4 Really Bad Reasons for Marrying Western Women in China

As I’ve written before, people in China are just crazy about yangxifu (the foreign wives of Chinese men).  We’ve inspired two popular forums on Baidu devoted to discussing yangxifu (Yangxifu Ba and Waiguoxifu Ba), while yangxifu regularly make headlines in China news.

So of course, many Chinese men would love to marry a Western woman just like me. For some, it’s even their life’s dream.

But just because a guy would love to marry us doesn’t mean he’s always doing it with love in mind. Unfortunately, some Chinese men approach us with the wrong ideas altogether — things that would surprise and totally shock you.

If you really want to wed a Western woman in China, please – PLEASE — don’t do it for one of these four incredibly bad reasons:

1. To show off

In today’s China, everyone yearns for status symbols like BMWs, Louis Vuitton purses and Burberry scarves. They want to tell the world they’re powerful, wealthy and successful. But for some men, the ultimate status symbol – the proof that they’ve truly “made it” – is a Western wife.

I’ve got news for you, guys. We don’t take well to being treated as nothing more than your accessory. We’re not just some Coach purse, content to swing around your arm in front of your friends and colleagues. And believe me, we’re usually smart enough to figure out that that’s exactly what you’re doing (especially if you seem intent on parading us in front of as many people as possible every time we go out).

If you really want to show off, do us a favor and get a Porsche or something instead.

(P.S.: for a personal take on this issue, read about how my husband’s cousin wanted a Western wife to brag about.)


 2. To immigrate to her Western country

Have you been “California dreaming” or hoping to live out a permanent “Roman holiday” in a Western country? Perhaps you’ve imagined a highly questionable solution to your problem – just marry a Western woman. With her by your side, a coveted foreign passport, the rights to work or study in her country just like a local, and tons of enviable visa-free travel destinations are all yours for the taking, right?

Except…what happens when your wife discovers she’s nothing more than your personal passport machine?

I once knew of an American woman I’ll call “Sally” who was smitten with a Beijinger. For Sally, a plus-sized woman in her forties used to being invisible to the vast majority of men, finding a guy who actually wanted to marry her and come to live with her in the US was nothing short of a miracle. So they tied the knot and then her Beijing husband came to Seattle. That’s also the city where he abandoned Sally by disappearing from her life, just after he nabbed his US green card. It’s not hard to tell who (or rather, what) he was really in love with.

She posted the whole harrowing story on an online forum. While it broke my heart to read it, I can only imagine the state of Sally’s heart when she discovered her so-called husband had essentially punk’d her in the most despicable way.

Do you want to be that kind of guy? Do you want your immigration rights at the expense of her happiness? Do want to shatter her trust in men forever (including men from China)? We’re talking about a Faustian bargain that could haunt you for the rest of your life (that is, if you actually have morals).

Besides, living abroad isn’t all champagne and English roses. The moment you set foot in a Western country, you’ve just traded in one set of challenges for another. And let me tell you, some of those challenges will surprise and shock you (like discrimination).

Still gotta “Go West”? Just don’t use a Western woman who you never really loved in the first place to do it.

(photo by Susan Sermoneta via Flickr.com)

 3. To improve your English

“So you only speak English to her!”

God, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this from Chinese people, who wrongly assume my husband only communicates with my in English. Even worse, some jump to the conclusion that his English is so awesome because he married me.

Sometimes, I just want to cringe because of what they’re implying — a Western wife who speaks English equals your own private English teacher.

I want to be appreciated for who I really am, not because I happen to be a native English speaker. Who wouldn’t feel the same?

It’s bad enough that a lot of Western women in China – women just like me – end up teaching English here, an occupation that sometimes makes you feel like an “English machine” when seemingly everyone and their brother demands a piece of you to boost their English studies. We don’t want that kind of exhausting mess in our marriage.

That doesn’t mean we can’t support your language studies at all. Actually, my husband John and I have enjoyed a bilingual relationship from the moment we started flirting years ago. It’s one of the things that makes our marriage a lot of fun.

But if you’re only looking for love with us for English, believe me, we’ll catch on. After all, we’ve probably all taught English at one time or another – and we can tell if you belong in our bedroom or our classroom. And if you’re only looking for “private lessons”, we’ll dump you and your crazy English ideas.

(photo by bandita via Flickr.com)

 4. Because you’re racist

To the Chinese guys who exclude all other women in pursuit of a pale-skinned Western beauty with golden hair, I’m talking to you. You know, someone who thinks that mixed-race kids are so much more “beautiful” and “clever”, and therefore must have, for example, a white Western wife.

I get that people have preferences in the dating world. But if you’re dating a certain group of people because of their race (or characteristics only unique to a certain race) to the exclusion of people from other racial groups…that’s racist. I wouldn’t want a guy who loves me solely for my white skin – or the fact that I could provide him with a mixed-race baby. That’s just creepy!

What do you think of these reasons? What did I miss?

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88 Replies to “4 Really Bad Reasons for Marrying Western Women in China”

  1. White guy (or insert whatever race guy you want to) seeking only Asian women…and those Asian women who go along with those guys for the exact same reasons Jocelyn mention, is what makes me cringe! I can’t help but to think someone didn’t make this world equal.

    1. I do not see why you should cringe at the sight of a white man with a pretty Asian girl. Would you cringe if an Asian man is side-by-side with a pretty white girl? There is a double standard here, bro! I am certain in this world there must be some Asian men who have white fever and yet no one including me cringed. I once knew a Filipino guy who had white fever as he only likes white girls. He dated exclusively white girls for long time. Later though he changed his mind and started dating a Filipina. Yet, no one gawked or cringed when he was chasing white girls. I think that white men are at times being unfairly criticized for our dating preferences or habits.

