Why Aren’t We Talking More About The Rarity of AMWF?

(Screenshot from http://theyreallsobeautiful.com/)

Last month, commentator Eugene Tsui posed this fascinating question in a post on They’re All So Beautiful (the companion website to the documentary Seeking Asian Female):

I don’t see the question posed, of why there are so few Chinese men, with “white” women? This is left out?

What do the Chinese women have to say about that? And what do “white” men, who are married to Chinese women, have to say about that? I don’t hear their opinions about Chinese men with white women?

Of course, when he says “This is left out?” he’s referring to the fact that the documentary — and its companion website — don’t really address the disparity he mentions. But I think that could easily apply to most situations when people discuss yellow fever. Continue reading “Why Aren’t We Talking More About The Rarity of AMWF?”

Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women

(photo by Doug Wheller via Flickr.com)

In late 2011, Fred graciously shared his own inspiring story of how he fell in love with — and eventually married — a woman from Brazil. 

Then last year, he started filling me in via e-mail on a new and completely different story. He decided to try and set up his Hong Kong nephew, who was in his late 30s and still single, with some American women he knew. As Fred wrote below, “I thought with 100 percent certainty that any man would leap to his death to be able to date not just one or two but three ladies!”

The story developed over the summer and just recently he updated me on what finally happened. Will Fred’s nephew find love in another country, just as Fred did? Read on.

Fred refers to that hugely popular post on the rarity of couples of Chinese men and Western women. I was speaking primarily about the situation in China, so what I wrote doesn’t necessarily apply to Chinese men who were mainly raised overseas.

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I remembered how Jocelyn once wrote that many Chinese men hesitate to date Western women for a variety of reasons. Was this really true? I decided to find out on my own. Continue reading “Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women”

2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men

It’s March 8 — International Women’s Day — and time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!

Last year, I had a little over 40 on my list. Now we’re up to over 50, so the community keeps growing! I’ve still grouped the blogs loosely according to their focus, and I also added a *NEW* tag to denote all new additions to the list.

And here they are: Continue reading “2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men”

Double Happiness: “He Calls Me ‘Guapa'” — A Chinese-Spanish Love Story

A Chinese guy and Spanish girl in love -- Tony from China, and Laura from Spain
Tony, from China, and Laura, from Spain.

Guapa means good-looking or handsome in Spanish. It’s also a lovely word to start off a story about an equally lovely couple — Laura, from Spain, and Tony, from China.

Thanks to Laura for sharing this story, and the photographs.

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Tony calls me cariño (dear), sometimes guapa (good-looking), and other times Lauritina. It is really wonderful to have someone who calls you guapa when you get home.

We met in a Suzhou Starbucks, while I was having a coffee with a friend and he was chilling out after a meeting in Suzhou.

He came over the table and he introduced himself. He wanted to practice his English and our table was the most suitable one for that purpose. We talked for some minutes and when we told him we actually speak Spanish, he took out a book from his bag, I couldn’t believe it, he bought a book to learn Spanish the same day we met. Well, that must mean something, I thought. Continue reading “Double Happiness: “He Calls Me ‘Guapa’” — A Chinese-Spanish Love Story”

On My Negative Dating Experiences With Chinese Men, and Why I Still Kept Smiling About China’s “Dating Scene”

Jocelyn Eikenburg, smiling in a windswept
The winds (of China’s dating scene) didn’t always blow my way, but I still remained smiling, despite all my own negative experiences w/ Chinese men.

A few years ago, I remember stumbling across a post that linked back to me on the now defunct Shlaowai blog (which billed itself as “Shanghai Uncensored”). The post, written by one of their white female writers, was titled, “So, What’s the Dating Scene Like?” I can’t share any quotes from the post — unfortunately, the blog’s creators blocked archiving of their material, which means you can’t even dig up their original content through the Wayback Machine. Still, given that the post featured the infamous photo of a shorter Long Duk Dong with his head buried in the bosom of a taller white girl, you can guess what the author had to say about “the dating scene” in China.

