Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Men, Sex and Prostitution

A still from a sex scene in the movie, "Lust, Caution."
After her recent dating experiences in China, a woman wonders, should she expect Chinese men to have higher numbers of sexual partners and/or experience with prostitutes? (photo, a still of a sex scene from "Lust, Caution," from

Anonymous asks:

I read your piece about dating pasts and Chinese men, but I have been having the opposite experience. I have dated some Chinese men in China. On each occasion as I became closer with the respective guy I was dating at the time, discussion of sexual history came up. Each had a fairly sizable number of partners (into double digits) and/or they had had sex with a prostitute. All other things considered, these were nice guys who treated me respectfully and didn’t seem to be players. I appreciated their truthfulness, but their sexual history combined with often poor sexual health practices (I blame poor sex-ed) kept me from becoming physically involved with any of them. My questions are these:

Are the men I’m meeting just outliers, or are higher numbers of  sexual partners increasingly common among Chinese men in their 20s?

Could Westernization partially account for the higher number of partners?


I’ve met my share of bad boys in China. The guy who flirted with me, but had a fiancee. One college student who boasted of how many women he slept with, another who visited prostitutes. Even among my husband’s friends, one guy used QQ to score one night stands, and another who taught college slept around with one student after another.

And let’s not forget all of those articles we’ve all read — from college students in China shacking up in rent-by-the-hour hotels to how premarital sex is okay with most young Chinese.

But that doesn’t mean players — and those with prostitutes in their past — are the new norm in China.

James Farrer, one of the few scholars out there studying sexuality in China, recently put out a study about premarital sex, summarized on Chinashmina. Here are some highlights:

For Chinese young adults the requirement for having sex is the comparatively high level of commitment in relationships. It is most usually expressed through promises “to work hard, buy a house, or take the other traveling or as vows, such as I‘ll love you forever or I‘ll make you happy for a lifetime”. Even if these promises haven’t been voiced, there is often a mutual commitment to the common future.

Premarital sexual relationship, however, does not automatically qualify as engagement and Chinese accept that “sometimes things don’t work out.”

Many Chinese interviewees in Farrer’s research expressed the opinion that sex is appropriate only for people who have almost finished their education and are economically independent.

It is probably the result of relative intolerance of Chinese education institutions towards the intimacy (dating) between students.

Of course, Farrer only published his paper based on interviews with a small sample of people in Shanghai (111 interviews total) and the interviews happened between 2002 and 2007. But he’s still respected in the field and his findings make sex in China look relatively conservative.

So does this post from Middle Kingdom Life on sex and Chinese women:

In the context of such a linear and rapid path to coupling in China, it should be readily apparent that casual sex is virtually non-existent here for all but highly Westernized girls and those born and raised in Beijing, Shanghai and, to a lesser extent, Guangzhou. Although social mores in this regard are slowly changing, it would not be unusual to find even a 30-year old virgin in China for—although it doesn’t mean very much in the West—virginity at marriage, still to this day, means something in China, very much so. In a study conducted by the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, 60 percent of 500 single men and women between the ages of 20 and 30 years, living in 25 neighborhoods, reported that virginity is a marriage requirement, while only 16.5 percent claimed that it didn’t matter (People’s Daily, 2003).

Yes, the page is getting dusty (I think they wrote this in 2007), but I don’t think it’s off the mark even for 2012. Notice the asterisk they put on their take on sex in China — that it doesn’t apply to highly Westernized girls or those born/raised in one of the three big cities in China. Which makes me think, chances are you’ve met the kind of highly Westernized guys or locals from one of the big cities, guys that do sex differently from the majority.

But this still doesn’t explain why you ended up finding so many of these guys. I have a theory, though — the “foreign women are sluts” stereotype. It took me years before I realized that I attracted more sexually “open” Chinese men, often guys that I never would have expected to have a player side to them.

Fortunately, though, China still has plenty of good guys to go around. I snagged myself one, who says you won’t too?

What do you think? What’s your take on this question?


Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.

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37 Replies to “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Men, Sex and Prostitution”

  1. There’s certainly something with Chinese guys having an experience with the prostitutes. My Chinese boyfriend (although not living in China) has had such an experience once or twice when he was still a teenager :/ And his brother is going to brothels very often :/ At least it had a bad psychological impact on my bf and he came to the conclusion he doesnt want to do that anymore and that sex with someone you love is much much better and, as he says, ‘sacred’ :p But I guess it’s a more common thng to do in Asia than in Europe or US or AUS….

