From the Archives: Favorite Past Questions from Chinese Men

(photo by Bilal Kamoon via

In honor of Father’s Day this weekend in the US, I’m tipping my hat to all the men out there — and sharing some of my favorite past Ask the Yangxifu questions from Chinese men. Enjoy, and I’ll be back on June 21 with some fresh content!

Ask the Yangxifu: Can Western Women Love a Communist Chinese Military Man? Can Western women fall in love with Chinese men who are Communist Party members, and in the military?

Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Student Wants to Approach American Brunette. How can a Chinese man go from sharing smiles to sharing coffee with a Western girl in the US?

Ask the Yangxifu: Would a White Christian Girl Date Atheist Chinese Boy? A Chinese boy wants to date a white Christian girl at his school, but he’s an atheist and she’s serious about her religion. Could they ever be anything more than just friends?

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3 Replies to “From the Archives: Favorite Past Questions from Chinese Men”

  1. One of the stories talked about asking a girl for coffee. I want to point out the idea of asking a stranger out is not part of Chinese dating in general. I am sure most people will draw the conclusion without a second thought by now. It is also not the dating culture in many countries outside of Anglo-American sphere. China is not the only place where you don’t date a person you barely know. The regular approach is to develop friendship and build on that after you get to know the person for some time. Please don’t generalize and call these men all shy. And I often hear girls say they won’t go out with someone who doesn’t dare to ask them out. Sometimes it is simply not the way to go about it. But it often happens those men wait too long, which is the difference I see between Chinese and some other men.

  2. Few weeks ago I went to a “language corner” here in Shanghai. It was a group of English students (or potential english students) discussing with someone who speaks English. That day the topic was dating.
    I realized I learned a lot about dating culture during that little time.

    By local people:
    Key places – Reason – My thoughts
    Cinema – make a first move – I don’t want anyone to make a first move in a first date, plus how to get to know the person in the cinema

    Restaurant – food and chat – Ok
    Bar – discussion – Nice as far as the bar is not too noisy

    By English speakers:
    Key places – Reason- Local thoughts
    At home – You can discuss as much as you want, cook together, watch a movie… – At home? No, never at home

    Go for a walk and wrap something to eat – Informal, less pressure – Too informal girls said

    Later I realized that when they talk about the first date we are talking about potential different people. They mentioned talking on the internet and I though ok that’s different , I would never bring to my own home someone I just met online. But that’s the difference, I never used any social media or website for that purpose though I have heard it works and sure some of them are good ways to do so.
    I was thinking about a first “real” date with someone I have met before, I was not thinking about the “first time ever I meet this person” but as a first real date, someone who is in my group of friends or I met few times…then why not at home, it doesn’t mean he is going to make any physical move.
    Where I come from, when we belong to a group of friends and we say lets meet at home for dinner, usually close friends will come by a bit earlier and help to prepare the dinner, no need to together is part of the fun, so it is cleaning afterwards. Is when good conversation comes up.
    I believe that makes a big difference also when we talk about these topics, …

  3. Well, you just have to get used to it. I guess I work with people and I talk to people so it comes natural for me to ask anything. Just practice ok. Once you ask her out and the flirting begins later.



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