Asian Women “Too Tempting” To Husbands/Boyfriends? Please.

An Asian woman who looks unhappy or depressed
(photo by Sodanie Chea)

“I’m so glad he’s not going over to China anymore. It’s too tempting.”

My friend Susan Blumberg-Kason overhead this snippet of conversation one afternoon while attending a reading. The woman speaking was white, and referring to the fact that her white husband — who she followed to China — would no longer be working over there. It was in the context of a discussion about men who have affairs in China — with Chinese women, of course.

Guess what she meant by “tempting”?

But before you answer that, I should note it’s not just white women with white husbands who think like this. A white woman with a Chinese husband once sent me a flurry of anxious e-mails. She felt certain that, if they moved to Shanghai — where her husband hoped to gain a more respectable job in academia — he would have his own “private secretary” and soon fall prey to her and the “additional services” she would supposedly entice him with. Not to mention the whole culture of mistresses that she kept mentioning over and over again.

Ah, yes. You might call it the “Asians are stealing our boyfriends/husbands syndrome” — the fallacious idea that somehow, otherwise faithful and upright men suddenly turn into philanderers because in East Asia, they’re suddenly surrounded by all of these “gorgeous, exotic Asian women” who beguile them, and entrance them, and reel them in to the point of no return.

Please, people.

It’s bad enough that so many individuals unfairly superimpose the “exotic beauty” stamp on Asian women around the world (a stereotype that has driven certain men to be into Asian women for their race alone, which is pretty sick when you think about it). But why do some non-Asian women have to make it even worse by essentially implying that Asian women are seductresses and even whores? That’s racist. (It’s even more sickening because women across the world have to battle the whore/slut/seductress label, most often from men — how is it that women can then support these same stereotypes when applied to another group of women?)

Look, China (and any other Asian country, for that matter) is not some twisted, dark fairy godmother who waves her black magic wand and turns otherwise squeaky-clean husbands or boyfriends into philanderers. If you think your husband/boyfriend will stray the moment he’s surrounded by Asian women, well, I’ve got news for you — the problem is NOT the women.

Maybe the problem is your husband/boyfriend, who perhaps can’t really keep his penis to himself. Who might not be the trustworthy, “I’ll always be there for you” kind of guy you thought he was. Who could hold the screwed-up, sickening, stereotypical idea — a la Chinabounder — that Asia is just one great piece of ass for his taking.

Or maybe the problem is your relationship with him, and all the difficulties you really have as a couple.

But put the blame where it rightly belongs. Please. Don’t just point a finger at the Asian women…even if that’s “too tempting” to do.

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189 Replies to “Asian Women “Too Tempting” To Husbands/Boyfriends? Please.”

  1. I think there is two sides to every story, If someone a man or a woman is not happy in a relationship and is prone to cheating, he will do it wherever he is, China, the US etc.

    But in this context she meant China is to tempting because its easier to find prostitutes in hotels etc…. But I personally blame the woman who knows a man is married and still sleeps with him. They should know better. I mean if a man is about 40-50 in china there’s a good chance he’s a business man who is married/has kids already. Girls should know better, The men should know better.

    1. You’re disgusting sarah. Those women didn’t give out marriage vows, YOUR husband did, therefore is your husband’s job to not cheat with others. It’s not the rest of the women population in the world to control your husband’s desires; thats his job. Stop victim blaming.

    2. A lot depends on how a guy’s wife looks. So many American women let themselves go after marriage. To be blunt, obesity is a huge problem. When a guy goes to China and sees so many cute, slim, fit girls, his eye is more prone to wander. I agree that’s sad. But often men don’t always think with their brain… if you know what I mean.

  2. Sarah, I’m not sure it’s a prostitution issue — after all, every city has their version of Backpage. I think the issue is that women in Asia sleep with men because they think once they do that man is their boyfriend and they can get everything that comes with it. It’s also more socially acceptable in China to have a boyfriend that is married.

    I do think that the women who are complaining have a point in the sense that Asian cultures encourage men to cheat far more than Western ones do because they see it as a mark of masculinity. IOW, psychology isn’t the proper analytical framework; social psychology is.

  3. Take two to tango. Most expat women complain about this because they can see with their own eyes how their husbands are upgraded in China. I second the opinion most women want other things out of the sex. Not intending to blame Chinese women only, they need to stop first. Learn from western women.
    Deeper reason is more social economical.

  4. Some of what Sarah and C say is true. But, it happens with white women as well. Try Russia and Ukraine, not much different from China. On the flip side, loads of white women even in Asia who not only wont date Asian men, but wont date white men who are known to have dated Asian women. Then in my favorite country, Singapore, never heard of any husbands taking off with Asian women, at least from the gossip. Most of the gossip is about Filipina maids lusting for white men and moving to America or Canada. There were also complains about sons in high school running after Asian women. One family sent the boys to all-white boarding schools in the UK (not America) to prevent that from happening. Another woman chided her daughter for bringing an Asian girl home with her to do some homework due to fear that her white son will fall for the Asian girl.

  5. Great article. “Maybe the problem is your husband/boyfriend, who perhaps can’t really keep his penis to himself.” Yes, I definitely agree. However, I also agree with some of the other comments about white men– or even English speaking Asian men– being “upgraded” in Asia. Don’t want to go into too much detail–but something like this did happen in one of my previous relationships, where a Korean girl wanted to go to a motel with my ex-boyfriend while we were still together. To my knowledge, nothing happened, but I agree– “it takes two to tango.” There’s certainly no reason to call a race of women “sluts” and there is also no reason why I should believe that Asian women are just “too tempting.”

  6. @Sarah
    Same thing happened to me once. Test of your will power. The same can be said for a woman if you are constantly being hit on. Asian countries are more tolerant when a man does the cheating. But I can not side with our women on this whole thing.
    Take two to tango.

  7. “There’s certainly no reason to call a race of women “sluts” and there is also no reason why I should believe that Asian women are just “too tempting.””
    Interesting, many of my fellow Indians think just the opposite, that white women are whores and Indian women are chaste and so are the Asian women in general. One Indian guy openly thought that he will get plenty of girls in America to go to bed with him. But, after landing in Philadelphia, PA he found out otherwise…at least as far as going to bed with that particular individual was concerned.

  8. @Jocelyn, this is by far the one of the best articles you have ever written. I agree that Chinese (or Asian) women are excessively tempting. As a White boy in love with Asian women, I love the idea that a man can truly be a man in China with the ability to get women after women. But I had a dose of reality when I visited H.K. where I could not get even one Chinese goddess due to the language barrier and the fact that I was hindered by the presence of my family. I think my next trip will be to Shanghai either alone or with my sisters withou my parents. Any advice on how I can get one of these Chinese goddesses in Shanghai or Beijing? I would appreciate your advice.

  9. “But I had a dose of reality when I visited H.K. where I could not get even one Chinese goddess due to the language barrier and the fact that I was hindered by the presence of my family.”
    Afraid that your folks wont approve or out of respect to your family?

  10. I completly agree with your post. Stereotypes, and racism even more so, are so difficult to battle, why would women want to bring it even more on themselves?

    I see some comments are saying that it’s the other woman’s fault just as much as the husbands, cause they should assume a middle aged man is married and stay away. I strongly disagree. The other woman never made the commitment to the wife. The husband is the one who made the commitment and he is the only one who is breaking it. But that’s really besides the point.

    The point is, that Asian women are women, and don’t deserve to be stereotyped by the rest of us.

  11. Thank you for not making this into the typical demonization of white men in Asia. Not that white men do not carouse, but Asian business men are renown for their carousing. In my years of working in Asia, it was by far the Asian men who caroused the hardest and had multiple girlfriends completely out in the open. Sometimes their whole family knew. And some of these girls were put up in posh apartments hidden away in suburb bedroom communities. Of course non-asian men do join in, but I knew many faithful non-Asian men who worked there. But this article just exacerbates the mythical “fever,” or whatever it is, for Asian women. I know that I myself, much prefer non-Asian women. Doesn’t mean that Asian women are not attractive and good people. But I was incessantly held in suspicion of being “obsessed” with asian women. It was utter nonsense. And now this woman here has made it clear that some white wives of husbands in Asia feel the same. Sometimes it might be true, yes. But be careful — many times it is nonsense.

    And it is TRUE that sometimes Asian women are very aggressive. If that is hard to hear, I do not apologize. I was very aggressively pursued on many occasions, and rebuffed them all. Unfortunately, I am not a sociologist and cannot tell you why these Asian women were like they are. But that was my experience. And it is different in the West, but not because non-Asian women do not seek out powerful business men; it is different because they do it in more discreet ways. It’s a cultural difference.

    In sum: huge amounts of Asian men openly and without blushing have girlfriends tucked away; many Asian women actively seek out such suitors. Of course, however, I knew many admirable Asian men who were very faithful to their families and frowned openly on such behavior; I also knew many Asian women who frowned on the aggressive behavior of certain younger Asian women who were basically gold-diggers.

  12. I admit that while its not right and this kind of thinking shouldn’t be encouraged, but I would guess that insecurity also goes hand in hand with this. Perhaps women who think this way feel they wouldn’t be able to control the situation, or that they aren’t as beautiful as Chinese women. (I admit that my thoughts run this way too, although I doubt many normal Asian women would sleep with a married man.) I would also guess the behavior or perception plays heavily into this well. (Asian women are more feminine, less feisty, so forth, while American women are opposite.) I never believed that, and thought that in kitchen or private the Chinese women will be loud and boisterous and whatnot.

  13. Thanks for writing this post! I just love it, and think it’s an important topic because in 2012 we should be above nasty stereotypes. I also think if someone (male or female) is going to cheat, there’s little to stop him or her. Sure there might be easier access to prostitutes in Asia (and probably less of a chance you’ll run into someone you know vs. looking for that in your home country), but in the US you can just go to a bar and find it for free. I had a Chinese husband who was the same whether we were in China or the US. He behaved no better or worse in one place or the other.

  14. Culture difference plays a role. It is more acceptable to be “aggressive” when it comes to a foreigner. It is interesting to feel more at ease with a western woman in social interaction because you know she is not likely to be interested in you other than that.
    Most white guys liking the new popularity are looking for ego boost. The really attractive ones back in their own country are not into Asian women so much unless an equally attractive Asian woman comes along. Anyone who thinks they are exceptions to basic rules are fooling themselves.

    That “er nai” thing hurts Asian men’ image for sure.

    Is that why white women told me Indian men show sexual aggression to them in India?

