There’s so much we miss about a country if we only picture it through the eyes of the media.
Ron Coulter, my husband’s lawyer, reminded me of the value that comes from writing about what it’s like to live with – and even sleep with – the so-called “enemy” country.
When we share stories of our daily lives across unlikely borders, we offer a chance to go beyond the headlines. To understand that there’s more to these countries than what the reporters say. To connect with the people and realize that, despite the cultural and linguistic differences, we have a lot in common.
Maybe we really can change the world, one blog post (about a so-called “enemy” country) at a time.
…as a U.S. Marine raised in the Cold War era, I have always considered China and Russia the enemy. I have to admit that after working with you on this case and reading some posts on Jocelyn’s blog, I actually realize that just as in the United States there are everyday people in China.
Whether foreign relations will improve from where it is today is anyone’s guess. However, the pictures taken in the hospital on Jocelyn’s blog allow me to place a human element to my version of China.
Yes, he had considered China the enemy — until he started representing my husband and, later, reading my blog.
China as the enemy? It just sounds wrong to me. When you’ve lived in China for as long as I have – when you’re married to China, with family here – it’s impossible to think of this country as the enemy.
This is the country that fostered my career as a writer. The country that taught me how to love and gave me an incredible husband. The country I plan to call home for the rest of my life.
China has given me so much, and continues to give more than I ever imagined. How could I feel anything but affection for this place? How could I possibly consider China the enemy?
Here’s the thing, though. I have to admit that it wasn’t always this way. Maybe my current self would never accept “China is the enemy” but my past self was different. There were moments in my past when I actually viewed China through skeptical eyes. And yes, there were even times when I thought of China in opposition to the United States.
US-China relations were tense when I first entered the Middle Kingdom back in August 1999. That was just months after the NATO bombing of the Chinese embassy in Belgrade, sparking widespread demonstrations in China.
I was so anxious at the time for reasons that had nothing to do with the political situation. After all, I was a total teach in China newbie. I knew only the basics of Chinese history and culture, and my language skills were limited to laughable “phrasebook Mandarin Chinese”. I had never taught anything in my life, yet I had committed myself to a year of training college students in English.
But when I saw the news reports of those demonstrations – which included protesters chucking rocks at US Embassies and Consulates – my worries suddenly went beyond the usual troubles of teaching English in a truly foreign country.
I wondered, would being an American in China suddenly turn me into a target? Should I start telling everyone I’m a Canadian? What in the heck did I get myself into?
But after arriving in Zhengzhou, China, it was nothing like I had imagined.
Students welcomed me with giant bouquets of flowers and invitations to dinners out.
Teachers helped me arrange lessons in Tai Chi and Mandarin, with one teacher buying me the conversational Chinese book that helped me finally find my groove in the language.
I easily fell into close friendships and later began dating a local man, my first truly adult relationship.
The love and appreciation that surrounded me made it impossible to imagine US-China tensions. If anything, in my little world in Zhengzhou, US-China relations were at an all-time high.
I’ll never forget that one final exam I delivered to my students in a classroom with a bulletin board about the NATO bombing in Belgrade.
The bulletin board stridently denounced the actions of Americans as barbaric and criminal. And, along with photographs of actual protests, the board urged patriotic students to demonstrate against this gross violation of China’s sovereign rights.
What a contrast to the students on those desks, who put on their warmest smiles afterwards and insisted we all take a class photo together. It was as if the final exam was merely an excuse for us to hang out one last time.
This was not a world where people angrily chucked rocks at me for the actions of my government. This was not a country where people outwardly hated me for my citizenship. From this side of the Pacific, China looked more like a friend and nothing like an enemy.
Over the years, I’ve dated several Chinese men – and ultimately, I married one. Jun Yu is the love of my life, the husband who truly completes me in every way that matters. Who would have thought I’d find him half a world away from my hometown of Cleveland, Ohio?
Now that I’m intimately connected to this country, which is home to family too, it’s unthinkable to view China in the black-and-white terms people use in politics and the news. It just doesn’t fit my more nuanced perspective of this place. There’s so much we miss about a country if we only picture it through the eyes of the media.
Our lawyer Ron Coulter reminded me of the value that comes from writing about what it’s like to live with – and even sleep with – the so-called “enemy” country.
