Are Yangxifu (The Western Wives of Chinese Men) More Difficult Wives?

A Godzilla figurine dressed in a white wedding gown
(photo by theresa21)

“It’s hard to have a yangxifu [洋媳妇, the foreign wife of a Chinese man].” I know it seems strange, but every time my husband says this, we both bust up in laughter.

I don’t know when the phrase turned into our running joke, but I know why it makes us laugh. After all, I’ve never been the sort of woman who demanded a brand-spanking-new condo, car, and lots of cash; we’ve always rented, driven secondhand cars, and felt grateful just to pay our bills at the end of the month. I’ve never dragged John to the Apple store and begged him for an iPhone or any other status-gadget; instead I bought us dumb phones at the grocery store for a few bucks, and later lost mine somewhere in my car. And while I want a wedding ring someday from my husband, I’m content to wait for it until John graduates and lands his dream job. In short, if you looked up “demanding wife” or even “bridezilla” in the dictionary, you sure as hell wouldn’t find my photo there.

So today, I happened to nudge John with this phrase, how hard it is to have a yangxifu, while walking through the park. We laughed, as usual. But then I went off script, and asked him, “Do you think there’s any truth in it?”

In fact, the phrase echoes a stereotype in China about Western women. Everyone constantly talks about the “price” of marriage in China, that Chinese women and their families expect the guy to pony up a new condo, car and plenty of cash before a wedding could even be a possibility. So people think, if Chinese women expect this, wouldn’t a foreign woman expect so much more (since foreigners already demand higher salaries, better housing/schools, etc.)?

So John nearly stopped me in my power-walking tracks with his answer: “Maybe,” that maybe there was truth in it after all.

“But I’m not demanding,” I said. “I never asked for the whole house-car-money thing.”

“True. Maybe in the beginning, Chinese women are harder, they demand a lot before the marriage.” (He even threw in an anecdote, saying that some people in China believe that the woman’s mother is, in a small part, to blame for the out-of-control real estate situation in China. But I digress.)

“Though after marriage, maybe a yangxifu might need some more things. Like, the travel issue, to travel back to her country to visit family, and maybe yangxifu will want to travel more.”

I nodded. “Okay, maybe so. What else?”

“The lifestyle, that yangxifu will want a better standard of living if they live in China.”

“But come on, so many Chinese want a high standard of living already! They all want to live in Western-style apartments and even houses, if possible. Maybe it’s not the standard of living people expect in your rural village, but that’s changing too.”

John laughed with embarrassment, his way of saying “maybe not.”

“Besides,” I said with a raised eyebrow, “I’ll never force you to buy me a Louis Vuitton or Coach purse.”



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73 Replies to “Are Yangxifu (The Western Wives of Chinese Men) More Difficult Wives?”

  1. I have no experience with a 洋媳妇, so not much can I contribute to the discussion here. But perhaps the yangxifu may be more demanding in other areas of life like sharing household chores like washing the dishes? Okay, okay, we have gone through the whole sexist stuff before. And maybe, too, like John said, they may expect to maintain the higher standard of living that they are used to, though they may not insist on a house, car and money? Just saying. Don’t want to get involved in another long series of to-ing and fro-ing! Anyway, interesting post, Jocelyn. Am sure there are a lot of opinions out there. Looking forward to reading what other people say!

  2. I would say harder for both partners, but more for the man. American perspective views your life is your own after becoming an adult. Most Chinese families will stay involved your whole life one way or the other. You are less independent being a Chinese. Your family can be your support when you really need them, even financially. But you are expected to do more to return as well. It is also a bonding process.
    Most Americans won’t be able to accept this type of arrangement. They can try, but she will not be able to do it like a Chinese girl. I do see a lot of Chinese girls care for their husband’s family needs and expect the husband to do the same. It is all in the detail.
    Your Chinese husband is not likely to integrate with your family as well. He can be accepted I am sure. But not likely to feel close to them. The same challenge for the wife toward the Chinese family. This could be a huge loss from a Chinese perspective. I know there are a lot of discussions about the downside of your family duties. But I would be surprised any Chinese man can give that up easily. Think in terms of how American values their independence. Such challenges are likely to hurt Chinese men, but help their women in intercultural relationships.
    As far as standard of living goes, I think that depends on the person. But an average American girl is programmed to consume because of mainstream culture. Young Chinese girls often change quite a bit after they are married and become frugal like their parents.
    Another aspect is friendship. You develop different types of social network with a foreign woman, this blog as example. But that network is a lot smaller.
    Each partner will need to give up something more than usual. I personally feel the guy has more to lose. Again, nobody lives life according to calculations all the time.

