I thought I couldn’t go wrong with the American ginseng root. My coworker Grace — a Chinese girl who doted over me like a mother, despite the fact that she was a few years younger than I — had helped me pick it out. “Her parents will love this,” said Grace as she handed the package to me. The ginseng was displayed in red and gold foil packaging with a matching bag. It was elegant and auspicious — surely the perfect gift for the parents of Mandy, my Chinese tutor who invited me to her home to spend the Chinese New Year in 2002.
But then, days after my arrival at Mandy’s house, I went with her family to visit her grandma and grandpa. There was Mandy’s mother carrying a surprisingly family ginseng package. Wow, they have the same ginseng here in her city, I thought. Until it hit me — Mandy’s mother was re-gifting my gift to her in-laws, right before my eyes. It turns out, the ginseng made them feel too old.
Ouch.
Gift giving has been a lot less painful since I married a Chinese man. I know the basics (avoid white, don’t give clocks, etc.). And I’ve bought more business gifts (think pens and bookmarks) than I’d care to write about.
But knowing what not to get doesn’t get the shopping for your Chinese family done.
So, I’d like to share how I get my shopping done — with recommendations for gifts for the Chinese family.
(NOTE: I call this a “Modest Guide” because I couldn’t begin to cover every single gift possibility — or, for that matter, every single region of China! Remember, my experience is limited to Zhejiang Province. But if I can help a fellow foreign daughter-in-law or foreign son-in-law — or one to be, or on the way — then this post was worth it.)
Any adult in your Chinese family:
Snacks: Western-style pastries, such as sweet rolls or sweet croissants, are a nice treat. Don’t bother bringing them from overseas if you’re coming in to visit; I have an easier time finding these in China than traditional Chinese pastries. Visit vendors the food court of a major shopping center (Bread Talk is one to try), or try supermarkets such as Carrefour, Wumei and Hualian.
Most Chinese love local specialty foods (土特产) — especially if you’re visiting them after travels around China, or live in a Chinese city far from them. For example, my husband’s hometown makes a great smoked tofu, and I give this gift to people of all ages, all over China. Many come in gift boxes available in the supermarkets, or from specialty food vendors (often located in the basements of malls or shopping centers)
You can also bring local specialty foods from your country too, provided they don’t give you too many headaches with airport security. Just don’t bring them your country’s chocolate in the summer — unless you want to present them with puddles instead of presents.
Remember, if your recipient is more elderly: keep it soft. Grandma and grandpa may have a lot of love for you, but (at least for mine) not so many teeth.
For the younger set, reach for some more sophisticated — and crunchier — choices, from Starbucks products to specialty chocolates.
Chinese tea: Premium teas — especially those from outside the recipient’s hometown — make great gifts for people of all ages. They often come in gorgeous containers, with matching bags. Best place to buy is a teahouse or tea store in China, such as Tenfu’s tea or the Huangshan tea company.
Chinese Grandparents (爷爷，奶奶，外婆，外公）
Chinese traditional herbal medicines: Deep in every Chinese supermarket is an aisle almost as fascinating as a trip to the carnival. Lamb’s placenta. Spirulina. Royal jelly. Swallow spit. Nutritional wines. All packaged in boxes too beautiful to throw away — a forest scene from a scroll painting in red and gold foil; a Qing-dynasty emperor perched silently on his throne; traditional Chinese script from a classic book.
There’s nothing that says “filial” quite like these nutritious herbal medicines and supplements. Just make sure you’re choose a healthful and effective one, instead of the fake supplements my father-in-law took. Buy from a large, established supermarket such as Carrefour, Wumei or Hualian.
Multivitamins and supplements: These score high on the “filial” meter. They also usually come with names in English — helpful for any foreigner dazed and confused by Lamb’s placenta or royal jelly. You don’t even need to buy them in your home country either; Watson’s sells an excellent line of high-quality vitamins and supplements. So do many large supermarkets. Amway has some, but a more limited selection. That’s why Watson’s K-Lex line is a favorite. They have everything from a basic multivitamin to Coenzyme Q10. Another bonus of buying in China? You don’t have to write out instructions for them in English.
(Avoid) Clothing: This summer, my husband and I made the mistake of buying bright orange college T-shirts and sweatshirts for grandma and grandpa. “Why did you waste your money?” said grandma. While she usually says that when we give her any gift, we probably did waste our money on these shirts.
Seniors in China don’t wear clothing outside of the indigo-gray-black-brown spectrum. Clothing might work if you stick to super-drab colors. But why bother? Chances are, grandma and grandpa will find the clothing’s style too strange for them anyway.
Chinese Parents (老爸，老妈)/Chinese Brother-in-Law or Chinese Sister-in-Law
Gifts for Chinese parents depend on their age. Are they retired? Over 55? See my recommendations for Chinese Grandparents.