When we share stories of our daily lives across unlikely borders, we offer a chance to go beyond the headlines. To understand that there’s more to these places than what the reports suggest. To connect with the people and realize that, despite the cultural and linguistic differences, we have things in common too.
Maybe we really can change the world, one blog post (about a so-called “enemy” country) at a time.
All I know is, there’s one US Marine-turned-lawyer who will never see China the same again.
Half the fun of watching the Olympics is the athletes themselves. They can inspire, amaze, and even catch our eyes in the best possible way. Including many of the Asian men we’ve seen competing in Rio.
Here are 4 of the attractive Asian male athletes that we’re watching at the 2016 Olympics (listed in no particular order):
Ning Zetao
(Image via http://news.cbg.cn/gndjj/2016/0812/4313461.shtml)
Anyhow, just peruse the many luscious photos of Ning Zetao online – and enjoy. 😉
Long Qingquan
(Image via www.news.cn)
He’s totally ripped. He just won the gold medal in weightlifting. And he even set a world record. Meet 25-year-old Long Qingquan, your ultimate muscle man/weightlifting crush. Wouldn’t you love to run into him over those barbells?
Kohei Uchimura
Speaking of hotties in the gym, there’s also the legendary 27-year old gymnast from Japan, Kohei Uchimura, who is a seven-time Olympic medalist. You have to love his boyish grin, his cool hair, and that chiseled physique. And since he’s also considered the greatest gymnast of all time, just imagine all the fun (horizontal and vertical) you could have with this guy. 😉
Joseph Schooling
(Image via http://www.zwemza.com/?p=21996)
This 21-year-old swimmer from Singapore has dreamy brown eyes and a 100-watt smile. But more importantly, there’s something kind of sexy about not only getting the first-ever gold medal for your country but also beating celebrated Olympian Michael Phelps to do it.
Who else would you include on this list? Sound off in the comments!
UPDATE: I’d like to add the following names suggested by readers and fans:
Have we really been on the road for over two weeks?
I couldn’t believe it when I looked at the calendar and realized how much time had flown since we landed in the US on July 20. And to think we’ve spent most of it behind the wheel in the USA!
Of course, again, that’s meant I’ve had to take a break from blogging. (Thank you to all of you for your patience and understanding!)
I’m now firmly on solid ground back at my family home in the Cleveland, Ohio area — with no plans to travel in the next couple of weeks. So expect me to be back this Friday with a fresh post for you all.
In the meantime, enjoy this dispatch of more scenes from our epic USA road trip!
Breakfast while camping on a tiny, forested island in Minnesota.
An unexpected birthday surprise with friends in Idaho.
Visiting Mount Rushmore in South Dakota.
One of Jun’s favorite camping dinners — kimchi instant noodles and kipper snacks.
Our best camping experience happened right here in Wisconsin at this quintessential Northern American campground. So peaceful, secluded and spacious!
Jun in the Black Hills of South Dakota.
Visiting with Susan Blumberg-Kason, author of Good Chinese Wife, in Chicago’s Chinatown.
Wondering where I’ve been? It’s tough to keep up with blogging when you’ve traveled halfway around the world, followed by an epic road trip across America.
A road trip across the country — especially when it’s your first vacation in almost three years — is totally epic and exciting!
But it also doesn’t leave much time or space for blogging, as you can imagine. I’ve pulled into campsites or fallen into beds most evenings feeling completely drained.
I’ll be on the road until about August 7 — so until then, expect only sporadic blogging. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these scenes from our epic USA road trip!
Jun’s first bagel in almost three years.
Behind the wheel, driving through Nebraska.
A gas station in Iowa with a name that had us both LOL!
That night in Illinois when a downpour forced us to sleep in the car, instead of putting up our tent.
Reaching the highest summit on Interstate 80 in Wyoming.
Camping in Southern Wyoming — that night we gazed upon the Milky Way.
Lunch at a rest stop on Interstate 80.
Realizing that the couple that road trips together for a good cause stays together. 😉
Wishing you a wonderful summer, wherever you are. And know that I’ll be back after August 7 with more on the blog!
When Jun and I used to live in the US, we always heard the stories from Chinese students and friends. How years would pass before they ever traveled to China to see friends and family. It was too difficult for them to return – because of the cost of travel, the hassle of renewing their visa, or both.
