In October, 1999, it was as if I’d finally met my long lost locker pinup guy in the flesh. A sullen, James Dean type in a black leather jacket with a perfect ass. The kind of guy that made cliches like “tall, dark and handsome” drip from your mouth. It didn’t matter that he was spoken for, with a modelesque girlfriend that seemed worlds (and heavens) away from the mortal girl I was. He drove me so crazy, I spent weeks taking cold showers and long bicycle rides just to cool down.
He was a Chinese man.
And so sexy, as I reminded him one evening over the phone, after he left his girlfriend to get together with me. “But I’m a Chinese!” he whispered to me, echoing the ruthless stereotype that somehow infected the modern world — that Chinese men can’t turn Western women on.
It’s no wonder we ended up here, given what Sheridan Prasso wrote in The Asian Mystique:
For the most part, what we see of Asian male sexuality is the assertion of a stronger Western virility at the expense of Asian masculinity. In short, the imagery takes Asian men lightly, as less-serious competitors for women, and less-competent fighters.
Outside the theater, we transfer these perceptions of Asian men to Asian countries. If Asian men on screen are to be easily vanquished, so are Asian male leaders in real state-to-state relations. Even as Fortune columnist Stanley Bing writes in the title of his book, Sun Tzu is “a sissy.” This “lightness of being portrayed” can be seen historically in the descriptions of Asian male leaders such as Ho Chi Minh and Mao Zedong, and now even of Kim Jong Il. It seeks to minimize the Asian male as a threat — and, I argue, quite possibly leads to serious repercussions.
The thing is, despite the best laid schemes of Hollywood and the rest, Western women went to China (and other Asian countries), or started looking at the Asian (and Chinese) men in their own countries. And, then, we discovered some serious studs — who, in my case, just happened to be Chinese — that slid their way into our hearts (and pants). We even shared it with the world, from books such as Foreign Babes in Beijing, Lost in Translation, and The Last Chinese Chef, to blogging about it.
By the time I met my James Dean heartthrob, suddenly all of those stereotypes felt as out-of-date (and trash-worthy) as yesterday’s newspaper.
Jet-black hair and bronzed skin, I love you! Chinese may or may not have the “tall” (my husband doesn’t, but let’s not forget Yao Ming). But there’s plenty of “dark and handsome” to go around. As Priscilla wrote, “…once the blinkers are lifted, ladies, you’ll discover that you are actually surrounded by attractive [Chinese] men.” Add to that Ericka’s post, that Laowai girls like Asian boys (including the many hot Chinese guys).
Mystery is uber-sexy. In the “wham, bam, thank-you ma’am” era of American Pie, it’s almost as if we’ve forgotten that, sometimes, less is more. With many Chinese men I dated, I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling — and that upped the volume on every flirtation and glance.
Chinese men have also surprised me with sexiness, where I never would have expected it. One guy once invited me to lunch at our favorite restaurant, and ended up hoisting my legs onto his lap (it’s still one of the hottest lunches I’ve ever had). Another time, I balanced on a bicycle frame between him and his handlebars, as he peddled all the way to our restaurant, with his arms tightly around me.
But what about sex itself?
I don’t buy into Philip Rushton’s racist bullshit about the inverse relationship between brain power and penis size. How, exactly, did he carry out his oh-so-scientific research? It must be annoying to hear people who don’t know you (and have most certainly never looked in your pants, and quite possibly never into the pants of any Asian man) comment on the size of your penis. “I heard Asian men have small dicks.” Yeah? Well I’ve heard that Asian men have big dicks. What’s it to you?
Anti-miscegenation laws tried to keep Asian dicks from White vaginas. They were so scared of your sexiness that they had to create laws to assuage their own foolish fears. And after it became painfully obvious that these laws were racist, these nasty little rumors began to spread about the kind of package you were packing. (We won’t even get into the hypersexualized Black man; that’s a story for another day.)
All sorts of different men have all sorts of different penis sizes, but some people act as though a man’s penis size says something about him. Does it make him any more or less of a man? Please. It’s not so much the size of the boat as it is the motion of the ocean, and Asian boats are no different in size than any other boats.
…Stop being so presumptuous. Rule 1: Don’t knock it ’till you rock it. Rule 2: Even after you rock it, do remember that a lady/gentleman never kisses and tells. Didn’t your momma teach you not to believe everything you hear?
That’s right, don’t knock it ‘till you rock it. And, yes Virginia, you can rock it in bed with a Chinese man — horizontally, vertically, a la the Nerve.com Position Of The Day Playbook, loud enough to wake up the neighbors, you name it. That blissful, “the night after” smile you might have seen on my face? Let’s just say it was “sponsored by” a certain Chinese man my Chinese husband, John (sigh).
…I’m so in love with this [Chinese] man, because he’s so good, and strong (in character). He’s fun, and funny, and loving. He’s also very sexy!…
Now, if only Hollywood got that message more often.
Do you find Chinese men or Asian men sexy? Or, Chinese and Asian men, have you discovered and embraced your own sexiness? What do you think?
Models: Justin Zhang, fitness coach and Youtuber (IG: NoobStrength) and
Angelina Bower, beautiful fashion model (IG: musicloveandlies)
Photographer: Ana Hudson (WhiteChocolatePlayer)