Building cultural bridges with love. 洋媳妇谈中国
When Lauren submitted to me, she wrote, “I’m writing to share my story with a Chinese boy, although not all fairy tales have a happy ending.”
Even though I call this series “Double Happiness,” sometimes that happiness doesn’t last forever. Lauren’s story reminded me of the joys I experience with past loves, if only for a short time. Sometimes it’s good to remember.
Thanks for sharing your memories, Lauren. Continue reading “Double Happiness: A Brief, But Beautiful, Spanish-Chinese Romance”
When I first read Christi’s story — which shares some of the ways she and her fiancee, Huaiqian, balance their relationship — I smiled at the way she described herself as “a headstrong Australian girl…humbled by China.” Her words echoed much of my own experience with John — the moments when we realized just how differently we viewed exactly the same thing, the times when we learned to negotiate the differences. She brings so much heart and honesty to the subject, and I’m excited to share her story with you. Continue reading “Yin-Yang: “A Headstrong Australian Girl…Humbled By China””
Not long after I first launched Ask the Yangxifu in January 2010, I received an e-mail from an American woman named Michelle about her burgeoning relationship with Kwan, a Chinese-American man she just met. Never did I imagine that, more than two years later, I would follow Michelle and Kwan throughout their relationship (through Michelle’s occasional e-mails) — right through to their engagement and marriage plans.
What a thrill. This is the first couple I’ve ever had the privilege to follow from their first meeting to marriage.
But even better, Michelle agreed to share her story with us for Double Happiness — how she met Kwan, and how he proposed to her. Michelle, I wish you and Kwan báitóuxiélǎo (白头偕老, may the bride and groom live to a ripe old age together)! Continue reading “Double Happiness: Michelle and Kwan are Getting Married”
I’m a sucker for Chinese weddings — especially when they involve my fellow yangxifu. Which is why I couldn’t help but put together a little compendium of wedding stories about Western women and Chinese men tying the knot, from getting the little red marriage books to slipping into those little red qipaos. I’ve included snippets of stories from Tianjin Shannon, Tales from Hebei’s Kelly Sandor-Yang, Ember Swift, and My Beijing Survival Diary’s Michelle Guo. Continue reading “Double Happiness: Chinese Wedding Stories from Four Western Women”
I’ll be honest, it’s been a challenging summer for us. Moving across country, getting settled in, even my husband’s whole internship thing (he still faces uncertainty in some respects, but that’s another story…sigh).
But then, days before, I found this little postcard of a love story in my inbox — in Portuguese. Well, I don’t know Portuguese. But between my Spanish minor from college and a little help from Google Translate, I worked the story out — and was touched. In the midst of all of the difficulties, I found a little something that made me smile, and restored my faith in the world.
Thank you for this story, Diandra, you saved me from my summer blues. Muito obrigado. Continue reading “Double Happiness: A Brazilian-Chinese Love Story That Started With Football”
“Did you always want to marry an Asian guy?” That’s what a friend of mine asked me the other night, a question that surprised me.
It’s not that I didn’t know what to say. “No, I never really even thought about it until going to China,” I told her. Then I landed in Zhengzhou, and met a super-sexy, sullen James Dean of a guy who just happened to be Chinese. And while I didn’t end up marrying him, he opened my eyes to a new reality — that I could find love with a Chinese man — that eventually led me to John.
Maybe her words shocked me because yellow fever, Asian fetishes — whatever you want to call it — just never entered into my own equation, and I know I’m not alone. Continue reading “I Never Intended To Marry a Chinese Man”
I’m taking a break from posting from May 28 until June 8. But in the meantime, I’m sharing some of my classic content — which might either be new to you, or just a great read worth revisiting. Either way, hope you enjoy these, and I’ll see you June 11. 😉
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As I said last week, it’s wedding season in the US. If you’re in the mood for weddings, enjoy these classic stories from the Double Happiness archives of love between Chinese men and Western women that ends with a wedding.
A Western Woman Walks Into a Bar. “A Western woman walks into a bar…” sounds like the start of a joke. But instead of coming back with a punchline, a number of Western women came back with Chinese men who they would eventually marry. Featuring stories from Jo Kelly-Bai, Kelly Sandor-Yang, and White Girl in a Chinese-American World.
The Accidental Online Dater. A white American woman tells the story of how a free online dating account she never intended to use led her to her future Chinese husband.