  2. I tell you that from my experiences living here in China… before got married. I had relations with a few chinese men that definitely knew what they where doing. Some from prostitutes, movies, and even girls that just have sex for free. It is more accepted that the woman be a virgin.. not the man. From asking my husband about it.. he states that when he was in university that is when they started experiencing sex…. but now some of my students tell me… it has moved to High School age. So.. times are changing and I am in a small town. I guess it is human nature to be interested in something that is so taboo over here.

  3. “Everybody is having sex. Why can’t I have sex just like them?”Actually,China still has lots of good men for all the women in the world. The easiest way to explain why SOME Chinese men have sex with prostitutes because WHORE HOUSES ARE EVERYWHERE! The gov’t just keeps one eye opens and one eye shuts!!!!! It’s like seeing fast food restaurants on every single corner . When you see McDonald’s everywhere, you want to try it and then you’re hooked because of the fats and addictives in the burgers . It’s addicting, fast and easy. Same thing with hookers! no strings attached , addicted to the young women and always looking for something, someone NEW. If you don’t have hooker houses all over you won’t have men going to those places. Even a good man can turn into a bad man. Those high ranking officials are going to whore houses so they just don’t ban prostitution completely. Some men will wake up and some men won’t . If you haven’t eaten lobsters before , you are eager to try and try several times . When you eat lobsters all the time, you are tired of them. Anything that you do too much or eat too much you will give up. This is how I explain here in order for some of you to understand easier! I stand by with my comment! Having one night stand is for free and prostitution will cost you. Both have no strings attached. When money is involved, our feelings are different you know. I know a lot of Chinese American men who are extremely good men and I do hope they will find western gfs. I know a lot of women want to reconfirm with us to see if there are actually still some good Chinese men out there. I know . Are there some good white or western men out there also or they’re having one night stands at the clubs or hooker houses? 🙂 lol . I love it !!!

  4. It’s in the genes!! To say that Chinese men have more multiple sexual partners would be quite a throw-down challenge on bed post count for western men. Historically, Chinese men show/stimulate their “maleness” through how their wives’ obedient attitudue in public and at home; there was a period of time when the first wife could not conceive a son for her husband, she was even obligated to search for another woman for her husband in order to make it known that she was generous lady. One Ming Dynasty emperor had 3000+ wives (don’t drool) and while this emperor was considered a good king, he was also labeled a man with strong “vitality” – it is a “status” thing for Chinese men, mostly. If I may quote a statement made by my own brother who had various intimate lady friends prior his settling down to his current marital bliss, he said, “I had the need as a man, she had a need as a woman, we fulllfil each other and we both are happy.”
    As for moral judgement, well, that’s between him and his god.

  5. It is not surprising that as a country develops, more and more opportunity to meet and have physical relationship with the other sex increase. Hence, the increasing number of Chinese men having multiple sex partners. So it is not surprising. But that is not the same as saying that every or most Chinese men have multiple sex partners or want to. It is more or less the same in every country I believe.

  6. @Tiffany,

    That is true during ancient time that the Emperor had 3k plus women and some women he hadn’t seen before. Some women used bribery in order to see the Emperor and slept with him. That is very true. Those Emperors average age was 45 to 50 yrs old due to too much sex. Viagra and Cialis were not invented during that time LOL OMG :). The Emperor had to settle with deer penis / seal penis soup cooked with herbs :). sound funny but it’s true. I’ve discussed this subject with a bunch of friends a while ago. soo funny.
    Tea House in Taiwan huh? Men are very nasty ( sexual) . That’s why we are men :).

    China can solve prostitution problem and it’s simple. The commander in chief can plan out an operation within a yr and crack down Hooker ( Whores) houses . They can do a NATIONWIDE PROSTITUTION CRACKDOWN for only day. Send out 500 thousands armed soldiers ( China has 1 million plus soldiers ) and shut down all those hooker houses within one day. Make a national law to forbid prostitution anywhere in China. Let Gov’t officials know that they will be prosecuted to the fullest for going to whore houses. I know and understand that we can NOT shut down all prostitution activities anywhere or worldwide but we can LIMIT the activities. Those high ranking officials and those guys who operate those hooker houses are in the same group and are connected. Wake up man!!! The question is are you willing to do it and change for the better and not sitting on our butts just talking. Action speaks louder than words. In America, we have huge prostitution problems also all over the escort services ( hookers), internet etc. You name it. We have prostitution in all kinds of form. Sex trade in America and worldwide is HUGE ! I have a friend who studies about sex trade in the world so I know alot of things here.

