racism | Speaking of China

Guest Post: Odd Questions I’ve Heard About My Interracial Love

Anyone who has ever dated outside their race will relate to this wonderful guest post by Chi, who blogs at Talking of Chinese.

Do you have a guest post you’d like to see featured on Speaking of China? Visit the submit a post page to learn how to have your words published here.
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The vast majority of people (whether consciously or unconsciously) date and marry within their own race.

According to Wikipedia, 97% of married white men and women in America are married to another white person, 89% of married black men and women are married to another black person and 91% of married Asian men and women are married to another Asian person.

If you happen to be in the less than 4% (according to Wikipedia only 3.9% of married couples in the US in 2008 were interracial couples – this is a big increase from less than 1% in 1990 but still an extremely low percentage) you are almost certain to get a question or comment about your interracial relationship at some point.

Both my fiance and I are Australian. I was born in Australia to anglo parents, he was born in China to Chinese parents.

While most people I’ve encountered don’t (at least openly) say anything about us being an interracial couple, I have encountered curiosity from both westerners and Asians as well as a few rare comments that are at least misguided if not racist.

The most common question I have gotten from Asians is a surprised “but how did you meet/get together with a Chinese guy?” while I’ve had both Asians and white people ask if I am “attracted to Asians”.

The first question stems mostly from curiosity, I think. While it’s fairly common to see white men with Asian women it is far more rare to see Asian men with white women (although I am happy to see it does seem to be getting more common).

The first question is also easy to answer – we were flatmates, we didn’t get along at all at first but slowly became friends and eventually fell in love.

The second question I honestly find bizarre. Imagine you asked that of a white person who was dating another white person “so, you are attracted to white people?”

No, I am not attracted to white people, or Asians, or black people or any race.

I am attracted to the man I am with because of WHO he is not what race he is.

I am attracted to him because he is strong but also prepared to show true vulnerability with me (something I have found to be incredibly rare).

I am attracted to him because he takes responsibility (for himself, for his decisions, for his family). He doesn’t expect anything from anyone.

I am attracted to him because he has an adventurous spirit and finds ways things can be done rather than putting them in the too hard basket.

I am attracted to him because he doesn’t shy away from things that are difficult, he faces challenges as they come up.

I am attracted to him because he knows what he wants and is prepared to work hard for it.

I am attracted to him because he prioritises what’s important to him and doesn’t let other things or other people run his life.

I am attracted to him because he’s upfront, he doesn’t manipulate or play games.

I am attracted to him because he is great at solving problems, an excellent traveller and can fix things.

Most of all I am attracted to him because we get each other on a level I find hard to explain – I haven’t felt this in any other relationship (even one that lasted for years).

Also, I think he’s pretty cute and his snuggles are second to none 🙂

Chi (her real name, no exotic background, pronounced Chai, like the tea) is engaged to a man who was born in China and grew up in Argentina before immigrating to Australia. Chi writes about her experiences (mostly her struggles trying to learn Mandarin) at www.talkingofchinese.com. —–

Speaking of China is always on the lookout for outstanding guest posts! If you have something you’d like us to feature, visit the submit a post page for details — and then submit yours today.

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Why the Trump Immigration Ban Threatens Us All

So, it’s the year of the cock – and in this new Chinese zodiac year, Trump has decided to stick it to Muslims with his immigration ban.

I learned this appalling news in a haze, still recovering from the lack of sleep. (Anyone who has ever celebrated Chinese New Year in China knows that the fireworks, often set off late into the evening and early into the morning, aren’t that helpful to rest.)

Normally, this is a week when I take time off from the blog. We’re celebrating Chinese New Year, kicking back with family, and recovering from a busy run-up to the holidays here in China. It’s a lot like Christmas and the week after, when everyone spends time with their loved ones (often taking a much-needed break from things like e-mail and the Internet). I always enjoy sharing a few choice pictures from the holidays here.

But after learning about Trump’s immigration ban, I don’t feel right in merely pushing through with the post. I don’t want to ignore what’s going on, because right now I’m sick to my stomach over this immigration ban.

If you’re reading, chances are you probably know a foreigner. Or know someone who was once a foreigner. Or you are/were a foreigner yourself. That means you should understand, more than anyone else, how horrible this policy could be. Just imagine if you or your loved ones were arbitrarily blocked by virtue of arriving from one of seven countries.