  3. “perhaps the yangxifu may be more demanding in other areas of life like sharing household chores like washing the dishes?”

    Many Chinese and other Asian women demand this as well. Try Singaporean Chinese women…they are more demanding than a western woman and aggressive too!

    “they may expect to maintain the higher standard of living that they are used to, though they may not insist on a house, car and money?”

    Asian Male-White Female Households have the highest incomes in the US on average and their children are generally well above average in intelligence, again on average. Actually, white-white couples make about $10,000 a year less in the US than Asian Male-White female couples and about $7,000 on average than Asian Female-White Male couples…which goes to say that economics is not the only thing when making a decision to date and marry. If that is the only thing, we will see considerably more Asian Male-White female couples.

  4. I’m back!!!!! hahahahahah 🙂 lol. Jocelyn is the type of woman that Chinese men are attracted to. I really don’t know about all of you people out there in the world but men like me are connected with these kind of women. Some women who make at 6 figures salary or over don’t demand car, condo, LV pursues etc. I married one 🙂 ( I love you , honey 🙂 ) and my friend just married one also. These women are top executives but they like simple, happy life. DAMN I LOVE THIS SUBJECT!! 🙂 . I LOVE IT ! I LOVE IT ! I LOVE IT !

  5. People who are out of touch with immigrant life can read Han Jin’s “A Free Life”. It is still relevant.
    Second or third generation Chinese is not the same as Jocelyn’s husband.

  6. If I should be with someone, I wouldn’t demand that from them. I’d probably want for someone to have a steady job and to at least have Bachelor’s Degree (I have Bachelor’s,) but I wouldn’t ask anyone to buy me such expensive gifts.

  7. @ David, you are right on the economic aspect. But we are here dealing with how difficult or more demanding a yangxifu may be ie as a partner to a Chinese guy. Singaporeans generally have this reputation of being kiasu (Hokkien for being afraid of losing out to others – that may explain why they are so successful?) and it won’t be surprising that Singaporean Chinese women may be more demanding of their partner financially but domestically, I am not too sure. But thanks for your input.

  8. Not trying to mean or anything. Some women marry white guys because Chinese guys won’t marry them, especially when they are more successful or demanding. When they marry someone quite different and more sure of themselves, often with little real backing, these women can solve the marriage issue and still feel good to marry up. In real life and facing real life’s challenges, some of these women learn sooner or later they might not be better off. But that is what life does to you too. Asian women,similar to Asian men, are afraid of relationship failure and value family cohesion.
    Modern western culture emphasizes on feelings. It has more appeal to women in general.

  9. You always have to watch out for those hidden costs, read the small print before you sign your life away! 😉 At least Chinese women are more up front about what they expect.

    My boyfriend likes to wind me up because ever since I left school I have biked everywhere, I don’t think I have a real need for a car so have never learned to drive. He says I should join the 21st Century and learn to drive but I say he just doesn’t understand good, old fashioned penny saving haha.

    When I was on a domestic flight in China I got sat next to a mother and daughter with matching Coach handbags, they refused to put them on the floor while the plane was taking off and were talking about about the bags rather loudly – mostly just repeating Coach a lot and even spelling it out. I realised afterwards that this must have been for my benefit but it was completely lost on me because I had never heard of the brand Coach until I saw the glitzy shop in Hong Kong the following week. God knows what they thought about my bag that looked like it was abouts to fall apart… I really need to get on top of this luxury goods business!

    I have never thought that I had a particularly feminist attitude but I can’t imagine expecting someone else to buy me something that I wouldn’t be able to get for myself.

  10. I think how demanding a woman is cannot be generalized. I believe there are women who want to marry for love and those who want to marry for other reasons. Those who want to marry for love will usually not expect ridiculous things like house, cash, designer stuff from husband because these gifts wont necessarily change the romantic equation. But, if u marry for money then it is a big variable in the equation. Both asian and western and all other kinds of women have these two types I think. Quite a few men have high maintenance wives.

    Coming from a more traditional background I think eastern women might be less demanding in the sense that they are sometimes willing to put up with more wrt their husbands. I dont mean this in a doormat sense, but while speaking to my western and asian friends I found that asian ones were more willing to forgive, give second chances and tolerant towards things like guys controlling what they eat etc. But I dont think this makes either of them better or worse, its just different perspectives.

