China life | Speaking of China

Chapter 38: No Job, No Visa

: My job and visa in China got slaughtered during one brutal afternoon conversation.

Jing Ke, sent by the Yan State to assassinate Qin Shihuang (the despotic future emperor of the first united China, under the Qin Dynasty), knew he was heading to his own slaughter. He wrote, in his poem titled “On Yi River Ferry” (渡易水歌):

Winds moan, Yi water chilly,
风萧萧兮易水寒，
Warrior once gone, never again return.
壮士一去兮不复还.

He knew the warrior — himself — would never come back. He knew what would happen.

I should have known my job at the Chinese Internet company would be slaughtered.

By early January, my contract had already expired. Yet, Mr. CEO refused to discuss my contract, shooing me away. “Sorry, I have other matters to attend to now.” He said something like this every time I breached the subject with him.

The secretary, who had processed my visa before, let my paperwork sit idle on her desk. By January 22, 2003, she had still done nothing — while I began to wonder if my visa was even valid.

But the most piercing evidence came from the company website. I opened it up on January 22, to find new English content written by someone else, instead of me.

Just as Jing Ke faced Qin Shihuang, so I faced Mr. CEO, the afternoon of January 22 — a standoff that felt more like a slow execution. Continue reading “Chapter 38: No Job, No Visa”

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China Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men

(NOTE: For the most up-to-date list of these blogs, read my 2018 update of this list)

March is women’s history month, and just last week, March 8 was international women’s day. As we remember the women who make a difference in our world, there’s one minority voice we shouldn’t forget — the Western women who love Chinese men.

China blogs are still a man’s world, so our voices are often lost in the comments and trackbacks. But Western women who love Chinese men have a unique perspective to a woman’s experience in China — which makes their blogs even more valuable in the blogsphere. Here’s my list, in alphabetical order (according to the blog’s name). Continue reading “China Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Indirect Dating and Chinese Men

Western woman and Chinese man — How do you know if a Chinese man wants to date you -- or is dating you?

Anonymous asks:

I am an American female and began an international graduate program this January here in the US. Most of my classmates are foreign and I’ve gotten the attention from a Chinese male. There is a good chance our relationship is going to blossom, so I have a few questions for you.

At first, it didn’t dawn on me that he was interested, so he stepped it up a notch. He started waiting for me after class, sitting near me in class and initiating conversations. We have spent some time together outside of class. Our most recent encounter was a trip to the movies, where he picked me up and got a chance to meet my grandfather (he was very excited to meet Grandpa). He is currently on a trip for spring break and has phoned me a few times.

Here is the kicker and where my questions come in. He is very indirect. While I’m 99% sure he is courting me, he has never expressed in words his desire to date me (although it is still early). Should I wait for him to initiate that conversation? Additionally, he asks questions in a very indirect manner. For example, instead of asking if he can walk walk with me to the library, he asks where I am going next… I think it is a combination of his culture combined with being male haha. His English is also very choppy, so we have a communication barrier. I do not speak or read Chinese at all.

His indirectness combined with limited knowledge of the English language is difficult for me to understand his intentions at times (especially when he is hinting that he’d like to get together). I am an outgoing and honest person, so it’s difficult for me to know how to react to him. He is also very introverted and independent, kind of a homebody.

I guess I’m writing you for some advice. I don’t want to be too forward by asking him direct questions or disclose too much information that may turn him off. My instincts are telling me to find the balance between expressing interest and letting things happen naturally. I don’t know him well enough yet to know how I feel about him, but so far he’s caught my attention. Any advice/suggestions would be helpful. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Indirect Dating and Chinese Men”

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Chapter 37: Forgotten Workers and Contracts

Lonely person standing at a sunrise — My Chinese Internet company had a history of forgetting workers and contracts. And, soon, it would forget me, too.

By January 14, 2003, the Chinese Internet company where I worked had already begun taking its first steps towards a possible listing on the Hong Kong stock market. But on that same day, I had only begun to take my first steps into the workplace — after two weeks of recovery from a sprained ankle.

And some people, on the other hand, had taken their last steps at work. Such as Ayi Zhong, the fiftysomething woman with a cap of salt-and-pepper hair who cleaned my apartment once a week, and the company offices several times a week.

She told me about it the evening of January 14, when I found her arranging my apartment, as she did every week. “The new office is twice the size of the old place, but they would not increase the salary.” The company only paid her 250 yuan (almost $37) a month, a pittance for her services.

Still, Ayi Zhong wasn’t the only company casualty. Continue reading “Chapter 37: Forgotten Workers and Contracts”

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Interview on China Travel 2.0

Jocelyn Eikenburg in Xintiandi, Shanghai — China Travel 2.0 interviewed me about travel to China, my China impressions and more.

Winser Zhao of China Travel 2.0 interviewed me, and the article — called Meet a Yangxifu and Ask for More About China – Jocelyn and Her Love Story — just appeared on their blog today. Some of the things I talk about include:

My first impressions/experiences in China
Why I love China
How I learned Chinese
My Chinese inlaws’ first impressions of me
My own travel experiences, and advice on traveling in China

If you have a chance, have a look. And if you like what you read, feel free to share with your friends.

Thanks, as always, for reading. 🙂 And special thanks to Winser Zhao for thinking of me for this interview.

