Well, there is this Chinese guy in my college that I find very attractive but the only thing is that I have no classes with him and I’m not too sure on how to approach him. I think he might be a year or two ahead of me. He’s usually alone with his Mac or with friends that he only talks for minutes and leaves. I’ve tried my best for him to notice me but he doesn’t seem to be interested. He looks very shy and maybe has a little bit of trouble speaking English [he’s usually carrying a portable translator, that I’ve seen] I’ve tried and thought of a way of making small talk, but the only thing that comes to mind is asking him for help in learning Chinese, but I don’t want to offend him in any way or weird him out. I’m a very shy person when it comes to guys that I crush on, I’ve never made a move on a guy with a different ethnicity than mine, so I’m not too sure what are the dos and don’ts in this case or if there’s any. Any suggestions or advice in talking/make him notice me is helpful, thank you.
Side note: I’m not too sure if our ages should matter in this case, I’m 19 not too sure about his; he must around 19-20.
I get the sense that this guy appears uninterested for a couple of reasons. First he assumes you’re just like most Western women and just not interested (or even downright negative about Chinese/Asian men). Second, English is not his native language, which adds anxiety to an already anxiety-inducing situation (talking to women) in a culture that’s not always that friendly to him (see my first point). So I’m not surprised he wouldn’t make any move in your direction.
Now, if you really want to get his attention, just say something to him in Chinese.
I don’t think it’s fair that Chinese will adore you for speaking Mandarin even worse than a toddler in China, while Americans might regard my Chinese husband as a child for speaking English with a slight accent. But I didn’t make the rules here — and this generally works. I would start with something more casual like “Ni Hao” (hello) — rather than the more revelatory “Wo xihuan ni” (I like you). Of course, you might not understand what he’s saying back to you (in the event you just started learning, perhaps to impress him). But then that’s an opportunity to tell him you’re a beginner struggling your Chinese — where you then ask him, could you help me?
Believe me, this is so empowering for him. For once, he has the chance to help someone else with something he’s good at — his own native language. Most foreign students rarely get this opportunity, and I think he’ll be proud to be the one guiding you through Mandarin. Give it a try.
It’ll boost his ego, and be an opportunity for him to solve your problem — which, as I mentioned in last week’s article, is a great way to get Chinese men to spend time with you. Good luck!
What do you think? What advice do you have for Mizu?
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