Articles | Speaking of China

Does Peer Pressure Ever Discourage Dating Differently?

(“Peer Pressure” by Hannah Nino via Flickr.com)

Just last week, a review of the anthology Unsavory Elements appeared in the Global Times, and had this to say about my contribution:

Jocelyn Eikenburg gives insight into the seldom spoken of (or seen) relationships between foreign women and Chinese men in “Red Couplets.” She writes, “From the first time I started to love a Chinese man, hiding became part of my life.” As she watches droves of Western men couple up with Chinese women, she feels alienated by her expat girlfriends, too, who openly express their romantic disdain for all Chinese men.

She’s referring to this portion of my essay: Continue reading “Does Peer Pressure Ever Discourage Dating Differently?”

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Divorcing Your Chinese Spouse Doesn’t Mean You Must Divorce China

Susan Blumberg-Kason in Hong Kong (photo from Susan Blumberg-Kason)

Divorce is never easy for anyone. But when you married someone from a country you came to love — or have always loved — and decide to divorce them, you might wonder: what will happen to your connection to that country?

That’s a question Susan Blumberg-Kason had to grapple with some 13 years ago when she decided to divorce her Chinese husband, who grew up in rural Hubei Province. She loved China and Chinese culture for years, a love that moved her to learn Mandarin Chinese and study abroad twice in Hong Kong. For her, the answer was this: that a divorce from her husband never meant she had to divorce China as well, something she will detail in today’s guest post.

Before we get to that, I also wanted to share Susan’s exciting news. Her memoir Good Chinese Wife was just acquired by the publisher Sourcebooks! Here’s the scoop on the book deal from Publishers Marketplace: Continue reading “Divorcing Your Chinese Spouse Doesn’t Mean You Must Divorce China”

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On Int’l Women’s Day: Celebrated in China, Forgotten in America

“I told them about International Women’s Day and none of them even heard of it. Not one!”

That’s what my husband John said of this past Friday, when he happened to mention the holiday to his female coworkers here in the US.

But I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, because none of it surprised me. “Of course they didn’t. Even I had never heard of it until I went to China.”

I’m sure I must have raised an eyebrow sometime back in March 2000 when the college in China worked for back then called us in for an impromptu meeting regarding Women’s Day — and then announced that all of the women would enjoy time off from work on March 8. Time off? Just for being a woman? And when I discovered it was in fact an international holiday, I couldn’t help but wonder, Where had this holiday been all my life? Continue reading “On Int’l Women’s Day: Celebrated in China, Forgotten in America”

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[UPDATED] SELF China Seeking Chinese Women Over 30 + Single By Choice

UPDATE: Forgot to mention the following:

I’m not searching just for a Chinese women, but also women from Japan and Korea (with the same sort of luck, as you can imagine). Someone who knows a bit of English would also be helpful because the interview would be in English.

Got this request from SELF China via e-mail, and they asked me to share on my blog:

We are currently putting together an article about women all over the world who are single by choice, in their thirties to forties, and our search includes a Chinese woman who may fit that description. I would deeply appreciate it if perhaps you could point me to someone you may know who falls under that category, or even other resources I might be able to check out. I understand that this is much harder than it might sound because, as you said in one of your advice answers, women who reach the age of thirty in China who haven’t married still have many stigmas to fight against.

They will be asking questions regarding what the women do for fun, why they enjoy being single and their past dating life. It’s a positive story to show how women who are attractive and career driven are content and not looking for marriage. Also, let them know that it’s for SELF China.

They must submit a photo, and a mini bio about themselves as soon as possible.

If you or someone you know is interested in being a part of the story, e-mail EJ Choi at coolhuntej (at) gmail.com ASAP!(BS6TRP8A4KGN)

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Essay Published in “Unsavory Elements,” An Anthology Featured in Shanghai Lit Festival

I have some extremely exciting news! My essay titled “Red Couplets” is going to be published this month in the anthology Unsavory Elements — a publication also featured in the Shanghai Literary Festival.

As my friend Susan Blumberg-Kason wrote, the contributor’s list reads like “a who’s who in the China expat literary world.” Those 28 writers include big names such as Peter Hessler, Simon Winchester, Michael Meyer, Deborah Fallows, Alan Paul, Jonathan Watts and Susan Conley. So for me, it is truly an honor to be in same publication as these distinguished writers. Tom Carter, author of CHINA: Portrait of a People, edited the book and also contributed an essay.

If you’re in Shanghai and you’d love to get a copy, they should be available at the March 15, 7pm event for the anthology. (NOTE: This event is going to be SOLD OUT soon, so ACT FAST if you want tickets to attend!)

Otherwise, it will also be available on Amazon.com shortly — and I will share that link as soon as I can. You can also visit the Facebook page for the anthology.

FYI, the essay I wrote centers on love and relationships between Western women and Chinese men, so I’m sure it will resonate with many of you!

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The Next Big Thing: On “Red All Over,” My Forthcoming Memoir

(At my wedding banquet in China, posing with one of our guests)

I am thrilled that Susan Blumberg-Kason invited me to participate in the The Next Big Thing, an Internet meme where writers answer questions about their latest or forthcoming works.

