Chinese Men Are Sexy

In October, 1999, it was as if I’d finally met my long lost locker pinup guy in the flesh. A sullen, James Dean type in a black leather jacket with a perfect ass. The kind of guy that made cliches like “tall, dark and handsome” drip from your mouth. It didn’t matter that he was spoken for, with a modelesque girlfriend that seemed worlds (and heavens) away from the mortal girl I was. He drove me so crazy, I spent weeks taking cold showers and long bicycle rides just to cool down.

He was a Chinese man.

And so sexy, as I reminded him one evening over the phone, after he left his girlfriend to get together with me. “But I’m a Chinese!” he whispered to me, echoing the ruthless stereotype that somehow infected the modern world — that Chinese men can’t turn Western women on.

It’s no wonder we ended up here, given what Sheridan Prasso wrote in The Asian Mystique:

For the most part, what we see of Asian male sexuality is the assertion of a stronger Western virility at the expense of Asian masculinity. In short, the imagery takes Asian men lightly, as less-serious competitors for women, and less-competent fighters.

Outside the theater, we transfer these perceptions of Asian men to Asian countries. If Asian men on screen are to be easily vanquished, so are Asian male leaders in real state-to-state relations. Even as Fortune columnist Stanley Bing writes in the title of his book, Sun Tzu is “a sissy.” This “lightness of being portrayed” can be seen historically in the descriptions of Asian male leaders such as Ho Chi Minh and Mao Zedong, and now even of Kim Jong Il. It seeks to minimize the Asian male as a threat — and, I argue, quite possibly leads to serious repercussions.

The thing is, despite the best laid schemes of Hollywood and the rest, Western women went to China (and other Asian countries), or started looking at the Asian (and Chinese) men in their own countries. And, then, we discovered some serious studs — who, in my case, just happened to be Chinese — that slid their way into our hearts (and pants). We even shared it with the world, from books such as Foreign Babes in Beijing, Lost in Translation, and The Last Chinese Chef, to blogging about it.

By the time I met my James Dean heartthrob, suddenly all of those stereotypes felt as out-of-date (and trash-worthy) as yesterday’s newspaper.

Jet-black hair and bronzed skin, I love you! Chinese may or may not have the “tall” (my husband doesn’t, but let’s not forget Yao Ming). But there’s plenty of “dark and handsome” to go around. As Priscilla wrote, “…once the blinkers are lifted, ladies, you’ll discover that you are actually surrounded by attractive [Chinese] men.” Add to that Ericka’s post, that Laowai girls like Asian boys (including the many hot Chinese guys).

Mystery is uber-sexy. In the “wham, bam, thank-you ma’am” era of American Pie, it’s almost as if we’ve forgotten that, sometimes, less is more. With many Chinese men I dated, I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling — and that upped the volume on every flirtation and glance.

Chinese men have also surprised me with sexiness, where I never would have expected it. One guy once invited me to lunch at our favorite restaurant, and ended up hoisting my legs onto his lap (it’s still one of the hottest lunches I’ve ever had). Another time, I balanced on a bicycle frame between him and his handlebars, as he peddled all the way to our restaurant, with his arms tightly around me.

But what about sex itself?

First, let’s get a few things out of the way:

I don’t buy into Philip Rushton’s racist bullshit about the inverse relationship between brain power and penis size. How, exactly, did he carry out his oh-so-scientific research? It must be annoying to hear people who don’t know you (and have most certainly never looked in your pants, and quite possibly never into the pants of any Asian man) comment on the size of your penis. “I heard Asian men have small dicks.” Yeah? Well I’ve heard that Asian men have big dicks. What’s it to you?

Anti-miscegenation laws tried to keep Asian dicks from White vaginas. They were so scared of your sexiness that they had to create laws to assuage their own foolish fears. And after it became painfully obvious that these laws were racist, these nasty little rumors began to spread about the kind of package you were packing. (We won’t even get into the hypersexualized Black man; that’s a story for another day.)

All sorts of different men have all sorts of different penis sizes, but some people act as though a man’s penis size says something about him. Does it make him any more or less of a man? Please. It’s not so much the size of the boat as it is the motion of the ocean, and Asian boats are no different in size than any other boats.

…Stop being so presumptuous. Rule 1: Don’t knock it ’till you rock it. Rule 2: Even after you rock it, do remember that a lady/gentleman never kisses and tells. Didn’t your momma teach you not to believe everything you hear?

That’s right, don’t knock it ‘till you rock it. And, yes Virginia, you can rock it in bed with a Chinese man — horizontally, vertically, a la the Position Of The Day Playbook, loud enough to wake up the neighbors, you name it. That blissful, “the night after” smile you might have seen on my face? Let’s just say it was “sponsored by” a certain Chinese man my Chinese husband, John (sigh).

And I’m not the only one. The thing is, many of us have discovered our ultimate pinup guys just happen to be Chinese, like this reader who posted a comment here:

…I’m so in love with this [Chinese] man, because he’s so good, and strong (in character). He’s fun, and funny, and loving. He’s also very sexy!…

Now, if only Hollywood got that message more often.

Do you find Chinese men or Asian men sexy? Or, Chinese and Asian men, have you discovered and embraced your own sexiness? What do you think?

Photo credits:
Models: Justin Zhang, fitness coach and Youtuber (IG: NoobStrength) and
Angelina Bower, beautiful fashion model (IG: musicloveandlies)
Photographer: Ana Hudson (WhiteChocolatePlayer)

114 Replies to “Chinese Men Are Sexy”

  1. Great job Jocelyn! This post made my day and I smiled while reading the text. I don’t understand why so few Western girls seem to be attracted to Chinese guys. Can’t they see how handsome Chinese men are? Even I like tall guys, there is no better than my short (as short as me) Chinese boyfriend. Apart from the looks the best guy is the one who can cook! I just finished eating delicious 土豆丝. I could say much more, but I’m too shy to post 🙂

  2. My Chinese husband is totally sexy, in fact he’s hotter than Jeremy Tang. (Sorry Jeremy, I think it’s the hair.)

    But I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I find white guys and black guys sexier than Asian ones. And after many years of living in Japan and China I think I put my finger on it. Most Chinese guys won’t look you in the eye with an air of confidence that says, “I could make you scream.” Many black guys and white guys will give you that look.

