, Jen….I’d like to think that I have “matured” since the early days….I will admit to this, though. There is a special lady in my heart….And yes, she also happens to be “white.” We first met years ago and became friends at a time when she was still in another relationship, which was long-term. When that ended, we took our relationship to a more intimate level….
    What I truly find “special” about her is how she verbally communicates her feelings-really heart-felt with a great deal of sincerity! Some of the stuff is like what I see in the movies!
    But for a lot of “practical” reasons we cannot be “together” although she has graciously told me that it’s perfectly alright with her if I move on with someone else because in her view, I would make a “wonderful husband and father.” We live a good distance from each other and we have both dealt with personal difficulties that make it impossible to sustain a normal, romantic relationship. Hence, we rarely see each other although we do stay in-touch on a regular basis….

  76. For me, it would be difficult to “move on” under these circumstances, especially since she has often told me that her feelings “remain the same.” Even if I have entertained the idea of being with another woman, doing so is another matter, altogether. Fortunately, I am also too busy with other things right now to get involved in another relationship. I must admit, I have kept all this kind of “bottled up” for so long and this is perhaps the first time that I’ve ever “discussed” this with anyone although again, for “practical” reasons, I have kept all the pertinent details, secret. Virtually no one among our mutual friends have any idea about what happened between us and whatever obstacles stand in our way, none of these are our fault.

  77. Personally, I find some of the older posts on this thread downright “offensive!” People referring to their “taste in ‘white’ women” as though they were discussing gourmet food or their wine collection. I am just completely turned off by such talk!
    Now that’s what I find “dehumanizing!”

    1. @Manila Memories

      I’m sorry that there are barriers. Have you tried dating anyone else? Thank you for sharing what, I imagine, cannot be an easy thing to share. It is good that you are aware that your connection to her is there and may interfere with moving on.

      Finding the right person isn’t easy for so many. As a middle-aged woman, I find it hard to meet others who are single. Added to that is my non-negotiable of needing someone who shares my faith. Sometimes I am quite content with being single. Other times it is lonely and I would like to have someone for the affection and for sharing life.

      As far as the dehumanization and objectification of white women in comments here, I think I’ve seen that a bit as well. I started following a YouTube channel (Asian boss) a while ago. It was o.k. at first, but they have at some point become a bit with Asian men getting non-Asian (usually white) women. When it is discussed a lot, I begin to feel objectified, and I said so in the comments, which I know that they read.
      More recent videos seem to be getting back to serious cultural issues and challenges.

      I don’t want any of us women, white or black or other, to be pursued and dated by Asian men as some way of “sticking it to the white men.” Unfortunately, there is no shortage of black men who do this.

      Some white American men have done (and still do) the same to Asian women sadly. Sometimes I see lovely Asian women, often young, with chubby & balding, middle-aged white men. Ug. Woody Allen is a great example.

      Even worse though are the ones who have fetishes for young Asian girls and they go abroad finding them in human trafficking “businesses.”

      1. As I indicated previously, my preferences would certainly be influenced by matters of “faith,” “shared values” and opinions, outlook on life, etc. Indeed, to hold these dearly are major signs of maturity! We both feel strongly about maintaining certain standards and not comprising on that which we feel is of utmost importance to us.

        Unfortunately, the whole AMWF scene has kind of “opened the ‘flood gates’ a little and is attracting some repellant characters, people I would not dream of associating with as long as I could avoid them.

        I admit though, that I don’t really feel lonely or have a sense of emptiness because I cannot spend “quality time’ with that “special lady” I referred to. I am very accepting of the current state of our relationship. And of course again, with me being “introverted,” I do not necessarily miss female companionship as much as other guys do.

        Oh goodness, and those observations of old geezers with lovely young women…you see that a lot in some Third World countries, and oftentimes, these are linked to financial arrangements….

        And the whole fetish thing, such as in Cambodia, Thailand, Philippines, etc. Very tragic, indeed! 🙁

        1. Jen, I know exactly what you mean about “non-negotiables.” Same here, as well!
          As I indicated previously, my preferences would certainly be influenced by matters of “faith,” “shared values” and opinions, outlook on life, etc. Indeed, to hold these dearly are major signs of maturity! We both feel strongly about maintaining certain standards and not comprising on that which we feel is of utmost importance to us.
          I admit though, that I don’t really feel lonely or have a sense of emptiness because I cannot spend “quality time’ with that “special lady” I referred to. I am very accepting of the current state of our relationship. And of course again, with me being “introverted,” I do not necessarily miss female companionship as much as other guys do.
          Oh goodness, and those observations of old geezers with lovely young women…you see that a lot in some Third World countries, and oftentimes, these are linked to financial arrangements….

          And the whole fetish thing, such as in Cambodia, Thailand, Philippines, etc. Very tragic, indeed! 🙁

  78. The post I wrote isn’t there (yet?).

    I’m sorry that you didn’t get to pursue the relationship that you wanted, for whatever reasons. Hopefully she isn’t stringing you along. You know her. I don’t.

    Dating isn’t easy for a lot of people. My opportunities are minimal at middle age since most people I meet are married. I have become used to being on my own. And as one of the rare personality types, I connect with very few people. That includes being an introvert, so I prefer quality (depth) over quantity. Being introverted, which means being reserved & serious, is often at odds with American culture.

  79. Introverted qualities seem to be more common in Asian culture. That seems to be changing, and I hope it’s not lost. That would be tragic. The world needs more people to think and to have more sombre seriousness rather than the constant chatter, speculation, jumping to conclusions and rudeness. The last election in the U.S., riots, etc are great examples.

    Thanks for speaking up about the objectification.

    1. You’re very welcome! I just find this “objectification” really disturbing because it certainly contributes to a lot of toxic relationships, and put a lot of people at risk for getting hurt, not just emotionally but physically. And as for the “introverted” qualities within Asian culture, I will admit that I do not know just how true that is or to what extent it exists within their own societies compared to how they are outside. As I’ve mentioned before, I do consider myself “introverted” to the extent that I often shy away from socializing only because I enjoy having lots of “alone time.” But for those who know me, I can be very “sociable,” easy to talk to, sharing a sense of humor, etc.

  80. Ohh, gosh no….We’ve known each other a long time and she’s a lovely lady! Yes, and I could have “moved on,” as she certainly has given me her “blessing,” not that I need it, but just like you, I’m also “introverted” and I love me a lot of “alone time.” And I’ve never been part of any “dating” scene except for maybe once when I went out on a “blind date.” It was okay, but I vowed never to do it again. Also, besides…it’s hard to for me to imagine telling her that I have another woman in my life, knowing that deep down, she still loves me….There has never been any bitterness between us, just a lot of other personal issues that make it impossible to have a “normal, romantic relationship.” I can’t promise that I will remain “true” to her, but I’m not particularly interested in “replacing” her, either.

  81. Ohh, gosh no….We’ve known each other a long time and she’s a lovely lady! Yes, and I could have “moved on,” as she certainly has given me her “blessing,” not that I need it, but just like you, I’m also “introverted” and I love me a lot of “alone time.” And I’ve never been part of any “dating” scene except for maybe once when I went out on a “blind date.” It was okay, but I vowed never to do it again. Also, besides…it’s hard to for me to imagine telling her that I have another woman in my life, knowing that deep down, she still loves me….There has never been any bitterness between us, just a lot of other personal issues that make it impossible to have a “normal, romantic relationship.” I can’t promise that I will remain “true” to her, but I’m not particularly interested in “replacing” her, either.

  82. The most attractive feature in western women is “difference”. This feature can offer many new ideas to her Asian partner!

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