But here’s another more important point – once you allow a grave injustice like this to move forward, it isn’t long before more follows. It isn’t long before the people you love become targets. It isn’t long before you become a target. This is the same wisdom that Pastor Niemoller spoke in the 1950s with the “First they came” poem.

I am reminded of the words of the great civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, who once said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” If you care about safeguarding justice for all – including yourself – you need to oppose this ban now.

As I’ve written before, I don’t usually get political. But Trump is different. This is different. Everyone ought to be appalled by what Trump has done. I don’t care how many times they try to spin this, claiming it isn’t a Muslim ban. It is a Muslim ban. This will go down in history along with many other shameful acts by the US, such as the internment of Japanese Americans on US soil. It is an ugly, hateful, racist policy.

This is the time to stand up, to show that hatred and fear will not prevail. #Resist

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To the American Who Told Me, “Don’t Speak Chinese to Your Husband”

By unknown. Photographer: Heritage Auction Galleries of Dallas, Texas - http://entertainment.ha.com/common/view_item.php?Sale_No=648&Lot_No=22270&type=&ic=, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4583301 — By unknown. Photographer: Heritage Auction Galleries of Dallas, Texas – http://entertainment.ha.com/common/view_item.php?Sale_No=648&Lot_No=22270&type=&ic=, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4583301

I always used to think you were cool and open-minded. You voted for Obama. You had a terrific downward dog pose. One of your friends was Chinese.

I figured, surely you would understand how wonderful it is to have a bilingual relationship. I thought you would praise me for speaking more than my native English – for being able to have meaningful conversations in both Chinese and English with my husband, who is from China.

So imagine my shock when you told me not to speak Chinese with my husband – in so many words.

I remember the way you looked so uncomfortable when you said this to me. I’m sure, at some level, you realized how totally inappropriate it was. That the part of you that prided yourself on promoting diversity would be tarnished by this one small action.

But you did it anyway – and you didn’t even apologize about it.

Since you care so much about diversity, let’s make something really clear. Speaking a foreign language is diversity. You can’t say “I love diversity” and then suddenly crap on someone else just because they speak another language.

Also, anyone who cares about diversity should have known that “English only” is just another way to say you’re afraid of foreigners. And guess what? Foreigners are also part of diversity, in case you didn’t notice. You shouldn’t be afraid of them if you like diversity. You should embrace them…which means embracing foreign languages too.

If this is about your own self-esteem issues – that, somehow, my ability to speak Chinese makes you feel bad about your monolingualism – please get over yourself. Nobody forced you to speak only English. You could have studied a foreign language anytime. Heck, you could do it now if you wanted. It’s called education.

Though, honestly, given how much you don’t understand about diversity or racism, you might want to start educating yourself on those.

Oh and by the way, there’s something else you should know. Saying you have a friend who is Chinese doesn’t prove you’re not a racist. In fact, white people have been using the excuse, “I’m not racist, I have a black friend” for years. It’s still lame, even when you replace “black” with “Chinese” or any other minority group.

I’m embarrassed that people like you call themselves “diverse” and “open-minded”, and then say things in public that would make anyone want to revoke your so-called diversity credentials instantly. So maybe the one who shouldn’t be speaking isn’t me — it’s you.

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When a White Supremacist Website Links to Your Interracial Love Blog

I remember my curious feeling when I discovered the link in my Google Analytics. What website is that? I figured it was just something new.

So imagine my shock when I clicked on the link and found my blog discussed in vile terms online. They called me, along with every other white woman choosing to marry a Chinese man, a “traitor” and “trash”.

The Southern Poverty Law Center website confirmed my suspicions – that, indeed, a white supremacist website had linked to my blog.

This wasn’t anything new. This was hatred, pure and simple – a hatred older than most of us want to admit.

So what does it mean when a white supremacist website links to your blog about interracial love? It means you’ve hit a nerve with some of the worst racists on the planet.

I don’t usually write about these things. Like most of you, I would rather live in the light than the dark. I would rather turn my head away from evil.

But the recent alarming uptick in hate crimes, including those by white supremacists, makes me no longer want to keep silent. Whenever we stay silent about these things, we give more power to those who do harm.

No matter what you thought, racism hasn’t ended. It is still here – it always was. The Supreme Court’s 1967 decision in Loving versus Virginia didn’t magically turn America into a country where everyone embraced interracial marriage. A lot of people still don’t.