  15. Let us be real.

    Women of northern Europe and Northeast Asia are attracted to good providers for biological reasons. Male fertility lasts all the way to his seniority for bilogical reasons. Fighting against nature you want.
    The biological game is that males try to leave as many as offspring as possible all the way to the day of his death; females try to secure as much resource for her offspring to maturity.
    Every decision has its biolgical consequence. We are all product of our ancestors. Evolution is ruthless.

  16. @Joe. You asked: “Afraid that your folks wont approve or out of respect to your family?”

    The answer is “no” but my sister was drunk and interfered with my attempt. Did you see my story in the comments section of September 21, 2012 post? If not, go read it and you will see how my sister destroyed my chances. See I wrote my story for all you men to know that it was not easy to pickup an Asian girl in H.K. After you read it, let me know what you think, bro. Read and enjoy.

  17. “Is that why white women told me Indian men show sexual aggression to them in India?”
    Yes. Images of Hollywood. But, most men in India do not look for details. Yes, white women are shown as sluts in a lot of movies, but what are the types of men they go out with or sleep with? Do they sleep with Indian men? No! To some extent, I can understand white women not liking Indian men being one myself, at least being half-Indian. In general, they will dump their “girlfriend”, Indian, white or otherwise and marry someone who their parents arrange. But, this is not the case with East Asian men, as far as I know. But, white women mostly not interested as askdsk says.

  18. Manny:

    Sounds like your sister was stopping you from meeting Chinese women…perhaps she does not want a Chinese sister in law. Have you ever thought of that?

  19. @Joe
    India is still more conservative than contemporary China. Chinese women discussed here won’t behave this way half a century ago either. They are certainly more liberated. How you exercise that right is another matter.

    I don’t know how much people are aware Asian women are chased by non-whites too. But women in general all need to marry up until you meet someone who either does not care or like you as a person.

    Despite white guys luck in China, I think those well educated and highly paid Asians still have better luck with women there. The reason is obvious.

  20. It is laughable that stereotypes for both Western and Eastern women say that they are out to seduce men – we can tell that these have been created by men because they think that if a woman smiles at them they are being seduced! 😉

    People want to believe that something weird and ‘exciting’ is happening in other countries not that they are mostly sleeping, eating and working the same as everyone else

  21. Hong Kong my home land (sorta, just over the water in Kowloon) is considered to be a grave yard for marriages.

    For Expats and locals alike.

    I think it has something to do with the culture, the WORK culture. Rather than anything else.

    Consider this quite normal scenario:

    You go to work and bust your balls for 70 hours a week, 70+ hours isn’t all that uncommon in Asia 60 hours a week is considered lazy My dad worked 80 hours a week for 20 years and pretty much dropped dead. Karaoshi, or Gu-lao-shi are normal in Asia. People simply dropping dead from over work is normal and it is completely accepted by society.

    When you cram so many hours of work into your life. You simply don’t have the time or inclination to bond with your wife/gf. After being freakishly tired. I currently work 95 hours a week. Sleep and food are my #1 and #2 priorities.

    I don’t have a GF, I simply can’t I’m too busy. I recently split up with a woman because I was simply too busy. But if I did her desire for my limited time might start to become a a burden.

    And relationships take WORK lots of it. Meaning my 105 hours suddenly turns into 120 or something.

  22. @Joe. I did not think that my sister intended to block my attempt to pickup a Chinese girl because she did not want a Chinese sister in-law. So, read my story and then you will find out why. Then tell me what you think, bro. My sister was drunk and not deliberate.

  23. Naturally, the Asian women shouldn’t take all the blame here, and neither should the Western men who go to China and cheat there. They are both responsible for their actions.

    I don’t like stereotypes either, however I can point you to scores of women who went to China happily married and left as single women because their husbands cheated there. There are a million reasons for it. One is that the temptation to cheat in Asia is strong.

  24. I wonder what would happen when single parenthood becomes more acceptable in Asia if it is economically possible. Those battles have been fought in western countries. People cheat also because they are unhappy.

  25. “India is still more conservative than contemporary China.”
    True for women, not for men! They do what they want as long as it is not within the Indian community. Thus, you have Indians and Pakistanis grooming white girls for sex in the UK.

  26. “I don’t like stereotypes either, however I can point you to scores of women who went to China happily married and left as single women because their husbands cheated there. There are a million reasons for it. One is that the temptation to cheat in Asia is strong.”
    Try Russia, Ukraine or Poland. I know happily married professors from the US, married to white women with white daughters who went to Russia for a few weeks and returned to divorce their wives. Two of them in my former midwestern school. One was 60 and married a 25 year old and the other was 64 and married 30 year old Russian woman. So it is not unique to China. And whether anyone like it or not, Russians and Poles are white.

  27. It also worked in reverse. Three professors from Mexico at a top US Public Health School where I was a Research Assistant dumped their Mexican wives and children and married white American women.

  28. “It is laughable that stereotypes for both Western and Eastern women say that they are out to seduce men – we can tell that these have been created by men because they think that if a woman smiles at them they are being seduced!”
    May be white men think that way. Most Asian men dont and that is the main criticism of the Asian men. Dont know how it is in China. However, here in the US, the Asians err on the side of caution at least where I work, a huge diverse organization representing over 200 countries from the world and several cultures. You never know when someone accuses you of harrassment. So the principle is most Asian men here dont look for dates at the workplace. In fact, I have had Asian men tell me that unless it involves work not talking to women other than saying hi is the best policy, and not talking to white American women is indeed the best policy of all…a stereotype exists that they will scream sexual harrassment…whether unfair or not.

  29. @David
    There are definayely truth to what you said. But it is mostly related to culture differences. It is hard to manage. People are more guarded.

  30. @Claire. I cannot start my own blog because I have nothing interesting to tell. As a White boy, I just have an excessive compulsive desire for an Asian woman principally from China (though I can accept Japenese,Korean, etc. also) but otherwise I have nothing more to tell. This is the reason why I am spewing drivel on this site, and also because this is in my opinion one of the best sites for this kind of discussion. Does this answer your question? Do you have any interesting story to tell? I am all ears.

  31. @Joe. You wrote that you knew 2 professors who went to Russia and returned to the U.S. to divorce their wives only to marry the younger Russian girl. Can you give me more details? I am interested in knowing the facts or their story (if you know). Thanks, bro.

  32. Sometimes, it isn’t alway about Asian women being “easy”. Some Western women with Asian partners fear that their Asian men will be drawn away by Asian women due to “cultural affinity” (whatever that means).

  33. “Some Western women with Asian partners fear that their Asian men will be drawn away by Asian women due to “cultural affinity” (whatever that means).”

    I know personally a heart broken story of Korean American guy dumping hist white girlfirend and marring a Korean American girl for cultural reason. It can happen both ways.

    Good news here. One of lady who contributed her love story here at Jocelyn blog had engaged to her Chinese boy friend.
    What a beautiful couples.


  34. @Trey

    “And it is TRUE that sometimes Asian women are very aggressive. ”
    Spot on esp in Singapore and M’sia. They are known as Sarong Party Girls or SPGs.


    “It is more acceptable to be “aggressive” when it comes to a foreigner.” Very true. SPGs are reject goods by local standards.


    “I never believed that, and thought that in kitchen or private the Chinese women will be loud and boisterous and whatnot.” Almost all the Chinese women I know are loud in the kitchen. I am not so sure about the private part.

    @ Joe

    “Thus, you have Indians and Pakistanis grooming white girls for sex in the UK.” Read a few articles on this. On a sidenote, it is easier to do such deplorable things to somebody outside your own race when you are misfits.

    @Mr. X

    “You go to work and bust your balls for 70 hours a week” I took to physics whenever I had to burn midnight oil. Not a long term solution. A Hong Kong ID consultant, Gary Chang, told me that to become your own boss is the best way forward in such a culture.

    @ Melanie

    “One is that the temptation to cheat in Asia is strong.” I suspect once you are out of your own social circle, conformation to social norms breaks down far easily. Church, relatives and parents have a bearing in enforcing cultural norms.

    @ David

    “a stereotype exists that they will scream sexual harrassment…whether unfair or not.” In Asian context, where people have to slog 70 hours a week, female co-workers will take long conversations at workplaces to another level of interpretation as well albeit not to that extreme.

    @ Jocelyn

    I enjoy your post. I prefer other photographs you attached elsewhere. This one is a bit depressing as if she had worked for 24 hours non-stop.

    @ Claire

    “we can tell that these have been created by men because they think that if a woman smiles at them they are being seduced!” Some men are just numbskulls esp when they are intoxicated.

  35. hahahhaha I’m back, guys!!!!! I will never ever go to china and marry a chinese woman 2 times younger than me. I’m just too smart for that. It’s a waste of time and money. I just saw a 60 yrs old chinese man today. He used to have a young chinese wife. Today he is divorced and left his sorry old ass with his house.

    We don’t need to blame any men or women here. Asian/Chinese women need something that you have ( money, stability etc) . You can be an old ass 80 yrs old man , they still stick to you like leeches. Being in a committed relationship is hard ,too. You just have a lot of stress over everything and anything. If you’re a married person, you will understand what I’m telling you. Please guys, save the troubles by not cheating with your chinese secretary and young chinese women in china unless your single. First of all, they just want your money. I bet you with all I have . It’s always money related. Do you think you’re that freaking HANDSOME? that they will melt all over you . You think those young chinese women don’t have young men chasing after them. Of course, they are very sweet over there man. Once , they’re over here in the states over 6 yrs later, dig a 6 ft deep hole for yourself and bury yourself and die. My words can be very rough at times but it’s a good shake up for you bunch of naive, old farts. I always hear things like ” Is that your father? or he is soo old. ” This is what I hear from friends of young chinese wives. I don’t even want to say one word if everything is happened out of REAL LOVE ( no matter how big is the age difference) but 90 % of the cases came out unhappy and everything is happened out of money. Educated men sometimes make very dumb decision. If I’m an old man ( 65 yrs old) , I will never go to china to date or marry someone younger than me. I do understand why those old men get young women . It’s because you’re old and you don’t know when you will die and you only live once.


    p.s. don’t waste your time with women 2 times younger than you ( your daughter/son hates her ass anyway)

  36. Jocelyn, very well written. It was great to read. Thank you.

    @Claire – regarding Manny – just stop responding to him. I skip everything he posts. Waste of time to even read. If people stop feeding him he’ll probably get bored and take off.

