People just say the darndest things about dating Chinese men. Over the years, I’ve listened to a lot of reasons why Western women give the sons of Han a pass on dating — and sometimes, they’re the kind of reasons that make you go “Hmmmm” (and then think rather unprintable thoughts about the person who said them).
So here are four of the lamest reasons I’ve ever heard as to why Western women won’t date Chinese men.
Lame Reason #1: Effeminate
Whenever I hear people say this about Chinese men, they point to the most utterly superficial reasons — such as having “manbags”, or carrying women’s purses, or even height/body sizes. And they usually just back it up with anecdotes from expats/Westerners, or their own biased perceptions (so “scientific,” isn’t it?).
But in fact, this is nothing more than an insidious stereotype, which derives much of its power from the unflattering images of Asian men in Hollywood and the mainstream media.
Bottom line, it’s an incredibly lame reason to NOT date Chinese men.
Lame Reason #2: Penis size
First of all, this is a stereotype about Asian men that has yet to be proven by any cold, hard scientific evidence. And even if it were true, it means you value a guy’s alleged package size over his actual personality. Either way, you’d be exceedingly lame in my book for using this as an excuse to pass on Chinese men.
(See also this hilarious rant on the stereotype surrounding penis size and Asian men.)
Lame Reason #3: Too shy
I once read this in an article about the dating scene for foreign women in Beijing:
“Most Chinese guys are really shy,” Patterson said. “They work really long hours and don’t come out to bars and parties, which is where you usually meet people.”
I’m pretty certain, then, that some women out there actually use this as a reason/excuse why they don’t date Chinese men.
But Chinese men aren’t necessarily shy, it’s just a stereotype.
I get that some women out there think a “real guy” should just directly ask her out, and might label a Chinese guy “too shy” if he can’t do the same. But in fact, a lot of times Chinese men are just operating according to different “rules” for dating. They might approach us a little more indirectly, where they show their interest gradually instead of straight out just asking us on a date. It’s not a shy thing, it’s a “dating is a little different in their culture” thing.
Some women might also complain, as one foreign woman did in an op-ed piece, about a “lack of effort” on the part of Chinese men. But this perspective totally ignores the huge barriers that stand between a Chinese guy actually asking out a Western woman (see my reasons why Western women should consider pursuing Chinese men).
So when you think about it, it’s kind of a lame reason.
Lame Reason #4: Not attractive
When I first came to China, I was stunned by the people who just flat-out declared that Chinese men aren’t attractive. Seriously?
I get that people have their own preferences. But there’s something truly lame — and disturbing, for that matter — when someone dismisses an entire group of people as ugly. If you truly think there can never be attractive Chinese men out there, then apparently you’re either blind or blinded by your own biases. This is by far the lamest reason out there to not date Chinese men.
What do you think? What other lame reasons have you heard?
A recent cold front turned my thoughts to the winter jacket I needed replacing this year, and ended up turning us towards the closest shopping mall to eyeball a few just-arrived winter jackets. I admired the colors — plum, tangerine, teal, and ivory. At least, before I turned the price tags over.
“Did you always want to marry an Asian guy?” That’s what a friend of mine asked me the other night, a question that surprised me.
