On the racism against AMWF couple Lorde and James Lowe

Lorde and James Lowe, a very public face for AMWF couples everywhereBack in December, many of you — including myself — followed a rather disturbing news story regarding racist backlash against Lorde and her Asian boyfriend James Lowe. Many readers sent along links and encouraged me to write something about it. That proved challenging in December when I just moved to China and was juggling a ton of post-moving/settling in issues that drained my energy, along with some technical difficulties for my website. Well, it’s nearly a month since the incident…but never too late for me to put my 2 cents out there and start out 2014 with a bang. 


Sometimes people say to me, Why do you write about your relationship? You’re a white woman dating a Chinese man, so what’s the big deal? Thanks to what happened in December, I have a new answer for them: Lorde and James Lowe.

For those of you who were hibernating in December or busy with Christmas shopping, here’s the scoop:

After Kiwi chanteuse Lorde apparently said (to someone, somewhere—I literally can’t find any sources on it besides teens on Twitter) that Justin Bieber and the members of One Direction are “ugly,” wounded superfans began firing back with a barrage of potshots at James Lowe, Lorde’s rumored boyfriend. In the way that the overemotional rantings of the ignorant so often do, the attacks turned racist almost immediately.

I was still dazed and jet-lagged in the wake of an exhausting move from the US to China, but even then the news hit me hard. In the midst of the Christmas season, traditionally that time of “peace on earth and goodwill to all men”, here was a gang of cyberbullies spewing racist comments about Lorde and her boyfriend (see this story for examples) and laughing about it. And to date, no evidence has surfaced proving Lorde made the alleged “ugly” remarks about Bieber/OD…which makes me wonder if someone just went ahead and fabricated the whole thing as an excuse to humiliate Lorde.

Ugh. It’s just chilling to see this sort of thing.

But Lorde isn’t alone in her experience. After all, I’ve had to moderate hundreds of racist comments on my blog, and still receive the occasional hate mail because I’m married to a Chinese guy and blog about it with great pride.

What happened to Lorde stands as a very public example of how the Anglosphere (people in English-speaking countries) still harbors negative attitudes about dating Asian men. As much as it shouldn’t matter who you date, the racist reaction to Lorde’s boyfriend only proves that other people will make it an issue when your special someone happens to be an Asian guy.

Maybe you’ve never been publicly insulted like Lorde, but might understand this in a different way. Perhaps your great uncle made a racist comment in passing about your Asian boyfriend or husband. Or someone said you shouldn’t move back to China with him because the society is too patriarchal and you’ll be oppressed by him. (Never mind, of course, that your guy is such a kind and caring sweetheart who has never been oppressive or sexist towards you.) Or what if, like Grace of Texan in Tokyo, you discover that “You will need a coping mechanism to deal with the question ‘Why don’t you just date a white guy?’”

When it comes to dating Asian men, there’s a mountain of racism and ignorance out there as far too many folks still buy into the popular stereotypes that Asian men are somehow undatable. This is why Ranier Maningding is right on when he wrote the following regarding how to respond to the Lorde/James Lowe racist backlash:

Please, especially if you’re a non-Asian WOMAN, you need to speak up against this shit. You need to be the counteractive voice to these idiotic children. Write something, post something, or share this. You say you like Asian culture? Then voice your opinions.


And Lorde, if you’re reading this, know that you’re a sister in the community of Western women and Asian men. We’ve got your back, girl.

P.S.: Sharing your stories is also one of the best ways to combat racism. If you’ve got something to share, why not submit your story or guest post for Speaking of China?

What’s your opinion on the Lorde/James Lowe backlash? Sound off in the comments!

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64 Replies to “On the racism against AMWF couple Lorde and James Lowe”

  1. Thank you for this Article Joycelyn. You are truly a blessing to us Asian men, and definitely White women who wants to date Asian men!!! The western media, stereotypes, and ignorance is just too much to handle!! Thank God for people like you and Sara, this definitely given me hope!!!

    1. Dear Anthony, I am glad that you feel that way. I have been in China for a little over a year now and I find it difficult to find a Chinese partner. At times, I have a feel that I will end up alone the rest of my life. I have older than average foreign teachers therefore finding someone is next to impossible. I am really interested in Chinese men and ready to live here for as long as China wants me but no one in my life yet. I am glad that you are one of is willing and ready to date a white woman. Thanks for your opinion.