For younger Chinese parents (or a Chinese brother-in-law/Chinese sister-in-law), here are some ideas:
Bath and body products: Luxurious lotions and perfumes for her; cologne for him. Either way, you can’t go wrong with these gifts. Many are available in China — Watson’s or duty-free stores — but your family may love something special from abroad. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law loved the Bath and Body Works cologne and perfume we bought them a few years ago.
Clothing: T-shirts, sweatshirts and baseball caps from your local university or sports team work great for men, and just about any color is fine. But don’t bother for the ladies. I’ve yet to find the same ultra-feminine fashions in the US.
Books: Foreign language learners will love a good read. The choice depends on their interests and language level. One I might recommend for advanced English learners is English as a Second F*cking Language
Young Chinese Children
I only have one 8-year-old nephew, and very little experience giving gifts to Chinese children for the holidays. But I stick to one of three choices: toys, a special sweet snack or pastry, or a hongbao. The hongbao is a red envelope filled with an auspicious amount of money, given to Chinese children during Chinese New Year.
What about you? What gifts do you usually give to your Chinese family? What gifts have been a hit — or a miss?
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- January in China: The Holidays aren’t over yet
- China’s ‘Little Emperors’: Children in country tend to be indulged by families
- Ask the Yangxifu, Travel guides, More posts…Coming up in 2010
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You know how they say married couples fight over three things – money, sex and the kids? In my marriage “gift giving” will trump all of those. I have learned so much in this area over this years, and every single lesson was painful. Here are my thoughts.
Sweets: Good idea to suggest buying ones made in China for the Chinese palette. I have spent hours laboring over cakes and cookies, only to have my in-laws or friends reject them as too sweet. Even if I cut the sugar in half! And forget about gifting American treats like Oreos or Reese’s peanut butter cups – those are definitely too sweet. Other flavors to avoid: licorice or mint-flavored chocolate.
Re-gifting: It hurt my feelings so badly the first time someone in my husband’s family re-gifted something that I had carefully chosen just for them. But I had to get over it. I learned to stop spending so much time choosing a gift that was perfect for them. Instead I started focusing on gifts that could be easily re-gifted! Gloves for example are a good gift that can be easily re-gifted if necessary. Brand-name handbags are another, as well as high-end moisturizers. Lipstick is bad, as are shoes, foundation and anything monogrammed. In the end I realized that re-gifting isn’t meant as an insult to the giver, and it doesn’t mean the recipient wasn’t grateful. And people do it the U.S. as well, they just try to hide it a little more.
Cigarettes: This one is tough! Naturally I don’t want to encourage people to smoke, but if I know someone is a smoker and they will spend lots of money on tobacco, and if I’m going to give them a gift anyway and I want to give them something they can really use, well, cigarettes are perfect. They’re light and easy to transport, they won’t go bad. And they can be easily re-gifted!
For kids: Lego’s. They’re so expensive in China. And all the kids here I know love them.
Avoid: Skin-bronzing products. It would be like giving an American a product that would turn their teeth yellow!
(On a side note, I am forever perplexed by the fact that Americans are obsessed with whitening their teeth and Asians are obsessed with whitening their skin, but neither has infected the other with their obsession.)
Melanie,
Thanks for the great comment — excellent suggestions.
Good point on the sweets. It’s so true that American sweets are usually way too sugary for the Chinese palate. I have given some chocolates here from the States, but not very many — at least, not enough to get a sense that they were overly sweet for Chinese.
Your point on re-gifting is so insightful. Now that I think about it, I have seen others in my Chinese family re-gift things.
Nice kids’ suggestion. You know, I did buy Legos for my nephew this summer…but not realizing they were so much more expensive in China. Good to know.
And good call on the skin-bronzing products. That one slipped by me! I guess the whole idea of “milk-white skin” has been permanently ingrained into my consciousness after hearing way too many Qingchun Bao ads (更白，更细，更光洁).
You’re right about the vitamins thing. I know some of my wife’s co-workers who comes to the States from China for the first time and the first store they go to is GNC. Also, my wife’s co-workers from China like us to buy vitamins in bulk, namely from costco.
Along the same lines as vitamins, fish oil supplements are pretty big right now. On re-gifting – I think it’s much more openly accepted in China than in the U.S. When my mother re-gifts, she will often tell her recipient that the item was a gift from someone else.
About the re-gifting, my experience is that it’s extremely common, quite acceptable, and part of the social “grease” in parts of Chinese society. In fact, this subject of re-gifting causes me to wonder if the Chinese invented it! I also wonder if it’s ever been studied by any sociologist (my geeky academic side at work). The re-gifting culture has ended up helping us here, since we’ve been given alot of things we neither can use nor have space for in our luggage going home, and it’s handy to re-give when you are taken to dinner (etc.) by yet another person, as a show of thanks. I won’t go into the countless (and sometimes bewildering) examples we’ve experienced here, but suffice it to say, you are likely helping out your relative, even if they re-gift the item you give them, since there’s always someone they’ll need to give a gift to!
I appreciate the post/suggestions! =) Your knowledgeable perspective on this topic is great help.