  11. @askdsk:

    I appreciate your insights on this topic and think what you described is mostly accurate. But, like anything else, there are always exceptions, although I am not sure what the proportion (likelihood/probability) of such exception. In my case, our relationship happens to be the opposite of what you described — my wife (who is Caucasian) is more caring about my family than vice-versa. I think it has more to do with personalities — she is a more generous person than I am in helping other people. This is not to say that it is a smooth sailing all the time when it comes satisfying her needs, that are more related culture related (holidays, birthdays, etc.) We have been married for over 10 years, she still sheds tears once a while when such differences pop up.

  12. @gang
    These relationships require a lot of communication, patience and sacrifice at times. If you are married with someone that long, I think you have worked out many issues already. It probably changes you too. People with good hearts exist in every group. I just know it is easier to be with someone familiar. But it does not mean easy is always better. You have to be the judge of that.

    I think Asian women are more willing to compromise overall. We don’t like confrontations so much and think compromise is a better solution. This leads to problems too. I guess you can say some are still bound by old traditions. Maybe there is more external pressure to conform. American women are aware of the traditions, but they tend not to let them dictate their lives.

  13. It is hard to make a conclude. Each couple has to deal with their own individual issues.

    I have seen one Asian girl demanded her husband to do stuff for her in front of her friends, on purposely. Tiger mother in the making? I also witnessed one western girl demanded her husband to buy clothes for her in an expensive mall, even her husband has bought her some last time.
    I don’t think we can reach a conclusion based on sparse sample points.

    @askdsk – my observation is that there are higher percentage Chinese families which wives make the call, comparing to western families. I guess the husbands don’t like confrontation 🙂

  14. If you want to have a healthy relationship, better pretend to let the women make the decisions too. That is what women do to men.
    The issue is where you strike a balance between your values and hers. You know how easy it is to go with the American way for everything. Many Asian girls are not discriminating either. I think women in general do more than man to take care of their parents. But Asian girls still do more than their American counterparts by my observation.
    Believe me, you want a woman who can bend your way when you put your feet down once in a while.

  15. As most of you have already said women and their wants are different . Genrally in Western society women marry for love (although there are women who marry for other reasons sich as money) if a couple marry for love then the couple work together to achieve their goals together whether it be a house, travel, car etc.
    Also women now days can earn money for the family and for themselves so they are able to save and buy a luxury if that’s what they want or save for a house, a car or even holiday for the family.

    When you hear the word Demand you imagine someone spoilt who screams and shouts for something and doesn’t stop until they get it. This is word demand (i think) is not good for a relationship…….

    Yeah Bruce you put a smile on my face, I enjoy reading your comments. Do you also have a Blog?

  16. “But Asian girls still do more than their American counterparts by my observation.” Do you think this contribute to more western men marrying asian women???

  17. You tell me.
    What are all these talks about Asian girls being materialistic? If they make the same amount of money as white girls, they would behave the same way? Most high income professional ones I came across spent their own money. I think Americans have a strong believe in work. As long as you work for your own money, it is honorable. Who cares if you are a stripper trying to pay for your college tuition? Chinese girls just find a short cut I guess.

  18. @Mira,
    Thank you for spotting me out from the rest of the crowd here *winks* :). So am I stimulating your mind huh? Do I sound like a little kid or a silly person to you ? I guess I’m good at finding connections with people in general. In person, I’m the same person in ways that I like to help others with all my heart and in return they help me in other fields. Mira, I do not have a blog due to my busy schedule. Business meetings and personal activities/hobbies keep me so busy. I don’t think I have enough time to maintain a blog. I’m just a very devoted and committed person in whatever I do so I will give 200% of my effort. Mira, I’m just a very personal (caring & considerated) individual and normally people feel very comfortible talking to me because I’ve stepped in their shoes before. I love to laugh and I love making people happy. I also love to learn new things on making one self healthier, happier and totally satisfied with one self. I guess you always hear me say ” life is short” and doing everything happy is my ULTIMATE GOAL now. “If” I am going to have a blog , it will consist of some hardcore hobbies(firearms, hunting, no sissy stuff), bodybuilding, classic muscle cars and of course TRAVELING experiences and everyday happy, healthy advices on life. Damn my blog will be electrifying!! I feel like I want to do a flying kick on my 9 ft ceiling *roar* :). Yup this is the real me. I know I know looks can be deceiving. I’m a clean cut guy and how can I be this person. Impossible right ? Wrong surprise! suprise! Suprise! 🙂



