Chinese husband | Speaking of China

Ask the Yangxifu: Getting a Chinese Foreign Student To Notice You

Chinese character — A woman at a Western university has a crush on a Chinese foreign student, and wonders how she can get him to notice her? (Photo by Magda Dlugaj)

Mizu asks:

Well, there is this Chinese guy in my college that I find very attractive but the only thing is that I have no classes with him and I’m not too sure on how to approach him. I think he might be a year or two ahead of me. He’s usually alone with his Mac or with friends that he only talks for minutes and leaves. I’ve tried my best for him to notice me but he doesn’t seem to be interested. He looks very shy and maybe has a little bit of trouble speaking English [he’s usually carrying a portable translator, that I’ve seen] I’ve tried and thought of a way of making small talk, but the only thing that comes to mind is asking him for help in learning Chinese, but I don’t want to offend him in any way or weird him out. I’m a very shy person when it comes to guys that I crush on, I’ve never made a move on a guy with a different ethnicity than mine, so I’m not too sure what are the dos and don’ts in this case or if there’s any. Any suggestions or advice in talking/make him notice me is helpful, thank you.

Side note: I’m not too sure if our ages should matter in this case, I’m 19 not too sure about his; he must around 19-20.

—– Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Getting a Chinese Foreign Student To Notice You”

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How My Anti-Japanese Chinese Husband Changed His Mind About Japan

Japanese print — I never thought my staunchly anti-Japanese Chinese husband would ever call anyone from Japan a friend.

When my Chinese husband awoke on Friday to news of the tsunami in Japan, he did something that, even a year ago, I could never have imagined. He wrote to one of his friends…in Japan. “I heard about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I hope you and your family are well.”

Hours later, he felt relieved to read her response: “Thanks for your contact. Now, I’m standing by in my hospital. But I’m fine. And my family are well when I called.”

“She is okay,” he reassured me, after reading her e-mail.

But years ago, when I first mentioned Japan to him, “reassured” is not even close to how I would have described him.

“One of these days, we’ll have to visit Japan,” I mused, just having returned from a trip home to the US, where I passed through the Tokyo Narita Airport.

“Japan? I never want to visit Japan,” he hissed. “I’m anti-Japanese.” Continue reading “How My Anti-Japanese Chinese Husband Changed His Mind About Japan”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Showing a Chinese Man You’re Interested

Bok choy — A Western woman has a crush on a Chinese man at her grocery store. How can she show him, not tell him, that she's interested? (Photo by Ted Cabanes)

groceries asks:

So, I have this Chinese acquaintance. He works at this Asian Supermarket that I frequent and I have a feeling he’s liking me too. But when I try to make conversation with him, he like speeds through what he says like he’s trying to politely brush me off. He makes me feel really intimidated. I’m not a timid person, but I sort of felt like I was making a little progress, but then my best friend (who’s a guy) went to the store with me twice in a row and I feel like everything fell back to square one. Which is horrible because it’s not like I got very far in the first place. I kind of feel like I have no real change with him because, I am just a customer, but I want to at least try. I feel like if I can make him realize I like him without making him feel awkward by confessing, then it may give him a little change to let me know either way, of how he feels toward me. Any suggestions? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Showing a Chinese Man You’re Interested”

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2011 Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men

John my Chinese husband and I after registering our marriage in China — My 2011 update of all the blogs by Western women who love Chinese men.

March 8 — International Women’s Day — is just around the corner, so it’s time for my homage to other fabulous Western women out in the blogosphere who love Chinese men.

If this update is any measure, the state of the community — that is, the community of Western women who love Chinese men — is strong and growing. Last year, I featured only 16 blogs. This year, it’s over 30. Either there are more of you out there speaking up on the internet, or I’m just getting better at finding you. 😉

So, in alphabetical order according to title, here they are:

Aimee Barnes. She’s more known for thoughtful, probing interviews with China’s up-and-coming movers and shakers — but she once loved a man from Shandong (and, I hope, hasn’t given up writing about it). I’ve come to appreciate her voice even more after reading this post about how she went against expectations (she had a learning disability) to master Mandarin and succeed in college and graduate school. Aimee is now living in Singapore with her Asian husband. Continue reading “2011 Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Meeting the Chinese Parents in America

Chinese parents sitting before a laptop computer — An American woman with a Chinese boyfriend will meet his parents for the first time at his graduation. How can she impress them?

american girlfriend asks:

I have a fairly new boyfriend and he is Chinese. We have been going out for 2 months, but it feels right. Anyway, down to the meat of my question. He is graduating from University in May with a Masters and his parents will be flying from China to visit for his graduation.
1) I don’t know how to greet them or what to give them as a gift. I’ve read your “Giving Gifts to your Chinese family – A Modest Guide” and while it makes sense for if I were to travel to China, I’m not sure if it still applies when they are coming to the USA.
2) I want to make my boyfriend proud and greet them properly because I want them to still approve of our relationship when they meet me face to face. They have given approval so far, but I don’t want to mess anything up!

—— Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Meeting the Chinese Parents in America”

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Are Jewish Women More Likely to Marry Chinese Men?

Star of David in the stained glass windows of a temple — Is Chinese and chosen the norm? Are Jewish women more likely to marry Chinese men? (photo by Simon Cataudo)

(NOTE: I turned this short post into a fascinating full article published in Asian Jewish Life. Read it here.)