  7. When it comes to that, I’m not sure who or what to believe in. A guy claims one thing, but for all I know could be lying. On QQ I met plenty of jerks that wanted one thing and never the other, while I wanted the other thing (to talk about different things, not just sex.) Sorry you had to meet such jerks and lets hope that Year of the Dragon will be more kinder to you.

  8. @Bruce: It’s true that there is no shortage of prostitution in China, and that the number of brothels and their locations in areas like where I live, an area with very few resident expats, suggests that they’re certainly not all serving the expat market. So, yes, there are plenty of Chinese men using prostitutes. But two points:

    1: Prostitution is completely illegal in the PRC. The problem is not the law, but enforcement. And as you point out, there are plenty of corrupt cops and officials using the prostitutes.
    2: Using pejorative terms like ‘whore’ really doesn’t help anybody.

    Back to @everybody: I’m not persuaded by the “westernisation” argument. “Liberalisation”, yes, but let’s remember first up that traditional communists of the kind who’ve run successful revolutions (USSR, PRC, etc) are moral conservatives. It was in Western countries starting about the ’60s and ’70s where leftist types suddenly went all liberal. The CCP leadership is still very puritan. Secondly, let’s take a look at Chinese cinema and literature. “Raise the Red Lantern” show’s life in a family whose head had four wives, and took a fifth after the death of one. I doubt that’s the kind of multiple partners Anonymous is asking about, so let’s look closer. The wife who died was executed for having an extra-marital affair. In Yu Hua’s “To Live” (n.b. the book, not Zhang Yimou’s film adaptation), the protagonist, Fu Gui, goes into quite some detail (nothing graphic, mind) about his experience (and he had plenty of experience) with prostitutes, and he was married at the time. And yes, this is contemporary cinema and literature, but 《金.瓶.梅》(dots added to push the characters apart just in case Nanny objects) and the pre-revolutionary history of the Dashilar area just south of Qianmen in Beijing show that these contemporary writers and film makers are describing historic reality. And let’s face it, you don’t get the world’s largest population if your people don’t enjoy a good shag. So rather than “westernising”, perhaps China is returning to it’s traditional situation in which, like in much of the world, young men were allowed, even expected, to “sow their wild oats”, while young women were expected to be all chaste and pure? Perhaps this extreme, severe moral conservatism was something imposed by the communists post 1949?

  9. Sveta,

    When I was single and available ( 16 yrs ago). I was online talking to women and sex was never talked about. One Southern Bell loved talking to me. She was cute, tall, and pretty. She was a nurse. Timing was not right. We lived thousands miles apart. Men like me who look for a serious relationship don’t talk about sex. We never thought about jumping in bed with women right away. We could stay in the same room and nothing sexual would happen over night.

  10. Nothing new or unusual really. It applies to all men, not just Chinese men. As far as I’m concerned, its ok. But with prostitutes, it really shows how low certain men would go.

  11. I personally dont think going to a prostitute is so bad… better he pay and get his sex on. Thank to rape someone on the street due to frustration. Everything has its place…. if you are alone… you have to do what you have to do. Now.. if your married… that is different you have a wife and someone to come home too. But.. if you are single and you want to be with a prostitute…. knock yourself out.. just practice safe sex is all. I dont know why all you guys are shocked… it isnt called the oldest profession for nothing.

  12. @lifebehindthewall: Sorry if you read any expression of ‘shock’ in my comment, you’re absolutely right about prostitution being the oldest profession.

    I do, however, want to point out that most rape victims are raped by somebody they know well, a family member or close friend. Rape of a random stranger happens, of course, but is much rarer than popular perception suggests. And the little I know on the subject suggests that it has less to do with a simple animal release of pent up sexual energy, but is motivated by much deeper, darker psychological issues.

    And it would be nice to believe that all prostitutes are in it of their own free will, but let’s not forget just how often they aren’t, and how many prostitutes have been kidnapped/sold/deceived into sexual slavery, often trafficked across international borders, to boot. I certainly can think of worse things to do with one’s spare time and money than visit a prostitute, but I hope that those who do avail themselves of such services bear in mind they may well be financing some pretty horrific abuses of human rights.

