China | Speaking of China

Despite the China-America Divide, We’re On The Same Team

The other day, my husband and I were having a conversation in the car about discrimination and racism in America — two things he knew firsthand from his own experiences over here.

“Mean and wicked, that’s what these people were to me,” he said, referring to the Americans who had betrayed him in the past. “They just don’t care, they have no concern for you at all. They think they can just bully you.”

My heart ached to see him this way. “I’m so sorry. It just goes to show how much work in this country is still undone. We Americans have a lot to learn.”

“Don’t say ‘we’! Don’t put yourself in the same category as them, you should be careful of your language!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say ‘we’, it just came out by accident. Just a reflex, that’s all.”

But his words haunted me the rest of the way home. I couldn’t believe that the word “we” — a word that normally brings John and I together as one — could divide us into two in a completely different context. Continue reading “Despite the China-America Divide, We’re On The Same Team”

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How China’s Tomb Sweeping Tradition – And My Husband – Helped Me Cope With Grief

What would my mom think if she saw me here in Ohio, sweeping a tomb and praying to ancestors — just like my husband would in China?

I’ll bet she would have cocked her head or raised an eyebrow, just as my relatives did when my husband announced our next stop. “We’re going to celebrate the Tomb Sweeping Festival,” also known as Qingming Jie. So John repeated himself and even explained it was a Chinese holiday where everyone visited their ancestors’ graves. But that only lead to polite smiles and nodding that suggested they were just trying to be nice and listen to him, but didn’t really understand.

That’s okay. If my mother was still alive, I’m sure she wouldn’t have understood what we were doing at that grave — a grave that was her own. Continue reading “How China’s Tomb Sweeping Tradition – And My Husband – Helped Me Cope With Grief”

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Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women

In late 2011, Fred graciously shared his own inspiring story of how he fell in love with — and eventually married — a woman from Brazil.

Then last year, he started filling me in via e-mail on a new and completely different story. He decided to try and set up his Hong Kong nephew, who was in his late 30s and still single, with some American women he knew. As Fred wrote below, “I thought with 100 percent certainty that any man would leap to his death to be able to date not just one or two but three ladies!”

The story developed over the summer and just recently he updated me on what finally happened. Will Fred’s nephew find love in another country, just as Fred did? Read on.

Fred refers to that hugely popular post on the rarity of couples of Chinese men and Western women. I was speaking primarily about the situation in China, so what I wrote doesn’t necessarily apply to Chinese men who were mainly raised overseas.

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I remembered how Jocelyn once wrote that many Chinese men hesitate to date Western women for a variety of reasons. Was this really true? I decided to find out on my own. Continue reading “Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women”

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On Int’l Women’s Day: Celebrated in China, Forgotten in America

“I told them about International Women’s Day and none of them even heard of it. Not one!”

That’s what my husband John said of this past Friday, when he happened to mention the holiday to his female coworkers here in the US.

But I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, because none of it surprised me. “Of course they didn’t. Even I had never heard of it until I went to China.”

I’m sure I must have raised an eyebrow sometime back in March 2000 when the college in China worked for back then called us in for an impromptu meeting regarding Women’s Day — and then announced that all of the women would enjoy time off from work on March 8. Time off? Just for being a woman? And when I discovered it was in fact an international holiday, I couldn’t help but wonder, Where had this holiday been all my life? Continue reading “On Int’l Women’s Day: Celebrated in China, Forgotten in America”

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2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men

It’s March 8 — International Women’s Day — and time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!

Last year, I had a little over 40 on my list. Now we’re ~~up to~~ over 50, so the community keeps growing! I’ve still grouped the blogs loosely according to their focus, and I also added a *NEW* tag to denote all new additions to the list.

And here they are: Continue reading “2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men”

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Ember Swift Interview Part 2 – How China Changed Her Life

Ember Swift and Guo Jian, during one of their wedding ceremonies (photo courtesy of Ember Swift)

Last week, I introduced you to Canadian artist Ember Swift’s professional career — from how China changed her sound to what’s next for her as a musician/singer-songwriter and a writer. If you missed it, check out Part 1 of my Ember Swift interview. Also, you can purchase her music at iTunes and her website, peruse her must-read blogs, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and Sina Weibo.

But when it comes to her writing, Ember isn’t afraid to get personal. She has written about her marriage to Guo Jian — the lead singer/bassist of Long Shen Dao — from the unique perspective of a queer woman. She has also shared her experience of being pregnant, giving birth and raising a baby in China, including navigating life with a Chinese mother-in-law who assists with child care.

