Chapter 82: Late to the Perfect Shanghai Apartment

Late clock
When the real estate agent in Shanghai arrived late for yet another apartment visit, I wondered -- will I be late in finding a good place before in Shanghai, before the month is up? (photo by Julia Freeman-Woolpert)

We arranged to see yet another apartment in Shanghai, one dreary Friday at noon in late November. John and I stood at the intersection of two streets just blocks from Xintiandi, the very intersection the real estate agent had designated as our meeting place, and stared at our watch as the minutes ticked past noon, with no sign of an agent.

The agent is late. People arrive late in China all the time. But this followed a string of disappointing apartment visits, with Taoyuan Xincun the nadir. This wasn’t a late agent, but a foreshadowing of failure — our failure to find a good place to live.

After 10 minutes past the hour, a harried, lanky Chinese man in a long trench coat stepped out of a taxi and approached us. “Sorry I’m late. But, don’t worry, this will be fast. The place is just down the street there, that entrance next to the bicycle store.”

I peered down the road at where he had motioned, and groaned within. Continue reading “Chapter 82: Late to the Perfect Shanghai Apartment”

Travel China with the Yangxifu: Longmen Grottoes, Luoyang, Henan Province

The 10,000 Buddha cave
Longmen Grottoes, Luoyang, Henan Province
The Longmen Grottoes are Buddhist art on a grand scale

When we think of China’s great statuesque artwork, the Terracotta Warriors come to mind. They’ve become the awe-inducing, must-see of China, second only to the Forbidden City.

Yet, just East of Xi’an, four hours up the railway line to Beijing, is another grand cache of art that stands in the Warriors’ shadows, but delivers almost as many “wow” moments. I’m talking Luoyang’s Longmen Grottoes — a string of over 100,000 Buddhist images and statues carved into a hillside during China’s Wei and Tang Dynasties.

Luoyang’s Longmen Grottoes are one of several sites in China for viewing ancient Buddhist cave art — besides the Mogao Caves in Dunhuang, the Yungang Grottoes near Datong, and Bingling Si near Lanzhou. Mogao and Yungang are more famous (and, arguably, colorful), and Bingling Si, with its sheer cliffs by the reservoir and a huge 27-meter-high Buddha, more breathtaking. But Luoyang is just four hours from Xi’an, right on that train line from Beijing, so you can easily take in a little ancient cave art before heading to that more famous tourist attraction.

And, believe me, even if they’re not number one, the Longmen Grottoes are worth the visit. Continue reading “Travel China with the Yangxifu: Longmen Grottoes, Luoyang, Henan Province”

Chapter 81: Shanghai Apartment Hunting Angst

Housing complex in China
John and I go on a dead-end visit to an unsavory apartment building in China -- in an effort to find a new place to live -- and make the landlord angry with our disinterest.

In late November, 2003, John and I stood before this shadowed, six-story housing complex that looked more of a Gotham City glum than Shanghai, with a soundtrack of scooters, motorcycles, car horns, and bar hoppers playing all around us in the streets. A fifty-something man with a greased Elvis-style do and dull gray button-down shirt, exuding overconfidence like bad breath, led us towards this urban planning nightmare. The whole scene felt more like a trap — the kind you don’t survive — out of a Hong Kong kungfu movie.

I looked at John with one of my desperate, please-can-we-get-out-of-here glances. The thing is, we both knew this was a dead-end. Not the killing kind of dead-end — but the apartment-hunting kind.

“Now, Taoyuan Xincun,” Elvis said, referring to this glum complex, “used to be a residence for high-level officials.” He smirked proudly about the pedigree of the place, but used to be was the operative word here. The blemishes on the wall, dirty air, and the scream of traffic out the window made it clear that no high-level official would ever live here, even if he got the apartment for nothing. Continue reading “Chapter 81: Shanghai Apartment Hunting Angst”

Chapter 80: The Foreign Foreigners

Bar street with a neon light-up "bar" sign
When you’re abroad, your brethren foreigners can sometimes be just as foreign to you as the locals, just as John and I discovered one night while dining on a bar street.

One Saturday in Shanghai, John and I eschewed our usual date-night standby — the Tianran Vegetarian restaurant — for a Mexican joint my coworker recommended. The place hovered over a bar street in Shanghai that I’d heard of — from heavy ads in all the foreigner mags in Shanghai — but never visited. I maybe had a beer or glass of wine once a month, and couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been in a bar. Still, in a country where avocados were more foreign than I was, I missed Mexican food desperately — desperate enough to go to a neighborhood I’d never gone to before.

With all of the bar ads for this street — and all of those “happy hour” promos — I expected the patrons and music to be overflowing as much as the alcohol. But instead, I could barely hear the music, and saw only a handful of patrons here and there lurking in the shadows, as if this was the Prohibition era and no one wanted to be caught. And even stranger, the restaurant, perched on the second floor, had the same lascivious glow of a red-light district brothel in Amsterdam. Was this really the Mexican food dinner my friend, a girl at that, had recommended? Continue reading “Chapter 80: The Foreign Foreigners”

Chapter 79: Battling Roaches and Rats

Dark cockroach
In our old Shanghai town house, John and I faced a double infestation -- cockroaches and rats -- despite the popular wisdom that you can't have both together.

In China, I’ve heard people say you might have rats or cockroaches in your apartment, but never both.