  19. @askdsk
    Yeah I agree that more traditional cultures (even in middle east, turkey etc) raise women to compromise more. I dont believe that is always a positive thing. However, relationships are about compromises too, and sometimes taking the softer approach can save a relationship. While I cannot generalize, I found that majority of my western friends took a very headstrong approach to relationships, breaking up whenever they felt the other person couldnt accept them on their terms (notice headstrong, and not strong. Being headstrong has nothing to do with inner strength). Not all western women are like that though.

    As for saying western women usually marry for love, I think thats creating an overly positive and idealized image of western women. Women everywhere are different and even within each country there are many kinds of women. In my experience there are an equal number of materialistic western women. Honestly there is nothing wrong with wanting a husband who can look after you. And every culture has gold diggers, thats not a special feature of one culture. It is funny that I was having a similar conversation with my bf, where I said at least I dont ask him to buy me expensive gifts and carry my bags. 😀 I am not a western/caucasian woman. I just dont think gifts are a way of showing affection (and they can be, just not for me). To me the thought counts more, and I cherish love letters more than jewelry. So, marrying for love is not culture specific, actually it can even be harder for asian women because its not the norm in their culture. So its not uncommon to see your friends and relatives being showered by expensive gifts by their bf’s/husbands and not expect any yourself.

    I think parental involvement is another variable. Parents in the east like to be closely involved in their childrens lives, which makes them demand things that would keep their daughters happy. In India, the system is opposite of china in that the girl’s family pays fr everything. Yet the demands are pretty much the same. Very rational and practical. Again as long as people are not forced, I dont see any major problems with it.

    So in summary, I think its incorrect to idealize or demonize an entire group of people by a stereotype. I think there are women, like Jocelyn mentioned, who are strong enough to love wholeheartedly and only demand that they be loved in the same way. And thats something worth celebrating. 😉

  20. I never really cared about any high-end brands before I met my husband, he taught me this bad habit..! The brand awareness is really on a very different level between the Chinese and Finnish people. None of my friends have LV or Gucci bags, but all of my husband’s Shanghainese female friends seems to have many.. My husband is always asking if I want him to buy the newest Iphone for me, I always refuse (and then he buys it for himself). He has a lot more expensive clothes on a closet than I do 😀 Now he wants to buy a new suitcase, it also has to be some certain brand. I would never care about a brand of a suitcase, I would just pick up the cheapest one!-__- He also asks if we should buy a car, but I prefer to use public transport since we live in a city and not on a countryside, I haven’t even got a driving licence..On our travels HE insist on dragging us to some outlet village, but I always pay my own shoppings by myself unless it’s a birthday gift or something..:)

  21. SBC, I agree.
    About this idea of marriage for love, that is a notion developed over time particularly with women’s movement. Americans are particularly fond of this because it shows class mobility and equality. In an arranged marriage tradition like the one China used to have, you have to marry inside your own class. In reality, America is not classless, and the approach to choose your partner is not either. The difference is that most Americans are not class aware.

  22. @ orange_rain
    I think many Chinese girls go with peer pressure these days too. In a country used to be poor, the newly found wealth has to be shown. If you look back at Europe years ago, it is the same thing actually. Western companies couldn’t be happier with one billion more consumers.

  23. @ askdsk, I quite agree when you said that you thought women in general do more to take care of their parents and that Asian women still do more than their American counterparts. At least nowadays this seem more obvious. So the son as the preferred one no longer holds, at least no longer so here in Malaysia among the Chinese people. I have personally quite often heard that the Chinese here prefer a daughter, all things being equal, unlike what it had been even in the recent past.

    @ SBC at 4.10 am Sept 18, agree with much of what you say.

  24. I saw some American women do a lot too. They seem to be in the South more than the North. It is about the same way in China.

  25. @Bruce

    Actually it is true for all high achievers. High achievers do not care for current spending. Their focus is future. High achiever women actually appreciate fruigal guys more than average women.

  26. Hi All,

    This is Manny once again. For those of you who are not familiar with my comments, please see them in the September 14, 2012 posting. Anyway I said that I will write about my trip to H.K. and Shen zhen, and there were five topics. Topics one through three were posted in the September 14, 2012 story under the comments section. I will post topic # 4 here where all of you are congregating for you all to see.