A lot of people still think interracial love is wrong.

There was a time when I used to think blogging about interracial love was just about promoting diversity and understanding. But now I think it’s so much more – it’s about combating hatred too.

So if you’re blogging about interracial love, just consider that every post you publish is a bold statement in support of interracial couples everywhere. Let’s support love, together.

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What a Trump Presidency Means for Interracial Couples

Stunned and shocked. That about sums up my reaction to the election this past Tuesday. Well, when the United States of America elects a xenophobic, racist, misogynistic, homophobic narcissist (see if you can say that five times fast), I don’t know how else you can feel about it.

I don’t normally discuss politics. This isn’t a political blog and I’ve always felt content to keep my political leanings off these pages. But this election is different. Trump stands as an affront to things that matter to those of us in interracial relationships – especially those that cross borders. He has denigrated people of color. He is against immigration and immigrants. He was endorsed by white supremacist groups. He is a misogynist who has admitted to sexually assaulting women.

That’s a lot to swallow. I know.

I could talk about how and why this happened in 2016 (cue the #ThisIs2016 hashtag), but I think there are far better reflections on that elsewhere. (See also this post from fellow blogger Autumn regarding the election.)

Instead, I feel it’s worth considering the question on many people’s minds. What does this mean for interracial couples and their allies?

I don’t have a crystal ball to gaze into the future and imagine what a Trump Presidency will do to America. But I do know the next four years are going to be really tough to witness. That feeling of dread still hasn’t left me since I learned the election results.

At the same time, I have a lot of experience processing personally catastrophic events.

A university completely screwed my husband and his future – and by association, screwed me too – in the most reprehensible and unimaginable way. In the wake of this, I seriously considered committing suicide for the first time in my life. Yes, suicide. The university had wrongfully robbed my husband of his career and future, everything we had hoped for together. Was there anything else worth living for?

It took at least a week before I could push through all of the devastation, before I could see a path forward. My husband and I ultimately decided we were not content to just accept what happened. We would take action. We would fight this injustice. Why? Because we knew deep in our hearts that what happened was wrong. Because we were determined to never give up on our dreams.

This positive momentum of this decision uplifted me. Even though this wasn’t what I had expected to work on in late 2013 and beyond, this decision gave me something to live for. We rallied together and, over the years, our optimism and hard work paid off in unexpected ways (such as gaining the support of leaders in the American psychology field). We’ve never been closer to justice than now, even though it took us over three years to get here.

I’ve learned the value of standing up for yourself and what you believe in, even when things look dreadful.

Here’s what I hope the Trump Presidency means for interracial couples. Let this election be your rallying cry to stand up for your beliefs. To champion and protect the rights of everyone, including people of color, immigrants, women, and the LGBT community. I know it’s a total cliché, but we really do have more power than we imagine. Believe in yourself and remember that your voice matters more than ever.

I know it’s not going to be easy, because I’ve been there. You’ll need some time to process this all. And chances are, you’ll need something like meditation, exercise, therapy, chocolate, or, in my case, an evening with Ang Lee’s version of Sense and Sensibility (seriously, that movie never fails to calm me down).

But once you’re done, come see me. Because we’ve got some work to do.

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4 Stinging 1890s Quotes on White Women Who Loved Chinese Men

By I. W. Taber – http://content.cdlib.org/ark:/13030/tf2779n8vr/?layout=metadata&brand=calisphere, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3364494

The LA Herald published “Married to Chinamen – White Women Who Accept Mongolian Husbands” in 1892. But it’s hatred, not acceptance, that prevails in the piece.

Essentially, the article asks a simple racist question. What in the world is wrong with these white women, who would dare to love and marry Chinese men?

I’m amazed that there were white women in the 1890s courageous enough to overcome societal condemnation and love Chinese men regardless.

Think about it. This was only a decade after the US passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. In an era when the US wanted Chinese out of the country, these women welcomed them into their hearts and homes. They created families with them.

So, in an effort to remember the bitter early history of AMWF couples in America, I’m sharing 4 stinging quotes on white women who love Chinese men from this LA Herald piece:

#1: The average American cannot understand how any human being, however inured by custom, can live in an average Chinatown. That white women should live there by deliberate choice seems to him monstrous, horrible.