    Sorry if I’ve gotten a little raunchy with this comment. But you started it. 🙂

  3. Love this post too, thanks Jocelyn! 🙂
    Recently, I was discussing that issue with some friends (who have never been to China). They told me they like the Caucasian type of men, tall and muscular. Actually, a lot of men in my home country are not tall and muscular either. But girls think of Chinese man as being too “feminine”. In fact, they haven’t met so many Chinese people in their lifes, let alone attractive Chinese men… it’s all unverified prejudices 😉

  4. that guy in the photo is not hot. he’s wearing eye liner… wrong one…

    You don’t mention Leon Lai? Tony Leung chi wai?

    1. 101010 — You really must be looking at a different picture than I am ’cause I’m looking at the pic and …

      …what was I saying?

  5. Actually, the standards of female and male beauty change all the time. Even if today’s culture favors White and Black males for some reason, it doesn’t mean that they won’t find themselves as outsiders in the future (and will need someone to write a blog in their defense 🙂 )

  6. Interesting topic. I’ve got two unrelated replies for you.

    First, and slightly off topic, one of the very few fully bi-cultural people I know has just launched a blog series about her cross-cultural marriage at Journey of Beginnings. Thought you might be interested.

    Second, I wouldn’t chalk it all up to pernicious Western media stereotypes and prejudices. If you compare the eye candy presented to women in North America and China through the entertainment/commercial media in each society, you’ll see drastically different visions of the ideal male. Tall, dark, and handsome? The Chinese guys I know all want to look super-white, slender (not too much muscle), rich, and like they’ve never even thought about doing manual labour. Apparently Chinese women don’t want “tall, dark and handsome.” Or rugged. I’m not saying guys can’t 打扮打扮 if they want, but a 110-pound, PhotoShop-white, squeaky clean, hairless person on a poster that I have to stop and squint at just to determine his gender is gonna seem relatively feminine, and that’s not due to any latent subconscious racism on my part.

    I wrote some honest cross-cultural gender impressions here: Man, Woman or East Asian Pop Star?

  7. “If you compare the eye candy presented to women in North America and China through the entertainment/commercial media in each society, you’ll see drastically different visions of the ideal male.”

    70% of white females in the US and perhaps as much as 90% down south mean a tanned white guy when they say tall dark and handsome. Irish, tanned German origin or British origin generally preferred!

    “Tall, dark, and handsome? The Chinese guys I know all want to look super-white, slender (not too much muscle), rich, and like they’ve never even thought about doing manual labour.”

    Trying to look white and applying skin whiteners do not a white make. A few light skinned Asian women learned that lesson the hard way in Maricopa county a few weeks ago, when the police mistook the dark skinned Indian in their group for black and left her alone and detained all the light skinned women in the group to check whether they were illegals. Flip side of racial profiling!

  8. it seems that the topic here is more about physical attractions of Chinese men, one thing i totally agree with is that chinese men need to work a bit on the muscle building as some of us looks too skinny. for the skin color, I have to say in China, especially for male, if the color of your skin is darker, it normally means a blue color or a low-class job and vice versa.

    I would like to ask here, what mental attractions do western women expect from Chinese men?

  9. I guess what I meant to say is: the images of Chinese men seen in Chinese advertising and entertainment media often strike the average Euro-American as relatively feminine, like some kind of extreme version of the Western metrosexual male. So it’s not just about Western prejudice; popular Chinese ideals of masculinity can be quite different from masculinity ideals in North America and Europe.

  10. All this reminds me of a funny conversation I once had in Africa with my rural Tanzanian language tutor. One day he explained to me in all sincerity that fat women are more attractive than skinny women, and then laughed so hard (once they got over their disbelief) when we told them that in North America it’s the opposite. Ever since then I’ve been very aware of the fact that a lot of the specifics of what we “naturally” find attractive (fat/thin, dark/pale, tall/short, muscular/weak, smooth/scruffy, manicured/”man-hands,” etc.) have a lot to do with the families and cultures we grow up in.

  11. To: Joel
    “Ever since then I’ve been very aware of the fact that a lot of the specifics of what we “naturally” find attractive (fat/thin, dark/pale, tall/short, muscular/weak, smooth/scruffy, manicured/”man-hands,” etc.) have a lot to do with the families and cultures we grow up in.”

    yes, you are right Joel, you hit the point. it is the culture that makes things different.

  12. I don’t think it’s always the culture. Some people don’t follow their usual cultural norms. Honestly, while some Chinese guys can be ripped like the guy in the photo, most of them aren’t… and as far as my experience goes (and I’m not admitting to all of it here) the cliche about penis size is right.
    That’s not to say that I don’t still <3 Chinese men. I love the slick black hair, and even the fact they can be a little skinny. I'm more about smiles than anything else, so it works for me. Some other girls care more about bodies and yes, most times black guys might be more ripped.
    But Chinese guys can be completely hot. Any race can have hot men and you have to be small minded not to see that. Personally my preference for Chinese guys has more to do with the little things I have learned to love about China (and the fact that I think sweater vests and glasses are sexy) than anything else.

  13. Well,

    I saw this post and just COULDN’T resist. I have been dating my uber-sexy Chinese boyfriend for quite a while now…and I can honestly say I have never been so physically attracted to someone in my whole life! I think he is beautiful. My first attraction was to his great big smile. But I also love his curved eyes, and his perfect skin, and I find his body irresistable. He is somewhat of an inigma to me most of the time, so I would have to agree that the mystique Chinese men have (at least to American women) is totally a turn on. Also, he is all tattooed, and skinny-jeans wearing…but super smart and nerdy and shy…I love everything about him! He is perfect in my eyes, and that’s all that matters. Now that we’ve been dating a while, all my girlfriends are starting to notice all the hot asian boys all around us. They are starting to realize what they’ve been missing…since they’ll spend hours listening to my stories and living vicariously 😉

    He never fails to surprise me, and keeps me on my toes. The longer we are together, the more deeply I love him, but the attraction remains a true constant. [Can’t say that about any boring-ass white boy I’ve dated in my past, lol.]

    I love my Chinese man <3


  14. Hot damn. I will now start hitting the gym so I can be as “ripped” as any average white or black Joe! (Watch out ladies)

  15. Well, I must admit that I (a western woman) was initially not interested in any other culture but my own.

    I loved the idea of the tall, blonde and blue eyed bloke. That was until my eyes were opened after my recent 3 week adventure to China! Chinese men are handsome and now that I have returned home, I know realise what I have been missing out on. =)

    1. @Sara, @melanie ago, @Mali, @101010, @Li Lan, @Crystal, @Joel, @George, @Lee, @Beth, @Michelle, @yang, @Christine, @Yasmin, thanks so much for all the comments!