    You all should recall that Ms. Eikenburg wrote about the “Rarity of Chinese Men With Foreign Women” in her blog and she explained all the reasons why there are so few Chinese men with foreign women as couples. So, here are the test and the results…..

    While I and my family (I, dad, mom and 2 younger sisters) were in H.K. I saw very few Asian men with foreign women as couples, while I saw a disproportionate amount of couples between Asian women and Western men. My personal observations certainly confirms Ms. Eikenburg’s findings. In her writings, Ms. Eikenburg wrote the reasons for why Chinese men are reluctant to come forward and get themselves a western wife. Some of these reasons are: Chinese men have a feeling of inferiority, Western women are too much of a temptress and seductress, unable to sexually satisfy the voracious appetite of the woman, Western women cannot accept the Chinese way of life such as filial piety, etc. Well, I asked myself and my 2 younger sisters: what happens if Chinese men are tempted to excess by a Western woman’s beauty? Would Chinese men now forget all those aforementioned reasons and suddenly succumb to lust or beauty of the Western woman and then they will ask a Western woman out on a date? So, came the idea of putting Jocelyn Eikenburg on trial.

    I asked my two younger sisters for their help both of whom agreed. They are perfect for the test because they are young, very pretty and sexy. The older of the two whom I will call Pamela. The younger one I shall call Susan. Both are blondes with blue eyes. Pamela is 5 feet and 9 inches tall with a fairly slender waist line for a White girl and with a decent size body frame. To say the least, she is well endowed as she is busty and would certainly sell a lot of magazines if she posed for playboy. Susan, on the other hand, is 5 feet and 7 inches tall but not so busty with a smaller body frame. Both are taller than I am their older brother. Mother nature is not fair to me by making me shorter than these two women. So, the idea was to have my 2 sisters dress in a fairly sexually provocative manner and walk down the streets in H.K. to see what type of reaction they would attract from the Chinese men. Would the Chinese men be tempted enough to stop them and talk to them and then ask them out on a date? Or would they adhere to Jocelyn’s theory that they will not chase after Western women for all of the foregoing reasons? So, I am putting Jocelyn Eikenburg on trial.

    I had to first somehow get rid of my parents as they would never approve of this experiment. The opportunity came when they invited us to go shopping with them. The three of us declined and they went out on their own. We told them that we would simply walk around the hotel area in Tsim Sha Tsui. After they left, my sisters changed into their new summer low cut dresses and high heels, and put on a lot of make-up. They showed a lot of legs and bodies. Their dresses exposed their arms and parts of the back and upper chest but no nudity. So, we went out of the hotel and started to walk around on Nathan Road in Tsim Sha Tsui. I walked some 10-15 feet behind them as I do not want other men to think that I am their boyfriend or husband so as not to deter the Chinese men from making advances onto my sisters. I promised my sisters that if anyone attacks them, I will come to their rescue. And besides, with so many people around, no one will dare to attack them violently. My sisters are a little flirtatious with men to say the least, but they are decent and are not harlots or sluts. They are decent individuals but like to have a little attention from the boys at times. They too could not believe what Jocelyn Eikenburg wrote about Chinese men. They too believed that men will be men and when they see pretty girls they will for certain chase after the girls. So, the test was: will the Chinese men succumb to temptation and chase after the pretty White girls or simply be prudish and refrain from making contact? So, the stage was set and Jocelyn Eikenburg was on trial.

    So, here are the results. When my 2 young sexy sisters walked about on Nathan Road, believe it or not, they attracted ABSOLUTELY NO ATTENTION from the Chinese men. No one whistled at them; no one turned their heads to stare at them; no one made “cat calls”; and no one dared to talk to them. I watched from 10-15 feet behind them and did not see any Chinese men turn their heads and no one raised their eyebrows. The Chinese men simply went about their daily business and ignored my sisters. They even commanded no attention from other foreigners as well. In Tsim Sha Tsue there are also a lot of East Indians and Arabs. They too ignored my sexy sisters. Even the Western White boys did not whistle or stare at them. How could this be? Back home in the U.S. many boys would be whistling at them. I even saw some of my fellow White boys in the U.S. whistle at them and made some crude comments or “cat calls” from time to time. But in H.K. they got no attention. Believe it or not even the construction workers in H.K. did not whistle at them or made an “cat calls” at them. What a disappointment!