  13. it is true.. in some cases.. it can be very bad… but in most cases in China… with the Pink houses that are everywhere…. the girls are doing it for the money and at their own free will. We visited one just to see what was inside… and these women are trying to make money to feed their families.. some even had their kids in a back room watching tv or having dinner.

  14. Is that a new trend in China ? Man, the world is changing fast.

    I always feel that America is conservative comparing to Europe, now it seems to be also conservative comparing to China … Oh well, suits me 🙂

  15. When you go to clubs to pick women to drink w/ you in china, those are hookers.
    I heard from friends that there were hundreds of women to pick from in one club only. Yes single men can do whatever they want but married men should be careful. Bad for marriage.lots of headaches at home. Believe me!

  16. I often get told how “open” I am considered as an American, because most Chinese, especially in the small town where I live, get their American culture from movies and TV (thank you very much Friends, American Pie and Desperate Housewives!). Even my husband still thinks that it must be what most of America is like if it’s shown in the movies. Before I was married, a friend and I lived on campus at a school and had invited friends over for the evening. However we’d specifically invited Zhang (my now husband) over earlier to eat dinner with us because he was a good friend of ours. Well another guy showed up an hour early and later asked Zhang what the three of us had planned to do together and if he came over often! I couldn’t believe it when he told me this months later, after we started dating.
    Somewhat related to this topic, my husband just told me that it’s very common for younger girls to not be virgins when it comes time to get married, but they will lie about it and have an operation to have a new hymen created so that their husband thinks that they are. In a recent news story, one woman’s surgery was a failure and major problems followed.

  17. Pft!!!!

    Why the double standards? In Europe and the USA visiting prostitutes is normal. Its just that people admit it differently.

    It is not a new thing either. In that if you look at the literature in the 30s and 40s Orwell or Miligan. They admitted to visiting WGs frequently and had money problems. Miligan’s entire platoon went to Brothels for ‘knee tremblers’

    While if you look at lads mags recently they have comparisoms. Like what would you rather do spend £80 on a date or go to a brothel and have a sure thing for £80?

    Hell Amsterdam has a whole area devoted to such things, and there are brothels all over the place, there is even one outside the dropzone in Spain I sometimes go to. Working women standing by the side of the road everywhere in Spain, Greece and Italy?

    What accounts for the demand?

    In fact there are huge websites devoted to such hobbies. Are we to assume that a small number of people use these services? Or are we just looking down our noses at those slitty eyed evil people?

  18. @Everybody

    Isn’t this pretty much prostitution in action? Or it is somehow different? Because money is exchanged indirectly? And because it is formalised and there is some sort of paper contractual agreement.

    How can we say oh this method is acceptable when another means is not. So if I pay via Mastercard its OK, but when I pay with VISA or AMEX it is not?

    Damn I’m so put off dating women in Asia maybe I should go gay or something. Dates are like frigging job interviews. Why should I put up with that? Its even funnier sometimes when they say they don’t care about money but the first question out their mouths is how much money do you make? Or it is disguised like what car do you drive? Do you own a house?

    FFS, when working in a high power job I was looked at like a meal ticket or some juicy steak to a starving person.

    I ask again what is the difference?

    Both parties will not play without money…. so what is the difference? Other than being taken to the cleaners by the divorce courts and having to pay a ton of alimony for decades!

    No thanks.

  19. @Bruce .. in those bars that have the prostitutes.. they have men that are prostitutes also… I even spoke to one of them who told me out right… that women are 200 rmb and men are 500 rmb… and that was from a man. So it isnt only women…. who are doing it. Right now in China.. money is king… so some people will do whatever it takes to make money. As for the government cracking down… why should they? When they get a cut if the place stays open. China isnt the pure, and moral place you think it is. At eye level they make you think they are so good and respectable.. but under it all they cheat, lie, use hookers and drugs. That isnt because of the western influence it has always been here. They just cover it up so other countries dont see it. I live here… and I see… marriages.. where after the baby is born… the Husband finds a mistress or 2, or prositute… or the Wife gets a boyfriend. They see nothing wrong with it .. as long as on the face… they look like a happy family. China isnt as innocent as people think it is.

