The Friday Valentine’s Day Roundup

A heart-shaped box filled with chocolate-shaped hearts
(photo by Tijs Gerritsen)

Valentine’s Day arrives this Tuesday, February 14. In honor of the day To give this deadline-weary writer a break from a long week, I’m pulling out some of my favorite Valentine-related content from the archives.

Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Husband Forgot Valentine’s Day. “Basically, as Valentine’s Day passed without a hint of romance…I’ve been pouring over whether or not my western conditioning has been detrimental to my marriage.”

Mandarin Love: Chinese Phrases on Love and Destiny. I share some of my favorite Chinese idioms that invoke love and destiny. Might just come in handy on Tuesday. 😉

Ask the Yangxifu: Gifts for Chinese Valentine’s Day. For those of you who don’t know, China also has its own Valentine’s Day called Qixi, which lands on the seventh day of the seventh month of the lunar year. I discuss the holiday and possible gift ideas for your boyfriend or husband.

China and Its Oh So Romantic Christmas. Okay, you’re probably thinking, Jocelyn has really lost it because she’s pulling out a Christmas entry in the middle of February. But, Christmas in China feels a lot like Valentine’s Day — read for yourself and decide.

The Double Happiness Archives. Enjoy one of the real-life stories of Western women and Chinese men in love from the archives. (And for more stories, also see my lists of books and movies that feature couples of Chinese men and Western women.)

Happy Valentine’s Day — or as they say in China, qíngrénjié kuàilè (情人节快乐)!

Valentine’s Day Giveaway at My New Chinese Love

My New Chinese Love Valentine's Day Giveaway
Enter to win a Valentine's day bouquet at My New Chinese Love.

The people at My New Chinese Love asked me to pass this on — they’re running a Valentine’s day giveaway going on now until February 12, 2012. To enter, all you have to do is submit a photo about what you love most about China, and give it a creative caption. The winner receives a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

See their website for details.

P.S.: Thanks to everyone who voted for me for the Lotus Blossom Award at My New Chinese Love  — in case you haven’t seen my sidebar, your support helped me win.

A “Guess Who’s” Perspective on My Marriage, Effort, and What It’s Worth

Sidney Poitier and Katharine Houghton from Guess Who's Coming To Dinner
In "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner," the Monsignor cites the effort put into interracial relationships as a reason they work out more. But a reader's e-mail cited that extra effort as a reason to proceed with caution -- or not at all. (Image from ticketstubz.blogspot.com)

Last night, I saw the movie Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner. I expected a relaxing evening with some of my favorite actors of all time — Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, Sidney Poitier — but ended up with more than I bargained. Especially when I heard these words from Monsignor Ryan:

I’ve known a good many cases of marriages between the races in my time, and strangely enough, they usually work out quite well. I don’t know why. Maybe because it requires some special quality of effort, more consideration and compassion than most marriages seem to generate these days, could that be it?

I just wanted to hug the Monsignor after he said this, and couldn’t help but agree with the character Christina Drayton, that they were “beautiful thoughts.”

But the more I thought about this, the more I was reminded of an e-mail I received in January, which read: Continue reading “A “Guess Who’s” Perspective on My Marriage, Effort, and What It’s Worth”

I Stand By My Man, And Yes, He’s Chinese

Two rings on a wooden surface
(photo by Johanna Ljungblom)

When you’re facing hard times as a couple, people say all kinds of things. “Hope it gets better.” “Stay strong.” “You’ll be okay.”

And then, there’s what my so-call friend told me back in December, after I told her about the discrimination against John, and how I supported him.

“So you’re standing by him? Wow, you’re so loyal.”

You’re so rude, I wanted to tell her. I also wanted to slap her across the table, but it was a holiday party and that sort of thing doesn’t go well with gingerbread and hot apple cider.

“Why wouldn’t I be? He’s my husband and I love him,” I finally said as I glowered at her.

From her perspective, “for better or for worse” just didn’t apply to us. She might as well have said, “You should have married a white man,” because that’s exactly what I heard hidden within her words — that when a white woman chooses to marry someone outside her race, in my case a Chinese man, she should throw in the towel when she faces something she’d never face with a white husband.

Please. Continue reading “I Stand By My Man, And Yes, He’s Chinese”

There’s No Vacation for Chinese New Year in America

Chinese New Year Family Photo
My Chinese father-in-law was surprised to hear we had no time off — but he’s never known a world without Chinese New Year, like I have.

“Will you have time off for Chinese New Year?” Even though my father-in-law had retired more than 10 years before, he asked this question to us this past Saturday night with all of the wonder of a young child during the holidays.

“No, the semester already started,” John said.

“They gave us vacation for Christmas, not for Chinese New Year,” I added. “Christmas is the big holiday in America.”

“Oh,” my father-in-law said, with a voice that dropped off in surprise.

But he’s not alone. Every time we’ve called our Chinese friends back in Hangzhou, the “vacation during Chinese New Year” idea invariably sneaks into the conversation. And every time we tell them, no, there is no such thing in the US, they answer with astonishment.

Why wouldn’t they? Continue reading “There’s No Vacation for Chinese New Year in America”

Getting Personal When Buying Condoms at Watson’s China

At Watson’s in China, a little personal shopping got too personal when I decided to stock up on condoms. (photo by Calvin Teo from wikimedia.org)

“Your Personal Store.” That’s the tagline for Watson’s, the most popular pharmacy/drugstore shop in Asia and my go-to in China for so many health and beauty items I need. But after my experience this summer, I began to wonder if Watson’s wasn’t becoming “Your A Little Too Personal Store.”

