foreign woman | Speaking of China

Ask the Yangxifu: Movies with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love

Yes, sometimes the Chinese man does get the Western woman in the movies -- such as in "For All Eternity." (image from Amazon.com)

B asks:

I was wondering because you often mention about Hollywood and the lack of Chinese men getting the girl. Can you think of any other movies to recommend where a foreign girl gets together with a Chinese or even an Asian male. All I can think of is Shanghai Kiss, Mao’s Last Dancer and the other one Ramen Girl is in Japan so it’s kind of not the same.

My friend told me about a movie aired on CCTV in Chinese about a rich American woman who falls for a peasant Chinese man but she forgets the name of it. Do you happen to know it? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Movies with Chinese Men and Western Women in Love”

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The China Birthday Enthusiasm Gap

Happy birthday cake — Happy birthday meant something completely different to John, my Chinese husband (photo by Brandon Rittenhouse)

When my birthday came along this summer, my Chinese husband orchestrated yet another in a long line of grand “birthday programs” — mining the rainbow gleam of opal; breathing in the azure beauty of a pristine trout stream filled with river otters; and savoring the fragrant delight of coconut curries at a Thai restaurant downtown. The entire day felt as precious and beautiful as the double rainbow we glimpsed from the highway, arching in twin perfection against the tumultuous gray skies behind.

Two months later, when his birthday arrived, along with the new semester, I imagined a day of birthday revelry fit for the one man who captured my heart and soul. “Maybe we could go to the hot springs. Or a planetarium in a science museum. Or what about visiting a state park?”

But John shrugged, as if I was just discussing the week’s shopping list with him. “We don’t really have the time,” he said, referring to his heavy workload this semester. “You can just make me a chocolate cake,” he smiled.

“A chocolate cake?” I replied, with incredulity. “That’s all?” Continue reading “The China Birthday Enthusiasm Gap”

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A Red China State of Mind, in an American Red State

Red China flags — Sometimes, even Red States in America have a little Red China in them.

“Wow, you’re like a celebrity!” he exclaimed. “I want to shake your hand!”

As a foreigner in China, I’d felt “almost famous” hundreds of times. Chinese have surrounded me in curiosity, asked for my photograph, and grilled me with the tenacity of a tabloid news outlet.

Except, this time, I wasn’t the “celebrity” — my husband was, in a Wal-Mart in Eastern Idaho, when a man discovered he was from China. Continue reading “A Red China State of Mind, in an American Red State”

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Ask the Yangxifu: The Subtext of Frequent SMS Texts from Chinese Men

SMS from Chinese men — What's the subtext of frequent SMS text messages from Chinese men?

Just Friends asks:

My question concerns Chinese men and gauging their interest level, especially through modern means of communication like texting! I’m trying to figure out if I need to put a couple Chinese men frequently calling/texting at an arm’s length in order to keep from leading them on (does this mean that they’re interested romantically?)

If male friends of mine frequently text and call to make casual plans, either just the 2 of us or with friends, should I assume this means they have a romantic interest in me? In the U.S., I would make this assumption if a single guy repeatedly texted or called to see me, and honestly in China I’ve also begun to wonder about the men that are spoken for. I don’t want to be rude by unnecessarily giving a friend the cold shoulder, but I also do NOT want to lead on any men in whom I’m uninterested!! I don’t want to keep agreeing to meet or continue texting if they’ll interpret that as positively receiving their advances.

Could you speak a little about this modern communication and what it means in the dating world of China? I would really love to hear your thoughts! Thank you! Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: The Subtext of Frequent SMS Texts from Chinese Men”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Can Western Women Love a Communist Chinese Military Man?

People's Liberation Army soldiers in Shanghai — Can Western women fall in love with Chinese men who are Communist Party members, and in the military?

Concerned Chinese Person asks:

I’m a Chinese service man,and I’m a number of the communist party of China,I have a question about it,My identity isn’t like the ordinary people,if I build a serious relationship with a western girl,would she mind of my identity?

——-

CCP, chances are, she wouldn’t care if you’re a Communist or in the military.

Sure, back in the era of McCarthyism, consorting with Communists could suddenly make you “un-American” and put you on the fast track to unemployment.

Even today, some extremists throw around the label “Communism” as if it’s a four-letter word, and “fear government takeover.” But, by and large, these people wouldn’t even think of coming to China, studying Chinese, or having anything to do with a country that has a red flag with a hammer and a sickle on it.