It was unimaginable to me.
At the time, the longest I had ever been away from my family in the US was a little over a year. Even that absence had plagued me with a deep homesickness – so great that I once sobbed quietly in a bathroom stall at work over missing the US.
I never thought the same thing would happen to Jun and me. Or that I would learn to manage the distance over not one or two, but nearly three years.
We also plan to visit with family and friends, the people who have sustained us through some of the hardest years of our lives.
While we’re there, I’ll continue to blog about our experiences every week – and no doubt I’ll be inspired by the change of surroundings to discover (or rediscover) some excellent topics.
We will return to China — our home — this fall.
Whether you’re traveling after years of being away or just enjoying a staycation with family or friends, wishing you a wonderful summer!
But regardless, it’s also a trip back home, which means reconnecting with family and friends we haven’t seen in years. We hope to make the most of that.
At the same time, it’s an opportunity for me to flex my packing and organization “muscles” so to speak. After all, when you’ve lived in China as long as I have, you become accustomed to certain things – and can’t imagine being anywhere in the world without them. Even when traveling back home.
Here are 6 things from China that I always pack along with me when I return to the US:
#1: Chinese remedies and medicines
No matter where I am in the world, the must-have at the top of my list is my personal “first-aid kit” filled with my preferred remedies from China.
While everyone has their favorites, here’s what I always pack:
Sweets Golden Throat (or other herbal lozenges)
Fengyou Jing
Pain-relieving medicinal patches
Tiger balm (or similar pain-relieving medicinal ointment)
#2: Tea
One of the things I’ve learned from China (and my husband) is that there’s nothing like a nice, fragrant cup of loose-leaf green tea to start your day.
But as we all know, the best green teas come from China and NOT America.
That’s why I always pack a canister of the best green tea I can afford. When I’m back in the US, it’s like a little taste of China every single morning. Mmmmmm!
#3: Red Chinese jujube dates
The Chinese have touted the health benefits of these tasty little dates for thousands of years. So it’s no wonder that they’re a popular snack here in China, and one of my favorite things to munch on.
But good luck finding them in the US!
So I always pack a bag of delicious dried jujube dates in my luggage (especially the dates from the Xinjiang region, which are usually sweeter). They’re a terrific snack and wonderful for sharing.
Who knows? This trip, I might just convert a few family and friends over to these fantastic dates. 😉
#4: Hair accessories
When I lived in the US, I always came across a familiar phrase on every single hair accessory I purchased.
Made in China.
Yes, China is responsible for producing all of those lovely hairpins, hair ties, hair clips, headbands and more. So what’s the point of buying in the US when I can purchase straight from the source?
With the convenience of online shopping, it’s so easy to find the best and most beautiful accessories in China. That means I can save my money for something else in the US…such as buying more of those delicious avocadoes. 😉
#5: Silk scarves
Throwing on a nice silk scarf is the perfect way to dress up your outfit, especially when you’re traveling and trying to pack light. And since China is the silk road country – with a wide selection of silk scarves at great prices – guess where all of my scarves come from?
This trip, I’m packing my favorite floral silk scarf, which will add a touch of class to my black shirt and black maxi skirt for any dressy occasion.
#6: Renminbi cash
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Why would she put RMB cash on this list?
Well, you would be surprised by the times when I’ve left China to travel abroad – and wished I packed more cash with me.
Having some cash from China comes in handy if you get stranded at a major international airport and, for whatever reason, cannot use your credit cards or bank cards. Just head to a currency exchange window and you’re set.
It gives me extra peace of mind whenever I’m navigating the uncertainties that come along with international travel.
It’s also a wonderful conversation piece for friends and family back home. Most of them have never seen Chinese money or even touched it. Americans love the novelty of red money, not to mention those portraits of Chairman Mao! 😉
What do you like to bring when you’re traveling back home?
(Photo by Prerak Patel via Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/prerak77/3344428542/)
It was day five of my hospital stay and I was just beginning to overcome the biggest hurdle of having my appendix removed – eating food again.
The previous day, I had struggled through the bowls of rice porridge delivered to my room. Not even adding a pinch of salt made me excited about them (though, really, rice porridge isn’t exactly the sexiest food to begin with).