  37. Jocelyn, this is a good topic. But I hoped you could have taken a more mature and neutral stance. I have spoken from personal experience and saw how it happened with my own eyes. Most expat women in business community share more or less the same sentiment as the woman described in your blog.
    Your husband does not seem to be the type that attract unwanted attention. But if he does for some reason, it will probably make you think twice. We want to ask why people do certain things in a foreign country far away from their own community in a unfamiliar setting. More challenges and pressure strain your relationships. When people are presented easy opportunities, the temptation is too high to resist sometimes. I think those Asian women give themselves up too easily have to take their share of the blame.
    Once a upon a time in America, men got away with cheating far easily too. It changed because women started to put more pressure on them. Asian women have to do the same rather than waiting for those men to change and do not participate in the game.
    In one case, I simply withheld my judgement to blame the married guy. Relationship is complicated sometimes.

  38. @Joe
    Agree with your observation. A devil’s advocate: If all white women were crazy about Asian guys, no body would complain about Asian women. hehe.

  39. When I first read about the er nai and onsen culture in Asia, honestly it did shock me. I mean this isnt the 15th century, and most of the world considers openly cheating as uncivilized. Of course people cheat when there are problems or if the person cheating is a selfish asshole. But still temptation plays a part there too.

    However when I spoke to an asian male colleague of mine he simply said that when men go to these places they should refrain from such behavior. I have also seen occasions where east asian women were hitting on white men/vice versa and it was actually some of my east asian friends who admitted this yellow/white fever thing. So there’s never any smoke without fire. And maybe these women were not as concerned about the “exotic beauty” of the gold diggers, but the fact that there might be quite a few gold diggers out in Asia. Of course the phrasing they use is not the best.

    However, stereotyping of ANY sort is bad because it berates people who may not even display those characteristics! Not all asian women are sluts or white crazy, not all white women are easy, not all indian women are conservative and not all white men are creeps trying to date women half their age. And not all men cheat.

  40. “Spot on esp in Singapore and M’sia. They are known as Sarong Party Girls or SPGs.”
    Not just SPGs. Many Singaporean Chinese women are among the most aggressive when looking for white men, particularly those who have faced racism from white females. One such female worked for me back in 2003…said that white females spat on her while she was in school in Australia and she was going to get an Aussie guy just to spite them. She got one and moved to Perth and now shows off her husband and babies…trophies me thinks.

  41. “Some Western women with Asian partners fear that their Asian men will be drawn away by Asian women due to “cultural affinity” (whatever that means).”
    Actually happens more with Indian men than Asian men. I have heard of Asian men dumping Asian women of other ethnicity. For example, had a Korean guy dump a Taiwanese woman because his parents wanted him to marry Korean. I have heard a Chinese guy forced to drop his half Japanese-half Chinese gf because his parents did not approve of the Japanese part. But, nothing matches Indian men. There are several blogs which complain about Indian men fooling around white women and then dumping them when their parents arrange the marriage with another Indian woman (mostly North Indian men because the white women generally date very light darn near white Indian men. They wont date dark skinned South Indian women…in fact, an US consular officer put the attitude of most white women in India very succinctly…”dark and dirty like Tamilians.” I am afraid many white American women do think along those lines, even many liberal women…well that is life!–felt-dark-dirty-like-tamilians-/831719

  42. The white women who complain are the one know little about Asian women. Ladies here with Chinese husbands have better understanding the situation.

    My girlfriend has a lot of worry every time I visit China because she think Chinese women would be all over me. Thanks sweety, to think so hightly of me;). But that never happens. Instead, most Chinese women are glad to see AM/WF couples and even they encourage us. They want to see more AM/WF also. If men want to cheat or dump you, it is different story.

    People also needs to know Nordic women are most jealous types. My gf is Norwegian American. Her heritage explains a lot.

  43. “My girlfriend has a lot of worry every time I visit China because she think Chinese women would be all over me. Thanks sweety, to think so hightly of me;). But that never happens. Instead, most Chinese women are glad to see AM/WF couples and even they encourage us.”
    Many AW these days only seem to like anyone but AM.

  44. @aiyangxifu
    I agree with the pat on the shoulder thing if you have a western girlfriend. Happened to me too. Most Chinese girls would tell me they were proud someone earned some faces. A lot of women are aware of prejudices. At the same time, you see quite a number of them flocking to white dudes at certain places – go fishing.
    It also happens when someone asked your phone number and hinted she wanted to have fun with you at a party. I certainly did not make any kind of advances. I think the idea must be that you have this girlfriend and you must be wild too.

    I am not bashing our own women. But it happens quite a bit for many to worship anything “white” and “rich”. A white executive womanized at the office in front of my own eyes.

  45. @aiyangxifu
    Tell me where I can wait to get a cute girl to grab my ass. Three minutes of my life wasted. People can be so desperate.

  46. @askdsk,

    “Tell me where I can wait to get a cute girl to grab my ass.” Don’t get me started now buddy. You know I have no boundaries and no limits on what I’m about to say. I won’t say anything this time. I will spare you this time :).

  47. I was talking to my coworkers about this the other day … Im of course not saying all Chinese girls are “easy” but they are tolerant of the idea of a man cheating. They even were surprised when I said that here in China I have seen it more than in other countries, my point was that here a man is proud of his lover and shows her off constantly while in western countries the lovers are “hidden” … they refused to believe me and said that it was normal, that if a man is rich of course he needs a lover. So its all about the money according to them. again im not saying the cheating thing is only in China,its everywhere, I ended my last relationship because he cheated… but even with that bitter experience I keep thinking that the problem in China is way bigger… I blame the tons of unhappy couples who stay together just because being single is not that acceptable after certain age and the “cult of money” culture …
    oh and pls dont think im “hating” nor “disrespecting” chinese girls … Im pointing out a real situation that not even chinese girls are offended about, so why non-chinese ppl should be ok with it too …
    But of course… Ladies if u cannot trust your bf/hubby because he is surrounded by temptation … better get another one, temptation isnt going anywhere no matter which country are u living in.

  48. The girls tolerate because they think they also can gain something. They often do. It gets worse with the new generation. China is the Wild Wild West, one of the most capitalist place on earth with a communist government. Not sure for how long.

  49. A very high 72% of Divorce cases in Malaysia had cited their reasons as being the influx of working women from China who actually DO seduce married men and contribute vastly to the breakup of marriages. It’s not being racist by being aware of reality. We know of several people personally it has happened to. Read up on the Malaysian Governement’s debate and action on this issue.

  50. Once the younger woman get an older man hooked, she will slowly show her true personality. Later on, she will have a lot of things she doesn’t like about you. “oh you’re an old man. You have such such ” old man odor”. What do young women have in common with old men anyway beside providing financial needs and a roof over their head ? Are they attracted to your lifelong experience because you’re older? There is always something that those young women want from you. Let’s talk about hobbies and ways of thinking , you are from different planets already. Unless that old man has a young heart ( personality) and maybe that young woman will stay or else get used to hearing this from her , ” you are an old man”. Your young wife is out shopping for mini skirts while you’re home playing majong lol hehehhehe . You sex drive will go down especially when you reach 60’s while she’s in her 40’s at her prime. Can an old man handle 4 to 5 times a week? Yes, he has to inject himself 1000 cc of testoterone every month just to maintain. Ancient aphrodisiac remedy like tiger and seal penis can’t help you anymore , “old man” . soo funny :).

  51. @Joe
    “Try Russia, Ukraine or Poland. I know happily married professors from the US, married to white women with white daughters who went to Russia for a few weeks and returned to divorce their wives. Two of them in my former midwestern school. One was 60 and married a 25 year old and the other was 64 and married 30 year old Russian woman. So it is not unique to China. And whether anyone like it or not, Russians and Poles are white.”
    I guess this is the mind of a traveler who abroad feels free to do things which he would never do back home. And maybe Eastern Europe might be as exotic as China to an American and race has nothing to do with it. Frankly, Russia and some parts of Ukraine are exotic to me as well and I’m a Pole. But anyway, I lived in Poland for 26 years, mostly my friends are Polish and seriously I’ve never even heard of a story like this (happen to any of my friends or my friend’s friends, I mean). Apparently your professors weren’t married so happily and I think that if they were seduced by young Russian women they could be also seduced by a Mexican, French, Turkish, Chinese or any other girl.

  52. @Barbara
    Legends say Eastern European women trade their beauty for prosperity. About the same stereotypes for Asian women. I am sure it happens sometimes. People want to believe what they want to believe. True everywhere.


    Let us face it. Why does Cindy McCain marry almost eighteen years her senior John McCain? Is Cindy a gold digger? No way! She is way more wealthy than John. It is social class matters. At upper social class, such marriage is quite common. Just think about Chinese presidents Chiang Kai-shek, Sun Yat-sen, who all had McCain style of marriages. If your marriage is class-matched, you are way safer. But at upper class, young ladies never hesitate about what they want no matter the guys of marital status.

    Like wise, if your dates are mostly upper class, you are more likely from upper class. Women are very sensitive about it.

    Just like article indicates, no social system or political change can change your status soon. Conservatives or right-wingers have their points. As my ex gf family had always say so and I was very irritated before. Yes I am still irritated about these depressing findings.

    The world as it will be, not as we want it to be…

  54. @aiyangxifu
    Probably also explain why upper class women also cheat more on average.

    Don’t you destroy my American dream. Class mobility that is.

  55. “As a White boy in love with Asian women, I love the idea that a man can truly be a man in China with the ability to get women after women.”

    It’s sad that in contemporary culture masculinity has been so reduced that it is now equated with sex drive, lust, and debauched behavior. In my opinion, it takes more masculinity (and strength of character) to control your sex drive.

  56. My wealthy Chinese grandfather who had passed away in early 1940s before I was born had 3 wives and my father had 11 brothers and sisters. I don’t like this at all and I’m not proud of my culture. Chinese men who have mistresses are not any better or worse than Western men who have flings with women they meet at bars. I would put more blame on Chinese women because many of them choose to have this kind of lifestyle so they can brag to their friends about how their sugar daddies have bought them Rolex watches and paid for their luxury apartments. I wish they would stop this behavior because it really makes all Asians look bad. We Asian guys have enough stereotypes to deal with. As a Chinese American grew up in California, I don’t want women of other races to think of me as a a cheating husband.

  57. It seems like there are people saying “but temptations IS stronger in China!!” as if that is some kind of an excuse for a married man to cheat… I think Jocelyn’s point was, it doesn’t matter what the temptation is. If you are afraid your husband will cheat then that’s an issue you two have. If a man is not going to cheat on his wife it doesn’t matter where he is or how many young women come on to him. If he will not cheat, then he will not cheat. If he’s liable to cheat, then he will eventually cheat, whether he’s in China or anywhere else. Talking about how there’s “more” temptation in China does what it seems to me like Jocelyn was trying to warn about – it makes Chinese girls seem like sluts, excusing the man (and the probably rocky marriage relationship itself). It doesn’t matter if Chinese men cheat more than Western men (and I’m in no way sure that’s true). It doesn’t matter if some Chinese girls seem more open to cheating (many Western women also try to seduce rich married men). Saying that going to China, in and of itself, will make a man cheat whereas he wouldn’t cheat in America makes it seem like the problem is China, not the morals or responsibility of the man himself.