  20. Lifebehindthewall,

    Yes, those men are gigolos ( Cantonese called “Duck” , English called male prostitutes). They serves those HORNY mistresses (Rich bosses control them with money while they are away from town), widows, single ,career driven women. When they are itchy, they want to be scratched . ahahhahhahahehehehhe lmao! 🙂 lol. j/k. Okay back to serious stuff. There is dark side to every countries on the planet like U.S , Japan, China, The British, etc. The public will never see bad things that are going on. I just don’t like high ranking officials in China ,Vietnam ( Communist System) . There are good things for Communism but other things are very misleading like misuse of power/authority for high ranking officials for those Communist countries. To make it short, they mislead the people into believing Socialism/Communism is FAIR for everyone instead those people who are in power STEAL money from the gov’t ( people) and buy real estates( multi millions dollars) , send their relatives , kids to other countries for educations. They buy Lamborgini, Ferrari ( $400k to $600k) for their kids to crash! I don’t care which countries you come from whether it is America , China, Japan, Spain , Italy etc. Corruption will occur once you’re on top . Those top guys will never suffer only common citizens. Watch the news around the world and get educated! I like America is because there is a check and balance system and the media is always on 24/7 but other countries NAH!

    Regarding those rapists, criminals , child molestors , I have a perfect plan to take care of those guys/womens! I won’t say it here but I always believe in a safe ,respectful society where you can walk on the street 6pm to 8 am until next morning that you don’t have to be afraid. You can open your door at night to sleep. We can leave our stuff outside that nobody even want or think about stealing. In order to make this society successful, you have to restructure the education system starting very young age. We must not have LENIENT laws so rapists, criminals, child molestors will NEVER EVER COMMIT AGAIN. It’s going to be called NO EXCUSE ONE STRIKE policy. I know a nice guy like me can have such strict ,effective comment for this issue. Are you sicken tired of the system failing you again and again? Letting criminals, rapists going in and out of jail again and again. Our gov’t ( the people, us) is paying the bills. It’s like getting raped again and again. You can not imagine how many people feel the way I do right now. If I’m a bomb, I could explode right now!

  21. I know it’s very easy to generalize everyone, but Jocelyn is right. There still are plenty of good guys and gals in China. Still plenty of virgins (in body and/or spirit). Even some of the ones who had sexual relations before, can be good people too and committed to relationships. So yes, the good ones exist.

    First, this isn’t directed towards anyone in particular, believe me.
    I’ve seen plenty of comments and stories all over the net, media and in person, regarding sex in China. I think the one thing I get tire of reading and hearing is how so and so live or spent time in China and how anyone who disagrees with their views don’t know what they’re talking about (both Chinese and non-Chinese people say that). Despite any contradictions or exceptions. Once in a while it’s justified to say that, but I think too many people overkill that type of reasoning. It’s getting really stupid to be honest.

  22. @ken.. you really cant see the difference between prostitution and getting married to someone that is stable and financially secure? Really? Come on… Marriage is much different. And it isnt because of a piece of paper. It is different because of the fact you are looking for more than just sex…. if you think they are the same.. you really have issues.

  23. Is it? Why is it different. If you have no money in both situations you are out.

    Marriage is stupid and dangerous anyway, in the western world there is no reason to get married. There aren’t even any tax incentives anymore. I know far too many men who were taken to the cleaners by ex wives. Why on earth would you want to put yourself in such a situation.

  24. Your wife really cares for you ( marriage) and I do mean that if you have a good woman , a good wife . Bad wives will look for gigolos or men/bfs ,too. Mistress “tries to care ” for you just to get financial/emotion stability from you. Very low percentage that a mistress really cares for you. Majority of mistresses DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU , genius!!!!! Those are the ones looking for gigolos or bfs on the side. Prostitutes DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU ABSOLUTELY. Prostitutes only care about making money to support their lifestyles/families. Making fast money within a few yrs is the main goal.Everything I say is based on percentage like how many people are good and how many people are bad!

    Ken, I know how you feel and how you look at marriage or dating a steady gf/fiancee. I understand. I have discussed this for a while. I always hear that such and such men get ruin financially by their ex-gfs/ex-wives because those women take half or almost all the combined savings. I asked to that situation in group discussion ” if all those women only think about stealing/cheating your money, why don’t we just go out and screw all over the world and don’t get married/engaged. Just slap asses all night long until we die.” Not every women are like that man. You have to seek out the good ones. You have to be a smart person and don’t just get melt away by her beauty when she talks. F…… think with your big head man!:). You have to date a woman. Do you two joke around and laugh together or with a group?You just talk like two logs all the time. Tell me is that a match? My advice is only don’t get married if you know that you’re hard to work with, hard to get along, hard to please and if you have wandering eyes all the time ( it’s okay to look at women , their sexy bodies , big breasts, nice butts 🙂 ) but don’t act on it. Do you have self control huh? who knows! SOME WOMEN dress nice on the outside but stinky, lazy, dirty( untidy) at home. You really have to be a smart man okay. Don’t ever get married or think you can be in a marriage if you can’t be with one person period!!! amen………… Why celebrities can’t stay married for long? think about it.. Once you’re famous, women will stick to you like leaches. They don’t care if you’re married, single, engaged or gay!! I understand everything here it’s just that I don’t want to say alot of things here.