    When nothing was happening I decided to up the ante a little by trying to offer a date with one of my sisters to a Chinese male store owner or clerk to see what will happen. So, we stopped at a specialty shop in Nathan Road because we say “wall climbers” for sale. A “Wall Climber” is a remote control toy car which has suction and sticks to a vertical wall. Then with a remote control you can drive the toy on the wall vertically. I thought this was an interesting toy to buy for my one of my little cousins back in the U.S. So, we stopped inside to inquire. The male store clerk (maybe he is the owner) spoke fairly good English. After talking to him for awhile and discovering that he is not married, I suggested that he should date one of the 2 young girls next to me. He smiled and politely declined without giving any reasons even though I asked for reasons. I upped the ante by offering him a date with them both simultaneously. He again declined. How prudish!!!!!

    I guess Jocelyn was right about the Chinese men that they are very reluctant to go with Western women. What is wrong with them? Do they not like beauty? Are they asexual? They cannot be asexual because China is the most populous country in the world and the men will have to have sex to produce this level of population. I guess that their sense of reluctance to be with a Western woman cannot be overcome by sex appeal.

    So, Jocelyn, you are proven to be correct once again.

    Stay tuned as I will write about my last report from my trip to H.K. and Shenzhen (topic # 5: My Last Attempt To Pick-Up a Real Chinese Girl in H.K. China). I will write about it in the next few days when I have more time.


  27. Hey all. I will give my last report about my H.K. trip in the next few days. It will be about my last attempt to pick up on a Chinese girl. So, stay tuned.

  28. You do not know Chinese men
    You feel pretty sexy white girl
    But the Chinese men may think is ugly
    Chinese men do not pursue White girl
    Most of the white girls are crazy
    Canada’s young white girl
    With a tattoo
    The majority of American girls are fat
    British white girls like sex party
    Why I would like my girlfriend.
    Because she was not a white girl
    She is a good girl
    So I think she is the most beautiful
    Maybe you think your sister is very pretty
    But I do not like

  29. @Manny, asking the store clerk to date your sisters is downright creepy, don’t you think? He probably thought you were a pimp and your sisters were prostitutes. Western women are stereotyped as easy and slutty and now that store clerk believes in that stereotype more than ever.

  30. Hi Dingjie

    Your girlfriend is Italian? Yes Italian girls are know to be beautiful but you say she is not a white girl (pls explain) I know they have olive skin and can get tan’s in summer but…….

  31. @Anthony. I did not immediately ask the store clerk to date my sisters without first establishing some type of rapport. After talking to him for a short while first and earning more of his trust, then I suggested the idea to him. I even explained to him that I was the older brother to dispell any notion of being a pimp.

  32. You will rarely encounter an Asian guy in Asia hit on girls they don’t know. Americans do more than people in other countries in meeting strangers. It seems everything is possible. The southerners I’ve ever met can be even more friendly in social interactions. The store clerks would think it must be some kind of joke when you offered him a date. Meeting strangers like that just don’t happen in Asia. It is possible in night clubs and bars, but not on streets. I don’t feel that is creepy. Big culture differences. It is interesting to see how someone tests the theory. The theory is valid, and your sisters are also attractive.

  33. @askdsk. Thanks for the cultural education. Now, I know that Asian men in Asia are more reluctant to hit on girls who are strangers. We were putting Jocelyn Eikenburg on trial to see what she says is true or false. She is correct. So, Jocelyn is found not guilty of disseminating false information about Asian men.

  34. @Kin, I was not intending the report to be funny but intended it to be factual. But I am glad that you found it funny. Have you any interesting reports to file?

  35. My nanpengyou is a shy Chinese man and he was the one who came to talk to me in a cafe. I asked him about this topic and he said he felt he needed to do that, he said is nice to see someone with a book and drinking coffee in her own world, he also said approaching a person that holds a mobile phone all the time is not something he would do( laughed: what means girls don’t use your cells as hand extensions or you could miss something good)

    Regarding western girlfriend: he said financially is good. No car, rent apartment…we bought 2 bikes with the budget on 1. We live far so that the rent is fair for both, we both share and help each other. Money matters yes, in terms of wedding for 2 countries.
    Culturally we learn from each other, and unfortunately he has the feeling that he is not good enough in many things, he thinks he lacks in skills. I met his colleagues and I discovered they tell him to improve his English( until they met me), after that dinner I told him: honestly, your English is much better! Just be confident!, and I told him to carefully listen to them, they do a lot of mistakes he doesn’t, I think motivating each other is great for the relationship!
    He said a +\- point is that westerns move more: we like to do sport, we like to do many things with our free time, he said…good for me cause I love it but many Chinese friends would prefer to stay home.

