The “Room Thing” And Other Indirect Chinese References to Sex

(photo by Sukanto Debnath)

I’ll never forget the way my Chinese mother-in-law described the impetus for my sister-in-law’s divorce, a divorce that eventually paved the way for her to marry John’s brother. “Her ex-husband became fond of another woman.”

She used the word hào, to like or be fond of. Yet the tone of her voice made the sentence sound much more like a juicy piece of village gossip, and made me realize that, chances are, there was fondling that came along with that fondness. That, in fact, it was my mother-in-law’s way of saying this man had a sexual affair with someone else.

My husband giggled the other night when I brought it up, because even he could hear the salaciousness in such a simple word. “She was being hánxù,” or implicit. Implying something that, chances are, I wouldn’t have thought to hide behind other words. Continue reading “The “Room Thing” And Other Indirect Chinese References to Sex”

Featured in Global Times Article: Meet the [Chinese] Parents

For those of you who may have missed it, I was featured in a Global Times article titled “Meet the Parents,” which shares some personal tales of meet-the-Chinese-parents experiences from foreigners (including me) and offers some advice for any foreigners heading home with their boyfriend/girlfriend to meet the parents for the first time. Here’s a snippet of the article: Continue reading “Featured in Global Times Article: Meet the [Chinese] Parents”

Another Friend, Another Divorce in China

Divorce in China is on the rise, and John and I felt that increase among our friends, including Huizhong (photo source: http://www.hdpsy.com/admin/news_view.asp?newsid=569)

“The feelings between my wife and I were not so harmonious. So [this past summer] we officially divorced,” wrote Huizhong, one of my husband’s xiongdi — male friends so close to him that he refers to them with the Chinese word for “brothers.” Just like that, Huizhong became a new statistic in the rise of divorce rates in China. Continue reading “Another Friend, Another Divorce in China”

On Dating Chinese Men — Or Why You Shouldn’t Judge After Only One Date

8377808435_90a952db4e_nIt always amazes me when people judge an entire population of people based on just one date alone. But people do it all the time — including the author of this blog post.

To be fair, I give her credit for going on a date with a Chinese man. There are many women who go to China and won’t even try — women who have already made up their minds perhaps even before they’ve set foot in the Middle Kingdom. So, definitely, kudos to her.

I don’t even mind that her account of that date is largely negative and unflattering towards Chinese men. She has every right to share what happened and voice her own opinions.

What does bother me, however, is how she presents the information. Continue reading “On Dating Chinese Men — Or Why You Shouldn’t Judge After Only One Date”

In January, The Holidays Still Thrill Me, Thanks To My Chinese Husband

(photo by Victoria Pickering, via her Flickr stream)

John smiled with admiration as he hung my new down jacket up for me. “You can wear it on chuyi,” he said, a Mandarin term for the first day of the Chinese New Year.

This down jacket would join the red underwear, red bras, red long-sleeved shirt, red sweater, red-striped socks, and the jeans tucked into a Calvin Klein bag in the corner of our closet.

My heart fluttered with excitement, even though it surely seemed out of place in the Northern US in early January, a time when the snow outside our window looks as white and melancholy as a funeral in China.

But my marriage to John has become my own personal solution to the January blues — with him in my life, I now have another holiday to look forward to. And according to the tradition in his family and hometown, that means a new set of clothing — it’s auspicious to start the lunar new year wearing something new from head to toe.

There’s also a Chinese New Year’s Eve banquet for us to prepare. I imagine stir-fried bok choy, pickled daikon radishes, homestyle tofu, and the roast duck and ribs that will make John salivate, along with an auspicious dessert of eight treasures glutinous rice.

And I can’t wait to take a trip out to the local Chinese supermarkets, where we’ll find a wealth of decorations for the new year — plastic red firecrackers, red couplets, and, hopefully, a lovely paper snake we can hang on the wall.

So, January, do your worst. I’m not afraid of your mournful, snowy days, a time when most people struggle to return to their lives, leaving behind all the holiday mirth and magic. I’ve still got more holidays yet to enjoy — not to mention one gorgeous down jacket that awaits me — and I’ve got a Chinese husband to thank for that.

From the Archives: It’s January, But the Holidays Aren’t Over

Here in the Northern US, January can hit you like a bad after-Christmas hangover. Suddenly, everyone’s pulling the plug on their merry outdoor Christmas lighting. You see sad little evergreens — once Christmas trees — tossed on the side of the road for garbage collection. And as if that weren’t enough, you’ve still got to hustle through the two coldest months of the year.

Thank god I’m married to a Chinese.

The addition of Chinese New Year to my holiday calendar not only stretches my season out almost three months, but also gives me a sense of anticipation and excitement during a time of the year when most Americans wouldn’t expect it.

As I’m getting back into the swing of 2013 — and getting over a cold — I thought I’d share a few posts from the archives related to Chinese New Year. I’ll be back with regular posting starting on Monday, January 7.

January in China: The Holidays aren’t over yet. This classic entry of mine captures the excitement of Chinese New Year during one January in Shanghai.

Carolyn J. Phillips: On Charming A Chinese Family Through Food. We all know Chinese New Year is really about the food. Last year, I interviewed Carolyn Phillips, a yangxifu who has devoted her adult life to mastering the art of Chinese cooking, about her passion, and she offers a banquet of inspiration for your Chinese New Year’s feast.