In Part 2 of our interview, I asked Ember about her personal life — from how she met Guo Jian to what it’s like raising a baby in a Chinese family. Continue reading “Ember Swift Interview Part 2 – How China Changed Her Life”

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On Dating Chinese Men — Or Why You Shouldn’t Judge After Only One Date

It always amazes me when people judge an entire population of people based on just one date alone. But people do it all the time — including the author of this blog post.

To be fair, I give her credit for going on a date with a Chinese man. There are many women who go to China and won’t even try — women who have already made up their minds perhaps even before they’ve set foot in the Middle Kingdom. So, definitely, kudos to her.

I don’t even mind that her account of that date is largely negative and unflattering towards Chinese men. She has every right to share what happened and voice her own opinions.

What does bother me, however, is how she presents the information. Continue reading “On Dating Chinese Men — Or Why You Shouldn’t Judge After Only One Date”

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Double Happiness: “He Calls Me ‘Guapa'” — A Chinese-Spanish Love Story

A Chinese guy and Spanish girl in love -- Tony from China, and Laura from Spain — Tony, from China, and Laura, from Spain.

Guapa means good-looking or handsome in Spanish. It’s also a lovely word to start off a story about an equally lovely couple — Laura, from Spain, and Tony, from China.

Thanks to Laura for sharing this story, and the photographs.

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Tony calls me cariño (dear), sometimes guapa (good-looking), and other times Lauritina. It is really wonderful to have someone who calls you guapa when you get home.

We met in a Suzhou Starbucks, while I was having a coffee with a friend and he was chilling out after a meeting in Suzhou.

He came over the table and he introduced himself. He wanted to practice his English and our table was the most suitable one for that purpose. We talked for some minutes and when we told him we actually speak Spanish, he took out a book from his bag, I couldn’t believe it, he bought a book to learn Spanish the same day we met. Well, that must mean something, I thought. Continue reading “Double Happiness: “He Calls Me ‘Guapa’” — A Chinese-Spanish Love Story”

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A Story of Sexism, Chinese Men and Who Should Wash the Dishes

Washing the dishes — (photo by peapod labs)

“Washing dishes? That’s women’s work.”

That’s how Yao, my first Chinese boyfriend, ended one late Saturday night dinner at his apartment.

Up until that moment, he romanced me the entire day like any real gentleman — from running to the hospital for my medicine, to regaling me with a delicious homemade dinner of fried rice. All afternoon he told me to rest, relax, take it easy — I still felt exhausted from my recent illness, and had only just regained my appetite. Didn’t anyone ever tell him that sexist slurs are hard for girlfriends to swallow?

“What do mean, ‘women’s work?’ Are you telling me you won’t do the dishes, ever?” I asked.

“It’s not my job.”

I glowered at him. “So who’s going to do the dishes then?”

“Just leave them for my mom,” he said. He immediately jumped up from his seat and wandered over to the bedroom to start watching Saturday night football games.

How could he say that? Didn’t he realize he was dating a feminist who grew up in a household where both mom and dad were breadwinners, and didn’t believe in things like “women’s work”? I wrestled with these, and many more, questions about the man I was dating, and the future we might face ahead of us. But never, ever did I hold the one thought that all too often gets slapped on a guy like Yao — that he was just another sexist Chinese man I should never have dated in the first place. Continue reading “A Story of Sexism, Chinese Men and Who Should Wash the Dishes”

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One Introvert, Finding Refuge (And Love) in China

A woman covering her eyes, looking shy — (photo from Marie Sanchez @Flickr)

The Hangzhou cabbie smiled into the rearview mirror. “You’re so quiet and gentle,” he said (wénjìng, 文静), the same way someone might say, “You’ve got lovely hair,” or even, “That’s a nice outfit.”

“Who me?”

He laughed. “Really, you’re quiet and gentle, almost like a Chinese girl.”

I blushed and looked away from the mirror, but not his words. That’s because it wasn’t the first time someone in China complimented me for my quieter side. I heard it from John and my two previous Chinese boyfriends, my boss at the time, and countless friends. And no matter how many times someone praised me, a part of me still remained deeply surprised.

Only years before, when I was in college, the words “quiet and gentle” didn’t follow smiles, but scowls and “She’s so…” Continue reading “One Introvert, Finding Refuge (And Love) in China”

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