      1. I’m Malaysian Chinese. Me and most of my Chinese friends like white woman. So, don’t worry, 只是缘分未到!

  2. Racism against most interracial couples exist in the white English speaking world, particularly in the US South. I am still stunned by the story of Grace the Texan in Tokyo….how her Texas family accepted her Japanese husband…still wonder how many friends her family lost as a result of the daughter marrying a Japanese guy..people who they may have thought to be friends. Then there is another similar Texan, Angela in Bangalore, India. Perhaps as the song goes: A ray of hope glitters in the skies. However, I should not be surprised. The first interracial couple I ran into in the US outside of my uncle and aunt was a Japanese-American guy with a paraplegic white woman. I witnessed racism directed towards them in Arlington, Virginia back in late 1979. Perhaps if there had been a web, the internet would have been full of bigoted comments..they are still married and yes, you dont hear about racism against interracial couples in Arlington, VA.


    Still I think for the sake of sanity it is better for AMWW couples to settle in the west coast or in Hawaii…and if that is not possible go abroad for good…[State] is definitely not a place where such a marriage can survive and thrive…too much racism out there.

  3. Many consider Yoko Ono as the most hated woman in the history of Rock n Roll. “How could John Lennon be attracted to that Asian slut?!” “She’s so UGLY!” “She’s a typical Asian GOLD DIGGER!” ….

    Everyone should accept the fact that Asians are a huge part of the global community. Live with it!

    PS. Wendy Deng is also one of the most hated women in business circles. “A typical Asian gold digger!” So, it happens to both Asian men and Asian women.

  4. I still don’t know why those people have problem – how does some AMWF couple affect their life? most racist comment I’ve ever been involved in was about ‘destroying Slavic race’ and that it’s my fault for no blond babies in Europe. What … the … hell …

    I’m happy your and other AMWF blogs encourage Asian guys and foreign girls to give each other a chance 🙂
    non of us should give up on someone because some random internet person talked sh…

  5. Ironically, many of the hate comments may have come from “liberal/progressive” youth who have no problem dating or seeing their favorite celebrities dating non-Asian colored men.
    Asians are the only ethnic groups hated from both Left & Right.

  6. I’m a Caucasian woman with a HK born boyfriend, and we’ve never experienced any racism directed towards us, for which i’m really grateful. In fact the only people that ever even look twice are the Chinese international students in our town. Even in my small-town hometown community nobody seems to care how we live our lives 🙂 Is this kind of racism mainly a problem in the US rather than other countries or have we just been really lucky?

  7. I think the majority of the comments are coming from teenagers, they’re just stupid kids reacting to what they think is someone dissing their pop heros. I’m sure they’d be saying he was ugly no matter how he looked.

    I’m back home in NZ now with my Chinese bf and we haven’t seen any racism at all. There are a lot of Kiwis with Asian heritage as Chinese have been settling here since the 1800’s.

  8. “Is this kind of racism mainly a problem in the US…..”

    I’m going to say……………………..yes. When it comes to hating on Asian dudes, its like a national sport over here.

    I do think XFs in long-term relationships with AMs here are usually tough as nails, so good for them.

    Stupid teenagers grow up to be stupid adults, they really shouldn’t get a pass. I’ve seen similar comments from grown-ass people on forums like The Beijinger and Shanghai Expat.

  9. “how does some AMWF couple affect their life? most racist comment I’ve ever been involved in was about ‘destroying Slavic race’ and that it’s my fault for no blond babies in Europe.”

    Too much competition for top university spots from AMWF and AWWM couples and that too to get in they have to check white in their application which works fine for AWWM couples but not for any AMWF couples except those named Lee…


    Yale admitted several Lees two years ago and they all happened to be Asian or children of Asian males married to white females and hence they had more Asians and Hapas who they classify as Asians thatn they would have preferred….and most of them were females too!!

    There is no pure slavic blood except in Belarus (White Russia)…Genghiz Khan made sure of that…so that is a bunch of baloney. May be Genghiz Khan is the most hated figure in Eastern Europe and hence by default they hate all Asians, men and women alike…at least that is what I heard from people in Eastern Europe fifteen years ago…the last time I was there…dont know whether it is still true.