I had only met Arnold a few times, but I felt he was as familiar as the soy cafe au lait I held in my hands. He and I bonded over China one evening at the gym, and pretty soon we went from lifting weights to lifting coffee cups over at the Starbucks just down the street from me. I liked Arnold because he was this huge espresso shot of an African-American, the kind of guy who wasn’t afraid to say — or ask — anything.

“Are you Jewish?” he asked me, after I sat down.

“No, I’m not, actually. I was raised Catholic. Why do you ask?”

“Because you have a Chinese husband. You usually see Jewish women married to Chinese men.”

“Really? How would you know?”

I was so stunned, I still I can’t remember what he said. Maybe it was because he had lived in this city (which I like to think of as Jewish as Woody Allen) his whole life. Or maybe he heard it growing up.

But later, when I left Starbucks, I wondered if I really was out of the mainstream, as a shiksa with a Chinese husband, Was it true? Were Jewish women more likely to marry Chinese men?

Continue reading “Are Jewish Women More Likely to Marry Chinese Men?”

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The China Baby Race

A little asian boy looks surprised about the surroundings. — When my friend Peter already announced a baby boy, within a year of getting married, it made me wonder about the rush to have babies sooner in China (Photo by Erik Araujo)

This evening, I was so excited to find an e-mail from Peter, one of my closest Chinese friends. I expected to hear something about his work life, or perhaps his wife. But instead, I read this:

“We have some happy news to share with you. My wife just had a baby boy on February 15, 7 jin 3 liang. The mother is fine.”

Of course I was happy for him too, and I couldn’t wait to tell my Chinese husband about it. But then it hit me. Peter had only been married to his wife for about a year. And within that year, he and his wife had already turned double happiness into triple happiness. Fast. Continue reading “The China Baby Race”

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A Love Affair With China: Article about me in Global Times

John and I pose with a girl on our wedding day in China — Check out "A Love Affair With China," the article about me featured in the February 21, 2011 edition of the Global Times (P.S.: The little girl is NOT my daughter. 😉 )

If you happen to be flipping through the Monday, February 21 Shanghai edition of the Global Times, you might just find a familiar face on page 16. Me, actually. 😉

The Global Times profiled me and Speaking of China for their newspaper, in an article titled A Love Affair With China. I have a PDF version of the article and a link to the online version. Here’s a snippet of it:

As a Western woman with a shorter Chinese husband, she has turned a lot of heads, but Jocelyn Eikenburg is determined to question and challenge stereotypes about Chinese men and Western women in love.

The 33-year-old American keeps a blog called “Speaking of China,” where she shares her understanding of Chinese culture and offers advice to those in family and dating dilemmas. She was named one of the “101 Inspiring Women Bloggers to Watch for 2010” by WE Magazine, a women’s online publication based in Florida. Continue reading “A Love Affair With China: Article about me in Global Times”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Husband Forgot Valentine’s Day

heart-shaped red candle burning — A Chinese husband lets Valentine's Day go without the kind of romantic surprise his Western wife hoped for. How can she get through it? (Photo by Muris Kuloglija Kula)

romantic asks:

I’ve been married now to my husband (Chinese) for almost 7 years, the past four here in China.

Basically, as Valentine’s Day passed without a hint of romance…..I’ve been pouring over whether or not my western conditioning has been detrimental to my marriage. I know I certainly can not expect my husband to prepare breakfast in bed (a habit he detests, as it leaves crumbs in the sheets), or carry me to the unromantic crowds of youngsters fulfilling the newest western trend of Valentine’s rituals (he’s pretty stubborn to trends, which I also appreciate), but couldn’t he have at least bought flowers or something? I can’t help feeling that my negative reactions are more my problem. I feel flat out silly in wishing he had “bought” me something. And I feel this is directly related to hallmark campaigns I grew up with in the U.S. BUT, despite the western consumerism marketing campaigns, I do feel I truly need a little spark or spirit of romance every once in awhile. How do we get through this???? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Husband Forgot Valentine’s Day”

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Why Would You Want To Go To China?

Shot of a globe in rainbow colors, focused on a yellow map of China — When someone asked me why I wanted to go back to China, I couldn’t help wondering if it was curiosity, or something else. (Photo by Ben Earwicker, www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc)

“Why would you want to go to China?”

I didn’t come to that pioneer museum in America’s West to lay my own future out before the public, like the covered wagons, shotguns and washboards on display. But all of a sudden, this elderly woman started talking to me, and couldn’t help notice that my Chinese husband didn’t look or speak likew an American. So then came the questions about where he was from — and, of course, where we would live after he finished his work in the US.

I said that China’s developing economy meant extraordinary opportunities for his career, as well as mine. I told her I had lived there before, and enjoyed it. But when she continued to give me a puzzled look, I couldn’t shake the feeling that her words were some kind of veiled suggestion — that going to China was a bad idea. When I left, how I wished I had shot the question back at her and her own home state. (Why would you want to live in Pennsylvania?)

I know my choice isn’t for everyone. Sometimes, it’s better to stay in your home country, or even your hometown. But the very mention of China made that simple conversation in the museum feel anything but simple to me.

But maybe that’s not because she disliked China, or was a curious busybody. Maybe, in fact, we had two different questions in mind all along. While she wanted to know why I would go to China, I thought of it more like this: why not go to China? 😉

Have people ever questioned you about going to China?

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