Fenshou: After Eliza, he feared “she’ll disappear again”

(photo by Doug Wheller via Flickr.com)
(photo by Doug Wheller via Flickr.com)

Spencer Huang writes, “I dated other girls later on — Spanish, Polish, Welsh. But I could hardly overcome the recurring fear in my heart: ‘She’ll disappear again.’ At last, I returned to China with a lonely and tired heart. Eliza changed me completely.”

This is a story of how one Chinese man met an enchanting Polish woman in London, only to have her vanish from his life without an explanation.


I’m a Chinese man who just finished a master’s degree in the UK, where I once had a relationship with a Polish woman. I’ve wanted to share this story ever since the Christmas of 2012, when I met her.

I was there in London, spending my Christmas holidays with my friend John, who visited me from China. We lived in a hostel to meet more people and to share their interesting life stories. That was where I met Eliza.

My friend and I tried to talk to anyone we met in the hostel during our journey. We were chatting with a Japanese girl earlier that day, but she had grown up in the US and knew very little about Japan. It wasn’t a very interesting conversation to me.

When I was dismayed that I couldn’t find anyone interesting to talk with, suddenly Eliza walked into that room. She reminded me of a lovely elf — petite with long blonde hair, green eyes and a small face.

Before I knew it, we fell into a fantastic conversation. We talked a lot about anime, manga, Japanese culture (especially Japanese pop culture), food and musicals (such as The Phantom of Opera and other Andrew Lloyd Weber works). I really admired her independence. She worked in London as a waitress to pay her way through university. She had also left home two years before; her father passed away many years ago and her mom remarried. We bonded over our lonely childhood experiences as well.

I never imagined that I could meet a girl who had so much in common with me. We were so happy as we talked together through the whole night.

Then I asked her, “Why don`t we go out for a drink?”

“Why not?” she answered.

We left the hostel at 9:30pm to hit the empty London streets that evening, which was still Boxing Day, to have drinks together.

The next day, what a perfect day it was. We visited Piccadilly Circus and many other sites in London, sharing food and laughter. That evening, I prepared a dinner for two of Japanese sushi while she sang “Think of Me” from the Phantom of the Opera.

Suddenly, a feeling of dread hit me: I had nearly forgotten my promise to a friend from Hong Kong. He needed a place to stay during New Year’s time because he had no money and nowhere else to go. Of course, I couldn’t leave my friend to sleep on the streets and had offered him my flat in Glasgow.

I had to leave Eliza suddenly that very evening, December 27. We hugged before I left, never realizing it would be our last hug.

Later, when I returned to London to find her, everything changed. We were meant to meet at this staircase in the hostel, but she never showed up. She just vanished and left me standing there. I spent over 16 hours there, thinking about her. At last, a group of Australians came over to me and gave me a bottle of whiskey. Then I could remember nothing but the fact that she never returned to that hostel again.

I dated other girls later on — Spanish, Polish, Welsh. But I could hardly overcome the recurring fear in my heart: “She’ll disappear again.” At last, I returned to China with a lonely and tired heart.

Eliza changed me completely. A part of me still hoped that someone special might appear in my life, but I was afraid of a stable relationship, something I yearned for deep inside.

It was tough since I returned to China, but I’ve decided to move on. In the end, the memories are beautiful enough for me.

Spencer Huang works as a project manager for a media company in Chengdu, Sichuan, China.


We’re looking for a few good stories from Chinese men and Western women in love — or out of love — to share on Fridays. Submit your original story or a published blog post today.

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13 Replies to “Fenshou: After Eliza, he feared “she’ll disappear again””

  1. Awww 🙁 I can relate somehow…..but only somehow.
    10 years ago, when I was 16, I was in the mountains with my friend, relaxing on the grass on a lovely late summer day, with a view on the city below and such. Then we decided to go to her house for dinner so we headed for the cable car station. While waiting for one sliding slowly up to us, I looked to the other side, where people were getting off the cable car. And I saw HIM. In that very moment I felt as if I was struck by a lightning, I kept hearing a voice inside my head ‘it’s him! it’s HIM!!!’ and just stood there, staring at him with my eyes wide open. In the same moment, he looked in my direction, saw me and stared at me with his eyes wide open, as well… so I guess he must have felt the same. I think he was in his twenties. We just stood there, rooted to the floor, staring at each other in disbelief, unable to move and our companions were sooooooo confused and like wth, lol…… And then my friend did something, which I was cursing her for, that is, pushed me inside the cable car and jumped in with me at the last moment before the door closed…….. That guy kept turning back to look at me until I disappeared from his sight…