  10. @Allen..wrong. May be AWWM couples are accepted…but regarding other combinations did you see the Cheerios commercial?

    1. Where did I say other IR combinations don’t get hated on? I’m merely pointing out that AMs get the worst depictions in terms of sexuality and attractiveness (or lack thereof) in American society which in turn hurts the relatively fewer AMXF couples that do exist.

      Most people are more bold when openly hating on AMWF couples. You can identify most of the people that wrote the Lorde stuff on twitter. The youtube commenters making racist remarks about the Cheerios commercial are mostly anonymous cowards.

      Every combo has there own unique issues. My comment foucsed on what affect couples with an AM in it.

  11. @Jo..good to see you are not disapproved of in NZ. But, expat Edna will tell you that even AWWM couples are not accepted in Australia, and others will tell you they are not accepted in NZ. In fact, there is a lot of anger by white NZ women who refuse to date non-white men but dont like the idea of white NZ men dating and marrying Thai women….they are blamed for gender imbalance….


    1. @David I’m not sure about what “Edna” experienced, but I have a Swedish friend living in rural Queensland with her Taiwanese boyfriend and they haven’t experienced any racism.

      As for the anti-Thai wife sentiment, in my experience it’s usually similar to what we see often in Asia, older white men with very young (enough to be their daughter) Asian wives. The men go to Thailand or Philippines for a holiday,”buy” a wife and bring her home to NZ. Often these women are not happy here, do not want to join society and only associate with other Thai wives. For them it’s a way to send money home to their families.

  12. I’m definitely sorry that they’re experiencing such a reaction about his race. Quite terrible!

    That said, I can’t fully jump on board considering she’s a minor and he’s well into his twenties. That’s a bit weird. At least wait until she’s eighteen!

  13. No, it’s not that he’s in his 20’s. I told you guys that it’s very important to be muscular in a western culture so they won’t pick on you. If Lowe is more muscular, those people might easy up on the comments. If you look weak, people will pick on you. it’s a given !!

    1. I wasn’t saying that his age is why people are picking on them. I was just saying that’s why I have reservations!

  14. @Jo…seems like you are stereotyping. While there are such women from Thailand, I really doubt they are the majority.

  15. Underneath it all, racism is mostly ignorance and fear. It is also the power and sense of security that people may feel by putting others down (which relates back to fear). Honestly, I think it goes well beyond race. Those looking to spew their anger or hatred will often find any means necessary to tear a person down, whether it be race, age, weight, religion, relative attractiveness–the list is endless.

    To comment about racism in the U.S., yes, it’s a huge problem. The extent to which you will experience it will depend on the community you live in, the attitudes of your friends and family, your work environment, etc. But please don’t fool yourself into thinking it doesn’t exist wherever in the world you live. It is everywhere. I’m amazed by the racism I hear directed at foreigners (especially certain ethnicities and nationalities) in China, as well as the attitudes held toward Chinese ethnic minorities. It might not be the obvious racism you see in the U.S., but it is no doubt very hurtful to those enduring it.

  16. I like your post R Zhao! And yes, racism is rife in Australia, where I live. There are an increasing number of AMWF relationships in the Sydney streets, but unfortunately there is still a lot of racism occurring too. Overt, aggressive and violent racism. You’re right though, these small minded haters focus on all sorts of qualities. For the reasons I adore Chinese people (politeness, friendliness and non-aggressive style) these people see them as an easy, non-threatening target. Unfortunately, and with great sadness, there will always be bullies, looking for vulnerability.

  17. I had heard of this incident back when I was working on my finals before Christmas. It’s bound to happen with people from the US. I’ve been dealing with this for the past 7 years, since I first “re-met” my boyfriend and we became a couple.
    I live in a suburb of Philadelphia, oftentimes considered a very progressive and accepting place for IR couples. I must say that this acceptance doesn’t equally apply to AMXF couples. More than once I have been asked over the years, by complete strangers mind you, how he “compares” to other men! We’ve been out and had firecrackers thrown at us, people have asked us how his English is so good (he is an American, born and raised!), he has even been asked by waitresses in a Chinese restaurant – in Chinese – if I was his girlfriend and why would he date me when he could have a “good” Chinese wife!! The “best” comment ever was an ex coworker who asked me why Asians always “smell funny” like “garlic and fish”?!
    Thankfully all but for the truly ignorant around us have not used his race as a source of jokes since we broke up, but now that I am actively dating again – and looking for Asian men, I get the same questions. I really thought my little corner of the world was more accepting. Naive, I know.
    I will be sure to write up something on this subject, and the negativity I’m getting as a white woman searching for an Asian guy. Man, do I have stories! This sort of thing should NEVER be let go, and it’s an fact that Asian people are treated as outsiders still to this day in the US, some who have ancestors that have been here longer than the racists who are telling them to “go home”.

