It always amazes me when people judge an entire population of people based on just one date alone. But people do it all the time — including the author of this blog post.
To be fair, I give her credit for going on a date with a Chinese man. There are many women who go to China and won’t even try — women who have already made up their minds perhaps even before they’ve set foot in the Middle Kingdom. So, definitely, kudos to her.
I don’t even mind that her account of that date is largely negative and unflattering towards Chinese men. She has every right to share what happened and voice her own opinions.
Even with a favorable visa (for example, a permanent resident card), [Chinese men] will face discrimination in hiring for jobs [in English-speaking countries] if he doesn’t: 1) know how to “perform” in job interviews; 2) have a degree from your country (remember, news about China has primed them to be suspicious about China, including Chinese credentials), or; 3) speak good English. As Jessica explains, “my husband has no marketable skills—he’s a career musician—and speaks no English. Guess where we’ll be living for the foreseeable future?”
….If your Chinese husband is not very highly educated or highly paid, you’ll almost always earn more than your husband if you live in China because of the discrepancies between expat and local salaries. A lot of Chinese men cannot handle a foreign wife as the primary breadwinner. Even Jessica’s husband, who is pretty accepting, still has trouble with the reality: “My husband is extremely unconventional and doesn’t mind being a stay-at-home dad for now. But, even for him, it gets to be a bit of a bummer that I make in a month what he used to make in a year and that he can’t contribute meaningfully to our family income at this point.”
Guapa means good-looking or handsome in Spanish. It’s also a lovely word to start off a story about an equally lovely couple — Laura, from Spain, and Tony, from China.
Thanks to Laura for sharing this story, and the photographs.
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Tony calls me cariño (dear), sometimes guapa (good-looking), and other times Lauritina. It is really wonderful to have someone who calls you guapa when you get home.
We met in a Suzhou Starbucks, while I was having a coffee with a friend and he was chilling out after a meeting in Suzhou.
He came over the table and he introduced himself. He wanted to practice his English and our table was the most suitable one for that purpose. We talked for some minutes and when we told him we actually speak Spanish, he took out a book from his bag, I couldn’t believe it, he bought a book to learn Spanish the same day we met. Well, that must mean something, I thought. Continue reading “Double Happiness: “He Calls Me ‘Guapa’” — A Chinese-Spanish Love Story”
The winds (of China’s dating scene) didn’t always blow my way, but I still remained smiling, despite all my own negative experiences w/ Chinese men.
A few years ago, I remember stumbling across a post that linked back to me on the now defunct Shlaowai blog (which billed itself as “Shanghai Uncensored”). The post, written by one of their white female writers, was titled, “So, What’s the Dating Scene Like?” I can’t share any quotes from the post — unfortunately, the blog’s creators blocked archiving of their material, which means you can’t even dig up their original content through the Wayback Machine. Still, given that the post featured the infamous photo of a shorter Long Duk Dong with his head buried in the bosom of a taller white girl, you can guess what the author had to say about “the dating scene” in China.
I can’t recall her exact wording when she referenced my site, but I remember how I felt. That I somehow couldn’t be trusted to understand her experience. After all, I crossed the line she somehow drew there in Shanghai by dating and marrying a Chinese (and then daring to write something positive about it).
Here, in Eastern Europe, seeing white girls with an Asian guy — and what’s even more shocking — a guy shorter than her, it just blows people’s minds! People in the street are staring at you in a sarcastic way or sometimes even making comments like “what is she doing with him? Are they really dating each other?!” Even my friends find it hard to understand. So I wanted to ask you, if situations like this happened to you, how did you feel that time, was it bothering you? Did you feel hurt? How did you overcome this prejudice? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Negativity From Friends (And More) About Dating Asian Men”
How far would you go to change your life? For Hao, his journey took him all the way to Mexico, where he found a new career — and a new love.
I’m really excited to share his story, and hope you find it as inspiring as I did.
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It all started back in 2006, when I met this lovely Mexican family (not related to my love) living in California. In that same year, my fortunes took a turn for the worse. I couldn’t find a decent job in the States, and I struggled for years not knowing what to do. Then my Mexican friend suggested ever-so-casually, “Why don’t we go to Mexico?” Continue reading “Double Happiness: Chinese Man Moves to Mexico, Finds Love”
“I’m not at all a typical Chinese!” That’s what a Facebook friend, a guy with a European wife, wrote to me in a message. But his words could easily have been spoken by my own husband.
When I first met John, he was anything but “typical.” I’d never known anyone in China with such a passion for psychology, or such chutzpah (he once threatened to file a lawsuit against polluting factories in his village).
(photo by Michael Dorokhov, via his Flickr stream)
When Lauren submitted to me, she wrote, “I’m writing to share my story with a Chinese boy, although not all fairy tales have a happy ending.”
Even though I call this series “Double Happiness,” sometimes that happiness doesn’t last forever. Lauren’s story reminded me of the joys I experience with past loves, if only for a short time. Sometimes it’s good to remember.
Now, I see a lot of positive things on Asian men here on this blog and I do appreciate that, but what about the not-so-positive ones? There is one thing in particular i’ve been thinking about for a while lately: the cheating and the tradition of having xiaosan [mistresses] here in China. I can’t even remember how many times I have been approached by married men or guys who have been with their gfs for 8 or 9 years! Not to mention the fact that dating someone is actually quite complicated because a good part of the guys in their late 20s are already married!!
I know a lot of foreign girls who do get in troubles eventually for starting relationships with men who are already taken and it just becomes a mess…
“You won’t date me because of WHAT? That’s lame.” (image of Godfrey Gao from his Flickr)
People just say the darndest things about dating Chinese men. Over the years, I’ve listened to a lot of reasons why Western women give the sons of Han a pass on dating — and sometimes, they’re the kind of reasons that make you go “Hmmmm” (and then think rather unprintable thoughts about the person who said them).
So here are four of the lamest reasons I’ve ever heard as to why Western women won’t date Chinese men.
“Most Chinese guys are really shy,” Patterson said. “They work really long hours and don’t come out to bars and parties, which is where you usually meet people.”
I’m pretty certain, then, that some women out there actually use this as a reason/excuse why they don’t date Chinese men.
I get that some women out there think a “real guy” should just directly ask her out, and might label a Chinese guy “too shy” if he can’t do the same. But in fact, a lot of times Chinese men are just operating according to different “rules” for dating. They might approach us a little more indirectly, where they show their interest gradually instead of straight out just asking us on a date. It’s not a shy thing, it’s a “dating is a little different in their culture” thing.
So when you think about it, it’s kind of a lame reason.
Lame Reason #4: Not attractive
When I first came to China, I was stunned by the people who just flat-out declared that Chinese men aren’t attractive. Seriously?
I get that people have their own preferences. But there’s something truly lame — and disturbing, for that matter — when someone dismisses an entire group of people as ugly. If you truly think there can never be attractive Chinese men out there, then apparently you’re either blind or blinded by your own biases. This is by far the lamest reason out there to not date Chinese men.
What do you think? What other lame reasons have you heard?
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It always amazes me when people judge an entire population of people based on just one date alone. But people do it all the time — including the author of this blog post.