Racists crave dehumanizing language. So it’s not surprising that the paper describes these white women as if they were the brides of Frankenstein.

#2: She is but twenty-two years of age, remarkably beautiful and possessed of a voice that…would be a fortune. Yet three years ago, she met and loved a Chinaman.

If the 1890s ever ran a “public service announcement” against white women marrying Chinese men, it would probably start with something like this. (Oh my.)

#3: It is also well known that not one Chinaman in a hundred comes to these shores without leaving behind a wife in China; so by the laws of China, the white wife is not a wife…

And if that 1890s “public service announcement” continued, this is the climax, the heart of their argument. Don’t marry someone who can’t guarantee you a proper marriage! (Whoa.)

#4: They have had six children, of whom five are living – bright, intelligent half breeds. And Mrs. Watson (her husband took that name when baptized) is still handsome and pleasant spoken.

<sarcasm>Ah yes. Amazing that Mrs. Watson didn’t somehow become deformed or damaged after marrying a Chinese man. And her kids even appear normal. Incredible! </sarcasm>

You can read the full LA Herald article online. Prepare to cringe.

What do you think?

P.S.: Thanks to Tony of Frederickbee.com for linking to this article, which brought it to my attention.

I’m always on the lookout for more AMWF history. If you know of a couple or story you’d like me to spotlight, contact me today.

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AMWF History: Sarah Burke and Wong Suey Wong, Arrested in 1883 USA (For Love)

A Chinese American man. — A Chinese American man circa late 1800s/early 1900s.

Chances are, if you’ve ever been in an interracial or intercultural relationship, you’ve experienced your share of negative comments or racist remarks.

But at least you’ve never been arrested, like Sarah Burke and Wong Suey Wong were in San Francisco, California in 1883. That’s just one year after the Chinese Exclusion Act was passed.

Here’s the initial story from the San Francisco Chronicle, 7 April 1883 (per Frederickbee.com):

Officer Travers brought to the city prison at 12:30 o’clock this morning a Chinaman on whose arm whose was hanging a pretty young girl of some twenty summers. The couple proved to be no others than Wong Suey Wong and Sarah Burke. The arrest was made at 728 Jackson Street, a house of ill-fame, being the abode of several Celestial courtesans. Here Sarah Burke was found, in one of the upper rooms, in a bed completely hidden by sheets used as curtains. At the police station she said that she had gone to the house on Tuesday last, knowing that it was a house of ill-fame, but not caring, since in a day or two she would be legally married to the choice of her heart, with whom she has been living for the past five months. On being parted from her Chinese lover she squeezed his hand, which he returned with equal fervor. In the Chinaman’s pocket was found, besides a receipted bill for a bed and a spring mattress, a photograph of his fair amorata, from which he parted with evident reluctance. He was charged with felony in having lodged a girl under age in a house of ill-fame, while she was booked for residing in a house of prostitution.

In other words, the authorities dredged up some pretextual reasons to throw them in jail, since they didn’t like the idea of a Chinese man and a white woman being in love.

And if you had any doubt as to how people felt about a relationship like this in those days, well, read the first line of the April 8, 1883 story in the San Francisco Chronicle follows on 8 April 1883 (per Frederickbee.com):

Sarah Burke, who has unalterably set her mind upon a disgusting marriage with a Chinese laundryman, acknowledged that she had passed a dismally and frigidly cold night in prison on Friday. Wong Suey Wong, her Mongolian fiancée, coincided in this experience. About 11 o’clock yesterday morning some of the pair’s Chinese friends obtained the release of the couple on bonds in $100 each.

This April 8, 1883 story highlights the challenges the couple faced in trying to marry, noting, “…it was fortunately discovered that for decency’s sake a marriage between a white and an Indian, mulatto or Mongolian, was prohibited and therefore the County Clerk could issue no marriage license.” Sarah and Wong’s only options were a marriage under a civil contract or a marriage without a marriage license.

(As shocking as this sounds, it reminds me of the restrictions the US had placed on same-sex couples. Hard to believe the US Supreme Court only legalized marriage equality just last year!)

But it gets worse when Sarah’s father attempted to have her committed to an institution for insanity, “who deemed the fact of her infatuation for a repulsive Chinese sufficient grounds for believing that she had lost her reason.” Ugh!