  58. It has a lot to do with China. Cheating is no where near as rampant in America. It is just easier to point fingers to men because they are the weaker sex in this case. It is also easier to apply western logic into this whole thing. Jocelyn has fought the wrong battle.

  59. Very true on temptations no matter where you go. I see lots of strip bars around town and you don’t see me going in there. Maybe I’m just too occupied with work and the future. Women who seduced married men were the women had no choice in society. These women need to move up in society like having homes, a good life and move away from their dead end life. If these women really believe in true love then they should have married someone like them with the same lifestyle and bank acct. Why be with a man who is twice older than you and think like a dinosaur?

  60. My point is that empowering Asian women can be done through not making men all look like sex animals. How many men can really turn down free sex in reality? I don’t like what I saw either. But I understood why those wives complained. Women needs to be stronger in this case by not to “actively” participating in it. Some certainly played the game. Western women learned these lessons far better in my opinion.
    Another option is to cut off men’ penises.

  61. @askdsk- totally agree with you on this one, Jocelyn has fought the wrong battle on this issue and doesn’t quite realise the reality of the situation in Asia especially with Chinese women. We have known really good, genuine Chinese husbands, family loving guys, who have been taken in by such women. Some of them are very calculating and aggressive in getting what they want. You’d have to see it to believe it.

  62. For us guys who are interested in dating western women, it is good to know her culture operates on a set of protocols. China today often operates on a free will. An independent and outspoken woman is often more loyal.

  63. Of course, it is. But you must live in a different reality. Most female readers here are probably English teachers and liberal feminist.
    Asian culture does not encourage men to cheat so much as it does not punish men who cheat through divorce. Asian women also tend to give cheaters second chances. Otherwise, the divorce rate will explode.
    That is one thing that culture will not want to give up.

  64. @Naomi. You don’t understand. I love Asian women and thus I love the idea that a man can be a real man in China and chase after so many women. I cannot do so in the U.S. especailly in my small town where we have very few Chinese people.

  65. @Miriam. You wrote about 72% divorce rate in Malaysia due to women from China seducing men in Malaysia and recommended that we read about it. Can you tell me where to go to get the information? (What site? etc.).

  66. @ Manny,

    You can be a real man too in America or in your small town or drive to any towns to chase after white or any women ! It’s hard work man. My friend told me that he was juggling 4 to 5 women at one time. Spent lots of money going out and all of them need your attention. Can you handle that? Man only like the feeling of “chasing” women. After they have the women, they kick them to the curb :). Nah you don’t understand what I’m talking about anyway. You’re still a young boy.

    Bruce 🙂

  67. @MyTwoCents
    I do not disdain my own culture entirely. Some of the practices need to go away. But I think how the society works today has brought out the best and worst inside people. People need to realize they have other options. Not inertia. That is why women need to step up their game in Asia. Sometimes people actually don’t have a lot of options. Once you figure that out, it is easy to understand why.
    Looking backwards, I can condemn those descendants of salve owners night and day too. Wrong way of thinking.
    Also, if we choose not to cheat, what do we have to be afraid of?

    You are an asshole.

  68. @ Askdsk, you are not so nice to me. Stop calling me names. Why are you saying that I am an “asshole?” Chasing after several women is a perfectly natural occurrence, the efficacy of which is intended to lead toward a full blown relattionship. Chasing after more than one women is not a bad act as it is part of the screening process. After chasing after so many, I will choose the one who is the best amongst the group. This is the normal process. Do you understand?

    @Bruce. I don’t want to chase after White girls in my town or any other town in America. I want to chase after Chinese girls as they are in my opinion the best, although I will accept Korean, Japanese, etc. But my priority is a Chinese goddess. Yes, I know it will be hardwork but I am prepared for it as I am young and have taken my daily vitamins. The only problem is that in my hometown which is small, there are so few Chinese people that my option is very limited. I am thinking about going to visit Shanghai and/or Beijing next year with my 2 sisters (no parents this time) so that I can chase after as many Chinese goddesses as possible (hopefully my sisters will help me). What do you think about this idea, bro?

  69. @ askdsk. Why are you so nasty to me by calling me an “asshole”? Chasing after a multitude of women is part of the normal screening process, the efficacy of which is to culminate into a fullly committed relationship. Do you understand?

  70. This morning I heard a story my friends brother in law (married with 4 children) has found himself a girlfriend in China (he is also Chinese) he does business in China so he spends a reasonable amount of time here.

    What took me by surprise is that his girlfriend knows he is married with children but doesn’t care; like him she is getting what she wants out of this relationship.

    I understand that if someone is going to cheat they will cheat but what I find hard to swallow is when someone knows but they don’t care, I guess this is more so true in bigger cities.

    So what happens to morals and self respect? Everyone has a choice but it seems as though not many are choosing to walk away.

  71. @Manny
    All right. You ask for it. I will give it to you.

    I am raised by an intelligent and very educated woman. None of these feminist ideals. When a woman knows what she wants, she will just do it and stick to it. You learn to think of woman from your own mother. I saw all these dudes like you go to places for cheap booty calls and think highly about themselves as sign of low self-worth. Most losers in their own country.
    But it is also a class thing. You are a redneck caught in your own logic like many others. Chasing women is like a sport. All these pick-up shit.
    Why do I think Asian women should step up? If we want to do better, easiest way is to improve women’s role. Don’t have to fight with men all the time. It is in everyone’s interests.
    In Asia, you have a higher proportion of uneducated people and only see waves first generation college graduates in China. But nobody should give themselves up so easily, you included.

    You need better role models, understand?

  72. Manny,

    You’re just obsessed like I told you a few weeks ago. askdsk called you that because you’re leading ( misleading) those chinese women on. It means you wanna be a player. That is why in America , Women and men ( whites ,blacks etc) date several people at one time and to Chinese and asian people is very weird. Manny, chinese goddess only like a one woman man. A wife material chinese woman won’t like you dating a dozen of women at one time dude. Same thing I wouldn’t like it if my woman dating lots and different men at once. Sleeping with different people and still see you. I DON’T LIKE TO WEAR SOMEONE’S OLD SHOES!!!!!! I know you some women and men just like to slap each other’s asses and no commitment is involved. Oh so wonderful right? but in real life, all those women want commitment including the wild ones ,too.

    Bruce 🙂

  73. I would say..Yes, I agree there is a problem in the couple / man/ woman…
    But I don’t disagree too much on other points of view, I can understand the feeling somehow. Since I am in China…:
    I have been in situations where I get into a hotel with my couple / father / male-friend while traveling in China and a Chinese girl gives him a card with semi-naked girls for room services, and yes, while I was next to the person…
    I have been to bars, not clubs, where I am with a friend and a girl comes, take a place between us without asking and start to flirt in front of me…
    I have been in the metro with my boyfriend and I have seen girls looking at him and saying hello to him smiling like teenagers, yes, holding my hand,…
    I have met colleagues of my boyfriend that in the first day we met ask me if I could find a white boyfriend for them…
    I have met drivers / mothers that in the first 5 minutes ask me if I could bring a Spanish man because her daughter is single…
    I have worked in a company where Chinese female – colleagues only call / text / organize plans with my male foreign colleagues, and they would never ask me to join the plan, they did never ask their chinese colleagues either,…
    etc, etc, etc

    So even though is not fair when people use it like that woman did, I can see some truth on it !

    I haven never faced any of those points in the other countries where I lived, and if a girl comes to my couple, in the moment he says I am the girlfriend he would say sorry and leave, but not here…

  74. Jocelyn, I got here too late, too many comments. I sampled a few, enough to know that although there are some good ones, too many are of a kind I would not appreciate. Let me just add that this is by far the best and most powerful piece of your writing that I have ever seen.

  75. Bar? China bars ..
    @Why do you go to the bar
    Chinese young people like to go to Internet cafes
    Bar are some perverted
    …….So In Shanghai
    I saw some Chinese women
    nausea Shanghai Little man

  76. I would of course not blame Asian women, but when prostitution is everywhere and it isn’t uncommon for business deals to take place in a KTV, where men go with their coworkers or clients to places which offer certain ‘services’ and you can’t be in a hotel with your white boyfriend / husband without prostitutes calling on the phone offering their services – I don’t think you can argue the fact that there are more chances and opportunities in China. China doesn’t *make* a man cheat, but I bet the husband will get way more attention than he ever imagined and it takes a very good man to ignore that.

  77. I would agree with some people here too Jocelyn. I think what you mentioned only represents one side of the issue. I have several east asian female friends and while they are aggressive I know they would never stoop so low as to snag a married man. They are independent, self respecting women and not the low self esteem (pardon my language) sluts who think the only way they can have a half decent like is by sleeping around. So I will still say that an entire race should not be characterized by the bad apples, even if the % of bad apples is high.

    However, even I have heard from MANY people about these young, desperate migrant chinese ladies who go to SE Asia and steal husbands. A friend of mine, Singaporean, and ethnically chinese would have such a bad reaction to ANY mainland woman, because she said in SG it happens a lot that these ridiculous women steal husbands. And they do it knowing full well that the men are married. I think the worst is the society that lets such people live as if nothing happened. I do believe cheaters should be ostracized. Because that discourages the behavior. There was also a story about HK businessmen working in China and finding er nai’s there and how the HK govt found an ingenious solution to that problem.

    I agree with you that not all women are gold diggers. But I think the phenomenon you mentioned is sightly more complex than just spouses cheating. A friend of my bf recently had her husband cheat on her, and she is chinese. She forgave him and now they are having their first child! The idea is a bit mind boggling to me, as it is well known how horrible cheating parents can be for a kid’s emotional well being.

    I do think that in the end it boils down to the individual, but being a social scientist myself, I find it hard to believe that social factors (like young women looking to manipulate married men, a society that teaches women to accept that their husbands cheat etc) has no impact on these things. At the least, it can tip the balance for those men who are walking the thin line.

  78. “You can be a real man too in America or in your small town or drive to any towns to chase after white or any women ! ”

    Absolutely right! Something an Asian-American cannot do in many parts of the country!