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Chapter 36: Leaning on Your Chinese Friends and Lovers

Western woman and Chinese woman, leaning on each other — When you're helpless in China -- because of language, or even a sprained foot -- sometimes all you can do to survive is lean on your friends

When you live as a foreigner in China, sometimes you can’t help but feel like a child. Maybe it’s because you can’t speak the language — or stumble through it, like a toddler playing with sounds and words. Maybe it’s because you don’t read the signs, and feel as lost as a little kid, abandoned by their parents in a strange world. Maybe it’s the culture, where you commit the sort of faux pas that your parents would have admonished you about after visiting grandma’s house.

And, maybe, it’s because you depend on your Chinese friends and lovers so much, that they become your caregivers all over again.

When my left ankle was put into a cast — after clumsily spraining it outside a shopping center in Hangzhou — the hospital had no crutches, and no protective sheath that would allow me to walk outside. I had leaned on my Chinese friend Chris for a lot of things before — advice, Chinese lessons, help at the hospital — but now I leaned on him, physically, just to leave the hospital grounds.

Yet, leaning could only take me so far. Continue reading “Chapter 36: Leaning on Your Chinese Friends and Lovers”

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Chapter 35: The Wrong, Painful Step

Shoe stepping into the water — Sometimes, you lose your way in China, and one small step can change your life.

When you live in a foreign country like China, it’s easy to get lost, to stumble, to make a wrong turn. But the wrong turn — or step — can cost you your time, your health or even, your trip to Hong Kong.

On the evening of December 28, 2002, I took the wrong step outside of a shopping center in downtown Hangzhou. It was the kind of place I shouldn’t have even been — a dark alley right beside the center, littered with the sort of unpatched, gaping potholes that just didn’t match the gleaming glass facade of the new building. I’d already lost my sense of place on the way there, when I missed the closest bus stop and had to walk 15 minutes to backtrack to the shopping center. The dark and disorientation merged together, right there in that alley. And then it happened — one step sent me tumbling face down to the concrete, sending a sharp pain through my left ankle. I was so stunned that, for a few moments, I couldn’t even stand. But I finally did get up, because no one was there to rescue me.

No one was there to shield me, either, from the perils of being alone on an evening in China. Continue reading “Chapter 35: The Wrong, Painful Step”

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Western Wives, Chinese Husbands — Guest Interview Piece at Middle Kingdom Life

Western wife and Chinese husband on wedding day, walking under a trellis — Check out “Western wives, Chinese husbands” at Middle Kingdom Life, a collaborative piece by me, Susan Chi, Melanie Gao and Jessica Larson-Wang

ReadÂ this collaborative piece on interracial dating and marriages of Western women and Chinese men I did with Susan Chi, Melanie Gao, and Jessica Larson-Wang — for Middle Kingdom Life. It’s called “Western Wives, Chinese Husbands.”

We answer these questions:

Are Chinese men generally attracted to Western women? Are they representative of Chinese men in general?
Is there anything culturally unique about the psychology of Chinese men, as a group, that Western women should be aware of?
How are dating etiquette and customs different in China in regard to men than in the States?
What is the best way to find English-speaking Chinese men?
What are Chinese men looking for in a wife?
What are the advantages of having a Chinese husband in China?
What are some common problems Western women face with a Chinese husband?

A big thanks to Susan, Melanie and Jessica (who put up with my copious e-mails and crazy requests for things like photos)! Your voices truly made this a valuable piece.

So, take a look at the article — and share it with your friends, too. Enjoy!

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Ask the Yangxifu: What To Consider Before Moving To China

Western woman with luggage by bus station in China

Anonymous asks:

The reason I am writing is — why did you not stay and live in China? My Chinese wife says if there is any problem with her actually coming to my home country, then I should come and live there…with her….

I know you are very busy, but if you could give me your impressions, about what I have asked, I would appreciate it.

———-

To move or not to move to China? It’s a dilemma that a lot of cross-cultural couples in China face.

We left China for one major reason — John’s education. Psychology graduate school is better in the US, so we moved here with the goal of getting him into a Ph.D program. The training and education he receives here will put him in a better position to fulfill his longtime dream (to create a “humanistic care center” in China). But, once he’s done, we plan to move back to China — permanently.

For many couples, the answer — and journey — is less obvious. Moving to China permanently is different than a year of teaching English, and poses new questions to a foreigner. Here are a number of issues you should consider before planting your feet in China’s good earth: Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: What To Consider Before Moving To China”

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Chapter 34: Love in the Time of Stomach Inflammation

Sometimes you hope for romance in China -- and instead, you end up with an IV drip, and your Chinese boyfriend caring for you.

When you’re in love, and only see each other every two weeks, on the weekends, you romanticize every meeting. You want it to be as perfect as a Tang-dynasty couplet, and script out the possibilities even before your lover arrives. You practice a new phrase, such as wàngchuānqiūshuǐ (望穿秋水 – awaiting you with great anxiety), to say when he comes, and might just even stand on the streets with roses to greet him — just as I had before.

After my painful meeting with Mr. Fang, I romanticized the arrival of John, my Chinese boyfriend, on the weekend of December 13, 2002, even agreeing to meet John at the Hangzhou railway station, as if I was starring in some dramatic reunion scene in a movie.

Except, real life often departs from your own script. Sometimes, you hope for romance — and what you get, instead, is stomach inflammation.

I should have felt it coming, the way I inexplicably collapsed into his arms during the taxi ride home. It wasn’t like me to feel so drained. I expected it was simply the lingering stress of Mr. Fang’s confrontation, weighing on my exhausted frame. A good night’s sleep, with John, my Chinese boyfriend, by my side, would surely restore me.

Or not. Continue reading “Chapter 34: Love in the Time of Stomach Inflammation”

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