Here’s the story in the San Francisco Bulletin 12 April 1883 (per Frederickbee.com):

The father testified that his daughter had always been possessed of ordinary common sense until about the first of last January, when she conceived her unhallowed desire to wed Wong Suey, since which she had acted as though possessed of the Infernal One. He had never had any reason to doubt that she was a chaste and moral girl until now. Sarah Isabella was also examined. She again reiterated her love for Wong Sue, and desires to marry him….

The Commissioners, however, concluded that they could not commit the girl as insane. She was evidently suffering from a moral eclipse, but her mental trouble did not, in their opinion, come within the meaning of the law….

The story even chronicles how “a stalwart policeman grabbed Wong by the nape of the neck and small of the back, and hurled him into the hallway adjoining the Commission” after Wong entered the room and embraced Sarah. Horrible!

Fortunately, all charges were dismissed against Sarah Burke, and the couple were married by Reverend Mr. Vrooman.

But did they live happily ever after? Hard to say in the late 1800s in America, a world filled with hostility for interracial couples.

What do you think?

P.S.: Thanks to Tony of Frederickbee.com for tipping me off to this story and offering a wonderful repository of information at his website.

I’m always on the lookout for more AMWF history. If you know of a couple or story you’d like me to spotlight, contact me today.

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3 Lessons I’ve Learned About Modern Racism from Idaho State University’s Bad Behavior Towards My Husband

Some of life’s learning experiences really hurt.

For me, the most painful one I’ve ever had is witnessing the horrendous damage that Idaho State University and its clinical psychology PhD program inflicted upon my husband Jun Yu.

I also believe it has been the most important educational experience of my life.

While I wouldn’t wish what happened to Jun on anyone, it has offered me a unique perspective into what modern racism and discrimination really looks like.

Here are 3 lessons I’ve learned about modern racism from Idaho State University’s bad behavior towards my husband:

#1: Modern racism is NOT obvious and blatant

Nobody ever called my husband a “chink” or uttered other blatant racial slurs against him in the course of his time at Idaho State University. But that doesn’t mean there’s no racism at work. (See also my recent post Behind ISU’s Blatant Violations of Professional Standards Are Shadows of Discrimination Against Jun Yu)

America’s discrimination laws have been on the books since the 1960’s, putting all Americans on notice that they’ll be in deep trouble for using overtly racist language. So nowadays, people who want to do something motivated by racism (which might even be racism they’re not aware of, aka aversive racism) will hide their intentions. They’ll usually fabricate seemingly reasonable explanations, even when they might totally contradict the facts in the case.

For example, consider the following about my husband’s case, as reported in this story about Jun Yu v. Idaho State University by AsAm News:

The school’s official reasoning for terminating Yu’s doctorate was “unsatisfactory progress.” However, as Dr. Chavez-Korell noted–“The assigned grades and formal evaluations across semesters are inconsistent with unsatisfactory progress.”

#2: You can still be racist even if you work in a field that embraces diversity and advocates against racism and discrimination

If there was ever a field that cared about diversity, it’s professional psychology.

The American Psychological Association’s Ethics Code has three standards regarding diversity and discrimination – 3.01 Unfair Discrimination, 3.02 Sexual Harassment, and 3.03 Other Harassment (which says psychologists should not harass or demean others based on factors including “age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, language or socioeconomic status.”).

APA Accreditation – the body that accredits all professional psychology programs, including the ISU program — has an entire domain devoted to diversity (Domain D), summarized as, “The program recognizes the importance of cultural and individual differences and diversity in the training of psychologists.”

While in ISU’s clinical psychology PhD program, my husband spent an entire semester studying diversity, and the class covered topics on racism, discrimination and prejudice. One of his textbooks was Overcoming Our Racism by Derald Wing Sue, which actually begins with the words, “Are you a racist?… Are you willing to look at yourself, to examine your assumptions, your attitudes, your conscious and unconscious behavior, the privileges you have enjoyed as a White person, and the way you have treated people of color, even with the best of intentions?”

Yet the program behaved in racist ways towards my husband, Jun Yu.

The aversive racism expert for Jun’s case wrote a report detailing more than 22 specific examples of aversive racism by the ISU faculty towards Jun, concluding:

… it is hard to imagine a situation that more strongly demonstrates all of the hallmarks that are typically present when aversive racism is occurring, which strongly suggests that the behavior of the ISU Psychology department was influenced by Mr. Yu’s race and international status. [emphasis added]

It just goes to show that working in a field that purportedly promotes diversity is not a “get-out-of-being-a-racist-free-card” by any means.