Susan is the author of the forthcoming memoir Good Chinese Wife. This book traces the five years she spent trying to assimilate into a Chinese family, after jumping quickly into marriage with a Chinese man. But over time, she comes to reconsider what she thought it meant to be a wife, have a family, and raise a child — and faces the tough choice of whether or not to leave her Chinese family.

I’ve read portions of her memoir, and I can honestly say it’s a gripping story written from the heart. I loved Susan as a narrator because she shares so many of her vulnerabilities on the page. I liked the unusual, non-linear structure of her book as well, which really adds to the drama of her story and keeps you turning the pages.

And I’m sure many of you, like myself, can’t wait to get your hands on Susan’s book. To learn more, check out her Next Big Thing post from last week, or read the brief introduction to Good Chinese Wife on her website.

Now for my interview questions, which I’ll follow with introductions to several authors to watch for. Continue reading “The Next Big Thing: On “Red All Over,” My Forthcoming Memoir”

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On Disagreeing on US-China News, And Finding A Way Back to Love

The other night, my husband and I got into an argument after I brought up some news about China.

“It’s biased, you know? The Western media always wants to make China look bad.”

I didn’t disagree, really. So much of the news about China does slant towards the negative. And it’s no secret that certain outlets have an agenda when it comes to the kind of China they want to present to their Western audiences. And while I said I only wanted his view on it, a part of me somehow wanted his view to be consistent with mine. (Note to self — not exactly the best way to approach things.)

So it escalated — fast. He decried it as yet another anti-China story in the news, while I started hitting back with a sort of “why can’t you just admit it” argument that didn’t make me sound all that great. We yelled, we got red in the face, we cut each other off and we nearly lost our tempers — all over little more than a blip in recent news.

In our world, no couple is immune to the dangers of disagreement. Even when you’re citizens of the same country, you still have plenty of divisive, hot topics — things that Miss Manners would recommend you never bring up at dinner parties. In my own family, discussions about religion and political parties (as in, Democrat or Republican or Independent) could easily make tempers flare.

But when John and I disagree about topics that relate back to our countries of origin and citizenship, it somehow feels different — and frightening. Continue reading “On Disagreeing on US-China News, And Finding A Way Back to Love”

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On Bainian — Chinese New Year’s Calls — And Those Annoying Questions From Relatives

For some young Chinese, the very possibility of seeing family means the potential for annoying personal questions — ones they’d sometimes rather not answer (photo by Chew – Lin YIP via Flickr.com)

The other night, while talking to our close Chinese friend Caroline during Chinese New Year, my husband asked a common question. “Did you go out to bàinián?” Bàinián (拜年), of course, is the tradition of paying new year’s calls to your relatives and friends, usually by going over to their homes.

Caroline laughed with embarrassment. “I didn’t want to go out, I’ve stayed at home. People ask too many questions!”

That’s because Caroline still hasn’t, as they say in Chinese, “solved her personal problem”. She’s a single Chinese woman in her thirties. And because she’s single and well above 30, a sort of unofficial marriage expiration date for young people in China (especially women), her relatives will ask her the bomb of all questions: “Do you have a boyfriend?” Continue reading “On Bainian — Chinese New Year’s Calls — And Those Annoying Questions From Relatives”

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Nominated for Lotus Blossom Award, Vote For Me!

It’s the year of the snake, and I’m not only ready, I’m red all over. As in, red parka, red sweater, red socks, and yes, red underwear. 😉

But my cheeks are rosy too. After all, I did blush with excitement when I learned that I’m nominated for a Lotus Blossom Award at My New Chinese Love in the category of Best Love Blog. If you love what I’m doing here at Speaking of China, share the love by taking a moment and voting for me! Takes less than a minute and, believe me, it’ll make my day. 🙂

Also, best of luck to Life Behind the Wall and Tales from Hebei, who are also nominated in the same category. They’re both outstanding websites worth a read, if you haven’t discovered them already.

Enjoy the year of the snake…and don’t forget to vote!

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From the Archives: Embarrassing Moments with Chinese Characteristics

Because I’m on deadline for some projects and scrambling to get ready for Chinese New Year, I decided to take a break this Friday and run a few posts from the archives.

Instead, I’d like to run a few posts on the topic of embarrassing moments — which will hopefully make you smile during these busy days. (Or at least make you forget the embarrassing fact that I’m so busy I don’t have anything fresh for you today!)

I’ll be back this coming Monday in the year of the snake — my year! Wish you all an auspicious Chinese New Year! 万事如意！

Lijia, China’s Monthly Break for Women. When my husband was in school, the girls used to get a break from gym whenever they had their periods. What sounded embarrassing to me inspired him to suggest that, during my period, I take a break as well.

I Love You, Just Not in Chinese. I caught the embarrassment in my husband’s eyes when he admitted he struggled to say “I love you” to me in Chinese.

Getting Personal When Buying Condoms at Watson’s China. This tale of a simple purchase at a convenience store in China turned out rather embarrassing for me — and the store.

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