Western women | Speaking of China

Fenshou: “I Was Once Engaged to a Chinese Man”

When I called for submissions a couple of weeks ago, never did I imagine the overwhelming response from readers. Literally within days of posting, the submissions started rolling in.

The first I received was this piece from a woman with the nickname “Smallsquirrel”. It is a poignant and thoughtfully penned story of how her engagement to a Chinese man from a prominent Beijing family eventually ended. I’m honored to kick off my new series — which I’m calling “Fenshou” from the pinyin for the Chinese word for breakup — with what I’ve titled “I Was Once Engaged to a Chinese Man.” Continue reading “Fenshou: “I Was Once Engaged to a Chinese Man””

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Love or Fetish? On “Yellow Fever” and Creepy/Sketchy Attractions

In the past few weeks, I’ve discovered They’re All So Beautiful, an online forum about race and dating that’s features a five-part online series and is also a companion to the documentary Seeking Asian Female.

Yes, it’s a conversation in part about “yellow fever” — but one with more intelligence, one that seeks to transcend the usual boundaries and assumptions.

The site really got me thinking when I discovered Jeff Yang’s blog post. For those of you who don’t know him, he’s an Asian-American journalist for the Wall Street Journal — and one who has written some of my favorite articles exploring why you see so few Asian men with non-Asian women (such as this piece).

He points out that the white guys interviewed in Episode one of the online series seem to embody the worst possible stereotypes about white men who pursue Asian women: Continue reading “Love or Fetish? On “Yellow Fever” and Creepy/Sketchy Attractions”

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Does Peer Pressure Ever Discourage Dating Differently?

(“Peer Pressure” by Hannah Nino via Flickr.com)

Just last week, a review of the anthology Unsavory Elements appeared in the Global Times, and had this to say about my contribution:

Jocelyn Eikenburg gives insight into the seldom spoken of (or seen) relationships between foreign women and Chinese men in “Red Couplets.” She writes, “From the first time I started to love a Chinese man, hiding became part of my life.” As she watches droves of Western men couple up with Chinese women, she feels alienated by her expat girlfriends, too, who openly express their romantic disdain for all Chinese men.

She’s referring to this portion of my essay: Continue reading “Does Peer Pressure Ever Discourage Dating Differently?”

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Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women

In late 2011, Fred graciously shared his own inspiring story of how he fell in love with — and eventually married — a woman from Brazil.

Then last year, he started filling me in via e-mail on a new and completely different story. He decided to try and set up his Hong Kong nephew, who was in his late 30s and still single, with some American women he knew. As Fred wrote below, “I thought with 100 percent certainty that any man would leap to his death to be able to date not just one or two but three ladies!”

The story developed over the summer and just recently he updated me on what finally happened. Will Fred’s nephew find love in another country, just as Fred did? Read on.

Fred refers to that hugely popular post on the rarity of couples of Chinese men and Western women. I was speaking primarily about the situation in China, so what I wrote doesn’t necessarily apply to Chinese men who were mainly raised overseas.

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I remembered how Jocelyn once wrote that many Chinese men hesitate to date Western women for a variety of reasons. Was this really true? I decided to find out on my own. Continue reading “Double Happiness: Setting Up His Chinese Nephew With American Women”

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Divorcing Your Chinese Spouse Doesn’t Mean You Must Divorce China

Susan Blumberg-Kason in Hong Kong (photo from Susan Blumberg-Kason)

Divorce is never easy for anyone. But when you married someone from a country you came to love — or have always loved — and decide to divorce them, you might wonder: what will happen to your connection to that country?

That’s a question Susan Blumberg-Kason had to grapple with some 13 years ago when she decided to divorce her Chinese husband, who grew up in rural Hubei Province. She loved China and Chinese culture for years, a love that moved her to learn Mandarin Chinese and study abroad twice in Hong Kong. For her, the answer was this: that a divorce from her husband never meant she had to divorce China as well, something she will detail in today’s guest post.

Before we get to that, I also wanted to share Susan’s exciting news. Her memoir Good Chinese Wife was just acquired by the publisher Sourcebooks! Here’s the scoop on the book deal from Publishers Marketplace: Continue reading “Divorcing Your Chinese Spouse Doesn’t Mean You Must Divorce China”

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Calling All Asian Men: What Do You Love About Western Women?

(John and I, posing for our wedding photos)

This past week, a commenter named Centaur wrote:

Jocelyn and all the western women still reading this thread, maybe we should have a thread where Asian men can comment on what they love about western women.

