On Sex In The US, and How My Husband Taught Me the Word “Sao” | Speaking of China

20 Responses

  1. askdsk
    askdsk December 10, 2012 at 7:14 am | | Reply

    Eh…Nobody explains to you “sao” is not a respectful word used on women?

  2. aiyangxifu
    aiyangxifu December 10, 2012 at 7:30 am | | Reply

    Mordern construction method creates tough frame but thin walls. Loud women/men created free sound tracts for their love/sex life.

  3. Manny
    Manny December 10, 2012 at 10:20 am | | Reply

    @Jocelyn. YOU GO WHITE GIRL!!!!!!! “Bang” that Chinese husband of yours and make a lot of noise so that your neighbors can hear both of you engaged in hot passion. Make us Whites proud!!!! I am extremely proud of you, White girl. Keep up the good work.

  4. chen gang
    chen gang December 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm | | Reply

    this word has probably evolved from a traditionally negative connotation mainly describes women to a modern-day (in most recent 10 years) less derogatory more edgy meaning.

  5. askdsk
    askdsk December 10, 2012 at 6:38 pm | | Reply

    Try to use that word to any Chinese woman and see how she will respond. People tolerate profanity during sex. But that is a different situation. “Sao” never implies sexy in a good context.

  6. Bruce
    Bruce December 10, 2012 at 7:48 pm | | Reply

    I think I have similar books like above. I might need a bodybuilding belt for one of the positions.

    Bruce 🙂

  7. Sveta
    Sveta December 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm | | Reply

    My Korean ex once talked about a neighbor who had a loud girlfriend during lovemaking… I was curious if she was as he has told me, but never found out the answer.

  8. airen
    airen December 10, 2012 at 8:19 pm | | Reply
  9. David
    David December 11, 2012 at 8:23 pm | | Reply

    If you go to a Portuguese-speaking country, you’ll see a lot of cities with “sao” in the name. (OK, actually it’s “são”). That’s their word for Saint. So São Paulo translates to St. Paul, but your column gives us a more interesting translation of that!!

  10. partingways
    partingways December 11, 2012 at 11:23 pm | | Reply

    I still think you do not have a very clear understanding on the word ‘sao’. Sao is really only used on women who flirts shamelessly in a promiscuous fashion with any non-romantically involved men. It is similar to slut, expect in this case it is used to describe the female who talk-out random guys and sleep around, not the guys talking her out and then sleep with her. I have never heard of the word being ever used on males.

  11. Caroline
    Caroline December 12, 2012 at 8:49 pm | | Reply

    Agree with partingways. It is not Sao to sleep with her husband or bf.

  12. askdsk
    askdsk December 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm | | Reply

    Jocelyn’s husband is traditional.

  13. Joy
    Joy December 20, 2012 at 8:31 pm | | Reply

    I hate to say it but I really doubt Chinese people do crazy things in bed. If you can get them to open up about sex they haven’t experienced a lot – no masturbating or oral sex. I would be shocked if I heard people in my building having sex.

  14. Bruce
    Bruce December 20, 2012 at 9:20 pm | | Reply


    Chinese people really do crazy things in bed. You mean they save all the crazy things with prostitutes or at the hooker houses? Define crazy things in beds for me. Dripping candle wax on the body ? Domintrix (leather and ass cheeks sticking out? ? or maybe tie hands and legs onto the bed and tease with a feather ( let him bite onto a stick or a rolled up towel )? I know they do okay and they do it quietly without much sound. Maybe they respect their neighbors by not being too loud. They do masturbate and oral sex too but not like westerners ,too hardcore . China is very different and you won’t see or hear alot of naughty stuff there unless in the big cities… Maybe . That’s why a lot westerners assume too often.

  15. askdsk
    askdsk December 20, 2012 at 10:29 pm | | Reply

    Most Chinese girls (the ones in China) don’t really talk openly about sex. Guys do talk in vague terms if you are drinking together. But people share among close friends. I think the vocabulary is different and limited. From my own experience, I can say Chinese women tend to be more passive and less passionate during sex. And they are less demanding and willing to give.
    Depending on how you define crazy, some girls there can be wild. Sex is using your body to communicate. I do find western girls are better in general and carry less baggage. What you do in your own bedroom is your own business. I am sure there are people who can surprise you.

  16. askdsk
    askdsk December 22, 2012 at 9:57 am | | Reply

    I don’t think people cares about too many details when they emotionally connect with someone. Sex should not be too glorified. If you want to make someone happy in the bedroom, the rest is easy.

  17. Bruce
    Bruce December 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm | | Reply

    I agree with askdsk that Chinese men share sexual talks among their male friends. For example, if you mean me in person, I won’t talk about sex like with my pals. You have to know that’s the difference between westerners and Chinese. Westerners go into sexual details even with strangers. That is like you have no taste and no respect. Eventhough Jocelyn wants to talk about her bedroom sex life, we won’t let her. Her reputation is very important and we don’t want people to judge her. Some of you can’t talk about sex here but I can 🙂 and I have full support from you :). Chinese men like me love doing “crazy things” in bed including oral ,too :). I know Joy loves to hear things like this 🙂

    I think Joy is talking about crazy things like threesome, different sexual positions, sex toys, having sex in the parks , elevator or the beach. She could mean crazy things like a*** sex . My friend tried a*** sex with a woman and scared the daylight out of him because she didn’t ” prepared ” for that action. My friend was terrified and never ever tried again. I was laughing my ass off and crying at the same time when he told me. Years and years ago , a woman told me to ask another female friend to have a threesome. I told her to ask but she didn’t ask :(. To be honest , all this talks about sex I don’t feel like there is anything exciting anymore. It’s all in our head that we have to try this and that but at the end you just like this only. When I talk to my friends about sex, we all say ” it’s the same s**t , anything will do”. When you haven’t tried lobster before, you anxiously want to try ;however, you get tired after eating 20 lobsters. I don’t want to sound nasty trying to explain this . If you are a very smart person, you know what I mean.


  18. LeLe
    LeLe August 1, 2013 at 3:51 pm | | Reply

    This post really make me laugh. I think it is always helpful to understand the meaning of a Chinese character by tracing back to its origin. How a character is written or used is not random.

    ‘Sao’ is original used to describe the unpleasant smell of a animal, such as a fox. From how it is written, there is a part shows this character is related to animals. In modern Chinese, it is mainly used in a negative way if it describes a woman; It means someone has demonstrated a certain unwelcome trait that is so pungent everyone can feel it.

    However, its meanings also depends on the context and connotation. For example, close guy friends sometimes greeting each other with “sao stuff”.

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