  79. strange article for me as for slavic woman! im sure there is no worry for white western women…we are the most beautifull and atractive than….:)

  80. @irina.. err maybe there was a typo coz what you said makes no sense. Also very highly attractive women also get cheated on. Quite a lot actually. And even “white women who are the most attractive” age…

  81. If you think you are a gorgeous/beautiful white woman and your man won’t cheat on you, then you’re dead wrong. Once the man is your bf/husband, he is used to your present. Your man will think other women and other men’s women are more beautiful. Go ask around to prove my point. You can’t use the picture on top to prove anything. Have you seen beautiful chinese women before? I guess not. I have seen a few. beautiful man!!! You people got it all wrong. A woman doesn’t have to be the prettiest to be tempting!! Her slutty looks, he slutty talks, her vulnerable looks, the sexy,slutty walk and they touch you everywhere like in the most sensitive areas sending goosebumps up your penis. Men are attracted to these kinds of things in women. You can be beautiful but being slutty is more powerful :). Yes, your best friend steals your husband too if she knows that you have millions. I know a case here ,too.


    My advice for you is to move to NY or Los Angeles or SF. I think you like the feeding frenzy in China. 600 millions women drooling all over you :). I know you want to learn from us on how to chase chinese women and use those techniques in China.

  82. @Bruce,
    Is very difficult for me to understand your marriage, when I read you I just think…. ” No way”. But well, there is everything in this life.

  83. @Manny,

    There are alot of cougars and maybe a few grandmas who will love you in China. Those women will love your young , tender ass. You will age 10 times over a yr in China. Just look like vampire all dried up without teeth. No more sucking …….blah blah blah . why? no teeth 🙂

    I’ve realized something very important here that it doesn’t matter what types or nationalities of the women you are marrying to, you just don’t see them different anymore when you spend your life with them. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WILL NEVER EVER CHEAT ON MY WIFE NO MATTER MY SECRETARY/WAITRESS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD. Her good heart is 5 times bigger than 5 women combined. Not even a rich sugar mommy can lure this young ( 40’s yr old) man away lol 🙂 hahahaahhahah . I love it !!! Back to work.


  84. Laura,

    My wife and I love to joke around so we do have the same personalities. We are not your typical jealous types. Very family oriented but we do like company from families. We understand everything about us so it doesn’t matter what I say in person or here. Yes, it’s very hard to read me. I’m very unpredictible. Everything comes down to TRUST. You will understand soon once you’re married dear. Don’t try to read my personality because I won’t take you or anybody/anything serious. I only want to remember,do and talk about HAPPY events, future, and things. See see see I’m smiling —-> 🙂


  85. @askdsk. Thanks for your response and your lesson on life. You have certainly opened my perspective on things. You see? You need not call me “an asshole” but you just had to explain to me how my views were out of line with reality. You wrote that you are rasied by an intelligent woman and by an educated woman. Certainly an educated man or woman would not use such words in his or her vocabulary. Right? Since you have educated me on why are the things in China the way they are, I thank you. As you can see, I know very little about China and am still learning. Once I get myself a Chinese goddess as a girlfriend and I hope to get one soon, then I can tell you whether a Chinese girl lives up to the hype that my fellow White boys have been telling me. In the meantime, I thank you, bro for your help.

  86. @ Bruce. Yes, I agree with you that I have an obsession with Chinese women. Maybe you are right that it is all hype and once I have a Chinese goddess as a girlfriend, I could discover that Chinese women are simply like everyone else and nothing special. It may even be deflating in the end. For example, I knew an Asian (Filipino) man who had “White fever” as he loved White girls. His story is as follows:
    When he was a young boy in the Phillipines, he started to have a desire for White American girls after seeing so many beautiful White girls in the movies. During his early teens, he saw some Western White tourists in the Phillipines and found them to be so beautiful espeically the females. Then he also saw some porn movies with White girls as performers and then he determined that White girls were for him. So, when his family finally received a permanent resident visa to move to the U.S., it opened his opportunities to chase White girls. In the college where we met, we became friends and he told me that after having several relationships with White girls, he found that they were no different than other types of girls. In the end, he lost is “White fever” and now he has a Filipina girlfriend. He does not have an obession for White girls any longer. He said that he is cured of the “White fever.” He said that he can date girls of any color, race, creed etc. He told me that my “Yellow fever” will simply go away once I have a Chinese goddess and will likely find her to be no different than any other types of women.

    I guess I will find out once I have a Chinese girlfriend whether my “Yellow fever” will go away or stay.

  87. @Laura. I loved those short stories about how the Western men in China are so easily able to get the Chinese women’s attention. Can you tell more stories with more details please? I want to hear more of those stories as I (who is White boy) want to visit Shanghai and/or Beijing in the next year or two, and I love Chinese women. Thanks.

  88. No easier than any other women in the world. You will find ‘easy’ and not-so-easy girls all over the world. China is no
    For example check out American women when some guy comes along with a swarthy frog accent or aussie tongue.
    Though, from a personal standpoint, the average Chinese girl is easier on the eye than just about any other nationality I
    have known.

  89. I would say easy to meet. The women are friendly. Easy to bed maybe not with the right kind of woman. The GF I dated and
    write to now is not easy.
    I sometimes wonder if she is smart enough to play the hard to get game.
    At first we would go out for dinner and drinks. We would go to restaurant and she would say she ate at home, after doing
    this a few times I went hungry rather than eat in front of her.
    When we went for a drink, her GF joined us. They each nursed one beer all night. I never saw any gold digging tendencies.
    I know she doesn’t make much money and it is slow for her work now. Someone stold her phone and I offered to buy her a new
    iphone 4. I can buy them cheaper here than in China. She refused the phone. I’m impressed.
    Are they easy , no. Maybe the gold diggers are. But this is the same in any country

  90. depends on which city your’re in and whether your black/ white rich/poor or which country your from. gz and shenzhen were
    easy for me, hohhot and nachang are difficult.
    So This might be breaking news to some foreigners, but non-expat bar Chinese girls are a whole lot different and a whole lot
    less easier than those that frequent them
    What I’m trying to say is —
    yeah, Chinese girls can be pretty tough, if you’re looking for a legit girlfriend.

  91. Why do some Russian women can find Chinese boyfriend? Can you speak Chinese?
    You Like to go to a bar? NO
    I have 4 friends
    Their girl friends are foreigners
    2 Russian a Ukraine a Romania

    Working in a China Company
    No white male

  92. @David
    Chinese men in China are actually more disappointing when it comes to cheating, especially the ones with power and money irregardless of education level. That society is in serious moral decline.
    Manny at least reacts when I swear. When people do things with little remorse, go figure.

  93. Hi,
    I just wanted to add my share to this big story. Of course if a man cheats on his women he is too blame for it… but I can not quite blame the women at the reading being kind of “happy”.
    While my boyfriend worked in China the following conversation happened not only once:
    “Do you have a girlfriend?” – “Yes” – “What is she doing?” – “she is studying in Japan” – “Do you want a Chinese girlfriend? I could introduce you!”
    Of course my boyfriend always told them of and I would not be scared for a moment. But still it seems strange to me… why would those colleagues suggest something like that? And some even contered why he didn’t want to have a Chinese girlfriend instead of. Is it some kind of joke or do they really mean it? I do not know much about Chinese culture and I’m not scared of anyone “stealing” my boyfriend, but I would like to know what to think about it. Any suggestions?

  94. My opinion on this: China is a temping place, when we talk about big cities.
    Somehow, the tradition value system diminished, and “private secretory” becomes an acceptable term.
    I don’t think the purpose is to steal boyfriend or busband, but getting something out of it.

  95. I don’t understand why you men are soo damn stupid on wanting to have a chinese gf in china . You know that she wants something from you like a condo, monetary support every month and get cheated $$$ hundred of thousands dollars . You men are nothing but a cash cow for the killing for those women. There are some honest incidents but what is the chance that will happen? I don’t want to say the next comment although it’s extremely important but I still don’t want to teach you guys too much. I must learn how to be a little bit selfish.

  96. Ah don’t be too harsh on Chinese girls as in the one from the mainland. I know many who are not like that. There are a fair share of decent ones too. It’s just that foreigners tend to attract the wrong types, and the clueless men are just oblivious to it.

  97. @SBC. Thanks for the article about having a mistress in China. I was very happy to read that a man can be a real man in China by taking on one or more concubines. I truly must admit that the Chinese men sure knows how to party and have fun. In the U.S. where I live, a man does not have the freedom to do such things. Now I am inspired even more to go to China again one day to have more fun. But first I must save up more money before I can do so. I love the idea of having more than one Chinese goddess at my disposal.

  98. He is getting the wrong idea here. Manny, those chinese men from HK and Taiwan who have mistresses in China live a double life. always hiding secrets from wives. Now you get it?? Not in the open (freedom) like you think.

  99. Manny

    For a 27 year old you sound like an over excited teenager still in puberty waiting/anticipating his first kiss or sexual experience; you are a man so you need to act like one. Even a “Chinese goddess” as you so call them will only put up with so much immaturity from a man.

    A woman no matter where she is from wants’ a man; not an overzealous immature boy whose pretending to be a man.

  100. @Mira and @ Bruce. I agree that I am a little too exicted when it comes to having a Chinese goddess as a girlfriend. But rest assured in front of her I will be on my best behavior to win her over. Once I win her over, then I can calm down and let our relationship blossom. Thanks to you all for the many good advice.

  101. @Manny: The idea of that article is actually that men who cheat are NOT real men, and do not deserve even one woman, let alone a goddess… :-/.

  102. @SBC. What! I did not know that the article in question was not real. I am saddened to read that someone would write a false article and circulate it on the internet while purporting to be based on truth and not fiction. I am glad to know that Chinese men do not cheat in general although the idea sounds appealing and exciting to me.

  103. Manny,

    Let me get everything cleared for you. THIS ARTICLE IS REAL AND IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT THIS SECOND. I know a Chinese man who has a mistress in China with 2 kids and his wife knew it over 20 plus yrs ago. They fought alot then over the other family in China. If you trust me ( I know it’s internet), believe me it’s real. Lots of people told me over and over again that there are such places in China where mistresses live. SOME mistresses have bfs on the side ,too ( very true). There was a mayor in China who had 30 plus mistresses for every city and he lost count. He was rich and mistresses only want money so those women obey and listen to him or else they would kick him to the curb already. Decades ago in China , Vietnam, Taiwan and other asian countries , It’s legal to have multiple wives from 2 to 7 wives if the oldest wife allows the husband .You must be very rich in order to have more mistresses or wives. No money ,no mistresses/wives. Why so many freaking wives you might ask? Well, if the husband went out to fool around then he would give all the wealth and money to other women so the smartest way was to have more wives within the family then money was maintain inside the family. China has a very long history regarding mistresses, multiple wives situation and hookers. I think once more chinese women get more education and make more money then these issues I’ve talked about will lessen. Manny, just be natural okay. You don’t have to micmic chinese man. Either you got or you don’t because it’s very hard to pretend to be a nice or a bad person long term. You true personality will reveal and people will notice so no need to micmic anybody. Be yourself and show her your true qualities like caring,nice,kind,supportive, hardworking (can’t prepare), etc etc etc.

