My Chinese Husband Has Balls

John standing before the Statue of Liberty in New York City“You’ve got some balls.” That’s how my husband’s white friend praised him the other day. John happened to share with him the discrimination — and his decision to fight back.

“He told me he could never fight back,” John said to me. Apparently, the white guy faced some serious injustice of his own last year, but did nothing in return. “He said he didn’t have the balls to do it.”

If they had to choose between the two, most Americans probably wouldn’t pick John as the guy with more chutzpah. He’s 5’4″ (1.65 m) and easily a foot shorter than his white friend. He has a lean frame, the complete opposite of his friend’s husky build. He speaks English with such a gentle accent. And, of course, he’s the one who’s Chinese in a country where Asian men still get the “emasculated” stereotype slapped on them.

But to me, he’s the strongest man I’ve ever known — though even I wouldn’t have said that at first glance. I too struggled with appearances, wondering if I could ever love a man shorter — and lighter — than me. Then he told me how he nearly filed a lawsuit against a factory in his hometown, and followed up with complaints to the environmental bureaus in the region. That’s when I started to see him for who he really was: a David who wasn’t afraid to stand up to the Goliaths around him — including those who discriminated against him.

“I think they thought I wouldn’t do anything,” John once said, “that I am not the kind of person who would fight against discrimination.”

You might say John’s gentle appearance is his secret weapon. Behind that 5’4″ stature and soft voice of his lies the heart of a hero — and some serious balls. 😉

How have you or your lover/spouse defied the stereotypes in a positive way? 

20 Replies to “My Chinese Husband Has Balls”

  1. Mental strength and strength of charater are always far rarer and far more admirable in my view than physical strength. One will eventually fade but the others will last a lifetime. I totally admire your man (and you!) for standing up to the discrimination. He’s 10 foot tall in my estimation!

  2. Agreed! It’s not the physical size of the man that determines his strength =) So happy for you that you’ve got such a strong force to partner with you in whatever you guys go through.

  3. We face discrimination from other minorities,too. People tend to judge you on the outside. ” This guy looks weak. he won’t last”. ” He’s asian, he ‘s soft ( polite)..he can’t play sports” . ” He’s asian, he can’t lift that much weights”. There are some fields that Asians don’t focus on but that doesn’t matter we’re not good at them. Other races are strong at sports but weak in businesses and academics. Yes, it’s true that people discriminate in all level of positons if you look different in term of race. When you’re a minority , you just have to work harder. Just give 20 yrs and those who work the hardest will surpass all those are lazy. It’s a proven fact that hard workers are more successful. It’s just the mentality that’s all. We just have too much assumptions on the outside. some assumptions are extremely stupid . Do you know when they discriminate you they will say all kinds of crazy things that are not related to your personality, your heart or your character? Like he is such a nice guy and everything BUT ” he’s asian and has small d..k or he is a spy” Seriously, we really need to teach more respect in our class in America. Everything is based on performance regardless of race ,accent or sexuality . Am I right? If he/she is good at his/her job or sport , let him/her shine. Other people like me or you will get penalized for working long hrs and out performing others. They just can’t stand you make more money or go beyond their level ( which they can’t reach). Have you heard of jealousy before?

  4. Good job on standing up for yourselves! So far all I’ve met are people who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk if you guys know what I mean. There’s a Chinese guy I met in QQ who literally treats me like a human being, and even if its Internet stuff, with whom I have so much fun talking and stuff, and he wants to come to America, but I suppose I’m not happy to wait a year for him to arrive 🙁 I honestly try to walk the walk and not give up easily and try to find different ways to accomplish some goals I have.

  5. Judging a person by appearance or short-interaction reflects a short future orientation. Most animals in this world judge other animals in such way. As human evovlving above animals, our long term memory and future orientation become stronger. But different societies demanding on such ability is quite different depending on the stage of civilization. As hunter-gatherers, such demand is weak, so it is nature to judge by appearance. In sophisticated civilization with longer life expectancy, future-orientation is critical for the success. In such sophisticated enviroment, the game went up with hiding your strength to deceive your competion replacing suferficial bluffing.

