Building cultural bridges with love. 洋媳妇谈中国
Advice to help you make friends with, date, or marry Chinese men. Stories about knowing, loving and marrying Chinese men. All from one Western woman with a Chinese husband.
“Mary” met Yao while at university. And while a series of misunderstandings eventually got in the way of their relationship, she wrote: “I don’t regret getting to know him and being a small part of his life. I feel that my experience dating him has made me grow as a person.” Thanks for sharing your story, Mary! Continue reading “Fenshou: When Mary Met Yao”
Last month, commentator Eugene Tsui posed this fascinating question in a post on They’re All So Beautiful (the companion website to the documentary Seeking Asian Female):
I don’t see the question posed, of why there are so few Chinese men, with “white” women? This is left out?
What do the Chinese women have to say about that? And what do “white” men, who are married to Chinese women, have to say about that? I don’t hear their opinions about Chinese men with white women?
Of course, when he says “This is left out?” he’s referring to the fact that the documentary — and its companion website — don’t really address the disparity he mentions. But I think that could easily apply to most situations when people discuss yellow fever. Continue reading “Why Aren’t We Talking More About The Rarity of AMWF?”
“Jane” (not her real name) wrote that she hopes this one Chinese man will forgive her for her mistakes and missteps. And while I feel she’s very hard on herself, her story might give you a different insight into why some cross-cultural relationships in China don’t work out. Continue reading “Fenshou: “I Hope He Can Forgive Me””
Recently, a reader wrote the following to me:
I remember when I was back in [city in China] I was with a large group of Westerners for our orientation and a lot of us got to talking about potentially starting relationships in China. There was one American girl, who was very pleasant but kind of heavyset and nothing special to look at, who said she wouldn’t settle for anything less than Jay Chou or a local Chinese rapper we knew who was modelesque stunning. Another man on our orientation, who is fifty years old though not bad looking, also said he would only go for girls between the ages of 25-30 who were “drop dead gorgeous.” Continue reading “Foreigners Who Think They’re Entitled To Date The Hottest Chinese?”
When I called for submissions a couple of weeks ago, never did I imagine the overwhelming response from readers. Literally within days of posting, the submissions started rolling in.
The first I received was this piece from a woman with the nickname “Smallsquirrel”. It is a poignant and thoughtfully penned story of how her engagement to a Chinese man from a prominent Beijing family eventually ended. I’m honored to kick off my new series — which I’m calling “Fenshou” from the pinyin for the Chinese word for breakup — with what I’ve titled “I Was Once Engaged to a Chinese Man.” Continue reading “Fenshou: “I Was Once Engaged to a Chinese Man””
Just last week, a review of the anthology Unsavory Elements appeared in the Global Times, and had this to say about my contribution:
Jocelyn Eikenburg gives insight into the seldom spoken of (or seen) relationships between foreign women and Chinese men in “Red Couplets.” She writes, “From the first time I started to love a Chinese man, hiding became part of my life.” As she watches droves of Western men couple up with Chinese women, she feels alienated by her expat girlfriends, too, who openly express their romantic disdain for all Chinese men.
She’s referring to this portion of my essay: Continue reading “Does Peer Pressure Ever Discourage Dating Differently?”
In late 2011, Fred graciously shared his own inspiring story of how he fell in love with — and eventually married — a woman from Brazil.
Then last year, he started filling me in via e-mail on a new and completely different story. He decided to try and set up his Hong Kong nephew, who was in his late 30s and still single, with some American women he knew. As Fred wrote below, “I thought with 100 percent certainty that any man would leap to his death to be able to date not just one or two but three ladies!”
The story developed over the summer and just recently he updated me on what finally happened. Will Fred’s nephew find love in another country, just as Fred did? Read on.
Fred refers to that hugely popular post on the rarity of couples of Chinese men and Western women. I was speaking primarily about the situation in China, so what I wrote doesn’t necessarily apply to Chinese men who were mainly raised overseas.
—–
I remembered how Jocelyn once wrote that many Chinese men hesitate to date Western women for a variety of reasons. Was this really true? I decided to find out on my own. Continue reading “Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women”
This past week, a commenter named Centaur wrote:
Jocelyn and all the western women still reading this thread, maybe we should have a thread where Asian men can comment on what they love about western women.
Centaur, I can’t agree more! What a great way to honor the Western women in your life — or just honor us in general — during the month that includes International Women’s Day.
And even better, Centaur started it off with his own Top 10 List:
1) Your eyes. Deeply set, bright, shaded with long lashes, infinitely seductive. They can have so many colors — blue, green, gray, brown, … , and the color can even change with sunlight. If I stare into them, I’d forget what I was saying.
2) Your hair. Curly, soft, fine, always makes me want to run my fingers through it.
3) Your nose. Long, high, strong (no, I am not making fun of you). It gives your face so much character.
4) Your narrow cheekbones. Contrary to the typical Western view, we don’t find high cheekbones very attractive.
5) Your curves and long legs, they give you such a feminine look.
6) You know how to handle high heels.
7) You enjoy sex. You are open, evolved, and sexual.
8) You are affectionate and you love kissing.
9) You know how to put on makeup.
10) You like to work out and you age gracefully.
So to continue this, I pulled John aside and asked him what he loves most about me. And here are John’s Top 10: Continue reading “Calling All Asian Men: What Do You Love About Western Women?”
It’s March 8 — International Women’s Day — and time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!
Last year, I had a little over 40 on my list. Now we’re up to over 50, so the community keeps growing! I’ve still grouped the blogs loosely according to their focus, and I also added a *NEW* tag to denote all new additions to the list.
And here they are: Continue reading “2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men”
I am thrilled that Susan Blumberg-Kason invited me to participate in the The Next Big Thing, an Internet meme where writers answer questions about their latest or forthcoming works.
Susan is the author of the forthcoming memoir Good Chinese Wife. This book traces the five years she spent trying to assimilate into a Chinese family, after jumping quickly into marriage with a Chinese man. But over time, she comes to reconsider what she thought it meant to be a wife, have a family, and raise a child — and faces the tough choice of whether or not to leave her Chinese family.
I’ve read portions of her memoir, and I can honestly say it’s a gripping story written from the heart. I loved Susan as a narrator because she shares so many of her vulnerabilities on the page. I liked the unusual, non-linear structure of her book as well, which really adds to the drama of her story and keeps you turning the pages.
And I’m sure many of you, like myself, can’t wait to get your hands on Susan’s book. To learn more, check out her Next Big Thing post from last week, or read the brief introduction to Good Chinese Wife on her website.
Now for my interview questions, which I’ll follow with introductions to several authors to watch for. Continue reading “The Next Big Thing: On “Red All Over,” My Forthcoming Memoir”