    Yes, most men cheat regardless of race. Look at all the U.S. presidential candidates like John Edwards, JFK, etc and more… All of them had mistresses. You can search for yourself to see if I’m lying. I have alot of knowledge ,it is that I don’t want to tell you guys. I can be serious with you guys if I want to but I don’t want to anyway. Life is too short that’s why.

    Bruce 🙂

  104. Btw, if you feel like you’ll cheat again and again in the future , please don’t think about relationships or marriage. Why ? You will save lots of headache and pain and you won’t hurt another woman’s heart and love. Your best option will be friends with benefits, strip clubs, visiting hookers for life and knock yourself out with xxx porno movies. This is my best advice for cheaters.

  105. @Bruce. Wow! Once again, bro, you have come through for me by being so informative. I initially thought that the article that Mr. SBC cited to was real and then he immediately recanted by saying it is not real; now you say that it is real. You supported your argument with your personal knowledge. I now believe that it is real that Chinese men do cheat by having so many wives and mistresses. I love the idea that a man can be a real man in China by having so many girls at his disposal, but as you stated, having multiple flings is not conducive to a strong and well-found relationship with a Chinese goddess. I just want my dream of having a beautiful Chinese goddess fulfilled and to see if what my fellow White boys said are indeed true or simply hype. Your advice on how to treat the Chinese goddess is sound and solid. I will try to emulate the good aspects of Chinese men (eg. kind treatment) and exclude those which are bad (eg. cheating etc.). I will follow your advice by being as natural as possible but I am thoroughly excited knowing that my sister Pamela will bring me a Chinese goddess this weekend. I cannot sleep at night as I am dreaming and drooling over this Chinese goddess already. I saw her photo (face only but no body shot) on my sister Pam’s cell phone and even spoke to her via phone several times. She sounds like a White girl telephonically from the Westcoast as she has not a trace of a Chinese accent. She appears to be quite Americanized. She is pretty. My sister Pam said that she is slim and slender with no hair on the arms or legs. She is just the way I imagined her to be: a super beautiful sexy Chinese goddess. Now, I cannot wait to meet her and sit close to her at the dinner table. Maybe I will even play “footsie” with her under the table. What do you think bro? Any more advice? I appreciate it. Take care, bro.

  106. @Bruce. Wow! Thanks, bro. You have come through for me again by showing me that the article cited by SBC is real. You are truly a good friend on this site. Your account sounds so real as you provided details. Thanks once again for the education.
    I will follow your advice when I see my Chinese goddess (Kate) this weekend. My sister Pamela is friends with her and Pamela will bring her for the weekend to stay in our house. I will try to follow the good aspects of Chinese men (eg. kindness, offer food, etc.) while excluding the bad actions (eg. cheating, spitting, picking the nose, etc.). I know that having so many flings with so many girls is not a good thing but the idea that a man can be real man by having so many girls is appealing. My sister Pamela showed me her (Kate’s) photo on my sister’s cell phone. I must say that she is pretty (head shot only). I have yet to see her body. My sister said that this Chinese girl Kate is super slender and she naturally has no hair on the arms or legs. Pamela told me this fact as she observed it when she and the other girls including Kate were showering together in the gym in their school. I spoke to her several times on the phone and she sounds like a White girl (ie. not a trace of a Chinese accent) as she was born and raised in the U.S. I am so exicted that I am having trouble sleeping as the weekend comes closer and closer. I will ensure to sit very close to her at the dinner table; maybe I will try to even play “footsie” with her if the opportunity arises. Any other advice? Thanks once again for all your help, my bro. You are truly one of the greatest Chinese men I know and I don’t know very many.

  107. @ Manny,
    As Bruce explained to you, this article is real, Jocelyn is working very hard in articles of the interest of everyone, real stories of her life, or life of others who contact her, experiences,..etc. Every post opens discussions which are really interesting.
    But if I were Jocelyn and I write this informative articles and people get such a wrong idea of what I mean I would fee really dissapointed, and I would think that maybe the way I write attracts the wrong audience or gives the wrong image of China. I am pretty sure we can all help you to understand what’s the idea behind the posts before there’s any missunderstanding.
    Please don’t thing that cheating (telling lies…) is acceptable in any country, it is not something about the country, is about the person him/herself, even if the person accepts your lies at the beginning, it doesn’t mean you will be so lucky in the long term, it doesn’t mean she will stay by you, same with friends, if you lie, finally they will leave you alone, well, with your lies..!

  108. My credibility is higher than you think dude ( Manny) :). Still want to follow my footsteps to be a “sitfu” hahahah 🙂 LOL. Playing footsie under the table? Sound kinda childish but once you know her why not.. I don’t know her personality so I don’t know man. It’s all about personality . If you know a person a little bit longer it’s okay playing footsie, holding hands or even slapping butts but now it’s too early. I have a feeling you might scare her off or any women man. Something like playing footsie and sneak in your sister room… save that for weeks later once she likes you and you like her. How can you do all of that when she doesn’t like you? Seriously, you don’t have to do anything once you hit it off. This is not High School dude. She might have no chinese accents but maybe she can speaks more than 2 languages. Can’t sleep? knock yourself out with a rubber hammer, save an aspirin! Within 6 months, you will know if things will work out.

  109. I want to go off topic a little bit here. I know some of you feel that I as a chinese man shouldn’t help Manny because he is white . Most of you feel that since wmaw couples are way higher than amww that why help more white men pick up more asian women? There is a reason why asian men aren’t picking up white women. We just don’t freaking ask white women or any women to go out that’s all. I used to ask a friend’s friend (white) out for dinner and she didn’t reject me at all. It’s not that hard. If she rejected me, that was fine too. Of course, you will get rejections from time to time. Even white men get rejections ,too. I just like to help people regardless of race period. If I help you to pick up an asian woman, I’m sure you(white man) will help me pick up a white,black,latin woman for sure in return. I always feel that if you do good things to others , others will do good things for you and more. It’s true and it’s happening right now to me. If other men from other races don’t know about you as an asian/chinese man , how do they hook you up anyway. They know NOTHING (NADA! yes I’m speaking esponal !) Life is never fair and there will always be inbalance in finance or IR couples. I help my white neighbors all the time and I ask nothing in return. When I need help, they help me too. Please don’t be afraid to help anybody in need of help! Asian women can decide who they want to date and they are doing so right this second while you’re reading my comments. Asian women are not dumb, naive or weak. They know what they’re doing . We are the dumb ones to be honest. We just don’t open up to other races that’s all like other men will STEAL ALL OUR WOMEN. I’m surrounded by so many of my Chinese friends and god brothers who never have problems meeting women. Maybe our personalities are magnetic to women or something .. or maybe our group is lucky.. I don’t know how to answer that.

    p.s. don’t be afraid other men will steal all of our asian/chinese women, there is plenty of women to go around earth 1.5 times. Ok chicken s… people are afraid hahahahahhahaha 🙂

  110. Bruce, helping or not helping Manny has nothing to do with him being white. I don’t think you should help him because, from the few posts I’ve read, he seems to have utterly no respect for any woman as a human being. Women are goddesses for sex for him. Particularly, for some reason, Chinese women. I don’t think anyone should help him because if you think about it, would you want him to treat your own sister/daughter/whoever as simply an object for him to catch and sleep with? Then why help him do this to any woman? He needs to be ignored.

    The other option is that he’s just an annoying troll/spammer, which is what I actually think he is. I don’t buy any of what he says as reality. I think one of his first posts that I read mentioned him not being able to find any place on the internet talking about how white guys can pick up Chinese girls. So, he’s either never heard of google or he’s a spammer. But if you do actually take him to be telling the truth about himself, why would you ever want to help him date any woman? No woman deserves someone like him.

  111. Sara,

    Okay let’s make Manny post 5 pictures of himself here to prove he is not a troll/spammer. Chinese culture is very complex so talking on here won’t help him much. He needs at least 3 to 5 yrs just by interacting with Chinese. Okay let’s do some analyzing here. He is 27 or maybe 19 or 37. Slept with lots of women already and now moving to a different playing field. He must prove himself innocent.


    You need to prove to everybody here that you need help with good faith . I’m not teaching you to be a player or a future serial rapist man. If you’re not who you are, your best spots in asia will be Thailand and hooker houses in China.

  112. @Sara. You misunderstood my first post. I wrote that I cannot find a site which gives so much information about learning the cultural hurdles for a White man to get a Chinese woman. Jocelyn’s site is very good by giving cultural information so that even a White boy like myself can use to get a Chinese woman, even though her site is dedicated to Western women and Chinese men. I did not say that in the internet that I cannot find a single site for a White man to pick up a Chinese girl. Those other sites simply ask the man to register and then pay some money to start the process. None of those other sites provided any meaninful information for me, whereas Jocelyn’s site does give such information. And also, I get a lot of free advice from Bruce and from others and may be I can get some free good info. from you too. I would appreciate it if you did not vilify me as I am trying to get a Chinese goddess for a strong and healthy relationship. I do not have to prove my innocence or anything to anyone as I am simply trying to learn and have have some fun. I just simply am working towards finding a good Chinese woman to start a relationship with and then see where it takes us. Now, if you have any information or advice to give me to help me attain this goal, I would kindly appreciate it and please do not vilify me.

    @Bruce. You are, once again, a good brother by giving me so much information which I will apply this weekend. When I meet Kate this weekend, I will for certain be calm, cool and collected and will be kind and gentle. It does not mean that I cannot have a fantasy about a Chinese goddess and I am trying to be honest to you all. I am certain that you and Sara as well as others have fantasies too but did not disclose them for fear that others may adjudge them to be evil. Now that I am being honest by disclosing my wishes and fantasies, I am condemned. Perhaps I should have been less candid from the beginning by being more prudish when asking for information. I guess from now on I will be more prudish and more dignified and perhaps not use the words “Chinese goddess” but “Chinese lady” instead. Bruce, my bro, thanks for all the help and I value your advice as I sitll think that you are one of the best Chinese men of all times by offering free advice. I will let you know how this weekend goes with Kate. Keep you fingers crossed and wish me well.

  113. The problem is reciprocity. Ask yourselves whether an Asian man or even Asian American man can do the same thing that Manny did in HKG with Chinese women, in Athens, GA or Tuscaloosa, AL and get out alive. Problem as far as I know is people asking for a one way street, whether it is related to work abroad or trying to pick up women.