  18. Rick,

    I don’t know what the FUCK you’re talking about going to war with china. There will be no war, period! Gweilo ( means a white person) sounds way better than ” chinks ( equals the N word for blacks) you fucking idiot.” ask any Tibetan, cat, dog, or female child (that is alive) in that godforsaken country. Weakness and cowardice are not humility.” . You are fucking brainwashed by the U.S media you dumb ass. If you don’t know about Chinese history don’t say it here. What about the American Indians? How white people came to America and killed native Indians and stole their land? Rick, you just watch too much T.V. BTW, the media is owed 95% by Jewish. The banks, financial system are control by Jewish and Congress is influenced by Jewish. China bails out America for 6 yrs. Bestiality? google it . see what kind of people commit bestiality? What an idiot! I bet you that you’ve not traveled anywhere except your own town. take your technology back??? You idiot!! Go to MIT, NASA , HAVARD etc. let’s see how many Chinese, Japanese, Jewish, Indians (india) work there. Don’t give me this junk that Asians score so high in college that we can’t be VP , President or managers of companies from America. Have you heard of racism before? I am wasting my saliva with your little weak ass here.

  19. Rick is full of racist drivel and violent racist drivel at that. It has no place on this board and I hope that Jocelyn removes it. To pea brained racist bigoted Rick the prick…you can talk about going to war with China after you pay back the debt. A nation nose deep in debt has no sovereignty and no rights to sovereignty.

  20. @Bruce…

    A racist bigot frequently comes on some of these boards and complains that no one wants to flood Taiwan or the Philippines with other ethnicities while everyone wants to flood America with non-whites..and that it is eqivalent to white genocide. I have this answer: comparing ancestors of Taiwanese and the Filipinos with the white ancestors of the Daughters of American Revolution is like comparing Meryl Streep and her daughters with the serial killer Ted Bundy. I believe in the death penalty for serial killers and hence Bundy’s punishment fit the crime. Did Taiwan or the Philippines invade other countries and colonize them or did they bring in slaves from abroad? No. It is what the ancestors of white Americans did. Just like when a killer murders someone he forfeits his life, the moment whites brought in Afrcian slaves, they forfeited the right to exist as a white country…and long before America goes to war with China, whites will become a minority in this country…which is a punishment that fits the crime of their ancestors.

    1. Given that the moderator has removed Rick’s ignorant remarks, might I suggest that we also remove the above response and the link provided.

      What do you think, David? Not trying to get your posts censored, but given the absence of the original hateful post, the above response becomes excessively inflammatory.

  21. Rick,

    If you want to argue with me, boy??? You will lose to me 1000 times over and over. Lately, I just can’t control my explosive temper so bring it on.

  22. Bruce: Take it easy man. There is plenty of visceral bigotry to go around in this country and Rick is only an example of this. May be he practises bestiality along the lines of the Louisiana church…that is why he brought it up…I believe this is the main reason for Jocelyin leaving this country..what do you really expect in a place like [State] other than folks like Rick? and Alabama too.

  23. “Rick” is either a:
    1) Hired to stir up trouble (NSA, private contractor, a government that hates China, etc.)
    2) A serious no-life racist troll who stalks and posts on many websites like these daily
    3) All of the above

    Could there be any more possible motives?

  24. @Lordhavemercy: Wendy Deng miiiight just be a gold digger, although that has nothing to do with her asian heritage. But I digress.

    Thanks for the post and comments. Its a little sad that educated (hopefully) teenagers from a developed country would use race to lash out against someone for “probably” dissing on their celebs (and they do all this without bothering to verify facts, which bothers me more).