      Let me respond to a couple of things.

      Joel, you’re right on about the issue of culture in attraction, and certainly the fact that the images of Chinese men in China’s pop culture are different from the West.

      I should clarify that when I referred to Chinese men as being “dark and handsome,” I’m looking at them from the Western perspective — which is, when a guy has even a little color in his skin and brown (or darker) hair, he could be “dark and handsome.” I think of my husband that way, though certainly it rankles him at some level to think he might be a little dark — but the thing is, it’s very sexy to me.

      The other thing is, while Hollywood isn’t 100 percent the reason why we tend not to think of Chinese men as sexy, they’re really not helping either by giving Asian men pretty much NO opportunities to be the sexy leading man in movies. I guess that’s why I’d love to see more Asian men (especially Chinese men) finally getting the girl, and being sexy, in the movies.

      Crystal, thanks for the perspective — who knows what the future will bring?

      Christine, it’s not hard to see why you’d have a crush after looking at those photos. What a guy!

  16. What a great comment about Asian and also Chinese man in this post.WOW. I gonna feel that somebody is very crazy about Chinese men. It sounds very interesting as i am a Chinese man.

    Well, great post!!

    1. My Chinese boyfriend is just amazing! I can hardly wait to see him this evening!! The whole world for me turned totally up side down within a few weeks. I just can’t think about anyone or anything else – just him, him, him and him! P.S. I’m Russian blond woman.

  17. Wow…just reading this made me want to drag my sexy Chinese fiance into the bedroom. I met him at a bar. The second I saw him I told my girlfriends he was the hottest guy I had ever seen…and I’ve seen some HOT men in my life. This Chinese man that I get to call mine is so hot that I can’t even keep my friends’ mothers from trying to run away with him!

    Okay, funniness aside, I know it’s hard for him sometimes. I know he worries that one day I will run away with some football playing, blue eyed Southerner. And it’s not because I have given him any reason to feel that way, it’s literally because he still cannot believe that a girl like me would fall head over heals in love with his heart, his face and his package 😉 We have Hollywood to thank for that.

    I just have to share this post from PostSecret I recently saw –

    1. Hi Autumn, it’s so great to hear from you, and I’m so glad you’re posting more on your site again. Congrats on the engagement in Paris — ooooh la la!

      That’s so funny — so hot you can’t even keep your friends’ mothers away from him! Hollywood certainly hasn’t done Asian men justice by never giving them the opportunity to be sexy on the screen.

      I love that photo! For those of you who haven’t clicked on the link Autumn put up there, here’s what it says (over an old photo of an Asian guy who looks like Bruce Lee, and a white woman): “I’m a white woman who was raised to date within her own race. I don’t care what my family taught me. Asian men turn me on in a way that white men have never been able to.”

  18. Jocelyn,

    “That’s right, don’t knock it ‘till you rock it. And, yes Virginia, you can rock it in bed with a Chinese man — horizontally, vertically, a la the Position Of The Day Playbook, loud enough to wake up the neighbors, you name it. That blissful, “the night after” smile you might have seen on my face? Let’s just say it was “sponsored by” a certain Chinese man (sigh).”

    I’m surprised to see you writing stuff like this. I always viewed you as a more conservative person, but the way this paragraph sounds, it kinda sounds like you aren’t so conservative when it comes to extramarital sex. Maybe I misunderstood you. I hope so! Maybe it would have been different if you would have talked about married couples being pleased with each other instead of just saying, you can rock it in bed!

    1. Thanks for the comment, Lee.

      I wrote that to respond to the stereotypes about Chinese men as sex partners, because just about everything out there suggests they cannot satisfy you. I didn’t name my husband specifically in that section — I went back and forth about it, but I always found it really hard to try and give very, very specific examples from my own life. Let’s face it, sex is a very private thing, and as much as I want to be open, it’s really tough to write about in detail — especially when I know my husband would not be very comfortable about it. Yet, everything I write up there was inspired by my experiences with my husband (so yes, my husband and I have a position of the day playbook, which he actually wanted us to get — and we use it too, and we’ve bothered the neighbors before). Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t have a hot, fun sex life with your spouse.

      As for “rock it in bed,” I simply drew on that from the article I quoted from, because it’s a powerful phrase that, again, suggests a different reality with Chinese men — that they can be very sexy in bed. It may be stronger than you expect, but again, by no means did I write that to suggest extramarital affairs.

  19. Jocelyn,
    Thanks for the reply. Hope I didn’t sound too harsh.
    IMO, for your husband’s sake, even though he knows the truth of course, he (If I were in his shoes) wouldn’t want people to misunderstand you! He is very proud of what you are talking about, so he would much rather you mention him then leave it out there for people to guess what you mean (just something us guys are more sensative about). And I agree about the sex after marriage being awesome.

  20. @Jocelyn
    Wow, I am taken aback by this article, in a good way 🙂

    There are so many points of misunderstandings between Eastern and Western culture.

    As a Chinese Canadian living with Chinese family in Canada, it’s a struggle everyday to switch between cultures. For many of us, the system of subconscious social and communication ‘protocols’ MUST be adjusted accordingly, sometimes as often as stepping inside/outside one’s house.

    A major example: The level of self-confidence deemed normal in Western society is always greater than in Chinese society. Displaying the “Chinese” level of confidence in the US would come across as unassuming, shifty, weak. (hence the stereotypes.. sigh..) Displaying the American level of confidence in Chinese society would make you look cocky, over-assertive, and awkward. Same goes for level of physical intimacy.

    I recall in high school, some girl wanted to hug me because she thought I was cool (we were just playing around) and I refused. And she was like “hug me! come on” I couldn’t get myself to do it because I was never socially conditioned to hug, kiss, or even pat the back. I’ve been hugged by mom less than 10 times in life, and obviously, never by any other relatives. And Chinese parents NEVER kiss their child, even pats on the back are given maybe a few times per year, generally reserved for academic excellence.

    And then word got around that I must be gay because I don’t hug girls, which made me wonder if I ever be considered attractive in western society, despite having grown up here.