    Today, a lot of such cultural conflicts are due to different stages of civilization brought together by globalization. In East Asian (or oriental) culture, in your face bluffing or showing off is always considered to be primitive as animals.

    Without data, it is just a personal opinion which is subject to future research to prove. Any people in research field feel free to use my original idea to investigate.

  6. There is an old saying in my culture. “Still waters run deep.” I suspect that your husband embodies this characteristic quite well.

    1. @Christine, high five baby! Go 5’4″ men!

      @Kath, thanks for the sweet comment! I couldn’t agree more about mental strength and strength of character. 🙂

      @Michelle, thanks for commenting! And I have to say, your Alex is quite the catch too. 😉

      @Bruce, so true that discrimination comes from many places.

      @Sveta, glad you met someone on QQ, but it’s hard to be patient.

      @AG, indeed, judging by appearances is weak and unsophisticated. I like your opinion.

      @namenotgiven, I love your saying, and I think it fits my husband perfectly!

  7. Reminds me the story of David and Goliath. It is the smaller guy’s job to throw the stone of truth into the forehead of the giant.
    Courage comes from heart and soul, not from the height or size. With will power and truth at his hand, your husband can overcome obstacles along the path to success, with the support from you. Togather, you two will find happiness through the journey to final triumph.

  8. The secret has been revealed!! Men around 5’4″ are extremely strong mentally. I know men around that height are aggressive and make tons of money here. Majority of westerners don’t have asian close friends so they go by what they see on movies, and the media seriously. We are humans but just happen to be different in same ways that’s all. You know from my experience, as an asian man you just have to open up and constantly talk to westerners. Once they like talking to you , don’t think about walking away that easy because they just pull you back for more conversation. Of course, not ALL of them are like that.. just most!

  9. Racism is part and parcel of America and we will never get over it.
    just watched the NCAA…..

    And believe me, I work on the economics of immigration and there are many in the racist US anti-immigrant groups such as the Numbers USA, Federation of American Immigration Reform and Center for Immigration Studies who would like very much to deny visas to foreign spouses of US citizens similar to the policies followed in Denmark and more recently to a limited extent in the UK….

  10. I love it! Someone’s outside appearance rarely has anything to do with one’s inner spunk. In fact, it’s probably never related. Good for John for showing his friend what it means to be strong and driven. If more people were like John, people wouldn’t sit idly by and let others take advantage of them.