That means, the Western women you’d end up meeting in China probably don’t see Communism as a big deal anymore. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Can Western Women Love a Communist Chinese Military Man?”

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The Sands, and Teahouses, of Time

Bubble tea in Zhengzhou, China — When love bubbled over with my first Chinese boyfriend in a Taiwanese teahouse, I tried to hold on to that sweetness through the teahouse he left behind (image from Wikimedia Commons)

That Taiwanese teahouse in Zhengzhou, with its weather-beaten wooden facade and rickety sign, faded away beside the signs and storefronts splashed in reds and yellows and blues on the Western end of Weiwu Road.

It didn’t sparkle like the clothing stores on Huayuan Road, where beautiful apparel and even more beautiful salespeople glimmered across the pearl white floors, to a technopop soundtrack. It never shook with crowds like the outdoor vegetable market, where stacks of caged pigeons squawked right opposite the tractors filled with the freshest watermelons in the city. It couldn’t even out-class the luxury of those Beijing-style fabric slippers sold just down the street, in silky pinks and reds and blues fit for an Empress.

But I loved that teahouse more than any other place in Zhengzhou for one simple reason — I fell in love there in 1999. Continue reading “The Sands, and Teahouses, of Time”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Finding Over-35 Chinese Men to Date

Mature Chinese man and Western woman dating — Can a divorced Western woman over 35 find love with a Chinese man?

Over 35 and Fabulous asks:

You have a very unique column, though it seems very focused on the under 35 set….so I’d like to ask about the over 35 set. Being a divorced Western female with school aged children, how would someone in that situation find a Chinese guy about the same age, (maybe and hopefully) with kids of his own too? I’m in the US, by the way. Actually I did find an available Chinese guy about my age a few years ago when I went back to grad school, but he felt pressured by his cultural background (he was from a rural area in China) so he’s gone on his way in life. I know this has got to be a unique question but I’m wondering….anyone with advice/thoughts/experiences for me? It’s gotten to the point where I’ve thought of going back to grad school again to find someone…! …probably not the best reason to go back to grad school but it would jump start my career. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Finding Over-35 Chinese Men to Date”

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The Parasol Paradox

China umbrella — I thought the umbrellas in China -- for sun protection -- were just crazy. Until I started carrying one too.

This past Tuesday, the sky was a blindingly bright blue, stretched over the arid landscape like a protective tarp. Nary a cloud interrupted that boundless mantle above. And the sprinklers on the campus lawns splashed the grass with their afternoon drink, because the weather still wouldn’t bring rain to this semi-desert terrain.

But there I was, strolling down the dusty hill in the shadow of a salmon-colored umbrella.

Crazy. That’s what I thought of the sea of umbrellas that ebbed and flowed on the urban streets of China in the scorching summer heat. In my mind, umbrella always meant rain, not sun. And if I hated the heat, I just donned a hat and slathered on the sunscreen.

But the longer I stayed in China, that sea of umbrellas soon flowed right into the background of my mind. Continue reading “The Parasol Paradox”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Too Many Concessions for a Chinese Family?

Giving hands, turned towards the sky — Are we always the ones to concede a culture greater than ours, such as China?

Michael asks:

Jocelyn, I think its great you were brave and went ahead and appeased the cultural divide by participating in such a wedding [as described in the post A Big, Fat, Traditional Chinese Wedding?]. I’m sure your husband was appreciative. I would have been scared too. This type of thing always makes me wonder though about cultural traditions. Do we not have any in the U.S? Seems like we are always the ones conforming to appease a tradition that must be greater than our own? Is it because we just don’t value tradition as much?

I’m not saying its bad, I still commend you but when I read the answer and they said its not about you, it’s about the family I know a lot of girls who would of said GTH. It’s my day. hmm
Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Too Many Concessions for a Chinese Family?”

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All Foreigners Look Alike, All Chinese Look Alike?

Crowd of Chinese people crossing the street in Shanghai China — Have you ever had trouble distinguishing between a group of people, such as Chinese or foreigners?

“I have a lot of trouble remembering the faces of my colleagues,” confessed Fang, a close Chinese friend of ours mentioned while driving home together from a dinner in town.

“How so?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “Foreigners just all look alike to me.”

“But how can that be? Foreigners look even more distinctive than Chinese do, because our eyes, hair color and skin tones are so different from person to person.”

John chuckled and echoed Fang’s frustration. “They look all the same to me, too.”

I could almost understand Fang having this problem — but my own husband? Continue reading “All Foreigners Look Alike, All Chinese Look Alike?”

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