    A few months ago, mom was sad/depressed and I hugged her, she was like “Okok.. where did you learn to do that??”


    1. Thanks for the comment, Chris — and the insight into the differences. You’re so right about the kind of self-confidence demanded in Western society. I’m actually a very introverted person, and was very shy as a child, and I often felt handicapped in a world that expected me to be more outgoing and assertive. So I can understand your experience, and the need to, as you say, adjust protocols according to what’s expected.

      I was nodding my head at your phrase “I was never socially conditioned to hug,” because my husband and I come up against that all the time. Sometimes he shows his affection physically in what I consider awkward ways, but I remember that he didn’t grow up like I did, where parents hugged and kissed in front of me (and did the same to me, as you say). So, it’s just a difference, and it’s OK.

      Wow, that must have been horrible to be labeled “gay” just because you didn’t measure up to expectations, in terms of showing affection towards girls. While I can’t speak for every woman out there, I know a lot of us — myself included — find those shyness and awkwardness (at least, what we perceive to be awkwardness in Western society) in guys actually really attractive. Don’t ask me why, I just do.

      LOL, that’s so funny your mom asked you where you learned how to hug!

  21. Of course Asian men are just as attractive as any other race!

    My sister and mum often tease me for being attracted to Asian celebrities such as Bi Rain and Aaron Yan…in my mind, who could resist those sexy dark eyes, that skin-the colour of honey, those abs… *mmm*

    But my other girls’ remarks? ‘His muscles make him look gay!’ ‘He looks like a girl!’ ‘I don’t see what you see, because Asian guys are just not hot!’
    And unfortunately, many Asian guys only listen to these NEGATIVE remarks, which leaves them thinking ‘Finding a compatible white girl is too hard, better look elsewhere…’ And then the cycle begins again.
    Of course, these same lasses will swoon over Keanu Reeves’ almond eyes and cheekbones, or maybe comment on Daniel Henney’s amazing body…so why aren’t these features attractive on an actual FULL ASIAN GUY?

    It upsets me when I hear girls say, ‘I could never date a Chinese guy’…well, why not?

    Maybe it’s just not their type, fair play.
    But why would you rule out an entire race of people in dating prospects?
    That’s like saying, ‘I could never date a Jewish guy’ or ‘I could never date a man with blond hair’…’Why?’ ‘Just because’.

    That’s has no logical basis whatsoever. You never know who you could fall in love with tomorrow…

  22. Oh yes please! Serve me up some of that pre=pubescent teenage hairless boy body, don’t forget to make sure that he hasn’t showered/shaved/brushed teeth on a regular basis! Umm, yummy!

    Just messing with you girls. I came across this site and realize you are filling a niche on the world wide interweb. To each their own. This post just kind of creeped me out…

    1. Li Feng, I am THRILLED to get your comment. Finally, the first proof that I beginning to creep out intolerant morons across the world! (That is, incidentally, part of my mission, written in nice white type under the title of my blog.)

  23. I LOVE asian men. Perhaps because I am truly interested in asian culture. But honestly, I guess in America I’m considered a babe (NOT being conceited) and so it really thrills me to pass by the cocky american guys and dumbfound a really sexy adorable asian guy. I love that it astounds them! And honestly, since so few wester women are drawn to asians, it suits me just fine. More asians for me :))) But I really do feel sad that Americans tend to glance over asians. I’m in college and I met a Chinese guy recently who is in his first year of college, and was absolutely awestruck that I offered to help him with his papers and his English. He asked, “Question, why do you want to help me?” and I replied that if I was in China, I would want for someone to help me. He said that I was the first active American student to want to help him, and that he hadn’t made many american friends, he felt it was because he was shy or had bad English. Now I realize that the american level of confindence or forwardness is just much higher than is expected in asian cultures.
    However, I feel like to live in China/Japan/Korea etc would be HEAVEN. Asian men are where its at. They have the most beautiful hair and skin. And the culture is simply enigmatic. LOVE your blog. It’s so sweet. I’m sooo glad you found your man! 🙂

  24. Hi Jocelyn, I’m Li Longyu, a purely Beijinger, just back from Denmark for my Master, I’m absolutely supporting you. I had some female friends in Europe when I was there, French, German, Latvian, Greek, they are really great friends. I love European ladies, for dating, serious relation, marriage, even day I’m in Beijing. But the problem is that I really need the good opptunity to get know them, and where is your city in China, how is your life there, is it good? right?

    1. @Amy, thanks so much for the comments! It is so awesome to hear from a girl like you, who is perceived as being a “real babe” but would rather go for the Asians. Wow! I’m sure every Chinese man reading your comment will be stunned in the best possible way. I should say, you go, girl! 😉 (Cool link, also)

      @David, thanks for the comment! I always love hearing from Chinese men like you. Did you read my guide for Chinese men interested in meeting Western women in China? If not, that’s a great place to start for some ideas.

    Check this vids off, leave comments, actually
    in CHina, we don’t lack manly men. they could be in sport field,
    and army, plus, most girls, in china dig big, manly, and tall guys too, so, if they are phycially charming, most prettiest chinese gals already took them, so, its rare for Yang niu, forginer babes find pefect china dude, plus, those dudes have some sort of beyond feelings to average guys, so they won’t try hard to speak non-chinese language at all, see those chinese basketball or vollyball players, can u dig one? i am doubting it, so yours “sweetheart”guys probably only from nerds of school level, beacuse they study hard,… right welcome to critise, and I am chinese guy, and my gf is american too , and I am currently in Canada.

  26. Hey Amy, by your words “However, I feel like to live in China/Japan/Korea etc would be HEAVEN. Asian men are where its at. They have the most beautiful hair and skin” Thats flitering, and I disagree, my gf has big difficuties in China, everything is chanlleging, enjoy your postive attitudes, but i can’t stand for when girls said that .. so awsome… so good.. and so cool…. and most beautiful? obessions? not ture and even real, things aren’t that simple, and real, once you experienced deeper and more, you may think thats kinda silly when you look back what u uausally to feel or think, we call it reality.

  27. for those who are strongly attracted to asian / chinese males. i guess they are really into asian food big time…. let’s face it, if you don’t like asian food, you won’t probably want to look at an asian for a potential mate 😉

  28. The couple Asian men that I have had as lovers, were much better than the others I’ve had…But I never thought Asian men weren’t masculine or possibly bad in bed.