  2. There will always be shoppers and lovers. The one want goods, commodities, trophies. The other look for romance and to be loved and hopefully marriage. One would be better off fighting for their prize like gladiators in the arena or at the stock market. The other is little more difficult to identify the battle field. Both will be disappointed at some point of time. The one as soon as they have the goods or the commodities or the trophies they thought they wanted. The other soon after money and kid problems steal up on them. Starting off wrong just makes things more tragic. Dumping for a green card makes a person a low down rat that has no respect even for itself. English teacher? Better a hired personal tutor than partner.

  3. I must say from my experience 1st and 2nd reasons are the most common – I browsed a lot of topics with Sing on baidu amwf forum and sometimes I wanted to puke – there were some people (not all of course) saying things like ‘you f… our women, now we f… yours’ or classify girls because of their countries and race! I remember one guy said ‘top’ girls are from US, UK, Canada, Australia, then Western Europe like France and Germany and Scandinavian girls, then Center and Eastern Europe, later South Europe (because of darker carnation!)… I don’t have to mention where Latino or Black girls were? I felt sick, really sick. About the second reason… there’s a forum for Chinese people living in Poland and 99% of the topics are how to get PL passport or any EU citizenship… I’m so happy I haven’t met people like that in real life and I hope those people who think like that won’t get a girlfriend! ANY girlfriend… It sounds mean but that’s just taking advantage and playing with feelings, I might look bitter now, but I think no one deserves to cross paths with those people.
    PS great post like always 🙂

    1. I forgot to add – it goes for both sexes and all nations, not only Chinese guys – no one should ever even deal with something like that

      1. I recall that when my Korean ex often talked negatively of Korean women, I felt uncomfortable with his statements because his mom was Korean, and my mind often linked Korean women to his mom. The Asian men I met often put down Asian women unfortunately, and I wished they’d be more specific, or at least say that the Asian women they’ve known, or modern Asian women.

        If I answer why I don’t find Caucasian men attractive or why I don’t want to date them, I often reply that I had very negative experiences with ones I met.

        1. there’s nothing bad with simply not being attracted, but talking bad about your own people… – my husband doesn’t find Asian girls attractive, but he doesn’t talk crap about them, I find very few white males attractive (although we get along really well) but I don’t say ‘Polish guys are bad that’s why I date Asian’. I feel you – I know the same feeling when some of our friends say ‘HK girls are shallow and bla bla bla’ – excuse me, as far as I’m concern your own mother is HK, right? Exactly how you say – be specific, say ‘the one I met’ or ‘the one I dated’ not all 🙂 some can be spoiled, that’s for sure – google princess sickness, but it doesn’t mean all of them are like that 🙂

        2. Yeah I know what you’re saying. The same is true about white expat men too. I’ve met many who would just be as hateful and derogatory and generalize as much as possible against white/western women. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “White women are disgusting compared to asian women. They’re all obese femnazi cunts with dicks” is generally what they go on about while putting asians on some kind of superior pedastool of perfection (Nether of which is true and both attitudes are racist). There’s a lot of jaded, bitter men with issues and they’ve been repeatedly rejected by women of their own country/race and then think that “well its THEM not me” and become very nasty and then go after other women of other races. I see this “anti white woman” attitude a lot with white men who date asian women and I also notice that many of them are very, very racist against asian men as well.

          1. So very true, Kay. I steer clear of expat sites for that reason. It’s mostly white guys with Asian wives saying awful things about Western women and Asian men all day. They even say awful thing of their guest country which makes me wonder why they’re there or with an Asian woman if he hates her country so much.

    2. You wrote: “I browsed a lot of topics with Sing on baidu amwf forum and sometimes I wanted to puke – there were some people (not all of course) saying things like ‘you f… our women, now we f… yours’ ”

      I do not see this view as unfair. After all, if white guys can date Asian women, why can an Asian man not date a white girl? The same is true that if a white guy can “f_ _ _ ” your women, why cannot an Asian boy “f _ _ _ ” ours. Perhaps you are disgusted by the language used such as the “F” word. But the concept of interracial sex is not abhorrent. If a couple loves each other, then they should be free to have sex which is an integral part of a relationship. Perhaps you are not quite mature enough to handle this topic. Or perhaps you find interracial sex and pairings abhorrent. But try to be objective in your viewpoint and you will see the beauty in people regardless of their race or skin color.

      1. @Manny

        The use of the language is what is abhorrent. And I think it’s ridiculous that you are referring to Lina as immature for being bothered by it. Vulgar language is fine sometimes, IMO, but this is not one of those instances.

        As a woman, I feel like being talked about in this way (by strangers, not in the heat of the moment with a partner) objectifies us and in a sense we are being used as some sort of tit-for-tat revenge. The key word here is ‘used’ which the word f$&@ed can sometimes imply–someone you can have sex with and then throw to the side. Also, being referred to as “ours” and “theirs” means women are the possessions of men of their own race. That is disgusting. If you think I’m being over-sensitive, fine, but I’m just trying to break it down for you.

        The view that Asian men should be able to date western women as western men date Asian women is fair, sure, but there are many better–more respectful and more intelligent–ways to express it than “they F ours, we F theirs.” I think that much is obvious.

      2. @Manny, considering that Lina’s blog is titled MyHongKong Husband, I don’t think she’s bothered by interracial pairings be they white women/Asian men or white men/Asian women, but what bothers her is the language and the revenge tone that the message adopts.