Centaur, I can’t agree more! What a great way to honor the Western women in your life — or just honor us in general — during the month that includes International Women’s Day.

And even better, Centaur started it off with his own Top 10 List:

1) Your eyes. Deeply set, bright, shaded with long lashes, infinitely seductive. They can have so many colors — blue, green, gray, brown, … , and the color can even change with sunlight. If I stare into them, I’d forget what I was saying.
2) Your hair. Curly, soft, fine, always makes me want to run my fingers through it.
3) Your nose. Long, high, strong (no, I am not making fun of you). It gives your face so much character.
4) Your narrow cheekbones. Contrary to the typical Western view, we don’t find high cheekbones very attractive.
5) Your curves and long legs, they give you such a feminine look.
6) You know how to handle high heels.
7) You enjoy sex. You are open, evolved, and sexual.
8) You are affectionate and you love kissing.
9) You know how to put on makeup.
10) You like to work out and you age gracefully.

So to continue this, I pulled John aside and asked him what he loves most about me. And here are John’s Top 10: Continue reading “Calling All Asian Men: What Do You Love About Western Women?”

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2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men

It’s March 8 — International Women’s Day — and time for an update to my list of blogs by Western women who love Chinese men!

Last year, I had a little over 40 on my list. Now we’re ~~up to~~ over 50, so the community keeps growing! I’ve still grouped the blogs loosely according to their focus, and I also added a *NEW* tag to denote all new additions to the list.

And here they are: Continue reading “2013 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men”

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The Next Big Thing: On “Red All Over,” My Forthcoming Memoir

(At my wedding banquet in China, posing with one of our guests)

I am thrilled that Susan Blumberg-Kason invited me to participate in the The Next Big Thing, an Internet meme where writers answer questions about their latest or forthcoming works.

Susan is the author of the forthcoming memoir Good Chinese Wife. This book traces the five years she spent trying to assimilate into a Chinese family, after jumping quickly into marriage with a Chinese man. But over time, she comes to reconsider what she thought it meant to be a wife, have a family, and raise a child — and faces the tough choice of whether or not to leave her Chinese family.

I’ve read portions of her memoir, and I can honestly say it’s a gripping story written from the heart. I loved Susan as a narrator because she shares so many of her vulnerabilities on the page. I liked the unusual, non-linear structure of her book as well, which really adds to the drama of her story and keeps you turning the pages.

And I’m sure many of you, like myself, can’t wait to get your hands on Susan’s book. To learn more, check out her Next Big Thing post from last week, or read the brief introduction to Good Chinese Wife on her website.

Now for my interview questions, which I’ll follow with introductions to several authors to watch for. Continue reading “The Next Big Thing: On “Red All Over,” My Forthcoming Memoir”

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Ember Swift Interview Part 2 – How China Changed Her Life

Ember Swift and Guo Jian, during one of their wedding ceremonies (photo courtesy of Ember Swift)

Last week, I introduced you to Canadian artist Ember Swift’s professional career — from how China changed her sound to what’s next for her as a musician/singer-songwriter and a writer. If you missed it, check out Part 1 of my Ember Swift interview. Also, you can purchase her music at iTunes and her website, peruse her must-read blogs, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and Sina Weibo.

But when it comes to her writing, Ember isn’t afraid to get personal. She has written about her marriage to Guo Jian — the lead singer/bassist of Long Shen Dao — from the unique perspective of a queer woman. She has also shared her experience of being pregnant, giving birth and raising a baby in China, including navigating life with a Chinese mother-in-law who assists with child care.

In Part 2 of our interview, I asked Ember about her personal life — from how she met Guo Jian to what it’s like raising a baby in a Chinese family. Continue reading “Ember Swift Interview Part 2 – How China Changed Her Life”

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Ember Swift Interview Part 1 – How China Changed Her Music

She’s an independent Canadian musician and singer-songwriter with her own label and 11 albums to her name (including one in English and Mandarin Chinese), whose eclectic style defies categorization. She writes for Herizons, Beijing Kids and China.org, and also publishes stories about her intercultural relationship and Chinese family life in her smartly written blogs. And did I mention she’s married to Guo Jian, the lead singer/bassist of Long Shen Dao, China’s hottest reggae band?

Meet Ember Swift, a talented artist — and outstanding yangxifu — that I’m proud to introduce to you. You can purchase her music at iTunes and her website, check out her must-read blogs, and also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and Sina Weibo.

In Part 1 of our interview, I asked Ember about her career — from how China transformed her sound to what’s next for her as a musician and a writer. Continue reading “Ember Swift Interview Part 1 – How China Changed Her Music”

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