dating Western women | Speaking of China

Double Happiness: The Date In China That Changed Her Future

A hand holding a pair of chopsticks — When Jemma arrived in China in 2008, she expected to stay two years and then move on to another place. But that was before she met her Chinese boyfriend. (photo by Penny Mathews)

As Jemma’s story reminded me, I’m not the only one that never expected to find love — and more — in China. I’m also not the only one who had a few friends intervene on my behalf to find a better man. 😉
—–
When I arrived in China in 2008, I figured I would stay two years and then move on to another place. But that was before I met my Chinese boyfriend.

I dated a few men, all Chinese, and had some horror stories and some that just didn’t work out. One night, I happened to share my latest bad date with friends. The date was a nice guy, but seemed only interested in me because I was a foreigner. After hearing this, one of the friends decided to give my e-mail address to a man he met at the gym, a guy who had jokingly asked him to set him up with a foreign woman.

At first, this man and I only spoke on the Internet, until he finally got the courage to ask me out for dinner. When we met that night, I liked him straight away — maybe not tall, but definitely handsome. He was a perfect gentleman in the corny, traditional sort of way. He opened doors for me, pulled my chair out, always checked to see if I wanted more food or drink, and refused to let me pay even though he was still a student. After dinner, we went for a walk in the local park and talked for hours, until he finally walked me home and said good night.

But the next week, I heard nothing from him. I was devastated. I thought, maybe my loud Western ways scared him away. Continue reading “Double Happiness: The Date In China That Changed Her Future”

Share/Save

Double Happiness: Once You Go Black, You Never Go Back

When I published a story several weeks ago for Double Happiness, one comment caught my attention:

…I feel compelled to mention how disappointed I am that “foreign” girls are always white girls…. I live in China, and I’m quite attracted to Chinese guys, but my dark skin and less than European features seems to mean that I’m destined to be forever alone. It’s quite sad that no one’s aware of this growing problem, the plight of the forever forsaken non-white girl…. There are many of us out here, and every once in a while, we’d like some love, too.

After reading these words, I immediately thought of Chenyin Pan. He and I struck up a conversation this past summer at the Shanghai reading for Rachel DeWoskin’s latest book, and he happened to mention he once dated some non-white women as a university student in the US. In previous e-mails, he even mentioned the striking words of a Korean friend (who wrote them with respect to dating non-white women): “The world is getting smaller and we should try new things.”

Well, Chenyin definitely has, and I’m really thrilled he agreed to share. While I normally don’t run Double Happiness columns consecutively, I wanted to put this one out there as soon as I could — if nothing else, to give some non-white women out there a little love. 🙂 Continue reading “Double Happiness: Once You Go Black, You Never Go Back”

Share/Save

Double Happiness: Dreaming of Ariel in Australia

A black-and-white photo of a young Caucasian girl — In this Friday's Double Happiness, L. Han writes about why he loves Western women -- a fascination that started with Disney's the Little Mermaid, and continued through to his first crush on a white woman in Australia. (photo by Fran Priestley)

When I opened up the series “Double Happiness,” I originally called for stories from couples about why they love each other, or how they met.

But then I met L. Han, who had a story for me about why he loves Western women — even though he didn’t have a girlfriend or wife. After reading it, I decided to run it. It speaks to the people in our community who haven’t found their Double Happiness yet, but still have something to say about it.

So, thanks to L. Han, I’m adjusting “Double Happiness” to welcome your own stories on why you love Chinese men or Western women — even if you’re NOT in a couple (submit yours right here).

Here’s his story: Continue reading “Double Happiness: Dreaming of Ariel in Australia”

Share/Save

Double Happiness: A Western Woman Walks Into A Bar

Two beer glasses lined up on a bar — Western women walked into bars, and walked out finding their future Chinese husbands (photo by gianni testore)

“A Western woman walks into a bar…” sounds like the start of a joke. But instead of coming back with a punchline, a number of Western women came back with Chinese men who they would eventually marry.

Sure, bars get a bad rap in the world of dating sometimes — yet these women show that your local watering hole just might turn into the backdrop for your “how we met” story. (In their case, the “how I met my Chinese husband” story.)

Continue reading “Double Happiness: A Western Woman Walks Into A Bar”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Language Barriers in Love

An English Dictionary — Sara Jaaksola offers insight from her own relationship with a Chinese man on what to do when language barriers get in the way of your love.

Over a month ago, Jin Feng asked me if I could share some advice on a special kind of relationship between Chinese men and Western women — where language poses a problem.

I said “sure, I’ll do it.” But then faced a problem of my own. How could I write about this? After all, the closest I came to this happened in my relationship with Frank — but even then, I spoke decent enough Chinese that communication didn’t really get in the way.

So I decided to turn to Sara Jaaksola at Living a Dream in China, who you might call an “expert” in this — she and her Chinese boyfriend literally have trouble speaking the same language. Many thanks to Sara for stepping in to help out! Read on for her advice. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Language Barriers in Love”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: The Back-to-School Edition

A hand drawing on a piece of paper with a pencil — Are you gearing up for the first day of school or a new semester? Enjoy these Ask the Yangxifu columns with questions from college students. (photo by Michael Lorenzo)

Because I’m heading back to the US and moving back into my place (what was I thinking, doing all this in one week?), I’m running some classic content today. Don’t worry — I’ll be back next week, promise!