        “You F our women, we F your women,” it gives very little choice to women and it sounds violent and brutal. It also implies something like this: “I don’t care who you are on the inside or how you think, but because you are white/black/Latina, and only because of that reason, I will be with you.”

  4. Erk. I’ve seen 1 and 2 to some extent in Japan as well, mostly number 1. The number 1 crowd don’t necessarily even think as far as dating or marriage… :/

    Then there’s this one guy I know who said he wanted a foreign girlfriend (and eventually wife) because foreign women would be more understanding of his attempts to make a career in the entertainment industryーsaying Japanese women require a stable job to consider marriage and therefore weren’t interested in him. (So wait, you only want a foreign girlfriend because you think Japanese women won’t take you seriously? Ugh. Anyway, I could name a number of non-Japanese girls who “don’t need no scrubs”… ^^; )
    (I jest of course, he’s a nice guy and his career is now going well. It just irked me the way he said it so casually and sincerely believed this.)

  5. The ranking system for foreign women that Lina referred to is just a reflection of the fact that we live in a world that is dominated by the Anglo-American culture. Therefore, women of English-speaking countries tend to be prized above women of other countries by Chinese men, no matter how “white” the other countries may be.

    However, as Asia has grown richer and become more integrated with the wider world, some Asian men seem to have adopted a more sophisticated approach (if you can call it that) to evaluate the relative worth of foreign women by way of national IQs, and apparently the Dutch and the Germans top the national IQ chart:


  6. Ew.

    I’ve heard of the 2nd, but never seen any myself. :S But the last one… ew.

    My husband works with a guy who wants to date a Canadian JUST for the ‘beautiful babies’. He even went as far as to ask us if he can ‘have’ one of ours. (I knew he was kidding, but I almost punched him in the face)…

    Some people.

  7. Oh,Cheryl.What a terrible man,his “joke” is unforgivable! As a Chinese man ,I feel sick of those guys who just marry for having a beautiful baby as well as the reasons mentioned above. I hope this is just a small minority of us.

  8. Racism and attraction have a very fine line. I think this post is guaranteed to generate controversy. When I did date Asian men, I was their first “American” girlfriend pretty much, and I’m not kidding either. I have to admit that all those reasons really make me uncomfortable and so far I’ve been lucky that I haven’t met someone like that, and hopefully I never will.

  9. in Europe many countries stopped handing out passports to newlyweds. In some countries the only benefit you get from being married are lowered requirements for a residency permit. Austria and Germany are quite strict – you need to live in the respective countries and wait a couple of years and learn the local language. France is a bit easier – i.e. you can also live abroad being married to become eligible for a passport after a few years. I don’t think you need to learn French either.

    Not sure how the US handles it, but many people who just marry a westerner for quickly getting a passport will be in for a surprise. It’s kinda funny how widespread the belief still is that marriage is an easy ticket to a western passport.

    Unfortunately, people who marry for other reasons also get punished by these laws. I pretty much ruled out that my partner will get a passport any time soon, because then we’d have to move back to my home country. Which means we’ll have to keep applying for visas whenever we want to go abroad. But apart from that, being a Chinese in China does have some advantages 🙂

  10. Veryyyy similar situation in India!

    Such a shame, people even said to me that my husband married me for a British passport!!! This stereotype is so common that even though I moved to India and my husband has residency in US (but left) people STILL think it’s only because of my passport.

    Argggghhhhh. Great post, Jocelyn xxx

  11. Great post Jocelyn. I had my fair share of people, Americans and Chinese, who thought my husband wanted to marry me for a green card. #1-3 have also come up in conversation, particularly when an acquaintance claimed he was “showing off” by using English to transmit a message in his WeChat moments. Actually that acquaintance was just peeved that he had to use a translator. 🙂

  12. So you have to be politically correct to have interracial relationship?

    My gf is right-wing conservative who believe East Asian smarter than Other men. She also believe Chinese men who take care of better their family and spouse due to genetic reasons.

    Well, I am not going to dump her due to that. She has German Jewish heritage with blonde hair and blue eyes. Her dad also hold the same belief. He is CEO of mid size company with lots of black employees.

    Obviously, people with such racist view benefit me.

  13. I don’t know how often I’ve heard people say that biracial kids are cute. I’m not sure how many would go so far as to marry a person just for the mixed race kids. But for those who do, I’m wondering what they will do if their kids look a lot like themselves.

  14. I do not think that it is necessarily a bad thing to seek a person of another race to show off a little. After all, I always wanted to have a slim and slender Asian girl to be my gf and I have a beautiful ABC girl now. Yes, I do show her off a little among my circle of white guy friends. So long as one does not do so to excess then it is fine. So, I am guilty a little of reason # 1 above. But one must remember, you are who you are. If you like another for the other person’s traits or characteristics, then you cannot change this fact. So, if I feel attracted to those petite slim sexy Asian girls with silky smooth yellow skin, then I cannot change this fact even though I am verbally assaulted many times for closing myself to girls of other races. So, boys and girls out there, do not be ashamed of chasing the person of your dreams even if the other person is of a certain race which others find objectionable.

    1. It’s interesting how often you mention “slimness” in your post and it’s the first thing you mentioned about your gf. Not her amazing personality or accomplishments or smarts, but her slimness. To me, that’s pretty shallow and a horrible reason to date someone. Weight changes. I’ve met many asian women who were slim before their kids and then became heavier/chubby after their kids. Would you still love your girlfriend and show her off if she was chubby or is the only reason you’re with her is because her “smallness” makes you feel superior/masculine?

      1. @ Kay.