Most of the bowls ended up sitting half-eaten (or hardly touched) on my hospital tray, making the nurses worry about whether I was getting enough nutrition.
Honestly, I was just worried about whether I could get anything down my throat.
But on day five, my husband changed the whole game with one question – how about some grapes?
Now let’s talk grapes for a minute. Personally, they’ve never rated in my mind as a luscious, sexy kind of fruit. In fact, they were downright boring to me. Growing up in America, I quickly tired of grape juice as a child and the ubiquitous grape jelly in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. While I did eventually warm up a bit to green seedless grapes, I wanted nothing to do with their red and especially dark purple counterparts. Dark purple reminded me of tasteless grape juice and bland grape jelly…basically, the worst stuff about grapes.
So when my husband mentioned grapes and held up that dark purple cluster, I almost rolled my eyes. He has to be kidding? I’m struggling to spoon up plain rice porridge and he wants me to nibble on one of my least favorite fruits?
But he insisted. “Try one, they’re good.”
My husband got me there. How could I argue with the most basic rule about eating? That you have to give everything a shot at least once – even those dodgy dark purple grapes.
So I picked one up and prepared myself for total fruit mediocrity — and the likelihood that I’d never eat any more grapes in China.
Oh, how wrong I was.
These were not grapes, folks. These were the dictionary definition of ambrosial, the true manna from the heavens that the gods themselves would feast upon. Each grape was bursting with a delightful tart sweetness that in America could probably only be found in the best artisanal grape juice. A flavor so thrilling I couldn’t help saying “mmmmmm” and “ahhhhhhhh” with each bite.
Now this was sexy fruit.
“Oh my god, how have I missed this about grapes my whole life? These are amazing!”
A smile played across my husband’s lips – more out of surprise towards me than the fruit. “These taste a lot like most of the grapes I’ve had.”
Suddenly, I was so shocked I almost dropped the grape in my hand. How was this possible? How had my husband had the “in” on amazing grapes his whole life, while I had been given the sorriest excuses for grapes in America?
While these grapes had been the most dramatic example, the truth is I’ve found a LOT of fruit in season tastes better here in China than the US. Apples. Bananas. Mandarin oranges. Peaches. Pineapples. Mangos. Even kiwi fruit, which grows wild in the mountains in my husband’s hometown and tastes a thousand times better than anything I ever bought in a US supermarket.
And I’m not alone in realizing China’s fruit is so delicious, as Huan Hsu noted in his memoir The Porcelain Thief:
Fruit is China’s apple pie. Dessert in China most commonly takes the form of a plate of fresh-cut fruit. The phrase for “consequently” or “result” in Chinese is jieguo, or “bear fruit.” Even the humblest fruit shack in china offers dragonfruits with flaming petals and pink or bloodied flesh, like a sweeter, milder kiwi; strands of purple grapes, plump as roe and bursting with intense, bubblegum flavor; or crispy, refreshing starfruit. The native kiwis, known as Chinese gooseberries before New Zealand farmers rebranded them, are sweeter and more pungent than their exported counterparts. Bowling-ball-sized pomelos, like meaty fragrant grapefruits, whose rinds my grandmother used to fashion into hats for her children. Mangos of all kinds, from the small champagne varietals to the leathery giants named “elephant horns.” Lychees, grown in southern China and quick to spoil, but the taste so ethereal that one emperor supposedly uprooted an entire tree and had it shuttled back to Beijing in horse carts. Sacks of tiny sha tang ju, aptly named “sugar mandarins,” that I peeled and ate whole, a dozen at a time.
It’s funny that it took moving to another country and marrying into another family to discover just how blissful a good bunch of grapes could be. To make me realize that when grapes are at their freshest and sweetest, they could even be one of my favorite fruits.
Have you rediscovered fruit or other food after moving abroad?
The words echoed through my mind like a bad nightmare. No, this isn’t happening. No, the emergency room doctor surely couldn’t have told me that. It’s impossible. I don’t even feel that bad. I can walk. He can’t be right. How could I need my appendix out?
But the bigger shock, more than the diagnosis, was the prospect of going under the knife in China.
I’ve lived in China for a total of 8 years (including the five and a half years I lived in China in the 2000s) and I’ve seen a lot of hospitals here.