  114. CVAGUY,

    I have all kinds of hearts. Teenage heart, matured heart, old heart, kind heart included. Yes, I like Heavy Metal :).I like other heavy metal singers ,too. I know 5 people that have teenage heart who are in their late 30’s ,40’s and 50’s . Because we like to talk, smile and forget nonsense stuff in our lives. We don’t like to hang out with negative people and we stay away from them. We all like to be positive and do any activities that are positive. I built a nice garden just to have more good friends and families to get together.


    Do you think Athens, GA and Tuscaloosa, AL are still the same the last time you’ve visited? Don’t worry too much okay I will go to those places with you. I wil bring my .45 colt 1911 and a semi automatic assault rifle. If we can’t win, we will lure them in a corner and suicide with them. Don’t worry I have intensive firearm training. David, I used to be scared of many things in life but now I’m FEARLESS. My heart always want to be an honest, obeying citizen ;however, I’m not afraid of someone giving me a hard time or someone who will hurt my family members.Don’t let others feed on your fear. Any nice guys can be voilent including myself. With my personality , I think I can be more deadly than those people you mention in GA and AL. Like those old people say ” if they don’t mess with you , you don’t mess with them”. I don’t like weapons or voilence but when time comes, you just have to know how to use them. Let’s move forward to another happier subject ,shall we? Be happy, don’t worry too much.

  115. Life should be entertaining!!!!!!! Hating someone takes alot of your energy and health. We don’t get paid by winning over any arguments. Reaching 65 is not far away. Does yr 2012 seem fast to you? Look in the mirror sometimes and pull some skin from your biceps . Is the skin loose? Time flies my friend!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re not 18 yrs old anymore. I LOVE IT! 🙂 HAHHAHAHA listen to this wise one here, don’t argue anymore !

    Bruce 🙂

  116. “With my personality , I think I can be more deadly than those people you mention in GA and AL. Like those old people say ” if they don’t mess with you , you don’t mess with them”. ”
    The only problem is the courts, prosecutors and justices elected by local racists will side with them against you!

  117. You have to know that some small towns will never change. Just too country man. In parts of china are country ,too. People just don’t change over there.

  118. @Manny,

    Helllo??? Are you here? LOL :). Still excited or your excitement dies? Yes , it’s a hype only right? I’m so happy for you.


  119. “You have to know that some small towns will never change. Just too country man. In parts of china are country ,too. People just don’t change over there.”
    The only difference is the small town white guy will make a run for the Chinese woman in big cities in China while a small town Chinese guy is afraid of making a run at the white woman in Atlanta, GA or New Orleans, LA or for that matter the real LA, and with some good reasons. No reciprocity!

  120. @Bruce. Hey bro, I am still here. These past few days were not good for me and my family due to the tropical storm Sandy which affect many southern states including mine in the Carolina regions and the East Coast. Thus, we had to take shelter and were without power for awhile. Luckily we did not bear the brunt ofthe storm. My sister Pamela and my future Chinese love goddess Kate both had to cancel their visit to my home town. DARN! It seems that the good Lord does not want to me to be with a Chinese goddess for some reason. The plan has been postponed indefinitely until things are back in order. In the meantime, I thank you for all your help. Sorry for not writing for a long time. Take care for now.

  121. @Manny,

    Take care of yourself and your familes! Patience is golden. Good things always come last! This is from my experience!!!

  122. @David,

    Don’t worry about reciprocity. Do you know that your life is going to be very stressful if you always think about getting something in return? I’ve trained my mind and body to not ask anything in return unless it’s related to my profession.

  123. @Bruce.

    Would let it go if it was only romance, but it creeps into other areas like foreigners working in the country. For instance, white Aussies love to work in Asia on fat salaries, but dont like Asians working in their countries. Ditto for Singaporeans, and the worst culprits, the white Brits. You give them a yard, they take a mile. Agreed Americans are different in this regard.

  124. David,

    British people want everything. Look at all the nations they’ve occupied. I told you guys you have to build military stronger so no nations will mess with you. Nobody talks about heart anymore. If you’re weak, you will be looked down upon and be controlled. See when you’re weak as a country you will have attitude like this toward you. Now you understand what I’m trying to say?

  125. @askdsk,
    Interesting article, interesting that the woman says that prostitution is a step up and that she thinks is better than washing dishes.
    I guess she sees she is offering a service people appreciate more than cleanliness, that makes me think..!
    I thought they do more money, but 5,000rmb/month for selling your body to an unknown in dirty places, and risking your health / face…is not worth enough..!


  126. @askdsk,
    I know whats the purpose, I dont think is about hardcore femenist, is more about people who fighted many years for women rights.
    In my country prostitutes got many rights in the last years, and I am really glad they did, we all fighted for that, like a card that allows them to get the health service the rest have, so is an approved profession, and for the safety of everyone they have the same health system with their card.
    But saying that being against that is for hardcore femenist..I would say hardcore femenist are those women who fight for same rights but then want to have %s of minimum of women in top positions(finally they put women here even if they have no skills), or those who fight for women rights in terms of safety at home(husbands who dont respect them) but they dont admit there is another situation and is women who dont respect their men..

    I would say people who are against prostitution in this case are people who think in China there are many other jobs you can get, in this country there are many jobs out there, and better paid.
    Also people who think sex is not something you should trade, but exchange when you want / not for money.

    In some western countries, prostitution is not an option, people who cant get any job, do that, also people who are addicted to sex.
    But in China, look at the unemployment rate, there are so many kind of jobs that we don’t have in western countries, that prostitution is something women choose against other positions(washing dishes) that they consider are not good enough.

    Well something that I agree that they exist, they have rights, they must be legalized and while being prostitutes they have something they cant have while cleaning dishes, and is the dream of finding a man who can afford them and maybe..change their lives.

  127. @Laura
    That activist in article is not a hardcore feminist. There is more than one way to fight for someone’s rights.
    China has more menial jobs and no social safe net. You have social welfare and higher living costs.

  128. @askdsk,

    I know, you mentioned it in your comment. I refer to “those hardcore femenist that dont approve this”.
    And I also know China has no kind of benefits are they going to get?


  129. @Laura
    I think you get small amount of money each month depending on living expenses in your area. The amount you get might not be able to cover food. I am not sure if people in rural area can even qualify. Not much else as far as I know. People used to depend on their kids and savings, not the government. With the aging population and birth rate decline, your kids won’t help in the future. China can’t solve this problem through immigration seen in US and Western Europe. Social program costs too much for government to be in debt. Chinese government does not run a high deficit (surplus each year).

  130. Most asian countries don’t have welfare system and I hope we have that kind of system in America. Welfare is only for temporary help ,not for 20 yrs you know. People like to abuse the system .

  131. @Bruce
    Singaporeans are catching up to the Brits at least on the immigration front wanting a one way street although in all fairness to them they never colonized other people and the Chinese Singaproeans did not impose apartheid like their white counterparts did in South Africa. However, although Singapore Chinese women are not submissive as many westerners think and they aggressively hunt for white men both in Singapore and abroad (perhaps not the US South), I very much doubt the men will be foolish enough to go abroad, particularly the US South and try to pick up white women. Actually I know some Singapore Chinese men have a defense mechanism for white Australian females: assume all of them are racists and then things will get better from there.

  132. @Bruce and @ David. Based on the discussions between you two, it sounds as though Austrialians are somewhate racist. Is this true from your experiece? Here in the the U.S. southern States where I live, there used to be a lot of prejudice (slavery and later racial segregation, lynching, name calling etc.) mainly directed against African-Americans, but now things have changed a lot for the better. Do you think Australians are prejudice against Asians? Are Australian men prejudice against those beautiful Chinese goddesses? If so, they are such fools because in my opinion, those Chinese goddesses are so darn hot that they make me salivate.

  133. Some chinese goddesses can be very hot but some are hard to get along. Hotness doesn’t mean she’s tamed like a wild pony. Right now as I get older, I find that personality is still on top of my list. Of course, you don’t want someone that you’re not attracted to either. With really hot women, you have to be better than whatever she does. YOu have to be charismatic and exceed her expectations. I’m serious here. Hot women don’t want a piece of log as a soulmate. Believe me hot women are not like your average Jane. They need lots of attention and you have to talk them to death. First of all, you need to learn the “ART OF ARGUING”. You must win on your first argument and later make it up with her. Challenge her knowledge in every categories from A – Z. Once , she admires you, she will be hooked just for now. In the future, she will bring up many things to stir up an argument. You can sit still and all of a sudden you’re arguing over something for NOTHING. Life is short, please don’t argue. It’s not worth it. Philosophy is what I like in life.

  134. @Bruce. Wow! You again enlightened me with so much knowlege that it is actually empowering me. Once I secure Kate as my girlfried, I will be certain to apply all of your teachings, master. You are truly one of the greatest Chinese men I know and I don’t know any Chinese men. You are the greatest.

  135. Honestly I mostly blame guys to… It’s them who chose to cheat.

    A conversation overheard by my husband: the expats did not think that my husband and his friend could understand them, they were talking about there sexual encounters in Shanghai and how easy it was… And most of them were married, some with children.

    Like they just would go to a bar, a hop it would happen without having to buy the girl a drink or something like that.
    I don’t know if it all actually happened, maybe they were just faking it.

    Anyway what I find actually disturbing: they would have this kind of conversation in public (i.e, canteen next to other colleagues) and they were proud of it….

    Also my husband and I, know a lot of male expats who chose to stay true to their wife. And I am sure that other the years, in some way they migh had had an opportunity or create one.
    They just chose not to cheat. So it is totally possible to work in China and not having a mistress^^.

  136. Perhaps this has been said before, perhaps not. Of course when a betrayal occurs or a marriage break up happens the fault lies mainly with the person who has left or broken the trust. But being in Asia (or backward and poor parts of Europe) puts an added risk and strain on any relationship.

    A couple leave their country in which both parties are equal, both in each others eyes and those of their fellow country men. They leave because the husband, who perhaps earns more, has a magnificent career opportunity which will mean not only a greater income whilst he works but also a better pension. Indeed it is a great adventure for both of them and gives them high hopes for their retirement.

    Upon arrival in this new land, or rather old land, called China the man finds himself very very busy. His wife is left to do all of the settling in and leg work. He is surrounded by women who treat him like a king, act like children and laugh at all of his jokes. They flirt with him even in front of his wife, their route to money is via this man and do not are whether his wife is hurt in the process. Within weeks of getting to China he receives poetry and messages via text from numerous women. He and his wife laugh at the sheer gaul of these women, they laugh about how desperate these women are. They’re embarrassed when they go out to dinner that noone even looks at the wife and everyone focusses upon him, serving him ONLY and giving him his order first.

