Chinese family | Speaking of China

Ember Swift Interview Part 2 – How China Changed Her Life

Ember Swift and Guo Jian, during one of their wedding ceremonies (photo courtesy of Ember Swift)

Last week, I introduced you to Canadian artist Ember Swift’s professional career — from how China changed her sound to what’s next for her as a musician/singer-songwriter and a writer. If you missed it, check out Part 1 of my Ember Swift interview. Also, you can purchase her music at iTunes and her website, peruse her must-read blogs, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and Sina Weibo.

But when it comes to her writing, Ember isn’t afraid to get personal. She has written about her marriage to Guo Jian — the lead singer/bassist of Long Shen Dao — from the unique perspective of a queer woman. She has also shared her experience of being pregnant, giving birth and raising a baby in China, including navigating life with a Chinese mother-in-law who assists with child care.

In Part 2 of our interview, I asked Ember about her personal life — from how she met Guo Jian to what it’s like raising a baby in a Chinese family. Continue reading “Ember Swift Interview Part 2 – How China Changed Her Life”

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Featured in Global Times Article: Meet the [Chinese] Parents

For those of you who may have missed it, I was featured in a Global Times article titled “Meet the Parents,” which shares some personal tales of meet-the-Chinese-parents experiences from foreigners (including me) and offers some advice for any foreigners heading home with their boyfriend/girlfriend to meet the parents for the first time. Here’s a snippet of the article: Continue reading “Featured in Global Times Article: Meet the [Chinese] Parents”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Parents Refuse to Meet Me

A dejected person seen through a dark keyhole — (photo by Truthout.org)

L asks:

I have been dating my Chinese boyfriend for several years now, and we want to get married. He has met my parents and they love him but his parents still refuse to meet me. My boyfriend made it clear to his parents that I’m the one, but they just don’t want to have anything to do with me. They have never even talked to me! They keep giving his number to random girls that they approve of! I once went over to his parents house with him, I had prepared a basket full of delicious food, and they just refused to let me in. My boyfriend hardly talks to his parents anymore and insist that it’s not a problem and that it’s their loss. But I wish there was something I could do. Any suggestions? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Parents Refuse to Meet Me”

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The Filial Side of Moving in With My Grandma

Lame, loser, or just plain “oh Lord.” My American friends could have easily thought any one of these things — if not more — about me, all because my husband and I moved in with my grandmother.

That’s why I never just told people in America, “We’re moving in with Grandma,” but made it clear that this move came with an asterisk. She’s 89, she had a stroke some years ago, my grandfather passed away last year and she lives alone. We’re moving to China next year, once John finishes his internship — it just didn’t make sense to start a new household all over again, only to have to leave it all behind in an international move. Without this addendum, I felt certain we’d get branded as just another pathetic boomeranging couple leaching off of sweet little grandma.

But my Chinese father-in-law never needed — or asked for — the footnotes on our move. Continue reading “The Filial Side of Moving in With My Grandma”

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Ask the Yangxifu: My Chinese Family Speaks Local Dialect at Dinner, Not Mandarin

A family dinner at home in an Asian household — (photo by avlxyz)

Lixifur asks:

I am sitting in Beijing after spending 20 days in Southern China visiting my in-laws. I just found your blog and find it most timely. I am writing because I find myself so lost when it comes to the endless, dreaded family gatherings. My Mandarin is intermediate level and I’ve only travelled to China many times. Each time I come, I hope I can improve my skills but I am always disappointed by the fact that I almost never hear Mandarin, except on TV. Even more challenging is that while my mother-in-law is from the city, my father-in-law is from a bit further north in the province and he speaks a mixture of Mandarin, the city’s dialect and his local dialect. Naturally, we have so many family dinners and I am so frustrated by the use of one or more dialects at the table depending on the crowd and almost never Mandarin, except to me with strong accents. Please give me some advice on how to cope with the scenario. I am working on improving my Mandarin, so that will generally help, but I could sure use some advice based on your experience when your in-laws get together and just speak dialect. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: My Chinese Family Speaks Local Dialect at Dinner, Not Mandarin”

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Ask the Yangxifu: Dealing With “How Come You Aren’t Married Yet?”

A blurred photo of a bride and groom on the grass with a bouquet in clear view. — (photo by Fernando Weberich)

Single Overseas Chinese Guy asks:

Although this may not affect you yourself. It affects a whole load of us overseas born Chinese types. Simply how on earth do we respond to the constant questions of how come you aren’t married yet?