        Yes, I agree that I was attracted to my ABC gf at the first sight of those superficial characteristics such as slimness, shinny black hair, silky smooth skin texture, etc. Afterward, I looked for more than just the superficial characteristics such as her attitude, her sweetness, kindness, etc. I am just staying that those superficial characteristics first made me attracted to her and then as time passed, I looked for other things. If I were only to define my relationship with her based on her looks, then our relationship would have failed by now.

        And “yes” I will continue to love her even though she becomes a little heavier and chubbier, although I cannot predict the future. No, I do not feel superior because I am bigger and she is smaller. I am simply in love and lust with her. Perhaps you just don’t understand that some men are just attracted to some women who are smaller while other men are attracted to women who are taller and bigger. I just happen to like the petite slim Asian girls with silky smooth hairless skin texture.

        Please do not vilify me for wanting to love an Asian woman.

        Are you prejudiced against White people? You seem to have an objection to us white boys who seek Asian women.

  15. My interpretation as showing off part means that the person treats another one as a trophy rather than seeing them as a unique individual. If I’m with someone and they didn’t appreciate my personality or knowledge but only cared for my looks, I’d feel very angry and uncomfortable by that.

    There’s really nothing wrong in dressing up and being proud of attractiveness of someone, but thre is something wrong when you refuse to see a person beyond attractiveness.

    1. @ Sveta.

      Yes, I am guilty a little bit for showing off my pretty ABC gf to other white boys. But I do not see the harm in displaying her beauty. One should not hide one’s beauty like the Muslim girls who have to be covered in veils. I send praises to you for your willingness to date Asian men. I think it is only fair that if we white men can go to Asia and get ourselves some pretty Asian babes, then why can Asian men not do the same in a Western country such as U.S., Canada, U.K. etc.? I have often tried to espouse fairness in my life. But some people do not receive it well as they want to make it a one way street only.

  16. The distinction between racial preference and racism is an interesting one. I used to think that having a preference for a particular racial group of people, as far as sexual attraction is concerned, was perfectly valid and acceptable, but I was never quite comfortable with that position. In the end, I realised that racial preference is just outright racism, and no amount of rationalising can change that fact.

  17. Same situation in India! I have heard so many people saying that my hubby married me for a green card – I’m not even American nor do I have a green card! (But of course, all Westerners are apparently American nowadays LOL)

  18. A little excerpt from the Kantian ethics, love for the sake of love, not as a means to another end. Showing off your spouse to your friends, immigrating to your spouse’s country, learning a foreign language with your spouse or loving your spouse’s outward beauty would all be appropriate things for a cross-cultural couple to do, if they were just what accompanies their bond of marriage, but not as the primary or the only reason for pursuing such a marriage or any marriage. The purpose for a marriage should be to tight the knot between two loving persons committed to a life together, rather than for any other reason.

  19. Kay makes a good point about the white men who hate on white women, but I just want to point out that it’s not just the expat white men in Asia who do this. There is now a substantial and growing subset of men within the mainstream Western society who are contemptuous of white women and the brand of feminism they represent. These men have a well-established presence in the cyberspace that is known as “The Manosphere”, and here’s an example of the kind of views the men espouse:

    “Danish girls have thick, stout builds, with Pepsi can bodies and faces that have come into contact with every branch of the ugly tree. They rank up there with the women of Fortaleza, Brazil, as the huskiest women I’ve ever seen. If you want to have a football player son, I advise you to procreate with a Danish woman. While they’re not as fat as American women (who is?), they’re definitely not as svelte as their Icelandic counterparts, who can be a little thick themselves.


    “One feature of the Danish girl that bothered me the most was her masculine walking style. She keeps her arms still while hunching her shoulders over like a wild boar, as if she wants to barrel into something. Sometimes she tilts her head down to add to the masculine effect. I don’t know where they learned how to walk, but I can assure you it’s not feminine. Denmark is the only place where I got out of the way on the sidewalk if a thick girl was approaching, for fear that I might be injured in a possible collision.”


    1. If any one is spewing garbage on this site, then it is D-Maybe for stating that Danish girls are not attractive etc. I think that you can find pretty and not so pretty girls and men everywhere in the world. Where did you get such non-sense?

      1. @Manny, D-Maybe got that from a link, and its not his personal views. Notice the quotation marks? I’m not sure I understand why you’re being defensive to people here.

        None of us were saying that we’re against AF/WM couples, but we were objecting to the fact that the first thing you mentioned when it came to your girlfriend were her looks instead of personality, and women don’t like to be treated like trophies or to be showed off merely for their appearance. 99 percent of girls want to be liked for personality as well as looks. I don’t think girls here are comfortable with how much emphasis you place on her looks all the time. If you talked about her personality more often, or what you like about her, then I don’t think you’d feel that way.

        I do hope what I said makes sense. I never said you’re not allowed to date Asian women, never, but simply to date them based on appearance isn’t right. Yes, looks are the first thing we notice about someone, but placing so emphasis on looks all the time isn’t cool at all.

        While my Korean ex was very handsome, in my posts I place more emphasis on personality and what he was like when he lived here.

        1. @ Sveta. Yes, I am aware that he was quoting from a link. But it sure sounds like he endorses such non-sense about Danish females. I am in agreement with you that the girl’s looks are what first attracted me and thereafter, it is other factors such as her personality, character, good heart etc.

          By the way, are you a white Western girl? It sounds like you are Russian or Ukrainian based on your name? Are you one of those white girls who have a special liking for Asian men? If so, I wish you well in your search.