Some reminded me of the hospitals back in the US – bright, clean and with high standards of care.
But others, like this emergency room where I’d just received the diagnosis, were the kind of crowded, sagging, institutional hospitals that made me anxious about surgery.
But if not there, where? We had to find a hospital fast. I knew enough about appendicitis to realize that if you appendix ruptures, it’s much more serious. With every minute I felt a fever coming on, a troubling reminder that I was indeed ill and desperately needing treatment.
Suddenly, my husband remembered his classmate had just transferred to a new Zhejiang University-affiliated international hospital, where she heading the nursing department. We decided to give it a go.
When my husband and I stumbled into the hospital emergency room at sometime after 4am that morning, the two of us never expected that I was about to have more than just a successful appendectomy. That we would have some surprising experiences — including positive experiences that would forever change the way I think about hospitals.
Here are 6 surprising experiences I had while in a Chinese hospital:
(Photo by Wendy via Flickr.com)
#1: Cutting up the hospital pants so I could wear them
We all know the hospital drill – once you’re admitted, you’re asked to strip off all your clothes and put on the hospital clothes. Thankfully, the hospital used hospital shirts and pants (instead of the mortifying hospital gown common across America with that infamous no-privacy slit in the back).
Now imagine my shock when the nurse hands over a pair of pants with a waistband that’s a little too small to fit for comfort. Especially with that wicked tight elastic, guaranteed to torture my already stressed-out stomach.
Yikes!
In retrospect, I should have totally expected this. While I’m an average and popular size in the US, I’ve struggled to fit into things like underwear and even pants in China. And when I do buy, it’s usually online and usually some crazy XXXL or XXXXL size. I know!
But it’s another thing entirely when you’re presented with a pair of pants you have to wear — with the most sadistically small elastic band you’ve ever seen. All because the hospital doesn’t run larger sizes for women.
So there I am, sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, hanging my head half in discomfort from the appendicitis and half because I can’t see how I’ll ever fit into the pants without feeling like my innards are caught in a vice.
Then the nurse says, “Try cutting them,” and hands Jun a pair of scissors. Sure enough, my husband eventually hacks off half of the waistband – and voila! They fit!
Fortunately, after that first day the hospital let me wear my own soft, roomy drawstring pajama pants from home. I don’t know if it was out of sympathy or because it’s too ridiculous to have to chop up hospital pants just to make them wearable. But I’ll take it. Sure beats a hospital gown!
(Photo by SonnyandSandy via Flickr.com)
#2: Waking up to my appendix in a plastic bag
Disoriented, post-operative me got quite the awakening after coming out of surgery. First the doctor told me how successful the surgery was, leading me to shed tears of relief. And then, as proof of his work, he dangled my appendix above me in a plastic bag.
Did I mention that I gag at the sight of blood and guts?
Someone explained later on that this is common in hospitals in China. They always show patients what they removed from your body, if they removed something. It’s like a visual confirmation that the surgery was completed.
Fortunately I wasn’t wearing any glasses or contacts, so the blurry appendix appeared more like a slimy brown salamander. Thank goodness I didn’t throw up in the recovery room.
Nope, I saved the throwing up for later that evening, when the smell of my husband’s dinner caused me to vomit all over my clothing. Fun times, huh?
My husband looked even more serious — and pale — than this photo!
#3: That time when a specialist asked my husband to go outside to talk about me…and I thought I was a goner
“I need to speak with your husband outside.”
These have to be the eight deadliest words a doctor could have said to me in the hospital. Back in America, this would be code for, “You’re dead.”
There I was, just after getting my “nether region” checked by a different specialist (I’d rather not say why – embarrassing personal stuff), and the guy asks MY husband to step outside with him. I was already totally unnerved by having a doctor examine me down there, and now he thinks I’m a goner?
Even my husband freaked out. Jun is usually the easygoing side of our duo – the one who’s always laughing and optimistic, who never takes things too seriously. But those eight little words from the specialist drained the all color from his face.
The 30 seconds that elapsed – when the specialist was with Jun in the hallway – had to be one of the scariest moments in my hospital stay. I was laying there on my side, thinking the worst as I clutched the hospital bed in total fear.
Turns out, though, it was nothing serious at all.