    Many pros and cons like in every relationship, but…hey…if it works….!!

  36. @Laura propose marriage..Video…h t m l
    Maybe you should give your ….nan pengyou look ..look

  37. @Anthony. Why do Asians view Western women with the stereotype that these women are easy and slutty? Is it because of the movies? Is it because many Western women in Asia go there to be prostitutes? Can someone tell me why?

  38. @Manny, I didn’t know we have this reputation, actually I never heard of it before. But to give an insight some movies could promote that image. As example, some bollywood movies when there is a western woman she is the “other” the one that “makes the man cheat” on his local and loyal partner.
    But then if it’s all about stereotypes/ movies geishas didn’t do any good to Asian girls either.

  39. @Manny and Laura,

    Yes yes and yes those freaking movies are promoting this sterotype. I’m serious! When you watch movies from Hollywood, you always see western women kissing or sleeping with one man to the next like eating burgers. Asians see it as having no morals! Have you watched spring break movie/show where college women going on spring break showing their breasts. Flashing their breasts and french kissing strangers etc on spring break. This kind of image of western women send a chill through the spines of traditional asian men.

  40. Remember chinese /asian always want to go on dates with someone who has the potential of becoming more serious. I’m speaking in general but this is how we feel. Some shy and traditional asian/chinese women don’t even let you kiss even though you’ve been going out with her for a while. Yup even driving until your car tires are all worn out LOL :). funny right?

    Manny, if you want a Chinese GODDESS, you must talk calmly and show her respect. Once , you meet her parents , they want to see if you have respect also. Some Chinese GODDESSES are hard to please ,too . I’m not being funny. You will find out soon :).

  41. @Laura. Did you read my account of my trip to H.K.?
    I also did not know that women of my race had this reputation in Asia also until recently. I guess I am in the dark just as much as you are. But now I know.

    @Bruce. Yes, it is true that in the U.S. the women here tend to be a little more liberal with kissing and holding and more tactile. But the actions are a natural progression toward a relationship. I could not believe though how prudish Chinese men were when I was in H.K. with my sisters (see my account above). I will try to use the Chinese approach more when I attempt next time to woo a Chinese goddess. Thanks for the tip. You are a great person, bro.

  42. @Luiyi. Yes, it is unfortunate that I did not know you and was not in H.K. at the time you were because we could try to get a Chinese goddess together (one for you and one for me). Maybe next time, bro. I and my sisters (without my parents) are thinking about going to Beijing and Shanghai next year but we have not finalzied our decision. If so, will you be there? Maybe I can offer you a date with my sisters and in exchange, you introduce me to a Chinese goddess in Shanghai. What do you think, bro?

  43. Manny,

    You can’t just “offer” a date. You mean your sisters will listen to you on who to go out on a date? Maybe you can kiss a chinese goddess in the club because they are more liberal. My friend kissed chinese women in the club all the time . He told me.

  44. @Bruce. No, my sisters will not follow me all the time and will not necessarily agree to date a man whom I recommend. But they will give consideration to my suggestions and requests. For example, if you had read my story about my trip to H.K. China, I asked Pamela for help to get me a Chinese goddess at the night club/restaurant in Discovery Bay on the night before our departure and she simply said that she will consider my request but ultimately did not help me. She also not only refsued to help me, but she also interfered with my attempt to get the 2 Kiwi Chinese goddesses just when I was getting close. At other times, Pamela helped me get girls in the U.S. (all White girls to my disappointment) by approaching a group of girls, befriending them, and asking questions to see if these girls are seeking romance with a man, and if the are, then she would suggest that they meet me. So, my sisters will not always do as I ask of them. Somtimes they helped me and other times they denied me. That is why I cannot undertand my sisters and I cannot understand women in general! They are so fickle. If you can understand how a woman works, please tell me because I would like to know.

    Please tell me which clubs to go to so that I can get kisses from the Chinese goddesses.