I can’t recall her exact wording when she referenced my site, but I remember how I felt. That I somehow couldn’t be trusted to understand her experience. After all, I crossed the line she somehow drew there in Shanghai by dating and marrying a Chinese (and then daring to write something positive about it).

You might wonder, why do I even care about an obscure post from years back on a now-defunct blog? It’s because I’ve increasingly encountered a similar perspective in e-mails from some readers — e-mails that ask, in a suspect tone, why I’m not writing enough negative things about dating Chinese men? Continue reading “On My Negative Dating Experiences With Chinese Men, and Why I Still Kept Smiling About China’s “Dating Scene””

Double Happiness: Chinese Man Moves to Mexico, Finds Love

Classic mexican colors at the Bazaar del Sabado
(photo from i_amici’s flickr stream)

How far would you go to change your life? For Hao, his journey took him all the way to Mexico, where he found a new career — and a new love. 

I’m really excited to share his story, and hope you find it as inspiring as I did.

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It all started back in 2006, when I met this lovely Mexican family (not related to my love) living in California. In that same year, my fortunes took a turn for the worse. I couldn’t find a decent job in the States, and I struggled for years not knowing what to do. Then my Mexican friend suggested ever-so-casually, “Why don’t we go to Mexico?” Continue reading “Double Happiness: Chinese Man Moves to Mexico, Finds Love”

Are More Unconventional Chinese Men More Likely to Date/Marry Western Women?

My husband with his crazy spiked up hair
My husband John and his spiked-up hair.

“I’m not at all a typical Chinese!” That’s what a Facebook friend, a guy with a European wife, wrote to me in a message. But his words could easily have been spoken by my own husband.

When I first met John, he was anything but “typical.” I’d never known anyone in China with such a passion for psychology, or such chutzpah (he once threatened to file a lawsuit against polluting factories in his village).

As we dated — and eventually married, I discovered just how unconventional he was. Whether he confronted an exploitative boss in China or the US institutions that discriminated against him, John displayed a courage most would never have imagined in a man who only stands 5’4” (1.65 m) tall. While most Chinese would covet US citizenship and a life abroad, he wanted to keep his Chinese passport and return to China to start his career. He even loves my curves, something you probably wouldn’t expect from a Chinese guy — especially one thinner and lighter than his wife. Continue reading “Are More Unconventional Chinese Men More Likely to Date/Marry Western Women?”

Double Happiness: A Brief, But Beautiful, Spanish-Chinese Romance

A girl leaning over a railing overlooking a river, with a sad expression on her face.
(photo by Michael Dorokhov, via his Flickr stream)

When Lauren submitted to me, she wrote, “I’m writing to share my story with a Chinese boy, although not all fairy tales have a happy ending.”

Even though I call this series “Double Happiness,” sometimes that happiness doesn’t last forever. Lauren’s story reminded me of the joys I experience with past loves, if only for a short time. Sometimes it’s good to remember.

Thanks for sharing your memories, Lauren. Continue reading “Double Happiness: A Brief, But Beautiful, Spanish-Chinese Romance”

Ask the Yangxifu: On Married Men in China Seeking Extramarital Affairs With Western Women

A couple cheating in the background, with the words "Lies" written on the front
(photo by Akbar Simonse)

asks:

Now, I see a lot of positive things on Asian men here on this blog and I do appreciate that, but what about the not-so-positive ones? There is one thing in particular i’ve been thinking about for a while lately: the cheating and the tradition of having xiaosan [mistresses] here in China. I can’t even remember how many times I have been approached by married men or guys who have been with their gfs for 8 or 9 years! Not to mention the fact that dating someone is actually quite complicated because a good part of the guys in their late 20s are already married!!

I know a lot of foreign girls who do get in troubles eventually for starting relationships with men who are already taken and it just becomes a mess…

What do you think about this? Why is it that so many seem to prefer cheating than leave their ‘safety net’ (aka gf)? Why does it seem that foreign girls are their preferred choice when they look for xiaosan? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: On Married Men in China Seeking Extramarital Affairs With Western Women”