  29. li, you said ” Hi Jocelyn, I’m Li Longyu, a purely Beijinger, just back from Denmark for my Master, I’m absolutely supporting you. I had some female friends in Europe when I was there, French, German, Latvian, Greek, they are really great friends. I love European ladies”

    I think that it is a great shame that after spending 2 years studying for a Master’s degree ( obviously in English ) in Denmark, you still cannot speak any Danish, and you did not make friends with any Danish girls.

    You only made friends with other English-speaking foreign students living in Denmark, such as the English-speaking French, German, Latvian, Greek girls studying in Denmark with you.

    If only you had been more open and friendly with Danish people, and you had taken the time to learn to speak some Danish and to make friends with the Danish girls, you would have realized that Danish people just love Chinese people, and you would have had lots of Danish girlfriends and you would probably be married to a white Danish girl by now.

    The problem is that prior to going to Denmark, you had already been brainwashed by the English-speaking media and the racist Hollywood movies into believing that all white girls looked down upon Chinese men, and you never bothered to learn to speak Danish and to make friends with the Danish girls in Denmark.

  30. ” It’s not so much the size of the boat as it is the motion of the ocean” It’s a very funny phrase but it’s true. If I say that MOST of my Chinese friends have extremely defined physique, I will hear criticism from ya. If I say my friend’s quadriceps and knee muscles stick out 2 1/2 inches when he bend his legs , I will hear doubts from you guys. You will see deep cut on his quadriceps in half when he walks that I rarely see with western men. Even though I haven’t worked out religiously for the past ten yr, I still post in the mirror and flex my triceps (shape like a horse shoe) and bounce my chest. It has everything to do with your mind most of the time. Once you have the confidence and drive , it is easier to present yourself to strangers. Today, I offered to COOK for those two White women at a sales meeting, they replied ” beautiful and when ” right away like lightning speed with excitement in their voice. I didn’t even have to take off my shirt to say that. One of the women said ” it’s hard to find a good man ” and she’s beautiful with boobs, curves in all the right places( not fat ) and wears high heels. Beautiful woman !Damn , don’t let this opportunity passes you by when you encounter this situation Chinese men out there!!!!!!! Women in general need good men in their lives trust me. Real women look pass the muscles because they know it’s impossible to maintain such muscles when you get older. You have a wife and kids to feed hint hint . If these two women have good impression of me, they will have the same with you when you talk with them also. Keep talking to them and you will find out.

  31. I remember over 14 yrs ago that my Chinese friends in California wanted me to be in the movie industries with them but I was doing something else during that time. They were in a few background scenes for several movies and I won’t give those names out. They both went to an audition and one Chinese friend talked to a celebrity and his name was Danny Bauda…. something . This celebrity was amazed by my friends’ bodies and one guy is 6’1 and another guy 5’10”. These two friends were all cut up , huge chest and fit on every body parts/ muscle groups. This celebrity “Danny” ( tv host) referred them to several acting agencies . You know if you’re Asian , you’re not in demand in Hollywood. Even you’re a tall, handsome, charming , extremely sexy , muscular juicy asian guy , it’s very difficult to make it in Hollywood as an actor. I see alot of tall , handsome asian men all around in America but they’re not on T,V. why ? tell me ! All of my Chinese friends and I play sports ( basketball, basketball tournment ,etc) and are involved in bodybuilding. I know what you guys think right now that we must be those ASIAN ALPHA MEN ! We don’t want to be labeled as Alpha men. We want to be labeled as normal men like any other men and we want all you asian / chinese men out there to have confidence in yourselves. Another Chinese friend had long hair down to his waist but muscular and cut. I heard that he had a white gf who provided everything for him financially. Yes, it is easier to hook up with any type of women when you’re a little bit fit , charismatic and funny. It’s true that once you make those women laughed , it is easier to get their telephone numbers. Those guys didn’t make $250k and they were hooking up with women from all nationalities ( white, blacks, latina , asians etc) . I know a few Chinese men personally ONLY DATE/ MARRY black or dark skinned women. “the darker the better ” . Oh yeah ! I know another Chinese friend and he speaks fluent Spanish and his very beautiful , sexy gf at that time was latina . Of course, those spanish men were staring at his sexy gf and got jealous. I was working out at that gym and another beautiful white latina was talking and working out with me frequently but she had a kid . Women will see men they like and talk to you and ask you out. Most women will ask you out indirectly and subtly . It happened to me and my friends. Get fit and open your golden mouth and work on your defects guys , you will be amazed how those women act toward you. Control the conversation and you’ll be fine. Normally, I don’t want to talk about my body/phsyique is because I’m married and committed in a marriage ;however, I can comment on all my friends :). Again, I will always have commentators here and out there who will say everything I write is a lie! We are out there but we don’t show our faces on the internet that is all . Remember this , I’m on your side always. I have been commenting here for one yr already whereas other commentators have stopped writing.


  32. I find Asian guys to be super hot, but it might be me wanting what is hard to obtain. Asian guys don’t seem to be fans of black girls…

  33. @Erica, and when they are, they tend to not act on it because of the ppl in their social circle think.

    I’m not black but I am not white or asian and I’m fat, it’s pretty much the same, so I kow how you feel.

    But I do think it’s possible, my bf is Chinese and yeah at first he was uncomfortable but no in a a**hole sense, but he’s over it.

  34. There are so many hot Chinese men. I’ve had many discussions with my friends and some would join in our pleasurable discussions about the Chinese sexiness, but there are also some who do not find them appealing at all (or so they say). Well, I guess ‘One woman’s meat is another woman’s hidden fantasy’. I loved your post! I’m with you on this one though! Not all Chinese men are hot, but there are some nice one’s out there I’ll tell you.

  35. I considered myself ugly ( just being sacrastic ):). I always find something about that I don’t see it’s perfect. I’m just my own enemy! Others say wow Bruce you’re extremely in shape already but why you keep on saying you’re not perfect. Chinese men are like any type of men (black, white, latino etc). You will see some ugly white ,black,latino men also . You are just used to seeing one kind of man around you so you think that kind of man is sexy. If Chinese men have this mentality that only focus on muscles, I bet you will see plenty of muscular Chinese men walking all over. We should bring GNC ( supplements Co.) to China. IF I’m a single Chinese man now that 6’1 215 lbs solid muscles to be honest with you ,MOST chinese women don’t find me attractive or hot! They will be scared saying that I’m voilent :). So some societies see muscles as waste of time. I see it as health and fitness.

