“You’ve got some balls.” That’s how my husband’s white friend praised him the other day. John happened to share with him the discrimination — and his decision to fight back.
“He told me he could never fight back,” John said to me. Apparently, the white guy faced some serious injustice of his own last year, but did nothing in return. “He said he didn’t have the balls to do it.”
Forbidden. That’s what someone once called my writing back in 2004 when I started sharing my relationships with Chinese men. It’s not as if I put some adult-store-version of my life out there, complete with salacious descriptions that would have everyone heading for a cold shower. Sex never even came up.
No, I just happened to write about my former Chinese boyfriends.
I broke with Chinese tradition, where you keep your past loves buried away in your heart (to be sure, I never used their actual names and changed some of their details, though everything I shared was essentially true). That comment shook me then — I never realized I crossed a cultural line in my writing. If my old files from that time are any measure — I steered clear of intimate topics for years — the comment impacted me in ways I didn’t even realize. Continue reading “Why I Write About “Forbidden” Love in China”
It's the 2012 list of China blogs by Western women who love Chinese men
It’s March and just days from International Women’s Day — time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men.
Last year, I had over 30 on my list. This year, it’s over 40. I’m psyched to see the growing number of voices in the community. I also decided to take a stab at grouping the blogs this year — authors, let me know what you think.
Matador just published another piece of mine titled 8 Bands to Help You Learn Mandarin Chinese. In it, I recommend eight bands and artists, primarily folks who write and sing their own original music, that can help boost your Mandarin Chinese studies. Here’s a snippet of it:
HEAVY APPLICATION OF THE “KARAOKE METHOD” has improved my Chinese and taught me some conversational phrases like bùzhībùjué (unnoticeably) and búyào jiànwài (don’t be a stranger).
China Radio International recently interviewed me and the piece, titled Married to a Culture Clash, is now up on their site. Here’s a snippet from their introduction:
Jocelyn Eikenburg had never really thought about going to China. But when her University’s English teaching program led her to the Middle Kingdom, the Environmental Biology Major fell head over heels in love.
Despite only seeking a distraction, she found her direction, career and husband John, a Chinese man. On her blog “Speaking of China”, she is now exploring her own and other interracial relationships, love in general and how it is sometimes quite convenient to have Chinese in-laws.
Living in China, it is fairly normal to see a Chinese woman in the arms of a Western man. The sight of a Western woman with a Chinese man however is still somewhat unusual and that’s definitely part of what makes Jocelyn’s blog so inspirational.
Also, for those of you who have wondered what my voice sounds like, now’s your chance to hear me, instead of just reading my words. Listen to the full piece here, and if you like it, share it. Thanks!
Just this weekend, John and I weathered two crises.
One happened with this site — my host decided to turn off his server by the end of this month. I suddenly realized that I couldn’t move things like I expected, my old host wasn’t responsive, and I didn’t know where to find someone who could help me in time (thank you Sorella Design, for the extraordinary hosting and moving help, and BlogVault, which made it possible to get my databases and files off my former host).
The other happened with John — he didn’t get an internship, and now he’s scrambling to get applications together for the next round by Thursday, March 1.
But it’s our love that keeps us moving forward. And that got me thinking about all the times on this site when I’ve written about love in China and crises. So, to give this writer a chance to catch her breath, I’m sharing a few classic crisis-related entries for anyone who could use a little more drama. (Yeah, right 😉 )
Negotiating For My Life in China. One thing I always admired about John — he’s a fighter. See how he helped me fight against my former boss in China.
Love in the Time of SARS.When SARS struck Shanghai, John and I were still a young couple in love, trying to hold onto that romance in the midst of this deadly viral outbreak.
I don’t often step in with “service announcements” here, but since this site thrives on your voices in the comments, I need to let you know that commenting will be temporarily off for maybe a couple of days. I’m moving my site to a new host and need to disable the comments until the move is complete.
I apologize for the inconvenience and promise to get the comments back on as soon as possible!
UPDATE on Saturday, February 25: Just FYI, I also might be late in getting up this coming week’s Monday post. So if you don’t see me post here on Monday, don’t panic, I’ll be posting something new up as soon as my move is complete. Thanks for your patience! 🙂
The Chinese pop duo Yu Quan, 羽泉 (photo from baidu.com)
On our first official date together, John happened to slip a CD in my portable CD player, Lěngkù Dàodǐ by Yu Quan. I gave him one of the earbuds, turned the CD player on, and we listened to it all the way to the vegetarian restaurant. I’ll never forget how I felt the moment Cǎihóng, or Rainbow, came on, a song in Chinese that described the ultimate love as more gorgeous than a rainbow. Much of their music captured the kind of innocence and beauty that surrounded my love with John, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he even chose that CD on purpose. Let’s just say this: by the time John and I arrived at that restaurant, I already fell in love twice — with him and this new musical group. Continue reading “The Story of Our Chinese Love Song, Cǎihóng by Yu Quan”
John and I have fūqī xiàng? How could anyone think we look that much alike?
You two really have fūqī xiàng (夫妻相).
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this from Chinese friends. As much as I love when people suggest my husband and I are a lucky match, a couple destined to stay together forever, fūqī xiàng leaves me puzzled. How could anyone think we look that much alike?
I could imagine why such a saying came from China, a country dominated by the Han people, who share the same black hair and eyes, and similar skin tones. With that background, it wouldn’t take much for any couple to look alike. At a minimum, they’d need the same nose and the same shaped eyes; maybe the same shaped face, if you were a stickler. But even so, the odds are good you’d find many couples with their match reflected in their faces.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.AcceptRejectRead More
Privacy & Cookies Policy
Privacy Overview
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
“You’ve got some balls.” That’s how my husband’s white friend praised him the other day. John happened to share with him the discrimination — and his decision to fight back.