    There are always ignorant people, who are racist. Unfortunately they exist in all corners of the world and come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Sadly, they also have a wide range of educational, travel and life experiences. Which makes me think dissing someones race is simply an underhanded way of getting at them about something they cannot (and should not need to) defend.

    I am in a AMXF relationship and I have gotten ignorant remarks from people so diverse I cannot bunch them by nationality, skin color or even educational background. However, I have also met some great people, and for most part people will let you be. However the negative experience of having either yourself or your partner slighted is pretty bad.

    Btw, it is not just asian men who suffer from this Henry Yeh. People have published “scientific reports” saying that black women are considered unattractive due to masculine characteristics. People have written about skull sizes of different races and now Amy Chua is out with a book about ‘superior’ ethnicities. Some of the worse form of “racism” I experienced was not ignorant or stereyotypical comments, but some chinese girls hitting on my SO thinking it would be perfectly fine as he was with a non asian woman or people trying to set him up with someone from his “race” which would be better.

    But these are few trolls among a sea of sensible people, and that is definitely encouraging.

  25. Thank you for writing about this Jocelyn!

    I’ve got my part of the hate comments on my blog as well, most recent one being to the post where I shared the news of my engagement to my Chinese boyfriend. Of course I delete those comments right away, but I hope I don’t have to start pre-moderating comments anytime soon.

    I’ve also got very surprised looks from both foreign men and women who think it’s strange that I chose a Chinese man to spend my life with. Their interesting expressions could fill a photo album.

    I hope that by talking and writing more about the real relationships between foreign women and Asian men, we could fight this racism with positivity.

  26. Funny that the late Paul Walker can date a 16 yr old when he was 33 and no one says anything. Lorde dates a 24 yr old Asian man and gets dumped on. It’s racism AND sexism at the same time. I guess it pays to be a White Male in Western Society.

  27. Pierce,

    Paul Walker supposed to go to jail for dating a minor. I really don’t care if he is a movie star. At 16 yrs old , you are very naïve and persuasive and your brain is very simple. I still feel finding LOVE is difficult no matter who you’re dating. Finding someone to love you unconditionally is still a dream to others.


  28. Bruce,

    I’d advise you to work on your English and overall reading comprehension before you criticize anyone. I’m not 16!

  29. Pierce,

    I advise that you read again if I was talking directly to you regarding your age. Pierce, did you announce to everyone that you were 16 ? Noooo it’s you that should ready carefully not me :). You were talking about child molestor, Paul Walker , dating a 16 yrs old ” GIRL”. Sorry I’m just wasting time here talking about nonsense. bye

    1. READ YOUR OWN POST (if you can actually read your own English): “At 16 yrs old, you are very naive and persuasive and your brain is very simple.” WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! WORK ON YOUR ENGLISH, ASSHOLE!

  30. A tabloid like Jezebel will only cull the most vile tweets. A few fools thinking like this is meaningless. Of course, your blog entry is a result of what happens when what the author wants to be true and what you want to be true cross paths.

  31. Pierce,

    I love it! Please continue so everyone will know that you’re an immature little kid. If you want milk, please let me know. You don’t affect me with your words.
    I love it !

  32. People always make a case about AMWF but I never recalled anybody every made a case about WMAF.

    The funny thing is, so many white men ridiculing AMWF coupling but they’re totally fine with dating Asian girls. Is this some kind of White MEN supremacists?

  33. @bernard

    A lot of white men think that they’re doing Asian women a favor by dating/marrying them because they believe they’re saving them from “oppressive Asian society”. In fact they’re under the erroneous belief that all Asian women are submissive and hate Asian men, therefore they’re the perfect match for a white guy. I’d like to see them try to take on our Korean student.

    And as we already know they think Asian men are weak. I wonder what would happen if their wife gave birth to a son?

  34. Hi everybody, talking about Racism, I have to dealt with the biggest conflict in my life when I was living in Queensland, Australia. And when I mean conflict I mean I was targeted and assulted many times over.

    Personally, I hate violence but because of this episode, I have to got into many fights just to save my own life!(Yes, I am not kidding. My life was endanger because of the Racist attackers. Luckily, I have some physical training, I manage to survived) And it has also indirectly cause the break up of me and my Caucasian Aussie girl friend. Because its getting very dangerous for her the hang out with me.