  36. I was at the library checking in a book I went to leave. I saw this asian guy with glasses smiling at me. I smiled back & thought weird why is he smiling at me. I hurried to push the door open to rush out.
    Then I felt someone next to me I looked up it was the same asian guy who was inside the library. I heard a voice whisper your beautiful. I got out the last set of double doors trying to leave & avoid him.
    I thought hes just talking to someone on the phone. Yet he was annoying he stood right in front of me & said don’t you reply when someone compliments how cute you are. I told him who cares.
    I went to leave I heard him say have I met you I said no of course not.
    He replied with are you single.
    I said shutup & go away I don’t like you.
    Then he said that if I belonged to him that he would never let me go. He told me that I sound like I don’t care that he wants to make me care.
    A cop passed by the asian guy said come here let me have your number he grabbed my hand. I pulled my hand away & cursed at him saying I was going hurt him. He backed up looking shocked. I started to laugh cause I’m my height is (6.0)ft & I’m stealthy also I’m a black female. His height & frame us tiny. He started to laugh also. He got closer to me taking his phone out.
    I gave the number then he told me to stand there while he called me to make sure it wasn’t a fake number to be continued….

  37. After three days he texted me saying he wanted to see me.
    I wondered why this asian guy wanted to see me. I thought maybe to be friends & that he only wants someone to talk to.
    He texted me that he’s chinese a manderin speaker with some cantonese he knows.
    I thought what the hell is he talking about.
    The date day I got lost in seattle trying to find a stupid mini golf course. He asked me if I ditched him I said no. I arrived shortly after he looked mad he came & told me it was closed I saw it was we agreed to just walk around. He asked me for a hug I said okay since I was late.
    He hugged me It felt awkward so I went to push away. He hugged me tighter his lips kissed my cheek. I was upset I told him don’t no hugs okay don’t kiss.
    I heard him say why not?
    I said friends only okay no date just friends.
    He cut me off with a sharp response.
    Um why not.
    I murmured because… I couldn’t even respond why not.
    I stared at him I saw light brown eyes almond shaped a soft smile on his lips.
    He reached to grab my hand I went to pull it back. He came closer he asked me why are you shaking is it me or are you cold? He grabbed my hands to warm them I didn’t even know I was shaking. He started to say he wants more than friends he hugged me. I felt angry at myself. We went to walk around to look at some shops before closing. He was holding my hand tightly. He smiled then told me he didn’t know if I would of showed that he was happy to be near me.
    And that he wants to see me later he walked me to my car then he smiled. I heard him say with his thick chinese accent give me a kiss & hug. I was putting something bought in my car I turned gave him a hug then I laughed. Yet he grabbed me against him he looked stern & said I will kiss you very good well he got his kiss that sealed it.
    And right now we are engaged.. He told me I belong to him. He’s dominant & bossy yet I love him.

  38. I love this of chasing girl style. Yes, being bossy works ,too. Some chinese men do chasing women like this

    1. @cloud, thanks for sharing your story. I loved reading what you shared in your comments, and I must confess you piqued my curiosity to hear more about it. If you’re ever interested, you’re welcome to submit it for my Double Happiness series. I especially think a lot of women of color would benefit from your story — there just aren’t enough stories out there about women of color and Asian men finding their happily ever after.

  39. Your right about that there seems to be not much blogs on colored/chinese descent coupling.
    Well my Tekhelet…I will have to see how Tekhelet feels about me pasting his face on net. I might have to fake being upset to get him to say anything on video. He’s working in another state when I see him….I will make a video of us together. Yet if you wish you can blog my story about Tehke… A chinese man & Cloud a colored woman.

  40. Hi, I’m Michelle, recently married to a Chinese man. We’re coming up to our first anniversary (July 29th) and I have to agree. Chinese men are very handsome.
    Obviously beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that everyone has their individual tastes. But for me, my husband is very handsome. But he also has a very strong personality, is independent and very loving.
    Me being white has never been a problem for him (or his family – Mami loves me to bits and is literally dying for a grandchild! lol), although he does refer to me as his ‘Chinese girl’ – my mom is Chinese, although I think I take after my dad more (he’s English/Arab).
    All I can say is that I love him to bits, he is lovely and caring and I miss him loads (he’s in Hong Kong at the moment :'( )

    P.S Sara! I know you! We were studying Chinese at Guangzhou uni at the same time!
    How are things going with you and your boyfriend??

  41. I think for Chinese (or Asians) the sexy part is manifested from inside out. Our average physique is comparably smaller although certain parts of the country (China) have plenty of tall and masculine guys. But traditional Chinese male images in the west are based on men from Canton where early immigrants originated. A lot of attractive Chinese men might not want to be labeled as sexy. The culture values good boy image – good education, respectful, good looking and reasonably reserved. Being sexy (in a western definition) can be frowned upon and earn bad points for you.

    That being said, sexy is not always the image Chinese men want to project. Something to keep in mind.

  42. I don’t know which part of my ancestors were from but my dad was tall. All my brothers and I are masculine chinese men. I can be sweet at times but can be very rough also. I guess we were taught to be masculine when we were young.

  43. BRUCE!!!!,


  44. @ WItch,
    So you love it huh? 🙂 lol. Please I want you to laugh. Being happy is my ultimate goal!!!Money just makes it better but not an option to be happy.

  45. honestly I had a chinese bf and what I found him sexy is his eyes.. I love china eyes!! bruce will you not grant my request? haha lol just kidding..