#3: Modern racism can be devastating, destroying your entire life and even your dreams

Just because modern racism is subtle doesn’t mean it can’t ruin your life. As we have written before:

It took Jun 5 years of hard work to earn the degree. But it only took the university an arbitrary decision to deny it. ISU has robbed Jun of his past achievements. They have stolen his dream of becoming a clinical psychologist. They have ruined his career and future.

Not surprisingly, the cultural competency expert wrote for Jun’s case, “It is my opinion that the dismissal of Mr. Yu from ISU’s Clinical Psychology Ph.D. Program was excessive…, unjustified, and objectively unreasonable.”

There’s a Chinese saying: “When things go to an extreme, they will reverse course” (wùjíbìfǎn, 物极必反). I think it holds true for Jun’s case too.

Despite all of the devastation in our lives, we believe in #JusticeForJun. We believe that, as long as we don’t give up, justice will prevail.

My husband Jun Yu is fighting against injustice in higher education. ISU ruined his 5 yrs of education & future, and denied him the PhD he rightfully earned. Learn more and support his cause at Generosity.com. #JusticeForJun

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Idaho State University Ruined My Husband’s Future. Please Help Us Right This Injustice.

Imagine if your past 5 years of hard work were suddenly robbed from you…if your entire career and future were abruptly ruined. That’s what happened to my husband, Jun Yu. (Click here to see a Youtube video from Jun himself.)

Jun has filed a lawsuit against Idaho State University in US Federal Court that could impact all US graduate students and the psychology profession.

Leading experts have concluded (see pages 21-36 in this public document) that Idaho State University violated standards in professional psychology (e.g., American Psychological Association (APA) Ethics and APA Accreditation standards) and academic norms.

As experts noted, what ISU ultimately did to Jun is part of a pattern of unethical, incompetent and discriminatory behavior by the program towards Jun.

Jun worked hard for 5 years as a clinical psychology PhD student at Idaho State University (ISU). He had successfully defended his PhD dissertation. He had a 3.69 GPA, earning satisfactory grades in all required coursework. He was in good standing and not on any form of academic probation.

On May 3, 2013, ISU abruptly dismissed Jun from the clinical psychology PhD program without any warning or remediation, alleging unsatisfactory progress.

However, ISU’s alleged reason was made up, and is directly contradicted by the facts. (An expert reported, “The assigned grades and formal evaluations across semesters are inconsistent with unsatisfactory progress; due process was not followed. In regards to accreditation standards, in all matters relevant to the evaluation of students’ performance, programs must adhere to their institution’s regulations regarding due process and fair treatment of students.”)

The university also denied him the PhD he rightfully earned, as if all the hard work he did for the past 5 years was for nothing.

To add injury to insult, Jun is still making monthly payments on the student loans he took out for his education.

Universities are supposed to facilitate students’ careers, yet ISU wrongfully destroyed Jun’s future and seriously damaged his life.

That’s not right.

Jun’s experts in ethics, cultural competence, and aversive racism have all concluded that ISU’s actions towards him were “a substantial departure from accepted academic norms.” (See pages 25, 31 & 36 in this public document.)

The opinions of Jun’s experts are significant. It is the rare case where a plaintiff presented expert witnesses who belong to faculties to conclude that an academic institution behaved in an arbitrary and capricious manner that was a substantial departure from accepted academic norms. See Regents of University of Michigan v. Ewing, 106 S.Ct. 507, 474 U.S. 214 (U.S.Mich., 1985).

It took Jun 5 years of hard work to earn the degree. But it only took the university an arbitrary decision to deny it. ISU has robbed Jun of his past achievements. They have stolen his dream of becoming a clinical psychologist. They have ruined his career and future.

This never should have happened to Jun. But if ISU isn’t held accountable, this could happen again — to you or someone you know.

Jun and I have been fighting this injustice for over 3 years. Although it is a long, exhausting and expensive battle, we are determined to fight to the end — and we need your help.

The legal fees have been substantial. In the past five months legal bills have ranged from over $12,000 in a month up to over $40,000 in a month. No, that was not a typo — over $40,000 just in one month where the legal team billed 124.70 hours and other expenses associated with litigation were accrued.