    And to my biggest surprise the WHITE POLICEMEN (More than one) just stand there and laugth.

    It was so bad many Asian student got attack on the street!!!(Its true)

  35. @ TLAG, as an Australian Caucasian female I am truly sorry you have had to deal with this. There is the occasional (?) extremely racist person in Australia, I am so ashamed to say. It’s a shame your gf can’t stay with you and support you through this. Do what everyone else does – get video footage of their faces and put it on YouTube, and send it to news corporations. And while you’re at it, get footage of the police too… They can all go down together.

  36. Hi Blossom

    Thank you very much for the support! I am trying to leave everything behind but I know it has left a mark in my memory forever. Its very hard to explain the situation. And it was few years back, the phones back then were not as advance as now.

    There was CCTV camera filming the anyway! I know the names of the POLICEMEN too. Now may be you are wondering why I did not sue them!

    Its funny sometimes during some conflict you can get to know you adversaries.
    As I said its a long story and a bit complex too!

    But its definitely one of the biggest life experiences for me for better or worst!

  37. @bernard, xen…from what I hear from Expat Edna, they did it at least once in Australia…


    “In Australia, I had a drive-by shouting where a man on a bike started spouting off a rant in the middle of a crowded shopping area because he thought my (white) friend and I were a couple. He nastily spewed out insults like, “Oh so you can’t get an Aussie girl, mate?” and the always classic, “Go back to where you came from!”

    And during my visit to Queensland and Western Australia, Asian females with white males encountered racism a lot. My ex Singaporean boss’s niece continues to have trouble with white women in Perth…granted most of them were boer Afrikaaners and she has a tendency to show off her husband and super smart girls as though they are trophies.

    So no one should be surprised by TLAG’s experience. Here in America there is a show called what would you do. It shows black male-white female couples in some all white towns and is presented by a dark skinned Hispanic named John Quinniones…you can get it on youtube. I told him that the best way to find out about the depth of racism in a community is to use AWWM couples..if the white society does not accept them, they will not accept anyone. So far he has not taken up on the offer…I also dared him to produce shows in three towns using AWWM couples..Jasper, Texas, Martinsville, Indiana and Waverly, Ohio…he will not do it because it is outright dangerous. In Australia, I dont believe too many folks carry guns…I will bet that in the three American towns I mentioned, there is more than 40% chance that a AWWM couple will get blown away and I dont know what they will do to a AMWW couple let alone a black-white couple. May I repeat once again that the white women who date non-white men are pretty much confined to sites such as these…and I am very old, much older than most of you if not all of you. I have seen a lot and I am Asian. Most of them will hold their noses if a non-white person asks them out on a date and in many places down the US south or in South Africa it is outright dangerous because they carry guns…I am only a messenger. Texan in Tokyo can complain about a man shouting racist slurs at a subway station, but Japan’s mild mannered racism is far removed from the dangerous white variety of the US South or South Africa….and I really do not know whether the white Aussies will attack interracial couples in Queensland or Western Australia if they had access to guns….that is for Blossom and other Aussies to comment on.

  38. This “peculiar” AMWF couple has the power to raise the white man from the dead, shaking his head in disapproval :)))))

  39. The attitude of the many white man is that if Asian girls date them then they are worshiping them and if Asian girls don’t date them then they are racist.

    A lot of them think that all Asian girls should date white men only. I really think they have a strange fetish.

  40. You know whats funny? Have you noticed that whenever AFWM couples talk about and or show pictures of Half-asian people on how beautiful they look they always show pictures of the offspring of AMWF.
    Whats even more funny is that despite the AFWM pairing out numbering AMWF couples by like 100 to 1, I can google and find thousands of famous half-asian models, celebrities, athletes, olympic champions, or pretty much anyone of significance, ALL born from out of AMWF. ex. marcel nguyen.
    When you try to research the offspring of AFWM you only find violent depressed psychos and drug riddled porn stars.

  41. I also find it funny how ignorant of a lot of these afwm couples are on basic biology.
    You’ll hear how they favour “caucasian” characteristics for their kids yet they don’t grasp the fact that children will always gain most of their genetic material and physical traits from the mothers while in the womb. If you don’t believe me compare pictures of Half-asian people from Amwf couples and afwm couples.
    They look completely different. So much so that they might as well be separate species of human beings.

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