  46. @Witch,

    So you want a picture huh? Spare me please. I’m begging you! *LOL*WINKS* :). I better work on every single muscles baby. I will work out until I throw up and post for the picture. Soooo round and juicy!! sound so funny hahhahahah . I love it!! :). I do flex my muscles all the time . It’s becoming an illness now 🙂

  47. bruce,

    hahaha.. that’s a bright idea, however don’t you think it will be unfair for the others for not seeing your muscled body haha!!!! just kidding big bro!!! I just add an spice to the topic and it’s proven that chinese guys are really sexy not only with their body but with their personality!! high five.. i love chinese guys!! haha

  48. @Witch,

    In person, people are attached to my personality later on because I won’t get so closed at first to people. I just don’t have time to waste due to my job. I comment here on my break time only. Nah they don’t need to see it because they DON’T want to anyway. Life is unfair and not every person will have the same interest like pursuing a healthy body, a healthy mind or a healthy hobby. I can talk to almost anybody on any subjects. I’m getting older and have a busy schedule so maintaining a nice body is really hard. This is what I’ve learned about a person’s personality so far. Sometimes, it takes the right person to make another person talks and I’m that person. You can be 18 or 81 yrs old and I still will have something to talk about. At least I don’t photoshop my picture hahahhahahaha it’s all real :). I sometimes talk and feel like a teenager. It’s all in your mind. Last week, another friend ( 45 yrs old) came to my office. He looked stressed out and looked old for some reason. Normally, I wear tight shirt and my powerful arms really pop out. The friend said ” you are really fit and you really show it”. Eventhough I’m a consultant who works in a office but I love physcial activities including digging trenches, hiking, anything related to resistence and sweating. Anyway, I’m energized all the time when I’m talking with someone but I can be like a dead fish, calm and quiet because I really need time to myself to enjoy. As long as my wife says my body is perfect and sexy, I don’t care what people say ahahhahahehhehehe lol yeah baby!! * giggling* hehehehe. I really have to watch what I say here because some people are very very very “sensitive” and I don’t want to mess up the right moment for everyone .

  49. Bruce,
    witch is right here, if you are gonna share your muscles you better do it with everyone.
    After all we are here reading your comments and laughing our heads off!

  50. I’m a male laowai of the homosexual variety and I love Chinese men. The same stereotypes prevalent among Western females that make Asian men undesirable are also widespread in the gay community, and perhaps more overt (if dating site profiles have anything to say about it). Alas, living with China is both a blessing and a curse. 1.3 billion people means 700 million men, and if 5-10% of them are gay, that means a sea of 35 to 70 million homosexual Chinese. Unfortunately, social pressures lead most of them to stay in the closet and marry women. While my foreign appearance and mannerisms peak their curiosity, that just means a lot of potential hookups rather than real relationship potential. Still, I can dream that one day I’ll find the one, who will love me enough to move with me to a country where we can be open and even get married. I can dream.

  51. Yeah, there’s women shortage in China. So you Western devil girls’d better come and pick yourself up a China man!!!

    Although you have to behave know what Im saying? Cause in China Men = first 🙂

    he he he

  52. but i got refused by a belarus girl,,she said imher type of taste,,,but need to make sure..
    but finally,she refused by telling me im too short,,only 175cm,,she wants tall guy 190cm with masculine,,but i told her,,i have prepared for exam of candidate of graduate school,,so i didnt work out for more than 1 year,now i got into a very prestigious uni in beijing…i told her,,now i got admitted,,i can work out to get masculine,,give me 2-3 months…but she just answer me i dont know wether i would like you then,but i advice you find another one…
    it is not hard to approach white girls,,it is hard to find white girls who dont care much about appearance,,not that picky about height…im taller than her,she is 171cm….btw,there are very few guys in china that are 190cm.
    if there are girls into email each other)dont forget to contact me then)

    1. chinese are generally short. you are a rare tall one. in fact, more than of half of chinese men are 155-158 cm tallest. I went to china twice and i have notice this.

      Thais are generally taller than chinese because we have black ancestry. It is four times easier in thailand than in china to find 170 cm tall thai girls and 180-185 cm tall thai men.

      Chinese immigrants of pure blood in thailand of both sexes are short and supershort. a lot of chinese women of pure blood in thailand are as short as 145-150 cm. A lot of chinese men of pure blood in thailand are shorter than me by 3-5 inches. i am a 160 cm tall thai women.

  53. I don’t really have a race preference, so long as he’s a truly good man. Yes, I still prefer my men to be good looking. Thing is, you can be the handsomest man on earth but if you have a bad personality I’ll think you’re a douche and not touch you with a ten foot pole.

  54. hello! I am a Chinese, I worked in Shanghai. I like sports, running, swimming, tennis. I like to cook. Like to read. I am 26 years old, born in 1988. I want to find a western girl fall in love, get married. I like western girls. If you like me, we’ll embrace kissing! Dear, I miss you, I wait for you.

  55. Chinese men are sexy and are expressed in the following poems:

    “墙里秋千墙外道, 墙外行人墙里佳人笑, 笑渐不闻声渐悄, 多情却被无情恼”

    Black men stink! White men smell cheesy! Their dicks are longer but too soft.
    Chinese men’s dicks are 短小精悍. As you can witness, the Chinese nation has
    the biggest population than any white man or black man nation because Chinese dicks are working better than black or white ones.

    1. my thai father is super reddish dark, and my grandmum is a super light thai girl married to my thai super dark grandfather.

  56. Posts like these are building the counter narrative to the one provided by a European American culture. I’m hugely appreciative of the author for expressing her feelings honestly and becoming part of a bridge (with sex on the other side folks!) I’m late to comment, but great post!

  57. I can barely believe I only found your site a couple weeks ago. I’m so impressed with your continually positive message, and it made me feel good reading this post and some of the nice comments too! Thank you. BAP Blog.

  58. i do not understand why chinese tend to use english names. unlike thais, we love using thai names, even nickname in thai language is more modern than nickname in englsih.

  59. Hey guys,

    So I’ve been pondering a lot for some days, and I need some good from foreign women who have dated/married Chinese men. I have been living in China for 7 months now, and I met a guy at a costume party in June, we texted and he wanted to learn English. He was always super sweet, but I was busy at different times and he wanted to do many things together, but I couldn’t, and we only had dinner twice. I was going on holiday with a friend in July and August, and he wanted to meet up in Thailand, but it was virtually impossible since we were in completely different places. He started calling me baby, and I said only people who date in America are call each other that, so he seemed interested in wanting a relationship, I said we should talk about it in person. So I didn’t hear from him in a few weeks until after I returned, I let him know I was back on August 19, then the following day it was Chinese Valentine’s Day and he sent me a message with 9 flowers wishing me a long life. So, he picked me up in his car on August 20th and we spent the weekend together, I got to see his business and what he does, and he is extremely generous. The thing is, he rarely writes me now due to his business, and he does write at least a few times in the week. He is my official boyfriend, but a few nights ago, I was drinking with some friends, and a guy friend of mine told me I could crash at his place, he tried having sex with me, but it didn’t happen and I walked out. I felt bad even though he did try, and I haven’t heard from my Chinese boyfriend, but most recently, he posted on his wechat in his comments section that he wants to meet a beautiful Indonesian girl his friend knows, he likes her, and he wanted her contact information. I’ve cried and I’m really uneasy about this whole situation and I thought he was acting stupidly. Usually when we are together, he acts jealous and makes jokes about how many boyfriends I have, and he is a bit reserved about what thinks or feels, despite the fact that he has said he loves me and is making future plans with me. I haven’t heard from him this week, and I don’t know when he’ll be back in town since he’s constantly traveling and I’m really not sure what to think…Any suggestions?