          Before I got myself an ABC girlfriend, I have often asked myself why I was so unlucky. Why was the good Lord so unfair to me. While other white boys and Asian boys have themselves pretty slim Asian girls as gfs, I had none. It was so unfair for me. I was consumed by my desire for a petite and slim Asian girl that I could not sleep at times. I was even jealous and angry at other white boys who succeeded whereas I failed. So, yes I was preoccupied with looks at first. But now I think I am more mature and look beyond just the physical appearance as I now judge her on character, abilities, her intentions, etc.

  20. It is so sad that some people date for those reasons… however I think the girl, after some time, should be able to guess what it is all about, right? Or are those guys really good liars?

  21. .I won’t leave China I have been to France Italy Spain belarus I don’t like French Don’t ask me why! Belarus woman is very beautiful They are very friendly Of course, very easy to find a Belarus girlfriend Because I can say Russian My English bad ;(┬_┬)

    Italy and Spain are not tall ! I come from Yantai City, Shandong Province, it was a very beautiful coastal city
    Near Qingdao

        1. Rural is not that bad. Good air, many forests. My dad talks about his childhood in pre-industrial China. The water has been clean with fish living in there. Today the water stinks and all you can find there is garbage.

          Eastern Europe is very poor, so indeed it is comparable to rural China. They don’t have much development after they got their independence from the Soviet Union.

          Western Europe is richer, but all the towns are also dreamy, retaining much of the medieval flair. It is not as lively as in big cities like Shanghai, but there is also less hectic and city noise.

          1. Spain and Italy in southern Europe Qingdao, yantai, Weihai Rizhao is close to the sea Spanish men and Italian men are not very tall !! We are stronger and higher than Spain and Italy I’m not talking about Shanghai or Beijing Thanks

          2. Shandong economy of scale and South Korea almost The 2014 Shandong GDP growth rate 8.8% After 10 years Shandong economy of scale and Britain and France 2014 France GDP growth rate 0.5% Why I left China?, I am a young men

        2. Chinese provinces have a lot to catch up, so it is natural that the GDP growth rate is high. Britain and France already have high GDPs, especially relative to the size of their population. The Chinese overall GDP growth rate may look high, but the GDP per capita is still very low. It just means that all the money is in the wrong few pockets. So considering the size of our country and the number of our population, our GDP still needs to be much higher.

          1. 2014 Qingdao Per Capita GDP 15577.49 dollar ,has a population of 9 million Yantai Per Capita GDP 13985.75 dollar has a population of 7 million Weihai Per Capita GDP 15478.41 dollar has a population of 3 million Jinan Per Capita GDP 13151.15 dollar has a population of 7 million Ji’nan is the capital city of Shandong Province Dongying Per Capita GDP 26427.32 dollar has a population of 2 million 10 years later, our per capita GDP with Europe almost

  22. Ignoring physical attractin is ugly girl’s fantasy. But physical attraction is the first step of a relationship. Wether it lasts depend on personality and other personal attribute. So there is nothing wrong to seek certain looks which appealing to your sence as first step.

    The science has confirmed that compatible intelligence (IQ) makes relationship long lasting which leads to long term marriage.

    If you are a smart man, a highly educated girl is your best bet. If you are a high school drop out, stupid bimboos are your best choice since you gonna have trouble communicating and getting along with smart women.

    Personal chemistry is based shared ideas and personal goals which are determined by your intelligence.

  23. Scientifically, physical attractiveness has biological basis. The purpose of sexual reproduction is getting rid of genetic mutational loads. The more mutational loads, the less attractive sexually. Thus, choosing most attractive individual to mate is doing honorable job to keep our species healthy. Ugly individual without offspring is darwin’s way to the survival of species. Sexual selection contributes to our species succcess.

    1. So if I decide to go with the ugly girl is so damn f-ing smart then it leads to a long lasting marriage BUT I’m NOT doing my “honorable duty” which is to keep my offspring healthy?

      Come on… =)

  24. Having kids with someone from another race widens the gene-pool, so a genetic disease is less likely to happen. Some people even say of hybrid vigor.

    On the other hand, it might be right that the biological purpose of mating is to produce offsprings and pass on genes to another generation, hardly anyone love or have sex with these things in mind. Having kids is just something in the back of the mind reserved for much later. Unless you succumb to parental pressure and Confucian filial piety to pass on the family name as soon as possible.

  25. :I do not see why you should cringe at the sight of a white man with a pretty Asian girl. ”

    Asians and some whites do.

    “Would you cringe if an Asian man is side-by-side with a pretty white girl?”

    Yes, majority of Asians and whites do.

    1. ““Would you cringe if an Asian man is side-by-side with a pretty white girl?”

      Yes, majority of Asians and whites do.”

      Not quite, the Asian woman would be looking on confused. I think they have a harder time thinking that Asian men can be found attractive to white women then the white women themselves.

      Does anyone disagree with me on this?

  26. 1. To show off…know of couple of white women who show off their Professor husbands and super smart daughters…rode with one of them on an airplane!

    2. To immigrate to her Western country…pretty much difficult to get a visa for married couples in many countries of Europe…many white women married to Brits are stuck in Japan eventhough some of them are married to top notch professionals. Singapore is litered with Danes married to Asian women who cannot get visa to Denmark..and as far as the Swiss are concerned…the less said the better…one of my colleagues with a PhD is married to a Canadian white and she cannot get residency in Switzerland although somehow Tina Turner managed. Furthermore, as is implied in this article, why would a Chinese man married to a white woman want to move to the US, especially places like Alabama and Georgia and be treated like a fourth class citizen when you can enjoy super status in Asia…and Shanghai is a much better place to reside than Atlanta.