  45. LOL hhahahhahah so funny! even graduate level can’t even get kisses from a woman okay.. hahahhaha. I love high school. I wish I could go back to high school with this knowledge. Manny, you just have to find out which clubs are the wild one. You know I’m just telling you but I don’t even think about that kind of stuff anymore. Come on , I’m two times older than you and I do focus more on peaceful things and family stuff. I’m at a different level now. I’m thinking about other things in life worth my time.

  46. I get things changed after the 60’s. Courting becomes old fashioned. It is cool to pick up girls and all that. Most girls I know still like to be treated like a lady. Craving for attention from strangers is totally high school and immature. Hitting on random girls is the same thing- self humiliation. Bruce, 40 years old acting like this is a shame.

  47. @askdsk you are totally right, these comments have lost all their sense.
    In order to add some more insights on western wives and their complexity. I just came back from the home of my boyfriend’s parents where we spent the holidays with this family and we talked about the topic.

    They said the positive thing is that they get to learn many things cause any question they have I will answer, the other thing is that I always bring them some wine, and then from a cultural point of view they said from the very beginning I was open to them, meaning I helped them in the kitchen, I asked them questions, answer questions, did some jokes, etc.
    Difficulties: How to educate our kids when we have them and with 2 different cultures, and the other questions is, what if he cant get a higher salary.

    Hope it helps,

  48. If you remain in China, your kid can pick up the language and culture from Chinese side. It will probably help to establish a healthy identity down the road because she/he will be viewed as Asian mostly. The downside is that Chinese education system sucks actually. But your kid won’t be able to get enough exposure to Chinese side in US.

  49. @askdsk yes the family was asking about life in Europe and here. I also think if the kid remains in China some years is better!

  50. @Laura
    If your husband is native Chinese, I do think it would be beneficial to have some years in his country. There will be so much pressure to assimilate in a western country. I doubt the kid won’t wonder what is the other half is like down the road. You would need both sides, and they are quite complementary to each other. Not being able to speak both languages would be a huge loss.

  51. @ askdsk and Laura,

    All jokes aside, don’t be too serious. Some comments are not what they seem to be. Of course , people tend to go off topic like always. Okay, let’s get back to “western wives are more difficult ” topic. Ohh yeah.. Do western wives create troubles all the time over little things?

  52. @ Manny & askdsk,

    Once the snowball starts rolling, can’t stop it ! Am I really that important in discussion? There are others more qualified than me . You guys like this endless support from me huh? :). If you have ten more people just like me then this blog will explode into space. Very exciting man! My commitment here is just like in real life. Manny is not my sidekick is that I’m not picking up chicks. He is the one :). I’m not single and I’m married for life. Not even lightning or thunder can split us apart!!!! LOL sound funny huh? but it’s true . I have another appointment to go to. Why life is sooooo hard? 🙂

  53. Married over 10 yrs baby!!! Are you guys jealous? nah nah nah nah LOL :). Okay I can not act like this in front of you guys. I must be a serious ( boring) person like everybody here.

    Do you know people in real life who are so serious? Look at their faces. Do they look old to you? I rest my case!

  54. @ Bruce,
    I never thought the others were boring…
    But I find very interesting that a 40 years old married man uses words like: baby, oh man, goddess, LOL… and so on.

    Well my father is in his 40s and he is very funny but I would never see him talking like that.

    If others talk in a different way is not because they are boring, maybe the way they communicate is different..!

  55. Laura,

    I know another friend is 52 yrs old. He uses the words baby ,too. He is also asian. Yes, I can be very serious from politics to economics. Life is very stressful at work so we always want to have exciting and youthful conversations to keep us young and moving. Well, I’m putting money in your pocket.

  56. I just think it’s not in the “Western” culture for the woman to expect these kind of material things (a house, a car, cash). For me, a husband never meant money or a better life. It was always clear to me that I have to provide for myself. A husband (or partner) is “just” a plus.

  57. Maybe the demanding part comes to play because western women make demands that the Asian male is not comfortable with, and they aren’t necessarily monetary. My husband is Chinese…I am not…and he and his friends are very much spoiled male children. Their moms and their sisters kowtow (there you go) without a blink. The women in their lives enjoy — rather than suffer — the indignity of being lesser. They are tough ladies, too, but around brothers and sons they defer. (Although my sister-in-law is also married to a Westerner and she is a dragon lady with him and a pushover with my husband…i.e. her brother…go figure.) I will leave it at that, but I could write volumes.

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