How to Spend Chinese New Year Overseas, For Busy People. This one goes out to all of you who aren’t in China, but are still pining for the Chinese New Year you once loved.

Speaking of China’s Top 5 Monday Posts for 2012

Godfrey Gao
(image of Godfrey Gao from his Flickr)

It’s New Year’s Eve, the last Monday of 2012, and time for me to announce the top 5 Monday posts for 2012.

Before I unveil them, don’t forget…if you like the site, you can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Weibo and Pinterest (at the latter, I maintain a growing board of photos of couples of Chinese men and Western women).

Here they are, starting with number five: Continue reading “Speaking of China’s Top 5 Monday Posts for 2012”

Free Chinese Culture Event at Beijing-Area Monastery on Dec 29

屏幕快照 2012-12-26 下午07.34.23

My friend Vyara Gylsen, who is a longtime reader, wanted me to pass on this information about a free Chinese culture event happening in Beijing this Saturday, December 29, from 10:30am to 4pm. You can enjoy guided meditation, classes on calligraphy and Chinese tea ceremonies, traditional Chinese health tips, and a martial arts performance, all at a gorgeous monastery set in the mountains. A vegetarian lunch will be provided.

Here’s a brief introduction to the setting and the overall experience (quoted from their flyer, available in English and Chinese):

You are cordially invited to participate in our event for expats in Beijing.

Experience traditional Chinese culture by visiting us at one of Beijing’s most beautiful locations to take part in activities especially prepared for friends from all over the world. Hosted at Beijing’s Longquan Monastery at the foot of the Phoenix Range mountain, this location is off the beaten path where tourists and expats can enjoy a hidden oasis only your Chinese friends could know about. Here you will be able to feel the serenity, friendship and relaxing atmosphere the venue offers, meet new friends from different backgrounds and have an experience very different to modern Chinese lifestyle. Take time out of your daily routine to learn authentic traditional Chinese culture away from the hustle and bustle of downtown Beijing, in a manner unlike any activity university or work place can offer.

The address is: Longquan Monastery, 27, Fenghuangling Road Haidian District, Beijing, China 100194. To get there, take bus 209, 330, 331, 332, 394, 718, 726, 732, 737, 801, 808, 817, 826 to Summer Palace, or take subway Line 4 to Bei Gongmen, then change to bus 346 or taxi to the destination. It takes approximately 20 minutes from Bei Gongmen. Otherwise, the monastery can arrange to pick you up from Bei Gongmen station at 10am.

For more information — or to reserve your space — contact either Vyara (13051458618) or Janet (13693210527), or e-mail the monastery ([email protected]). You can also visit the monastery’s website to learn more, or download an English or Chinese flyer.

From the Archives: A Very Merry — And Chinese — Christmas

A Romantic, Chinese Christmas
(image from www.jujiaonet.com)

It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m just about to catch my breath from one marathon of a weekend. I posted my Christmas cards (more like New Year’s cards, since I doubt everyone will get them in time for Christmas), boxed up a batch of my homemade Christmas chocolates and cookies, and even made maqiu (sesame balls, similar to tangyuan) this past Friday to celebrate the Winter Solstice.

I’m beginning to understand why the Google Search Engine suggested “Christmas stress” when I tried doing a Christmas search the other day.

So, as this writer takes a short break (after all, I must dash off to grandma’s house this evening for Christmas Eve festivities), I thought I’d send you a little last-minute Christmas cheer in the form of Christmas posts with Chinese characteristics. Happy Holidays to you, wherever you are in the world!

How To Make It A Very Chinese Christmas. When you straddle two different cultures, sometimes, you wish your holidays did too. Add some Chinese flair to your season with these simple tips.

My Holidays Start With Five-Spice Turkey and Chinese Dumplings. In my home, I know it’s the holidays when cranberry sauce, hand-rolled Chinese dumplings and five-spice turkey hit the table.

China and Its Oh So Romantic Christmas. Christmas is oh so romantic — that’s what many young Chinese, like my husband, think of when the holidays come around.

On My Negative Dating Experiences With Chinese Men, and Why I Still Kept Smiling About China’s “Dating Scene”

Jocelyn Eikenburg, smiling in a windswept
The winds (of China’s dating scene) didn’t always blow my way, but I still remained smiling, despite all my own negative experiences w/ Chinese men.

A few years ago, I remember stumbling across a post that linked back to me on the now defunct Shlaowai blog (which billed itself as “Shanghai Uncensored”). The post, written by one of their white female writers, was titled, “So, What’s the Dating Scene Like?” I can’t share any quotes from the post — unfortunately, the blog’s creators blocked archiving of their material, which means you can’t even dig up their original content through the Wayback Machine. Still, given that the post featured the infamous photo of a shorter Long Duk Dong with his head buried in the bosom of a taller white girl, you can guess what the author had to say about “the dating scene” in China.

I can’t recall her exact wording when she referenced my site, but I remember how I felt. That I somehow couldn’t be trusted to understand her experience. After all, I crossed the line she somehow drew there in Shanghai by dating and marrying a Chinese (and then daring to write something positive about it).

You might wonder, why do I even care about an obscure post from years back on a now-defunct blog? It’s because I’ve increasingly encountered a similar perspective in e-mails from some readers — e-mails that ask, in a suspect tone, why I’m not writing enough negative things about dating Chinese men? Continue reading “On My Negative Dating Experiences With Chinese Men, and Why I Still Kept Smiling About China’s “Dating Scene””