    3. To improve your English..Really?

    4. Because you’re racist…most Asian or non-white men dont approach a white woman, particularly white American woman, because they think she is a racist who wont date Asian men or her family is racist or she may come from some area near Ferguson, MO…saw this attitude in Singapore and Japan…and these days of 24 hour news cycle does not help. Nothing reinforces the image of white American woman as a racist…a stereotype…than the recent events involving sororities at the University of Alabama. It is a risk…ask the woman out, she may be from Alabama or St. Charles, MO and may or may not be a racist, and say no..which means the Asian guy looses face with his friends (loosing face is part of culture) or we are not giving the Asian guy much credit and think he is shy…he probably is not…he is just plain afraid and he knows he cannot do stuff involving white women in Alabama that Manny did with Asian woman in Hong Kong.

    1. “saw this attitude in Singapore”

      Can you elaborate on that?

      And I wonder if there are any white American women in Singapore reading this and have thoughts to share.

  27. @D-May be…Actually, children of mixed Asian-white parentage have the highest IQ, but no one wants to talk about it…and here in the US they are classified as Asian, further widening the gap between the Asians and whites.

  28. If you are a white bring an Asian-American home to parents or rest of the white family, whether the partner is a white male or white female, that is the first thing more often than not that goes through the mind of the family..is he or she looking for a green card?……forget the fact that the Asian partner’s ancestors may have come in the 1860s to work on the railroad and the white partner’s parents may have come in during World War II…Asian=Perpetual Foreigner. Read Expat Edna.

  29. “So of course, many Chinese men would love to marry a Western woman just like me. For some, it’s even their life’s dream.”

    Big assumption Jocelyn…however have to agree with some that such marriages are more accepted in Asia than back in the US or most western countries…white people are less accepting of Asian-white marriages than Asians are.

  30. @David,

    First of all, the article I provided discusses the national IQs for Europeans only, which I thought was directly relevant in the context of a discussion about Asian men’s preference for white women. I didn’t bother with the national IQs for North American and Australasian white people because they are basically just offshoots of Europeans. In any case, Americans have been shown to have lower IQs than (continental) Europeans:

    “In the past, Europe appeared to be the most intelligent and strongest continent in the world – mainly due to their colonization – i.e. the British Empire and Europe helping countries follow the European model of Industrialization.

    “A book by two European academics listed the average National IQ for 190 countries. Not surprisingly, they found America right around the ‘average’ score of 100. Whereas they identified the mean IQ of mainland Europe to be 108 – above average.”


    Globally, the East Asian countries have the highest national IQs (although the Ashkenazi Jews as an ethnic group have the highest average IQ of all). The IQ scores of Asian-white biracials are found to be intermediate between those of Asian and white people.

    With all that being said, it should be noted that the concept of IQ as a measure of intelligence is controversial, as is the idea of there being a link between race and intelligence.

    1. I don’t think the laws of attraction are based on how high your IQs are. First, regardless if you like it or not, appearance does play a role. And the white appearance with fair hair and colored eyes are for some reason appealing for many males across many races. Second, there is personality and EQ and many diverse skills and personal traits (cooking etc), that are not stringently related to IQs.

      1. @Shawn,

        The point about IQs was brought up in the context of Asian men’s preference within the diverse group of white women. Traditionally, Asian men have preferenced white women from English-speaking countries (i.e. the US, the UK, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand), and the point I was making is that there is an emerging trend for Asian men to choose their ideal white woman based not on whether she speaks English but on whether she belongs to a high-IQ group.

  31. “The IQ scores of Asian-white biracials are found to be intermediate between those of Asian and white people.”

    Credible Link? Actually, as far as I know it has not been studied and they have lumped the biracials with Asians in past studies.

    1. @David,

      I just Googled a bit but I couldn’t find the link I was looking for. From what I can recall, it was a research done by Rushton on the brain volumes of the various races (East Asian, white, and black), which found that East Asians had the greatest brain volumes followed by whites and then blacks. The research also found that people with racial admixtures had brain volumes that were intermediate to those of the parent races. Accordingly, black-white biracials had brain volumes that were intermediate between those of blacks and whites; and Asian-white biracials had brain volumes that were intermediate between those of Asians and whites.

  32. And for many western woman the ultimate status symbol is an asian man.
    I’m asian and I live in a western country. I know many rich white women who date poor asian men because they want to show off that they can get an asian man.

    Asian men who are rich usually don’t want a western woman.

  33. Spot on. I experienced pretty much all of this in China. I used to say that some men who wanted to date me there would clearly have married a chimpanzee if it would have gotten them a Canadian passport. Fortunately, they were easy to spot, forever bringing the conversation back to the Canadian economy and “How are prospects for [engineers/etc.] over there?” 🙂 Not subtle at all.

    Maybe you missed reason #5: Potential business expansion. I went on dates with at least 2 Chinese businessmen who thought that marrying a Western woman would open the doors to untold riches. I was always wondering what role they had in mind exactly (making me VP, Business Development or what?)

    Ultimately, I moved to Singapore, where foreigners in general are almost seen like a nuisance (due to overpopulation) and so, there was never any concern over being in a relationship for the wrong reasons stated in the post. There’s no glory (I would think) for a Singaporean man to be seen with an angmo girl.

  34. “Ultimately, I moved to Singapore, where foreigners in general are almost seen like a nuisance (due to overpopulation).”

    Most countries of the world think along those lines. In Singapore it is the educated Singaporean woman who marries a white man and moves out. Educated Singaporean men usually marries a Malaysian and uneducated Singaporean marries an uneducated Vietnamese, Thai or Chinese woman and brings her to the country…the prime reason for overpopulation in Singapore. And you sort of seem paranoid.