It was a totally common, benign problem and they just prescribed some medicine for me. (I was so incredibly relieved when my husband reported this that I began sobbing so loudly two nurses ran into my room to ask what was wrong.)
Later, a nurse told me that it’s typical in Chinese hospitals to speak to the family members, rather than patients, about their care. Even when it’s something totally common and easily treatable, like my case. (But the hospital said they’re hoping to change this and instead communicate more directly with their patients.)
Still, after it all passed, my husband and I actually had a good laugh over it. I swear the image of my husband’s ashen face before going out into the hallway will be forever ingrained in my memory!
#4: Some of the nicest, most caring nurses I’ve ever met
My experiences with nurses in America and even China have been a mixed bag. Some have been friendly – and others so bored you almost wonder if they’re going to miss your vein for that blood sample. Smiles aren’t a given. Sometimes, you feel more like a commodity than a patient.
Not at this hospital. The nurses who cared for me always walked into my room with huge smiles and an extraordinary willingness to help me in any way they could.
One nurse piled my hair into a neat little bun everyday to make me look nice – and even brought me special breakfasts a couple of times. Others helped me brush my teeth (just after the surgery), wash my hair, and bring me more comfortable pillows. They always looked for the biggest, most comfortable shirts for me wear (remembering that I was that extra-large size compared to the average woman who stayed in the hospital).
The nurses there really made me feel like they cared about me as a person. It was a powerful experience. I fully believe that their warmth and positive energy was just as critical to my recovery as the medical care I received.
#5: Really good food (including dumplings) from a hospital!
We’ve all heard the jokes about hospital food. And we all know dining in a hospital room usually comes with even lower expectations than airplane grub. So the last thing I ever expected was to come out of the hospital raving about the food.
That’s right – I actually liked the hospital food.
When the hospital found out I was a vegetarian, they sent down the head of their nutrition department, who worked up a special menu of stomach-friendly stir-fried veggies (served with rice porridge). That first evening, they sent me a dinner of pumpkin and winter melon. During the whole meal, I couldn’t stop saying “mmmmm” with every bite. Even my husband, who cleaned up my leftovers, had to agree the dishes were exceptionally tasty.
As my stomach became accustomed to more food, they even prepared me vegetarian dumplings from scratch filled with tofu and greens, served in a broth reminiscent of won-ton soup. Delish!
#6: Changing the way I see hospitals for the good
I’ve always had a certain dislike of hospitals and health care, and I trace it back to a traumatic experience I had in the hospital as a toddler. They had to forcibly strap me down to stitch up a gash in my forehead. It was so upsetting that it’s still a part of my subconscious, forever linking nurses, doctors and hospitals in my mind with really negative experiences.
But this hospital in China completely changed my perceptions.
The doctors in the hospital weren’t just skilled medical professionals (who left me with almost no visible scars from the surgery). They were also friendly, easygoing people who put me at ease and even had me smiling. One of the doctors was always laughing when he came to my room, and his laughter was a welcome sight in the hospital.
Add to that the incredible nursing care as well as the food, and it’s no wonder I feel grateful to have landed in such an excellent hospital. I never imagined that, in my emergency situation, I’d end up with great care.
Thank you, Zhejiang University International Hospital, for showing me what a hospital really should be.
Have you ever been in the hospital in China or abroad? What experiences did you have?
Just wanted to let you all know I might be posting more off-schedule these days because I’ve been in the hospital. Don’t worry guys — I’m doing well with the recovery. They actually expect me to leave the hospital in the next day or so.
Late Sunday night just before midnight I thought I was just suffering from another really bad upset stomach — until I went to an emergency room and they diagnosed me with acute appendicitis, requiring immediate surgery.
They removed my appendix early Monday morning in a very successful operation that has left practically no visible scars. The doctors did an amazing job, and the hospital here has provided excellent care — it’s as comfortable and professional as the hospitals I remember back in America.
I should be back with more articles and posts next week.
Also, if you’ve sent me anything by e-mail (such as a guest post or otherwise) just know I’m not on e-mail these days and may not get back to you until next week.
In the meantime, wishing you a wonderful weekend.
UPDATE: The hospital discharged me on Monday, June 20 and I’m feeling much better as I continue my recovery at home. Thank you so much for your care and concern — your comments warmed my heart.
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