  60. some good advice*

    P.S. I’ve tried telling him about things and getting him to tell me, but it’s frustrating and he just says, “Ok, I know,” since he speaks only a little English.

  61. Absolutely love this post! when I first told my friends back home about my Cambodian boyfriend the immediate questions were as you have described above is he taller than you? Doesn’t he have a small penis? He’s only with you for a green card Etc… People are so stuck in their ways and you know after a few of my friends opened up and actually met him they understand why I’m so attracted to him. He is handsome, muscular, funny, kind, caring and super smart. He keeps me on my toes everyday and he genuinely cares about how I’m feeling like no other boyfriend I’ve ever had. Keep your posts coming.

  62. People in the west definately don’t know how sexy Chinese men are. There is a huge cultural gap between China and…..well, everywhere else. The vast cultural differences cover every aspect of life, including love, dating, marriage, etc. Attraction and desire is one thing that all men of all countries have though, Chinese men being no exception. As an American who has spent half of my life in China, I am able to distinguish the which behaviors are cultural (and so are sometimes meant to be flirtatious). Some western women might not be catching on to these cultural rooted methods of seduction. Of course, I have also encountered straight up Casanovas as well. I personally love the way Chinese men flirt. One time a Chinese guy flirted with me so well……and I married him. Hehe.

  63. I am a Dutch (read: tall, white, blue eyed) woman who moved to China half a year ago. I have always been attracted to Asian men so I really like it here. A week ago I met a Chinese guy I really like and through google research about cross-cultural dating I came across your blog. Great work, thank you for dispelling some of those nasty prejudices!
    I think that in The Netherlands Asian men are less sterotyped than in the USA, because of our colonial history there are many Indonesians living in The Netherlands. My aunt was married to an Indonesian man and I was fascinated by his looks and culture from a young age. Later on I dated a Singaporean guy who told me that NL was dating heaven for him, as he never felt he was judged or rejected because of his Asian looks. This in contrast to Australia, where he grew up and now lives again. He finds it nearly impossible to get a date there and misses The Netherlands.
    I actually met my current love interest because I was talking to a white female friend who mentioned she’s not into Chinese guys (casually dismissing all the millions of them) which made me point out that the guy sitting behind her was actually rather interesting looking. I couldn’t take my eyes of him! I got talking to him and next week is our third date.. wish me luck 😉
    I have to say that I’ve found dating here difficult because I am in my early fourties (so way over the hill by Chinese standards) but that’s a whole other issue. Thanks again for your great blog!

  64. I love it !! Heehehehehh lol . I’m back after disappearing for over 5 yrs. j/k. I just work too much building wealth.

  65. Jocelyn,

    5 yrs feels like yesterday . I’m so sorry that I’m not here often. I just focused a lot on work . Finding a nice, hardworking and adventurous chinese / asian man is not that hard to find I don’t think. I am one of them ! lmao 🙂 . As you can see, China is not like 5 yrs ago so I think chinese men are richer and more educated than ever!!

  66. I have to say Chinese men are sexy. My soon to be husband and I are finally tying the knot in January.

    I was actually surprised when I pursued him 10 years ago. I was nervous since I am African American. We started out as pen pals, then he came to my company for business.

    I was attracted to his eyes since they seem to express everything that he was feeling. I was nervous. I am not tiny by any means and my fear was that a black woman’s figure would not be his type. To my surprise, I am his type.

    At the time he was very traditional. The way he showed affection and his attraction to me included introducing me to different types of tea, cooking new foods for me, and reading poetry to me from the ages. Also, he has taught me how to buy and wear pearls which I love!

    Years later we have adjusted to our cultural differences. Our obligations are no longer needed since he is retired now. My fiancee is older than I am but I think that is a bonus.

    I will be moving permanently to HuZhou next year. See, it does work!

    1. Thank you for the comment, Xiulan, and for sharing your story! I have heard from other African American women who were concerned about Chinese men, and turned out to be pleasantly surprised. Your fiancee sounds like an incredible man, and fabulous that he’s sexy to boot! Wishing you a fairytale wedding in January, and happily ever after in Huzhou!

  67. Hi Jocelyn ????
    How was your presentation? I hope everything is fine! For some time I think that Chinese people are sexy people. As we say in my country “there is nothing written about something”. ???? More than a cultural issue, there is a language gap that has diminished over time. Before I found sexy a tall, blond man with blue eyes. But in truth there are thin Chinese, with short hair, and beautiful skin that are very sexy. I believe that every time there are more girls who think like me. ????

  68. OMG! When I moved to China after living in Latin America I NEVER EVER thought a chinese man could match the sexual prowess of the steaminess I experienced in Latin America. Then I met my guy. The edgy, chiseled hair, the smooth skin, sparseness of words, that look in his eye… and the sweetness. He was kind. I’d be too tired to put on my face cream and he’d do it for me. Cooking with no shirt on in the kitchen… He could even make better greens than me. THEN there was the lovin’. His penis size is a polite serving, but I’d suggest that my man’s love is similar to Chinese cuisine, the meat isn’t the main course, it’s all the other flavors and side dishes. Trust. Me. World. The ladies want allllllll the other stuff! Hands down it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. Since we’re all openly discussing sex, I want to mention blow jobs. I don’t really like giving them, but I’ve found, I actually enjoy surprising my man with a BJ when I’m feeling inspired because his penis is a polite size. No choking! Sexy appearance, sexy in bed, amazing sex. 亲爱的will definitely put you peacefully to sleep at night.

  69. I know that wwam are still rare in america but I was at a banquet last night that disputes that. There were 200 people, 100 white women and 97 white men, and 3 asian men. This was in a small suburb of Hartford, CT. 3 % seems a decent amount.

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