    1. @David

      Funny thing is a lot of people say that asian women seeking white men because of their wealthy, had asian countries been richer asian women won’t be so infatuated with white men.

      Despite Singapore being one of the richest country in the world, Singaporean mentality isn’t much different with people from underdeveloped asian countries. They still see white as superior, the same goes for Japan/SK/HK etc.

  35. “And the white appearance with fair hair and colored eyes are for some reason appealing for many males across many races. ”

    More so for females than males…actually increasingly the results indicate that it is the WM that likes a dark haired woman with Asian features.

  36. It would certainly make sense that the IQ of mixed Asian-white people would fall in between Asians and whites.

    An American study on the average physical sizes of babies showed that mixed Asian-white babies fell in between Asians and whites.

    I mean, with whites being on average taller than Asians, it makes sense that the average mixed Asian-white would fall in between.

    The notion that mixed-race people are more beautiful is also a romanticized idea. Sure, there are some very attractive mixed-race people, but most are average and some are below average just like everyone else. Mixed-race people are no better and no worse.

    We should not treat mixed-race people like they are some special breed. They should be treated equally.

  37. If a Chinese man wants to marry a Western woman to achieve # 2 and # 3, he can marry someone like an American born Chinese girl. She can get you an American passport and she can teach you English just as well as a white girl. He cannot show her off under reason # 1 because her face looks exactly like other Chinese, and he cannot fulfil # 4. Hey, but having 2 out of 4 is not bad.

  38. @Tony,

    It’s simplistic to say that non-white women in general find white men appealing because they’re wealthy, and that’s obviously not true in most cases. It has more to do with the legacy of white imperialism/colonialism and the fact that white people still dominate global geopolitics and culture. One consequence of this is that the concept of the ideal masculine attractiveness has come to be represented by white men. The same can be applied to white women with regard to feminine beauty, but to a somewhat lesser extent.

  39. That’s actually a good question. The answer has some complicated answers, some which may be explained better by some others rather than me.

    I’ve served my country by serving in the military (and continue to serve in civilian Gov’t service) and when I was stationed in Asia, I’ll say I’ve seen Asian girls with white guys for many of the reasons Jocelyn mentioned at the top of this post.

    What especially bothers me was that many of these Asian girls are sorry looking and didn’t care if the white guy is less than impressive because they think the guy will bring them back to the land of the “Big BX/PX”(Base/Post Exchange or the equivalent of big shops or stores, if you will), increase their status among their peers, be richer, better life in the US, etc, etc, etc. The white guy will prefer the Asian girl because they’re easy, they get treated better than if they were with a white girl and know they’re generally more loyal than most white girls.

    If those Asian girls only knew how many white guys (I’m speaking about US guys, although I’m sure foreign white ex-pats will generally fit the description) view them, would they still prefer these guys? Would these Asian girls still prefer them if they knew these white guys don’t even prefer or trust their own race girls and thus go for them instead for the reasons I’ve already mentioned (not to mention others that I’ve haven’t)?

    And again, you being up a good question: “Why would Asians admire the people who have been bullying them for a long time?” Why would the Japanese, after being nuked by the US (not one, but twice) and lose a major war all of a sudden have many of their girls prefer Americans or white guys over their own, including today’s generation? Why do Mainland Chinese girls go for these white guys when history showed white people have treated and embarrassed the Chinese badly and have looked down on them for many years? Why would an average balding white guy with a beer gut, which most white girls wouldn’t give a second look or though get treated so well in most Asian countries and would be sought after by Asian girls?

    Yet in Asia, as many have said from firsthand accounts, it seems to be a “rarity” to see an Asian guy with a white girl?

    Yes, I cringe, shake my head a little, etc.

    I know and don’t hold back when I say there is plenty of blame to go to the Asian man. I think if you ask Asian girls why they prefer white guys over their own, some of the answers will embarrass Asian guys. Maybe it should as that should be a wake up call…perhaps long overdue. But it doesn’t change my viewpoint as there also seems to be an inequality when the Earth was made and the races were spit.

    1. @Rich

      It’s more like an east asian thing. In other part of the world, people don’t seem to obsessed with white guy.

      The blame goes to Asian government and Asian media, they’re the one brainwashed asian public with this white superiority idea. After all, most of asians have never left the country, their knowledge and perception about the West come from local media.

      Asian women are being brainwashed to believe that Western culture is superior, act like westerner is desirable. They hate asian guys because asian guys are not “western” enough.

  40. In Hong Kong- there are girls that wanna be white so bad, they will think and act white and only speak English (with a very thick Chinese accent) pretending to not speak Chinese.

    There are Chinese girls in US that pretend they don’t speak Chinese, and think they are white. (they don’t have much of an accent) but they sure look pissed when you curse them out in Chinese. I would tell them, since you don’t understand, why are you pissed for? I only said you are so beautiful in Chinese.

    There are White girls in US that wanna be Asians so bad, they think and act Japanese/ Chinese/ Korean to make themselves feel more Asian. And also learn the languages.

    I’ve met a Asian guy in NY that fake an accent- After few mins I wasn’t sure where he’s from (sounded like he burnt his tongue or something) I had to ask him. He told me he’s from Brooklyn…. WTF

    People all want to be something they are not.

    If I have a Bagel, and I see the guy next to me having a Croissant, all of a sudden, I want an Croissant.

  41. “So of course, many Chinese men would love to marry a Western woman just like me. For some, it’s even their life’s dream.”

    Really? Since when?

    As a local, I have to say most Chinese men ONLY date Chinese women, or Asian women.