For my Chinese husband, it’s that time of the year all over again — textbooks, registration, getting his lost student ID replaced. Are you gearing up for the first day of school or a new semester? Enjoy these Ask the Yangxifu columns with questions from college students.

Indirect Dating and Chinese Men. This classic column — which explores how to tell when he’s interested — came from a graduate student in an international program.

Chinese Student Wants to Approach American Brunette. Readers cheered when a Chinese student got the courage to talk with a girl who worked in his university department’s office.

Getting a Chinese Foreign Student to Notice You. Chinese men, take heart — who says study abroad means four lonely years? Especially when you have readers like this, wondering how to capture the heart of a Chinese foreign student.

Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.

Share/Save

Featured in Global Times Article: On the Fast Track to Love

Champagne glasses, toasting at the beach — The Global Times featured me in a recent article titled "On the Fast Track to Love." (photo by Roger Kirby)

I’m on the fast track back to the US (I’ll be hopping a plane back there on Tuesday, August 16). That’s why I’m late to tell you about my latest appearance in the news — a Global Times article titled On the Fast Track to Love, a story about cross-cultural speed dating. Here are a few quotes from me in the article:

For some, the attraction comes from an interest in their partner’s culture. “I’ve always felt more comfortable in the company of Chinese men, since their culture is more in tune with who I am,” US born Jocelyn Eikenburg, an English/Chinese translator who married a Chinese man and blogs about intercultural relationships, said, adding that she’s actually “incredibly shy and not so direct with people.”

…

For many Westerners, saying “I love you” is a big step in a relationship, a sign that you are really serious and invested; while love is usually implied among Chinese couples through actions such as sending you all the way to the door of your apartment, Eikenburg said.

“When Chinese do verbalize their feelings, they tend to use softer terms than what we are used to, such as ‘I like you’ because the word for love packs quite a punch in Chinese,” she added. “Not surprisingly, many Chinese with foreigners actually feel more comfortable saying ‘I love you’ in a foreign language.”

Check out the full article online. And if you love it, share it. Thanks!

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Would a White Christian Girl Date Atheist Chinese Boy?

Image of a small wooden cross casting a shadow on the wall — A Chinese boy wants to date a white Christian girl at his school, but he's an atheist and she's serious about her religion. Could they ever be anything more than just friends? (photo by Colin Brough)

P asks:

I’m a Chinese student in an international school. I’m befriended with a white girl and I want to go out with her.

The thing is, she is Christian and she is very serious about her religion, like she goes to church every Sunday with her family and believes in God. And I am an atheist. She said she makes friends with other people regardless of their religion. But I wonder if it’s a different case when it comes to relationships. I don’t really want anyone of us to change belief, it’s hard to do that.

As many Chinese are atheist, agnostic or Buddhist, do you think that religion comes in the way of a relationship between Chinese men and Western women? And what should I do in my case? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Would a White Christian Girl Date Atheist Chinese Boy?”

Share/Save

Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Boyfriend Seems Too Chinese To Western Girlfriend

A worried Chinese man — When a Western woman tells her Chinese boyfriend he's "too Chinese," he wonders -- is "too Chinese" unattractive to Western women?

Seborga asks;

my fiance has been together with me for 4 years. she always mentioning that it won’t be possible for her to be together with me if I were too Chinese. Since I have been overseas for 13 years since I was 16, she thinks I have the same wave length of thinking as her. I had few western gfs, and most of them taking “Chineseness” as something very negative. So does that mean thinking and behaving as a total chinese is very unatttractive in the eyes of mainstream western women? Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Boyfriend Seems Too Chinese To Western Girlfriend”

Share/Save

Featured in China Daily Article: Western Women, Chinese Men

Western wife and Chinese husband jumping up as they hold hands together — Megan Millward and husband Zhang Lie -- one of the couples of Western women and Chinese men featured in this China Daily article (photo from http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/)

In case you missed it (or, like me, you spent the weekend away — in my case, a wedding in Hangzhou — and are just catching up), the China Daily just published an article titled Western Women, Chinese Men — about the growing trend of marriages between Western women and Chinese men. It features me, as well as fellow bloggers Jo Gan of Life Behind the Wall and Melanie Parsons Gao from The Downtown Diner. Here’s an excerpt from the article with some quotes from me and my husband:

Jocelyn Eikenburg, a 33-year-old American who blogs on speakingofchina.com, had a similar experience [of having the relationship get serious fast] when she first began dating her husband, Jun Yu. “Immediately after we first started dating, he was calling me laopo.” That is Chinese for “wife”.

She was surprised by how quickly the relationship had gone from friend to potential spouse. Her blog focuses on cross-cultural relationships between Chinese men and Western women.

Family can also be another hurdle for many foreign women in relationships with Chinese men.

When Jun told his family about his relationship with Eikenburg, his father did not approve. “He cautioned me about dating a foreign girl and did not want me to get hurt,” Jun says.

His family’s attitude toward their son dating a foreign woman quickly changed when Eikenburg went home with Jun for Chinese New Year. When she showed his father pictures of her family at home, “it really opened him up”, she says. As filial piety is important to Chinese families, Eikenburg says that experience helped break down barriers….

Read the full article here — and if you love it, share it. Thanks!

Share/Save