Last summer, I lived mostly with my in-laws and visited Hangzhou or Shanghai only a few times. For me, that meant no Watson’s conveniently just around the corner or a short bus, subway or taxi ride away. So when I saw a Watson’s, I would sometimes kick into “storage mode.” That meant buying some extra peppermint hand wipes, another bottle of Johnson’s Baby Wash (for my sensitive skin), and, say, some more Durex condoms.

I’m a married woman, and yes, I wanted to replenish my condom stash. I sure couldn’t do it in my Chinese husband’s rural village, which probably sold those dodgy ones with what always looked like adult movie stills printed on the package. On this day in question, I still stayed with him in his rented room in Shanghai for a few more days, we’d have a few weeks or so together at the end of the summer before returning to the US, and what we didn’t use, we could always take home. Yes, condoms would definitely come in handy.

But I’d have to go alone on this one. “It’s easier for you,” John said. “They expect foreigners to buy these things.”

I couldn’t deny the truth in what he said — that many Chinese believed foreigners, especially foreign women, were so much more “open” about sex. Sure, I liked sleeping with my husband, and wasn’t afraid to say so. But that didn’t make me some foreign Jezebel ready to screw on the spot. Besides, I couldn’t hide in China — people noticed me everywhere as a foreigner, and that meant they might even notice my purchase even more.

“But people will stare at me, it will be so embarrassing,” I said.

He flashed me one of those “go-get-’em” smiles, and said, “You have self-efficacy, you can do this.” Then he patted me on the shoulder. That was all his way of saying, there’s no way in hell I will buy the condoms. Continue reading “Getting Personal When Buying Condoms at Watson’s China”

Follow Me On Sina Weibo

Speaking of China on Sina Weibo/新浪微博
I'm finally on Sina Weibo/新浪微博, so what are you waiting for? Follow me. 😉

Okay, it’s taken me long enough — and a little prodding from fans — but I did it. I now have an active account on the microblogging site Sina Weibo, also known as 新浪微博 (xīnlàngwēibó). My username is speakingofchina, and you’re welcome to follow me here. Besides content from this site, I also hope to share Chinese-language news related to love, family and relationships.

I’m a complete newbie here, so I welcome any suggestions too. See you on Sina!

 

Featured in Beijing Today, Nominated for a Lotus Blossom Award

Speaking of China featured in Beijing Today
I'm featured in Beijing Today, and nominated for a Lotus Blossom Award this week.

A couple of quick things I wanted to share with you.

First, the weekly Beijing Today featured me in an article last Friday. I’m late to mention it — this week has been killer — but it’s a nice one and I appreciate the coverage (note, though, I need to ask for a few corrections. For the record, I’m 34 and that older man in one of those photos, he’s my husband’s godfather, not actual father). Here’s a snippet of the article, When an American Girl Meets a Chinese Man:

“Are Jewish women more likely to marry Chinese men? How my anti-Japanese Chinese husband changed his mind about Japan …”

These are among the topics from Jocelyn Eikenburg’s blog Speaking of China, a personal account of how an American woman found love in the Chinese countryside – and the things that happened next in the cross-cultural relationship.

She writes about how she met her husband, a Chinese man from rural Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province with the English name John, in 2002 at an online company in Hangzhou when working.

They met through a mutual friend’s arrangement. Eikenburg fell in love during the summer of that year after John took her out for her birthday.

Check out the full article.

Second, Speaking of China was nominated for a Lotus Blossom Award from My New Chinese Love. If you have a moment and you really dig this blog, show your support — vote for Speaking of China here. And thanks for reading. 🙂

Matchmaker, Informal Matchmaker

Double Happiness Matches
if my experience means anything, many Chinese still turn to someone to play matchmaker -- even if that someone is just your coworker. (photo by DHSAM from wikimedia.org)

Last summer, I attended the Hangzhou wedding of my good friend Lao Da at the end of May. But it wasn’t until two weeks later — when we met over Dragonwell tea and snacks at a local teahouse — that I learned exactly how he met his new wife.

“We met through a colleague. He happened to be going out to dinner with a group of women who worked at the bank across the street from our office and didn’t want to go alone. So he asked me to come with him.”

“So, it was love at first sight?”

He shook his head. “No. I didn’t actually contact her until a few weeks later.”

“You didn’t have any special feeling for her then?”

“I had some. But later, my colleague said she had mentioned me, and he wondered if maybe we should date. You know me, I am not so outgoing. So I said I would meet her.”

Of course, Lao Da’s how-we-met story remained uniquely his — just like his geek-chic glasses, ocean-blue Chuck Taylors and funky stonewashed jeans. But I couldn’t help but notice that their story came down to the actions of one person: his colleague. Continue reading “Matchmaker, Informal Matchmaker”

What Would You Like Me To Ask Anna Sophie Loewenberg of Sexy Beijing?

Anna Sophie Loewenberg
What questions would you like me to ask Anna Sophie Loewenberg? (photo from http://news.ucsc.edu/)

Anna Sophie Loewenberg, who most of you know from Sexy Beijing, agreed to do an interview with me for Asian Jewish Life. We plan to discuss her current project — a documentary on gay themes — and anything else she’s working on with Goldmines Film. I’d also like to ask about her upcoming marriage to a man from Venezuela, as well as some questions related to being Jewish and living in China.

I know a number of you are fans of her work. So before I interview her (I plan to set something up for the following week), I thought I’d put this question to you — what would you like me to ask Anna Sophie Loewenberg?