why the foes asks:
WHY is there nothing but negative reactions from anyone who hears that my boyfriend is asian? The reactions don’t seem to be specific to the country he is from… they are just so grossed out that anyone can actually date an asian guy. “Yuck! They beat their wives! They are so boring! They have tiny dicks! They are too girly, They look ugly”, etc etc.. I’ve heard it all. Or, if the reaction is not totally negative, they are always INVASIVELY curious about every aspect of our relationship. “Does he speak english? Where did you find him? Is it true they have small dicks?”
Now if I was with literally anyone else, no one would bat an eye. Men of other races seem to be the most disgusted and seem to take it as a personal affront. Women are more polite, but shake their heads as if to say “what a waste.” Even my girlfriends who are Taiwanese don’t like asian men.. a Japanese gay guy I know ONLY dates Black men, but no one criticizes his taste. I also feel like people think I have yelllow fever and it pisses me off – if I decided to exclusively date say, white guys, no one would care.
I seriously feel sorry for Asian guys who are just trying to get dates out there, having to work against this enormous negative image. And I live in NYC! I can only imagine how much worse it is in suburbia.
Have you had similar negative reactions when mentioning your Chinese husband? Ugh! I apologize for ranting, but this makes me so mad!
Nobody ever says anything negative when I mention my Chinese husband.
But then again, I live in the middle of nowhere, work from home, and I can’t even remember the last time I mentioned him to someone new. (Trust me, it’s a really, really small town.)
Look, I’ve had my share of the negativity. That’s why I stopped tracking the phrase “Chinese men” on Twitter, and why I never hang out in Asian expat forums (home of the ubiquitous, Asian-male-hating anonymous asshole). And, of course, it’s why I’ll never watch another movie with Cameron “I don’t want to kiss Jay Chou” Diaz. (Cameron, you’re on my shit list.)
Why all the negativity about dating Asian men (and, in my case, Chinese men)? Is it the media that refuse to let Chinese men become one the next Harrison Ford or Cary Grant, that iconic sexy and strong leading man? The stereotypes? The fact that they’re simply ignorant assholes?
I think a better question is, why are they the ones thinking about dicks and beating women and ugliness? Whatever it is, it’s obviously these people who have the problem, and not you. The guys might be threatened by seeing you with an Asian guy, someone they always figured they could somehow “out-do” to get the attention of a girl like you. The girls might have, say, watched things like Sixteen Candles a few too many times, clueless to the reality that there are so many amazing Asian men (and, in my case, Chinese men ) out there.
If you ever run into such imbeciles again, why not take their negativity and throw it right back at them with a good comeback? For example:
“Oh…so you like small dick?”
To which I cheerfully reply, “Nope. I find that rumor to be largely unfounded. I just hate ugly faces.”
Or better still, just learn to distance yourself from the negativity. I used to get really angry about the injustice of it all, and I still get irked from time to time. But then I remember the words of my husband’s favorite Chinese idiom — 勇往直前 [yǒngwǎngzhíqián], or “courageously move forward.” Sometimes, that’s the most audacious thing that we can do, to simply live life to the fullest, in spite of the negativity.
Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.