We have already had to pay out over $200,000 in legal costs. ISU’s wrongdoing has thrown us into extreme adversity, where ISU has inflicted great financial stress (we are in major debt) as well as emotional duress upon us. Should ISU drag the case, we could easily be forced to pay $200,000 more in legal fees, not including the costs of appeal by either party.

Jun’s lawsuit could have lasting implications for all graduate students in the US and the profession of psychology. We need your help to continue this very important fight.

I have organized a fundraiser at Generosity.com. The initial fundraising goal is $100,000. Your donations will be used to help fund all the legal costs associated with the lawsuit. Every donation counts and no amount is too small.

Help us safeguard academic standards and student rights. Donate now at Generosity.com and thank you for your support.

P.S.: I know not everyone can afford to donate. If you can’t, there are other wonderful ways to help support Jun and me, if you would still like to do so, including:

Share the story and fundraiser with people you think would be interested
Write about it on your blog (FYI, should you need them, you can find all the documents on the public record here)
Recommend people or organizations for us to contact for help

Again, any help will be appreciated! Thank you!

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People Who Feel Like They Own the Opposite Sex of Their Race and Culture

mmexport1439450389962 — This photo of a marriage registration in Beijing was taken two days before the woman was stabbed to death by a Chinese man who hated Americans. I wondered, did he mean “American men” by that, and was he another example of someone who thinks they own the opposite sex of their own race/culture?

It’s funny how things in life mysteriously collide – that two seemingly unrelated events I’ve heard about recently actually have something in common. Specifically, the concept of people who feel like they own the opposite sex of their race or culture.

The first is the stabbing murder of an innocent Chinese woman in Beijing just married to a French man, a confirmed hate crime prompting my recent post, Is Beijing Becoming Dangerous for Couples of Foreign Men and Chinese Women?

In the discussion in the comments section, I noticed that people started linking this murder to the idea of people who feel like they own the opposite sex of their race/culture. See this comment from A. Madhavan:

I can’t help but notice the deep misogyny in this murder – many times when we date out of our race/nationality, men of our race will try to “claim” us and shame us for dating/marrying outside of it. As if we are pieces of property and only belong to them. I have seen this happen with white men to white women; black men to black women; Indian men to Indian woman – how dare a [sic] we women marry outside her race and have complete autonomy over our decisions? It is threatening to A LOT of people…

And this comment from R Zhao:

This sometimes happens in America, too. It happened to me when I was dating a black American man. I was accused by a small group of black women (who I didn’t know) of “taking one of theirs.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think there is a lot of frustration. Black women face a lot of discrimination while dating and have a significant smaller dating pool than white women do because of cross-race dating preferences. This happens to Asian men as well.

To be sure, there is a shortage of women here in China because of the gender imbalance, leading to a growing population of unmarried bachelors in China’s countryside known as “bare branches”. According to this article from Tea Leaf Nation, “an estimated 12 to 15 percent of Chinese men — a population nearly the size of Texas — will be unable to find a mate within the next seven years.” Personally, I’ve even heard Chinese men who lament that China is “exporting” far too many of its women overseas.

The Shanghaiist confirms in a recent story that the Sanlitun killer “said he ‘hated Americans’ before attacking Chinese-French couple in Beijing,” specifically asking the woman’s husband if he was an American before stabbing him and his wife. And while it’s never explicitly stated, I can’t help but wonder, does this man represent the anger and frustration of millions who feel a certain entitlement to Chinese women over foreigners because of the shrinking dating pool?

Obviously, this is an incredibly complicated and potentially delicate issue, depending on who you are and whether you’re one of the folks facing a more limited dating pool simply because of your race and/or culture.

What’s your take on this? What do you think about the idea of people who think they own the opposite sex of their own race/culture? Is it ever justified? Sound off in the comments.

UPDATE: I’ve edited this post because that some of the content was inappropriate and insensitive towards the Jewish community. I made some poor choices in what I had written and failed to consider how my words might actually come across to readers (including the individuals I had specifically mentioned in this post). I want to apologize for this mistake.

Thank you to those people who were courageous enough to reach out to me to point out the errors in the original content. I wanted to append this apology to let you know I’ve learned a tremendous lesson in the importance of being sensitive about how groups of people are portrayed on this blog, as well as what should and should not be quoted in posts.

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