If only they’d lived where I did. That creaky old wooden Shanghai townhouse — in the same 1920s style as the surrounding neighborhood — oozed a lot more than just character after we moved in.

John and I returned home one balmy evening and turned the lights on to find a black spot on the ceiling that moved. And just as I shrieked in disgust, it then began to fly, darting around the ceiling with a defiant buzz, as if to say “Go ahead, just try and kill me. I dare you.” Not even John’s whacks to the ceiling with a broom did any good, as the cockroach scrambled — and flew — away from our reach. We looked at each other with a tired grimace, and almost didn’t even need to say what was on our minds — yet another cockroach infestation. Continue reading “Chapter 79: Battling Roaches and Rats”

Ask the Yangxifu: Love and Location Dilemma With a Chinese Man

A European science graduate student loves a Chinese man, but doesn't love the thought of sacrificing her career to live with him in China. Can they overcome location to be together?

LoveDilemma asks:

I’m a 22 years old girl from europe and currently finishing a master’s degree in biology. Everything was clear in my life until last year, when I meet a chinese exchange student in my university. Our friendship evolved into something so deep that we become boyfriend and girlfriend. But he had to went back to China 8 months ago to finish his bachelor there. We simply could not give up of our relationship and we keep in touch, but now we have a dilemma…He wish he could move to my country but he can’t find a job here. I’m finishing my degree and I also can’t see any job prospects for me in China as well…Even if I move there to live with him, my future seems dark. I wouldn’t even consider the possibility to move to China if my love wasn’t so deep…I’d be completely dependent on him in a foreign country with strict immigration laws… I’m not even a native english speaker nor have any teaching degree in languages or teaching experience, can’t speak mandarin fluently… so my scientific degree seems worthless there. Unless I find a stable job and income in China (unrealistic), I think I won’t be welcome there or get a stable residence permit. How many foreign women had married a chinese national under these conditions? My head tells me it’s not wise but my heart……So we will have to break up because he’s chinese and I’m a foreign girl? I still can’t simply accept this and move on… Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Love and Location Dilemma With a Chinese Man”

Chapter 78: Chocolate and Forgiveness

Broken chocolate
I brought my Shanghai neighbor chocolate, as a token of forgiveness, but never expected her to come back with her own sweet reply (photo by Zsuzsanna Kilian).

One evening in mid-October, 2003, I visited my downstairs neighbors, bringing some fine chocolates and a little forgiveness over that stolen bicycle. Only the wife was there, but she welcomed me in. “Come in, please have a seat and enjoy yourself,” she said in Chinese, with her heavy Shanghai accent, motioning towards the couch inside.

“I hope you like the chocolates. I picked them up in the US during my trip back home,” I explained, handing them over to her.

She looked at the packaging, covered in the English she couldn’t read or understand, and smiled at me as she accepted them, and set them aside.

And then she set aside her usual pretenses, and said the last thing I expected to hear. “I’m really sorry about the bicycle. Continue reading “Chapter 78: Chocolate and Forgiveness”

Chapter 77: The Stolen Bicycle in Shanghai

An old bicycle
I never should have left my bicycle outside of my apartment house. And I never should have expected the community to understand the theft.

Friday, September 19, 2003 was just another overcast, dreary Friday in Shanghai — until John pounded up the stairs and asked about my bicycle. “Where did you park your bicycle last night?”

“Why outside, of course,” I responded. I pulled on my clothes and bounded down the stairs and outside, just to prove it.

But I was proven wrong. I stood before the doorway, only to find my bicycle gone. Continue reading “Chapter 77: The Stolen Bicycle in Shanghai”

Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Parents Against Divorced Western Man

Divided house
What happens when you're from a divided family -- and your Chinese girlfriend's parents don't approve of you? A divorced man from the UK loves his Chinese girlfriend, but isn't getting any love from her parents.

DivorcedintheUK asks:

I am divorced from my uk wife and have 3 Children in the uk. A year ago i met a beautifully sincere Chinese woman, we became very close friends and now we are inseparable. Her parents are totally against our relationship and insisted we split,well my girlfriend told them that she loves me and that we are going to be together no matter what they insist,(she lives with them still ) I was accused of many untrue things and i was out to con her  and beat her.

I have a well paid job and financially we are sound,

They say that as i have 3 children i am not suitable or good enough for their daughter, and she is embarrassing the family.

I have tried to be patient and understanding, but i need help. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Parents Against Divorced Western Man”

Chapter 76: The Bench on Su Causeway

Park bench
John and I went to Su Causeway in Hangzhou not for the view or a walk, but to find the bench where we first kissed.

There are endless reasons to visit Hangzhou’s Su Causeway. A stroll with a lake view. A walk through — or rather on — history (it was, after all, named for Su Dongpo, the Song Dynasty poet). A brief respite from city smog. Or even just to fawn over the lotus blooms that grace the lake in the summer.

You don’t go to see a bench. At least, you don’t — unless you’re John and I, a couple minted beside the shores of this breezy little lake just a little over a year ago, on one otherwise unspectacular bench.

“This is it, isn’t it, sweetie?” I asked, pointing to the bench closest to one of the causeway’s bridges — a bench that happened to hold an entire family, curious why John and I were ogling their chosen seat.

“Yes, it’s ‘our bench,'” John beamed. We had secretly christened it our own bench, with John often suggesting that we plant a tree nearby, to commemorate a love that grew right from this very spot. Continue reading “Chapter 76: The Bench on Su Causeway”