  25. I know many career driven women who are only looking for love. Those women just got married last year. All those women made over $ix figures a year. I know those men they married ,too because those men are my friends. :). Last week, I was talking to some acquaintances and this guy was driving a lamborghini aventador. Sorry I can’t pose pictures. He is still single ( Asian). I told him that you shouldn’t drive that car to meet good women. Most women will never look at you as a nice ,good man. I offered him another of my car so he could drive in disguise. To be honest with you, money is important but it’s not #1 important on the list. YOu need to find a woman who understand that concept. I told my wife ” you’ve dated me a poor man and married me a poor man. Why didn’t you pick a rich man to date/marry? she replied rich man doesn’t have good heart like yours.” I still do believe there are good women around the world who believe in that concept. If you’re poor now, doesn’t mean you will be poor for life. We have come a long way to pursue happiness. You know rich men have to work long hrs and all that traveling to support the lifestyle. The possibility of your men having affairs is 1000 times higher. A poor man has the same level of happiness as a rich man. Another woman I know here . She married a man we know and he gives her monthly allowance to spend and travel but he never spends time with her :(. Tell me which one is a loving relationship. You have a choice to pick. Your future is in your hand.

  26. @Bruce… there is a saying in China…”I would rather cry in a Benz, than smile on a bicycle” … This answers your question about what most women in China think about a loving relationship. Even one of my friends said… I have loved and married a poor man .. why cant I love and marry a rich man?” It is all about security…. no matter how much you love someone.. you cant live on only love…. you cant eat love.. or live in love…. a woman needs stability. My husband isnt rich nor is his family… but because I make decent money.. it doesnt matter. But If I was a poor woman… I would diffinitely want someone that i better off than I am. This is not prostitution .. this is natural instinct. Go back to Maslow’s Hiearchy of Needs…. When a person doesnt have money… that is the first thing they want… if they dont have food… you know the deal. I dont think it is wrong if someone wants to marry well and get a better life. People have been doing for centuries. It isnt going to Change now….

  27. Don’t say that, honey! You’re scaring a lot of single men here. I don’t want more men to go to hooker house. Bad for ya! China is allllllll about survival so chinese women think like that. Now you know why there are so many chinese women who are mistresses. They have no choice because life is hard to make ends meet. China is different due to inequality in income. if I was unethical yrs ago,I would have been rich by now. Same thing with being a mistress.can you live with yourself being second and controlled?

  28. lifebehindthewall speaks the truth.
    A lot of women, and some men, still behave according to their instinct (blame evolution for this! 🙂

    I confirmed it with some of my female friends and acquaintances (All American of different ethnicities btw) years ago. They were semi-joking but being honest at the same time. That when they say that want a guy with brains, smarts or intellect, more or less it has something to do with their pockets. Or at least the potential for either bigger wallet or stable income. If they had to really choose, like really really choose, they picked that over looks, heights and charisma. Of course, they rather have it all, but I’m just saying.

    But the good thing is that we can rise above our instincts. There are still plenty of women out there that don’t mind struggling for a bit for financial security. Or make enough to do what they want and look for a partner beyond the income aspect. Although to be frank, it’s easier to do this in a society that is more stable and prosperous.

  29. I saw a show the other day regarding how some some women in Dongbei (though I guess you can say the rest in China) look for in a guy.
    Again, they were semi-joking but also honest.
    1. Have a car and house (or apartment).
    2. Parents are busy (meaning the in-laws won’t have time to but in).
    3. Middle lane income (not filthy rich but not too poor. Why?, I forgot ).

    However, I don’t know how true this is or it’s just internet rumor. Supposedly some men have like one criteria for women.
    1. 80% ripe.
    Not too mature but not too girly.

    So, I don’t know how true it is, because I know plenty of guys who prefer Xiao Nu Ren 小女人 types and some like it 成熟 mature.