    The years roll on and before you know it the man begins to believe the hype, he thinks is a King. The King of England, a man of the world, a gift to Chinese women. The desperate ones, the poor/mids, NEVER the rich flock around him, giggle and tell him that he is great. His wife in the mean time is bored, watching other ex pats come and go (those that don’t stay long leave with their husbands) whilst they restart friendships again and again. Learning more to loathe about the country, that the countrymen don’t seem to understand to be wrong. The forced abortions, the censorship, the misinformation about China and it’s place in history. The husband has gone full circle from loathing, frustration of the ‘lying’ or ‘saving face’ as the locals call it, to the slow and backward way of working. All these new processes he has taken years to teach, now he quite likes the Chinese. They are no longer the ‘flithy peasants who don’t wash’, the ‘stupid people who don’t understand instructions’ the ‘intellectually challenged who don’t know their own history’ are ‘weird about medicine’. He now thinks they are innocent and demure, he has forgotten the transparent tricks that he first recognised as showed to any westerner by a woman desperately trying to leave her sorry life.

    He and his wife are having difficulty, she is desperate to leave China, he knows once he leaves he will not be as adored at home. He will be treated as an equal. He couldn’t have an affair with a woman 15 years his junior at home, noone would be interested.

    Perhaps we blame Chinese men and how they treat women, perhaps we blame a government that still condones the killing of fetuses and baby girls, one where a society turns a blind eye to human cruelty, where life is cheap so any ticket out is worth it. Perhaps we blame the entitled western men who practically marry these women in the trade of economics, like a prostitute only longer term. We blame capitalism, the patriarchy.

    I am sure these men thank this inequality in Asia and are grateful that there is a misogynist utopia where men are powerful, where wives submit. I am sure the poor women thank the Westerners for being interested in little other than their subservience so they can trick them away from their wives.

    One thing I am sure about is that the losers here are the wives, those that support their husbands in their overseas careers and lose their whole lives in the process. My advice to anyone considering moving to China is if you do ensure it is for two years maximum, take the money and run. Really my advice would be, don’t do it. This is a culture driven by money and most people will do whatever it takes to get it.

  137. And Yawn to both David and Bruce talking of the British. I think you’ll find we have the most open boarders when it comes to people moving here (UK).

  138. @Posie – I know people who have trouble with working visa in USA had to move to London office to continue work for the company. But they all want to come back when visa is no longer an issue. Never figure out why.

  139. We have lots of negatives in the UK, one of which is the weather. But lots of people want to come here, it is quite personal though. Having children and USA’s attitudes to guns would make me never want to live there. Australia’s attitudes to women and their indigenous people would put me off there too! Asia’s sexism and human cruelty is endemic, so I guess I am stuck in Europe, at least.

  140. Why do people cheat? When you stay with a person for a while, you tend to lose sparks!!!! Seeing a person 24/7 will make everything fade away. It’s just the excitement of seeing another new person in your everyday life. Once you see that new person more and more, you will fade away too. So, my solution for this kind of person is to be single and not get married. There is no cure for this type of person. I know that when you see a nice dressed woman the first time, you feel excited. When you know how she acts and how she lives in her home and how she treats others, you fade away again. Yes! Am I right?


  141. LUST is men’s worst enemy!!!!!!!! When a married man like me and others feel LUST ,too but our STRONG LOVE AND CONNECTION for our women kick in to control the feeling of LUST. It’s always in the back of my mind that if I do something crazy, I WON”T find another woman like my wife. I always think I’m lucky to have found a woman who matches my personality and compromise from A – Z. Other beautiful women and supermodels have insecurity also so you have to deal with daily issues. It can be a nightmare sometimes. It’s kind of silly talking about men or married men chasing after women. It can happen both ways. I’m married but I feel like “some” women show some indirect interest in me.. My wife knows it too but we always laugh about it. Yup, lots of men and women are lacking in other elements in their lives ,so they go out to find it. I always like the home to be cleaned and very neat and free of clutters. Some women ( regardless of race) can be very dirty ,messy and lazy..Don’t judge by how sexy she dresses, you will find out once you get in her world..

    Bruce 🙂

  142. This is not so much about the trust issue in relationship as much as a cultural issue in China…Unfortunately, extramarital affair is quite rampant in Chinese culture! I go to China a lot for business and its a known fact that all the business partners that I worked with have/had mistresses on the side. I even have a good ABC friend (she works in Shanghai via New York). who said that she have to tolerate it with her bf because its just part life here. Its not just men too, I was propositioned several times by “spoken for” Chinese women. Its must be a prestige thing here to be engaged in tryst with successful and foreign men like myself!

  143. I always thought East Asian women were less promiscuous than White women. They certainly talk about sex and flirt less. They seem mostly like innocent, hard-working engineering students. Of course these are the ones I’m exposed to.

  144. Gee. My Chinese ex-wife had continual bad breath, a log when we had sex, unable to show any human spiritual thinking, slept all the time would not work and despite showering frequently always had a unpleasant smell.
    I was sucked in by the traditional loving caring wife that had the western perception of asian women. What a joke. Totally the opposite.

  145. John,

    What are you talking about bad breath? That’s why you don’t marry a lazy, dirty woman that would set you back 3 freaking generations. I love clean people because I’m a clean freak.

  146. I am a an Asian female, Korean-American, and I can assure you this is not a racial issue, it’s a cultural one.

    Let’s get one thing straight: if you have a boyfriend, husband, lover, whatever – if it’s male, and goes to China for business or whatever reason on a regular or even occasional basis, or for business meetings or anything period, understand this, you are kidding yourself if you think that any less then 90% of the men who go there will cheat on their wives, girlfriends, love of their lives, fiancees, it doesn’t matter, you name it.

    I know this because I have been going back forth between San Francisco and China (Hong Kong, Beijing, Taipei, Xian, Xiamen, Shanghai, Sana) for the last several years, and was shocked at how crude the women behave in China. Not in the streets, but at every bar, ktv room, and dark corner in EVERY single city in China. They’re cheap, they’re uneducated (no condom, no problem), and the vast majority I’ve seen are VERY VERY good at doing their makeup and dressing very seductively. They all look very innocent by day, no makeup, no fancy hairdos, but just wait til nighttime. China is a giant brothel. There are 14 year old girls who don’t even know that prostitution is wrong. They see white skin, they see $$$$ and a green card. I’ve been to the massive commercial brothels they call “karaoke tv” or “ktv” places, massage places (95% offer “special services”), even 4-5 star hotels like the pan pacific, the westin, sheraton, hyatt- often special services if you just flash the cash in the spa.

    There is something very very wrong about Chinese culture that makes them have such little self-respect. The saddest part, is seeing Chinese business drag the white men over to the late night meetings at ktv clubs and buying young chinese girls for them. The Chinese have no self-respect and I will have nothing to do with ANY guy who regularly goes to China on business. Doesn’t matter what age, what appearance of respectability. Even the ones I never expected in a million years to participate eventually do.

    You don’t believe me, go see for yourselves. The chinese are a

  147. @Thursdayschild if you think this is more cultural issue than you should look at Korean society, the underground sex business is worst over there! Both Korean and Chinese culture are highly patriarchal society that values men more than women! Until this changes, I’m afraid the sex industry will continue to exploit women and girls.

    I know this because I’m a Korean American male who travels to China often for business. To be honest, I been approached before. But I always refused because I was taught to respect women… Its that simple, if men and boys are taught to respect women as equally capable than you won’t have all these sex exploitations.

  148. Ukraine, Russia, and America etc.. have prostitution too. Are strippers prostitutes? Yes, if you offer them $$$$. Don’t blame the prostitutes, blame the men. You can go to korean bars in America ( korean town, los angeles) . You have korean hostesses who are or will become prostitutes too if you offer $$$$. Why do women become hookers and men become gigaloo ? They just can’t find a job that pays easy and fast money and without headache.

  149. I cannot,understand why asian women prefer,white must be the money.asian men are so clean educated and handsome.not to mention they are in good shape physically.asian men have money too.but there not foolish with
    Unlike white men.

    1. Things like this are subjective that’s why. I’m white and have very little money and I have never had any issues dating women, especially Asian women. There seems to be racial patterns when it comes to dating. It’s weird but they exist. Of course patterns aren’t absolute.

  150. Experience shows that when western men go to China (or Japan or Thailand) after about a week without their wives, their horniness and curiosity WILL about 8 times out of 10 get the better of them. For a lot of men, Asian women have a special allure — we can debate whether that is “PC” or proper. But it just is. And a trip to Asia for a healthy man, who will see very many slim, attractive, youthful Chinese ladies eyeing him (even if just out of curiosity on THEIR ends to see a western man) will have the natural physical reaction that men get. Guys go to nightclubs in China. Or they are in office working situations where there are very many pretty Chinese office girls. Stuff happens. Don’t discount this.

    1. @Ken Seriously, why all the burden on women? Husbands also should work hard and not let themselves “go” , and they can also be as obese as women too, yet I haven’t heard or seen a woman cheat on a man because he’s obese. And although a man may be tempted and perhaps think about cheating, there is a difference between acting on that temptation or just letting it remain where it is. Men who value women for looks and not for her inner character should never have gotten married in the first place because guess what; looks change, we get older, western men lose hair and grow a gut and may have erectile dysfunction disorder in later age, so how would they feel if their wives cheat on them for things they cannot control? Also as well, if you want for a woman to keep her appearance up or be beautiful, do put more time to help with children and housework and whatever else may need to be done. Again, I’m not speaking for all men and women, just those who judge people on appearance and don’t understand the part of growing old together.

      PS. You have really opened up a can of worms there Ken.

  151. In my neighborhood in some country, If you nice to all woman in this neighbor all this woman will be nice to you but if you acting like a lut, theyll be destroy your life, like the blonde woman who try to seduce another woman husband in my neighbor, that blonde woman husband leave her and that blonde woman back to her country, all the woman in my neighbor have revenge on that blonde woman and they sleep with blonde woman husband, they have mutual cooperation to destroy this woman life so becarefull when you came to other country and dont make mess, that country is india

  152. I have revenge with blonde married woman who slept with my husband, she isn’t that good, and I stole that blonde woman husband, and I left my husband for her husband, Im still young Im beautiful with light brown skin not too dark, I have hindu india traditional value can make that man love me, this is not my fault, my husband looking for anal sex, but that blonde woman want high moral woman, now that blonde end up alone cause my husband doesnt want him, soon her husband became my husband

  153. This is taken all wrong. They are basically complementing Asian women. They are saying Asian women are too beautiful to resist. They aren’t saying all Asian women are whores but of course whores of every race do exist. Plus its not like these women may even know he’s married. Sometimes men lie well sometimes all people lie

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