Parents go to Chinese weddings, and fiery arguments ensue about getting married.

Fake BFs/GFs are old utilised tricks. But over time they cease to work and to be honest it feels bad tricking parents like this.

In our first generation barely anybody is married these days. But there seems an increasing desperation in the voices of parents wanting you to get married. As if it is a magic bullet or something. They just simply do not seem to realise that getting married isn’t the be all and end all of things. Yet their old fashioned values don’t seem to tie in with single independent people! Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Dealing With “How Come You Aren’t Married Yet?””

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How I Broke Chinese Family Etiquette To Save A Baby Mobile

My sister-in-law's baby and the mobile that almost got broke

It’s not polite to tell a guest they shouldn’t do something. I learned this rule only hours after I broke it at my Chinese in-laws’ home.

The next-door neighbor happened to come over, a tiny grandmother with short curly hair and a face that reminded me of Squiggy from the sitcom Laverne and Shirley. As usual, she came in holding her 10-month grandson, a kid nearly one-third her size who looked so big, I wondered why he hadn’t walked in on his own. She stood with her grandson in the foyer of our family home with Laoma (what we call my mother-in-law) and Wenjuan, my sister-in-law.

Most evenings, I wouldn’t notice the guests, but this evening was different. She happened to come during dinner. And this dinner happened to be interrupted by Laoba (what I call my father-in-law) when he told me the pair of flip-flops I sunned outside had dried. I put my chopsticks down to take the flip-flops back to my rooms upstairs, and then returned to the dining room.

That’s when I saw it. Continue reading “How I Broke Chinese Family Etiquette To Save A Baby Mobile”

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Ask the Yangxifu: 5+ Years of Dating & Still Haven’t Met His Family

A white girl looking depressed — (photo by Marinka van Holten)

Anonymous asks:

I have been dating my Chinese boyfriend for more than 5 years. We met in the West and he lives and works in my country and became a citizen of my country. He is however a childhood immigrant. His family is very traditional, I think. I have never met them. They live elsewhere and do not know I exist. He goes to China every year to visit his family, is the oldest son, and his family still believes in arranged marriages. We broke up once because they found him a woman to marry. I love him and thought I could continue to deal with this, that I was bigger than this ridiculous situation. But, as time drags on it becomes more difficult for me to tolerate. We had come to an agreement that I would obtain a doctorate and that would make me as close to worthy enough to tell his family about. I graduate this year and he has backed out of the deal. I am more disappointed than I can express. I feel like a mistress, to be hid forever. He went to China last week to visit his family and turned his phone off. I never call him when he goes to China or visits his family but with his phone off I couldn’t even contact him in an emergency. We live together, what if something happened to the house. He said it was because he didn’t want his phone to make accidental international phone calls but, really? That has never happened before and I doubt his veracity on the reason. It seems the closer I get to finishing the goal he decided would end the hiding, the more thoughtless things he does. But, he swears he doesn’t want to end our relationship and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have a wedding dress because we were going to get married this year, it mocks me from the closet. It feels like he panics when he is afraid of getting caught and does or says hurtful things out of a knee jerk reaction but expects me to understand his cultural needs but ignores mine. Is this a Chinese thing or a him thing? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: 5+ Years of Dating & Still Haven’t Met His Family”

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Things We’ve Learned About Going Meatless in China From Our Chinese Families

Eating at Chinese wedding — Eating dinner at the family table at my Chinese wedding ceremony -- while I dine on the veggies, my husband goes for the pork.

I’m excited to share with you my first-ever collaborative article, which I wrote with Susan Blumberg-Kason. Susan is the author of All the Tea in Chicago and the forthcoming book Good Chinese Wife, a memoir of the five years she spent trying to assimilate into a Chinese family.

This article grew out of stories that Susan and I swapped over the past year about going meatless in China, and especially going meatless in a Chinese family. Hope you enjoy it.

—– Continue reading “Things We’ve Learned About Going Meatless in China From Our Chinese Families”

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2012 Blogs By Western Women Who Love Chinese Men

John and I kissing at our wedding — It's the 2012 list of China blogs by Western women who love Chinese men

It’s March and just days from International Women’s Day — time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men.

Last year, I had over 30 on my list. This year, it’s over 40. I’m psyched to see the growing number of voices in the community. I also decided to take a stab at grouping the blogs this year — authors, let me know what you think.

So without further ado, here they are: Continue reading “2012 Blogs By Western Women Who Love Chinese Men”

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