  11. I’m a masculine Asian man and I’m surrounded by so many Asian men who I consider to be heros. There are so many times that I wanted to display aggression and violence ;however, I have to hold back due to my family teachings of respect and considerations. I don’t know how long I can suppress this feelings . I hold a pen for my job and I hope I don’t have to hold a fist in order to excel. My own brother once wanted to beat up another person with a HAMMER because he was being taken advantage of at a job site. I was in rage yrs ago with another person that he didn’t want to comply with the procedure. I just exploded out of control so he was smart and he walked away. To be honest with you people out there that asian men only show respect when they talk to you because of our culture that we have to show respect to others. If you only base on the CORRUPTED western media/books/movies that asian men are not masculine and feminine like little girls, you are dead WRONG. Just keep on believing all the CONTROLLED media that we are not good and we are nobody . keep on being stupid please. Please interact with more asian men and you will find out that we’re not that simple. It’s common sense and easy to dehumanize another race ( men) if one race is against another race. Should ALL ASIAN MEN just play the blaming games and using the race card to succeed in America? First of all, we don’t think like that and we only base on performance. Should we start a riot or organize a million men march in Washingtion D.C?? or should we use this slogan ” white people are putting asian people down?” the answer is NO again. Our culture mostly believes in hardwork and beat you at your rules and at your own game!! Majority of my asian male friends are very successful ( $$$$)in their careers in America by being aggressive and they are ALL MARRIED. Even the nerdy guys are MARRIED. Well, 50 to 53% of asian men and women in America are currently holding a bachelor or higher degrees whereas whites only 38%. Let’s use our heads for a moment why John get discriminated?Don’t ever second think that asian men can’t play sports either. We have asian basketball players going against white and black players in California all the time. Whenever you’re minority in sports, no media will pay any attention man. If I step my foot out of my door, I will get sterotype too BEFORE I open my mouth. Sterotype like : ” I can’t picture you’re a hunter “. Maybe I put gel on my hair? or should I wear my camouflage hunting gears? Freaking I have several rifles , AR15 , handguns at home I don’t even disclose because it’s not appropriate sometimes. Some people can’t picture me playing basketball in the past either. All my asian friends and I don’t believe in any of the sterotypes floating around and we do understand why there are such sterotypes to make other men look better. When the majority considers you a foreigner , no matter if you and your father were born in America, they will find ways to put every categories to their advantage like jobs, movie roles, women ( I can only date your women but you can’t date/marry my women) , sports ( I won’t give you a chance to play sport or to make me look bad). How do we fight sterotypes ? Answer: don’t give them a chance to sterotype you! 5’4” tall huh? Have you seen a 4′ 10 woman doing 3 men’s job? She’s the boss, she’s the clerk, she’s a one man gang company! She’s the driver, too. Another thought here : why asians have the highest % for starting businesses on our own when our population is the smallest in America? What does self employed mean? it means sacrifice 360 degrees. You have to work 7 days a week at times. You have to work long hrs sometimes. You could lose big money sometimes. Google it .

  12. It’s not maybe a stereotype, but I feel my husband have really defeated the fear of ‘losing his face’ in some occasions, like when we first met. He has a bangladeshi friend who asked me how could he possibly get to know a girl in Finland when he’s so shy, I think it’s almost impossible if you’re not ready to ‘lose your face’ a little bit..

  13. You can’t judge a person by his stature alone. John has a strong sense of justice an that’s where he draws his strength from. So, you may be a David in stature but a Goliath in guts and spunk. Way to go John!

  14. There is a perception in the western societies that asian men/people don’t complain. WE DO COMPLAIN BUT WITH A LIGHTER TONE. Most of the time, we’re not like other men that just make loud noises and bang at items to make a scene. We take care of things in a different way. For me it’s different, I sometimes want to break my own office desk when my job doesn’t go right. I know westerners ( men and women) still have this perception that asian men are not macho enough. It’s just a perception only. It is not true. As asian men, we want to fix the problem ,not act like a problem. I once asked my wife ” honey, am I a man ( macho man)? ” she replied ” You are more than a macho man in my eyes. I love every inch of you and everything about you”. All those yrs, I have been giving my wife this perception that I’m better in every categories. I have to be this ULTIMATE MAN .I have to prove that I’m a good negoitator with my job as a professional ( holding a pen , using my brain to make money). I have to be good with finance in my family. Making the right financial moves for the family. Secondly, I have to prove that I can get dirty on home improvements. I can be rough w/concrete, carrying boulders/stone . Sweating like dogs and cats while working on labor intensive projects and still act like nothing going on having dinner. In addition, I have to learn how to excel on my cooking. She likes my cooking damn it!Furthermore, when I make a decision is usually final and won’t change my mind . Being decisive is very important to a woman ( not being like sissies and change mind all the time). Some men are afraid to help others for free due to nothing in return but I do it. Last but not least, showing that you love her and you care is definitely capturing her heart for life already. Finally, I know it’s funny but I do show anger while I express myself ( some women like it when you have some aggression in you). I do work out alot so I would flex my muscles and do poses for her to entertain her to cheer her up. I said” have you seen any asian man in his 40’s flexing and posing?” she replied : ” no but I love it baby!” 🙂 it’s all about perception! It’s not about how big ( you could be 250 lbs and still sucks ) or how tall you are ( you could be 6’6″ and still lazy). It’s inner strength!!!!

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