    It might not be about inferiority as you think, it’s more of physical attractiveness. Yes, Asians take light skin tone as symbol of beauty and wealth, but it doesn’t mean western women are the most desirable. Actually, I’ve asked a lot of my friends’ attitudes towards white women, none of them(men and women) have ever spoken out that they wanna date people outside of our race, they’ve even listed a lot of negative stereotypes about white people which are much worse than the ones you’ve stated here. They come from different backgrounds, and some are even postgraduates from top 10 Chinese university. And please ignore baidu tieba or any forums, it’s just the minority. Sorry to be frank and spit the truth.

    The first 2 reasons are really bad ones. But I don’t see any problems on 3 and 4. Everybody gets their preferences, they don’t do harm to society or to other people, they are happy with each other, so what’s the deal? This might not be the sort of racist in my perspective. What I can’t stand is the sort of reverse racist here in China that some people might say “youuuuu whites and blacks are alpha, but uuuus Chinese are beta” stuff.

    Personally, I do find SOME of white and hispanic women really attractive. Especially those tall and slim ones. And for my own people, I prefer the Northern Chinese women type.

  42. I once have fell really bad for a girl who’s white,we had a lot of fun time together in Guangzhou,Chongqing and in Chicago.I guess I was in love,but until today I didn’t tell her how I felt,she is 4 years older than me and has probably the best personalities anyone can ever dream of having.She is on a mission trip to China but none of her other family members are Christian,therefore,as you can tell,her Dad,like the other Americans,is very patriotic and thinks of Chinese nothing more than a bunch of scumbags and cheaters.He didn’t say it out loud,but everyone can tell.So in order not to let her fellings and our friendship got hurt,and plus I don’t want to embarrase her by that fact that I am Chinese,or her friends might laugh at her coz she is dating a Chinese guy.So I took off and chose not to tell her how I felt.I loved her enough to let her go,I didn’t need an American passport coz I know I would work in China,and she is teaching in Guangzhou too.But now I am married,had a kid,love my wife till death.But still a precious memory when I think of the time spent with her,she would have been the greatest wife

  43. I once have fell really bad for a girl who’s white,we had a lot of fun time together in Guangzhou,Chongqing and in Chicago.I guess I was in love,but until today I didn’t tell her how I felt,she is 4 years older than me and has probably the best personalities anyone can ever dream of having.She is on a mission trip to China but none of her other family members are Christian,therefore,as you can tell,her Dad,like the other Americans,is very patriotic and thinks of Chinese nothing more than a bunch of scumbags and cheaters.He didn’t say it out loud,but everyone can tell.So in order not to let her fellings and our friendship got hurt,and plus I don’t want to embarrase her by that fact that I am Chinese,or her friends might laugh at her coz she is dating a Chinese guy.So I took off and chose not to tell her how I felt.I loved her enough to let her go,I didn’t need an American passport coz I know I would work in China,and she is teaching in Guangzhou too.But now I am married,had a kid,love my wife till death.But still a precious memory when I think of the time spent with her,she would have been the greatest wife 🙂

  44. Great and interesting post. However all these points here are IMO somewhat skewed and invalid, I can’t say this Jocelyn lady here really know what we Chinese men think about marriage.

    1- show off:
    4- racist:
    What’s wrong with showing off my beautiful wife to a crowd? Wouldn’t any woman be happy and proud with it? So I am a Chinese man married with my beautiful Chinese wife and we live in Canada. I don’t have much wealth, certainly don’t have a Porsche, but I show off my wife to all my friends, Asian or white, and on every events. Because I think she is gorgeous and pretty with her make up on and in her dress. I am very proud of her, and I love to hear people compliment on how lovely my wife is. What on earth is wrong with that? She doesn’t have to be white for me to show her off. I love her more and more with people complimenting on her looks.

    And truth be told: I have a huge obsession with white women. I’d say when I was in kindergarten and I saw wallpapers with white women in bikini I was drooling all over it already. When I moved to Canada I checkout all pretty Canadian girls. I think white women are downright gorgeous, and there are something about them I am obsessed with: I like their face, hair, breast, hands, butt, legs, feet, everything about them. So the fact that I am obsessed with white women makes me a racist? Would I set my ultimate goal to marry a white woman? Obviously not. Would I dump my wife to marry a white woman when certain white woman appears in my life? Absolutely not. This whole racist argument doesn’t really make much sense.

    As a Chinese man, when it comes to marriage there are so much more than the looks in committing to a marriage. I am very focused on family matters and responsibilities, a lot more than stuff at work, or “showing off” for this matter. If I hadn’t married to my Chinese wife, and if I had an opportunity to marry a white women, I would happily do it because I love how gorgeous she would look like, however not until I am prepared and ready to overcome the challenges, such as food preference, language barrier, cultural difference, money issue and parental family relationship. We Chinese don’t marry someone randomly without considering and accepting our responsibilities!

    I’d say that the statement of most Chinese men with wealth are dreaming about marrying a white woman is not only unfair, and is also a stereotype.

    On the other hand, obviously there would be some creepy Chinese men who actually wanted to show off their western wife as the proof of their status, but any man who are as shallow as that probably wouldn’t have his wealth, status and his Porsche in the first place to start this BS.

  45. JimD, I think you completely misinterpreted Jocelyn’s thoughtful post. She did not say that the four reasons applied to all Chinese men. So stop with your generalizations. Also, you seem to insinuate that your views apply to all Chinese men by your statement “I cannot say that this Jocelyn lady really knows what we Chinese men think about marriage.” “We?” Who says you represent all these guys, anyway?

    So you like to “show off” your wife, eh? Guess what? Not everyone appreciates that, including wives who do not want to be objectified as some sort of “trophy.”

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