  30. Like I always say, 1.5 billion people didn’t come from nowhere. LOL! And add to that the number of condoms littering the place, all the underhand abortions etc and that’s a LOT of sexual activity going on. Prostitution is so rife in China, I wouldn’t be surprised. I find it all rather nauseating. But hey, 200RMB for a good quick bang is better than paying 200,000 to keep your Chinese wife, who will undoubtedly end up denying you sex! No security = no long term sex from any woman, so no wonder the men need to get their fix quick. In a way, Chinese women have really dug themselves into a huge hole with that one. I blame the lack of sex ed and ghastly general attitude towards sex. Most Chinese men I’ve met aren’t happy to talk about it. Probably because many of them have shady pasts. I’m not sure my Chinese boyfriend was being truthful when he told me he’d only had sex with his uni girlfriend (who by the way was a bit of a skank and lost her virginity at 13 or so) and 1 other girl. He often talked about ‘dates’ or ‘meetups’ with other girls but never talked about any sexual contact. When we had a LDR I’m guessing he had a few encounters. Even some of his old (married) workmates would visit the cleaning ladies’ dorm for sex. That really shocked me. Chinese men are rough. they’ll insist on bang bang vigorous doggy style on your first time together. Raised in with a strong Catholic background, I was a virgin when I met him. Which was pretty unbelievable for him, as a foreign woman. Chinese girls are smart – they just don’t talk about sex in front of others. Overall, in my experience I’ve often found the girls who look the most innocent are usually the biggest sluts. End of.

  31. We know a Chinese woman here who is a total slut 🙂 hahahah lol hahaha. Really slutty woman but she doesn’t show on the outside. I know this story will excite alot of you men out there but I won’t tell :). Yes, some Chinese men can be rough. bang bang bang doggy style :).

  32. A Chinese friend told me yesterday that he really wanted to have a relationship with those Chinese women. He said it was hard to maintain a relationship because those women wanted a good life, they wanted to have fun and they wanted men with some money ( no need to work). If a man who makes equal to or 2 times less money than his woman in China, most likely she is still looking for someone better. In America, we have women who think like this too. This friend has dated another Chinese woman in America and that relationship didn’t work out because he made 2 times less than her. Well, not all women think like this. I know a few couples here that their wives make 2 or 3 times( $150k to $200k) more than their husbands ;however, within a few yrs their husbands made more than their wives. A relationship /marriage is about building a family together. Have you experienced a lay off or your profession just disappoints for yrs or for good ? I have !!!Money just makes life better but doesn’t matter 100% that it will bring you happiness. It’s proven!! Of course , everyone wants to have a mansion, a wonderful wife , a luxury car , an expanding career/business. Being balance is the key to happiness to me. I want to be debt free. I want to have good health so I can still move around until my 80’s . I want to go to work if I want to and under my own terms. Most men would go to prostitutes rather dealing with women problems , demands from women, nagging from women etc. Don’t give up on finding your woman out there. You have to test her occasionally on any issues ( money, health, etc etc etc). Ask her what the hell is a marriage? Is it like just renting a house with someone living under one roof and have separate bank accts ? Well ? you tell me !


  33. I think we can all agree that our perspective on Chinese people and their sexual experiences is vastly different after living in the country. I went there thinking I’d be hard up getting a shag because everyone waited until they got married?!?! Umm no. Def there are a higher percentage of virgins in their 20’s compared to Western countries, as well as a higher percentage lying about it. I remember feeling ashamed that I was still a virgin at 18 – OMG. Ridiculous I would feel that way. I’ve heard several stories about middle school female students going for abortions in their lunch hour from school. Unfortunately China is changing. Girls are aware they have an upperhand with their numbers being lower than their male counterparts. They can play the field but also abstain if they want to – it can be a bargaining tool. With so many pink rooms around why wouldn’t a guy go there? It;s cheaper…No buying the girl dinner, teddy bear, room @ a love hotel….Just get in there and do his stuff, hand over the money. Easy….or easier? 🙂

  34. I’ve never done it or considered it, but prostitution is easier here. It’s all around – considering that it can be done in the massage shops. Plenty of Chinese men dissagree with it, but it isn’t the Chinese men, it’s the environment. Plus, a lot of westerners stay away from pre-maritial sex because of Biblical values; I also believe that Buddhist teachings say to save sex for marriage.

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