Red envelope, hongbao, lai see -- whatever you call them, remember, at Chinese New Year, these are more for kids, not your boyfriend or girlfriend.
D asks:
I’m dating a cute Cantonese boy, although he was born in Canada himself (along with his brother), his parents are from China. His parents are pretty strict about him dating period, never mind dating a white girl like myself.
Chinese New Year is coming up, and I know it’s a time where the older give to the younger. As I’m older than my boyfriend by a few years, would it be odd if I had gotten him one of the special lai see envelopes with money in it? Or is that just strictly family related?Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese New Year Red Envelopes For Boyfriend?”
Accomplished Chinese food writer and yangxifu Carolyn J. Phillips talks with me about food and what it takes to charm your Chinese family at the table. (photo from zesterdaily.com)
Food is such an integral part of Chinese culture that it’s really hard to fit into a Chinese family if one isn’t adept at the cuisine. I suppose this is true to some extent with any country, but the Chinese are probably on par with the French and Italians when it comes to the importance of dining well.
This is probably doubly important when a yangxifu doesn’t speak Chinese fluently but still hopes to be accepted. Have your readers talked much about this? I truly feel that the old saw about the way to a man’s stomach etc is gospel for us yangxifu.
Carolyn should know — she’s a yangxifu who devoted her adult life to mastering the art of Chinese cooking. She blogs about food at Out to Lunch and tweets about it as @MadameHuang. She’s also working on two forthcoming books on the subject — “Simple Pleasures from a Chinese Kitchen: Authentic Seasonal Recipes from Every Region of China” and “Culinary Goddesses: The Women Who Changed Our Dining Landscape… Recipes Included.” — and is a regular contributor writing about Chinese food for Zester Daily. In addition, she’s even fluent enough in Mandarin to do court interpreting.
In any event, Carolyn has discovered a thing or two about what it takes to woo a Chinese family that truly loves to eat through food. So I sat down with her — from one yangxifu to another — to talk about all things related to food and Chinese family. As Chinese New Year approaches, it’s a topic that will come in handy for lots of readers.
My Chinese husband told me I've become more superstitious since I married him. (photo by zettmedia)
Cíjiù yíngxīn (辞旧迎新, farewell to the old, welcome the new). That’s what my Chinese husband said to me as we gathered the last of the dirty laundry to throw in the washing machines last night. We already scrubbed our entire apartment clean — I dusted, he vacuumed and washed all of the dishes. Now we wanted clean clothes too.
“You did this before?” he asked me as we walked to the laundry room.
“Nope, I never used to clean house for the New Year. Not before I met you.”
He smiled. “You’ve become more superstitious since you married me,” he said.
A Chinese man in Guangzhou wonders, can he ever find another Western woman to love in China? (Photo by Jim Reilly)
Ken asks:
I went over to New York when I was 20 years old and I finished my BA and my MBA there. I also worked there for about one year before I decided it was time to come back to China with my classmate/girlfriend then who was from New York. I was able to make the decision of coming back to China because my girlfriend was very supportive of this decision, which, to be very honest, was really to my surprise because she never had been outside of the States except for going to Canada that one time.Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: More On Finding Western Women to Date in China”
My husband hails from China's land of fish and rice, and my rice cooking skills just didn't cut it. (photo by melanie kuipers)
“My wife cooks great Chinese food.” My husband could never resist saying this in front of other Chinese, especially people we invited for dinner.
Okay, I’ll confess, I make a mean mapo tofu. But I still considered his praise a little crazy. After all, I failed on the most basic measure of a Chinese cook — making steamed white rice.
I never admitted this before, probably because it leads to an unflattering thought — how could she possibly screw up steamed white rice? All right, let’s be clear here. I didn’t really screw it up; Continue reading “How I Finally Learned To Make Fine Rice”
In our game of "who can you trust," there's no such thing as a sure bet here after my Chinese husband's discrimination. (photo by Fran Priestley)
“They’re not even broken relationships. It’s as if the relationships were never even there,” my husband said.
This Sunday evening, John and I reflected on the wreckage of that discrimination — especially the people we never expected to stand against us. People we considered mentors and friends. People who always used to say, “I understand.”