    I felt dead inside for at least a week after that incident. I felt a deep sorrow, which you usually feel when you lose something very important. Later on, I was cursing that moment (and my friend) many, many times. I tried to understand, why, why, why was I allowed to feel something like this, only to have it taken from me the next moment…? Is it fate? The worst thing is, I will probably never get to know, what if, what if, what if….. This is the thing, which made it hard for me to move on for a long time. I was thinking, if only we could talk for a while and see if we truly are ‘the one’ for each other…. not being able to get to know that was killing me. Especially that my first rlship was a mistake from the beginning, so every once in a while I kept dreaming about that guy.

    Right now I’ve been in a LDR for four years with a Chinese man, who I think is my true soulmate. We bonded so fast, have so much in common, can talk with each other for hours, we are crazy for each other. I get more from him than I ever wanted to from my dream man. I can be myself and he accepts me as I am. Since we met I don’t think about that guy anymore but still, it annoys me that it will probably remain an eternal mystery, I don’t like mysteries 😉

  2. @ Spencer. I think I know where you went wrong. When you told your “target” girl that you had to suddenly leave London and go to Glascow, she probably felt a sense of abandonment. If you truly had to leave her, you must secure her contact information first and followup with her later. Your story failed to mention whether you obtained her contact information or not (eg. email, telephone number, etc.). Instead you agreed to meet her again at the hostel thereby running the risk that she may not show and you cannot contact her any longer.

    Your story is also devoid of any romance (eg. kissing, hand holding, hand up her dress, etc.). I am certain that had you aroused her sexaully enough, she would have wanted to see you again and she would have appeared once again at the hostel. I think you failed to seduce her properly and this is the reason why she ditched your ass, bro.


  3. Spencer, don’t give up. You say you yearned deep inside for a stable relationship. Go for it! Think about what might go right not about what might go wrong. Good luck on finding happiness in your next relationship.

  4. Hi Spencer,

    So sorry to hear that things didn’t work out with this girl. Don’t mind Manny, he doesn’t know any better. (Manny, there are other pages for what you seek, please try them….this is clearly not for you.)

    You had a wonderful experience with her which may lead you to new experiences with a new love in your life. Treating her like trash, doesn’t seem your style and would likely have cut your already short experience even shorter. Trivialized it to the point where it didn’t matter. Be glad for the time you had and best of luck to you as you find your bliss.


  5. I think you expect some much to come out of these few days from her. Please don’t assume in the future and you won’t be so hurt. Things happen for a reason you know. Another thing is don’t wait for a person for 16 hrs anywhere period. If that person is courteous, he/she will try to look for you. I only waited for someone for 1-2 hrs when they let me know prior to meeting. I always say finding a person to go on dates is simple but finding love to last a lifetime is very hard. This a total learning experience for you so move on. I’m 100% sure that there’s a wonderful woman out there for you. Erase that experience with Eliza now and move forward. Do some other hobbies to distract you then slowly you won’t remember her anymore. Life is so short , don’t waste your time on depression.

  6. Hi Spencer,

    I’ll stick to your last line. Just remember her as a beautiful memory and go on with your life. You can’t hold to someone forever. I’m sure you will meet other fantastic girls. Just remember to ask their number or email!

  7. @Spencer. I agree with Bruce that you may have generated too much expectation after only one meeting/conversation. I reluctantly have to agree with Manny in part in that you should have obtained her contact information before leaving London to travel to Glascow so that if and when she did not meet you later at the predesignated place, you can at least have the option to contact her to inquire. I don’t agree with Manny’s statement that you have to touch her or put your hand up her dress in order to win her heart. It can even frighten her making her repulse you. Just be happy with the memory. I too have had good memories with certain women who disppeared after one or two meetings and I felt the disappoitment just as you are having now. So, profit from the experience and do not despair.

    All the best.


  8. Hey Spence I bet you would give anything to meet her again wouldn’t you. You know there are ways to do this with technology

  9. There is that Chinese belief that goes:

    “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break.”

    Who knows, you just might Eliza again. Best of wishes to you!

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