How a Chinese Man Found Love in Brazil. Fred, who was born in Hong Kong and primarily raised in the US, never expected he would marry a white woman, let alone one from Brazil.
I’m taking a break from posting from May 28 until June 8. But in the meantime, I’m sharing some of my classic content — which might either be new to you, or just a great read worth revisiting. Either way, hope you enjoy these, and I’ll see you June 11. 😉
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It’s Memorial Day in the US, a time when we remember those who serve or have served in the military. But the word “memorial” itself immediately made me think of those loves of the past — a love that changed us, or a love that we might bury deep in our hearts, never to be forgotten.
So I’ve dug into the archives to share a few posts about loves we remember — from my own personal stories to those of Chinese men and Western women across the world.
The Sands, and Teahouses, of Time. When love bubbled over with my first Chinese boyfriend in his favorite Taiwanese teahouse, I tried to hold on to that sweetness of what we had through this place he left behind.
Double Happiness: Once You Go Black, You Never Go Back. Shanghai-based writer Chenyin Pan recalls the love he found with women of color in the US.
Double Happiness: A Journey Towards China And Love. Mayte never forgot the two loves she found with Chinese men, both touching and unexpected.
R asks:
I am a foreigner and have been living in China for over three years now. I have gone through several boyfriends and relationships, all in varying degrees of intensity and situations. But each one shared something in common. Each one was a Westerner. I have always had a dislike for Asian men.
A couple months ago I met a young Chinese man that changed all that. From the first time I met him I was strangely attracted to him. As he was one of my students I met him regularly and got to know all about him through our many classes on an intermediate English level. Since this was a class of all young men, they often liked to talk about relationships, girlfriends, dating, etc. I thought I understood Chinese, but I never saw this side of China before. The more I got to know him the more I felt this “strange attraction” to this young Chinese man. He was strong, manly, assertive in an attractive sort of way, had opinions, was smart, etc. Suddenly I felt myself looking around and thinking, “There are so many handsome men here!” There arose in me feelings towards Chinese men I had never before experienced. I suddenly thought they were handsome, sexy and attractive. I began researching on the internet and found your blog and read about other women’s experiences.
Since that class ended I’ve been getting to know this young man. We spend time together every weekend. He’s always very cordial, offers to take my purse, pays for meals out, drinks, go to a park and spend hours talking together, etc. and I feel so comfortable talking, laughing and spending time with him. Originally our contact began for him to improve his English and I my Chinese, but I don’t know the real reason really. He has a girlfriend, who lives in another city and he often complains about her and about Chinese girls in general and some of their customs, (ie. making their boyfriend shop all day with them, carry their purse, throwing fits, etc.). In these ways, I, as a westerner, am very different from Chinese girls and I feel like he really enjoys my company and he always says we are friends.
My question is this, “Am I wasting my time? Is there any sort of future (as in gf/bf) or might he have feelings for me?” I have read about taking it slow and the oft’ times painfully dragged out process that can be with an Asian man, but I’m wondering if it would do any harm to at least be honest with him about this. Would it hurt for me to ask him if he likes me or if he wants to date a Western girl (me)? I just don’t know if it’s him being shy or that he thinks I would never be attracted to him in that way that makes it stall or if he truly just wants us to be “friends”. In my culture I would just be upfront about this with a guy, but I’m afraid of offending him or having him say something just to “please me” since Chinese have a hard time with being upfront about their personal feelings. I’m very new to this and dating any sort of Asians in general so please help me with your advice. Thank you! Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: The Guy Who Changed Her Mind About Dating Chinese Men”
Ah, wedding rings. Whenever I see an ad for them on TV, I immediately shout out “Hūnjiè,” (婚戒), the Chinese word for this most intimate of all jewelry, and then shoot my husband a grin. He usually laughs and nods at what’s become our husband-wife running joke — that I still have no wedding ring, and John still “owes” me.
This isn’t some post-wedding inner Bridezilla of mine coming out, as if I enjoyed putting my husband on a guilt trip for all the ways our wedding never lived up to expectations. No, as weddings go, I’m pretty happy over how we tied the knot and wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve never even pressured him about buying things; if anything, I’m the one usually clamping down on our family budget, and he’s the one encouraging me to “reward myself” with something I really wanted. Still, behind this running joke of ours remains a real promise — that, someday, he hopes to buy me the perfect wedding ring. Continue reading “How My Husband Embraced My Wedding Ring Tradition”