“I don’t understand how they could do this,” I said. “I mean, it’s like they were lying to you all along.”
“That’s the in-group mentality, you know. They never really trust people who are different, never really even consider you like one of them.”
To make your holiday to-do list a little easier, I’m rounding up all of my gift-giving advice in one easy post. Includes ideas for your Chinese friends and family, as well as hosts and even business associates. (photo by Christy Thompson)
(UPDATED February 3, 2018)
“What gift should I give?” It’s the number one question in my mailbag — and chances are, with the holidays coming, the number one thing on the minds of many readers.
To make your holiday to-do list a little easier, I’m rounding up all of my gift-giving advice in one easy post.
Giving Gifts to Your Chinese Family – A Modest Guide remains one of the top 10 posts for this site. It’s not exactly my favorite post of the bunch — which I guess is bound to happen when it’s your first stab on the subject.
Still, I feel this one does help on several counts. It’s not bad as an overview, and it offers great ideas for anyone doing their holiday gift shopping in China. So there you go. Read it, but remember it’s not my last word on gifts.
4 Tips for Giving Gift Baskets in China. What should I give to my loved ones/family in China? I’ve received hundreds of e-mails from people around the world, asking me for advice on this. Over the years I’ve discovered there can be a very simple answer to this question – the fruit basket, or even a well-chosen gift-basket.
Gifts to Buy Abroad for Chinese Family and Relatives. This post isn’t just for people with Chinese spouses/significant others and/or extended family on their list. It could be helpful for almost anyone doing their holiday shopping outside of China. When in doubt, stick with the more general suggestions such as chocolate or coffee (or see my final advice below).
Birthday Gifts for Chinese Men. What? Birthdays? Okay, the title sticks out — but the content fits right in. We could even rename this post “Christmas/Holiday gifts for Chinese boyfriends, husbands and other special men in your life.” In addition, some of the suggestions — such as the business card cases, briefcases/messenger bags, and unique electronic devices — could be great gifts for Chinese men and women who happen to be your China business associates.
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.
In Chinese, they call it tónggāngòngkǔ (同甘共苦), sharing the sweetness and the sorrows, something my Chinese husband and I know well after his recent misfortune. (photo by Aleksandra P.)
“I just, you know, can’t take this any more,” I said, trailing off into tears in that office, as the advisor passed me a box of kleenex.
“This situation has been very hard on my wife too,” my husband said, referring to what happened over two weeks ago. Technically, it happened to him — but not according to my tears.
These past couple of weeks, we’ve knocked on doors together, even if John did the talking. We’ve discussed next steps, even though John will have to take them alone. We’ve held each other in the dark, and taken turns crying in offices. Continue reading “Sharing the Sweetness and the Sorrows”
A Chinese student who shares his ideas about Americans makes me realize that, maybe, I've been telling myself myths about this country. ( photo by Jorc Navarro)
Last Saturday, my husband John and I welcomed a couple of Chinese students into our home after dinner. Originally, we just talked turkey — or rather, the fact that we invited them over to our place for Thanksgiving. But when the topic came up, John and I had other turkeys in mind, such as the discrimination we faced barely a day before.
Discrimination. I never realized just how intimately I would come to know this word and what it really means after marrying a Chinese man. (photo by ayleene de monn)
Discrimination. I never realized just how intimately I would come to know this word and what it really means after marrying a Chinese man.
I’ve thought about this word often in the past few days because of something that happened. I can’t write about it in any meaningful way, though I desperately want to. Like so many things, I feel condemned to carry this pain around with me in silence. I guess that’s why I needed to write this entry — to at least come forward and acknowledge what has happened, if only in a general sense.
When I married my husband, I never really thought much about the prospect of discrimination that would come with our decision to return to the US. I guess I suspected some people wouldn’t agree with our relationship or would have difficulty accepting John. But I always assumed the discrimination would remain obvious, like the one time when a White supremacist group linked to this website during a forum discussion about a “Chinese takeover.” Continue reading “On Discrimination and Marriage to a Chinese Man”
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