Why I’m tired of hearing “you’ll have a hard life” about interracial relationships

Not long ago, a white friend of mine moved back to America with her Chinese husband. They were happy with their decision to return to America, but it also meant living with her parents for a period of time. Which wasn’t easy…and lead to some uncomfortable conversations. She confessed that her mother (who she said wasn’t the most pleasant person to begin with) wasn’t thrilled that she hadn’t chosen an “easier life.”

In other words, the fact that this friend had chosen to marry a Chinese man – instead of, say, one of the white guys she used to date at university.

Ugh. I shuddered just thinking about it.

Obviously, her mom is not the supportive type. But the thing is, “you’ll have a hard life” (and all of its many variations) is something that many interracial/intercultural couples have to hear. Loving versus Virginia may have paved the way for legal interracial marriage in the US, but it sure didn’t stop people from telling you how “tough” it’s going to be.

Here’s why I’m tired of hearing this:

1. So what if it’s “tough”?

Given the fact that interracial coupling was illegal for a really long time in the US (and, I would imagine, many other countries around the world), there’s no doubt that we’ve had to fight for the right to love who we want to.

Even now, we’re still fighting. From white supremacist hate groups who would frown upon my marriage to the continued discrimination against people of color (including people like my husband), it’s not always an easy ride when you date and marry differently.

Yeah, we get it. It can be tough. So what?

There will always be haters when you’re dating or marrying outside the box. It’s part of the package deal – and believe me, we already know.

2. It can be racist

Okay, I know that’s a loaded statement (I suppose anything becomes a loaded statement when you throw in the “R” word). But think about it. If you’re wishing that your white daughter didn’t marry outside of her race (and, for that matter, culture and country), that’s like saying that she should only date and marry white guys. Because, after all, life is so much easier when you’ve got the full benefit of white privilege, right? (Never mind that white privilege IS the problem, folks.)

Yeah, SO not cool.

3. Marrying within your race doesn’t guarantee an easy life

Just because you're white and you marry a white guy does not mean you're going to become the next picture-perfect William and Kate (Photo by geraldstolk via Flickr.com) — Just because you’re white and you marry a white guy does not mean you’re going to become the next picture-perfect William and Kate (Photo by geraldstolk via Flickr.com)

I grew up in a mostly white suburb of Cleveland, which exposed me to ALL kinds of white folks – and taught me that there are plenty of losers, scumbags and lunatics within my own race.

I know that marrying white doesn’t guarantee you some romantic Prince Charming who will sweep you off your feet for the rest of your life. I’ve seen marriages between lots of white people that have ended in utter disaster and ruin – including the folks who seemed to “have it all” (the money, the luxury cars, the beachfront property).

When two people from the same race happen to marry, they don’t necessarily have special “insurance” against a divorce or devastation. Crap can happen to any couple out there.

4. It ignores the fact that love just happens

As I wrote a while back, I never intended to marry a Chinese man. I had actually dated a steady stream of mainly white guys before I moved to China – where I was eventually swept off my feet by an extraordinary young guy from Hangzhou. I didn’t think about whether it would be harder with him…I just knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Period.

Sometimes love just happens – in the most unlikely and unexpected ways. Instead of worrying about how “tough” it might be, shouldn’t we be celebrating that two people have come together to share one of the most beautiful things in life?

What do you think?

Share/Save

We’re Expanding Our Chinese Version (中文版正在壮大!）

While I’m still on the mend (my voice is starting to come back — woo-hoo!) and taking some time off from writing to rest and recover, I thought I’d announce a few new additions to the Chinese version of Speaking of China.

First, we’ve translated four new pages into Chinese:

About Us (关于我们)
Submit a Post (博文征集)
Ask the Yangxifu (洋媳妇问答)
Contact Us (联系我们)

Additionally, I just published a new post calling on Chinese readers to lend us a hand with the site — from volunteering to translate posts to just spreading the word about this blog. Expect more translations to be published in the coming weeks!

If you have any ideas for expanding the Chinese content on this site, as always you can contact us (or 联系我们)!

Thanks for reading!

Share/Save

My Appearance in the Beijing Bookworm Literary Festival on March 29

At the end of March, I traveled to Beijing to appear on a panel with Ember Swift and Edna Zhou as part of a book launch of How Does One Dress to Buy Dragonfruit for the Beijing Bookworm Literary Festival.

This was my first-ever appearance in a literary festival. (Hello, nerves!) But I decided, what better way to prep myself (and relax a little) than to attend an event in the festival? I caught the Writing China Through History event with three very fascinating authors and journalists (moderated by Ian Johnson, who wrote Wild Grass, one of my favorite books about China). All of them had terrific and often humorous stories to share.

That evening, the Beijing Bookworm looked so romantic with its lanterns all aglow. How I wish John had been there to see it! Everyone at the Bookworm was so welcoming, including Anthony Tao (who blogs at Beijing Cream).

Later that night, I saw Ember Swift playing live at the Temple Bar, where I also met two other Western women with Chinese husbands in the audience! (Sorry, no pictures of that!)

Nothing builds confidence like a great hair style — so I had my hair done Sunday morning at a hair salon in Sanlitun.

I had lunch at Element Fresh with my friend Peter, who I think of as my “brother” here in China (he and I met in 1999, when I first came to China). He promised John he would be there to attend my event (and take photos!).

Would you believe, the event actually SOLD OUT! I was stunned! I wish had taken a photo of the audience, with over 50 people in attendance!

Sometime after 2pm in the afternoon, we were on! I started off by reading my essay, followed by Edna and then Ember.

During the panel, I spoke about the pressure of being married for 10 years in China with no kids, how I’m committed to spending the rest of my life in China, and also some funny anecdotes about how my husband seemed to have set up my WeChat account to make it harder for people to find me (one of the women I met at Ember’s show said her husband did the same thing, so apparently I’m not alone!). Ember and I also swapped experiences during the panel, which turned out to be a lot of fun! And Edna shared some terrific stories about what it’s like to be a Chinese American woman living in China.

People asked questions about everything from whether it gets easier if you can communicate better with your mother-in-law (both Ember and I agreed it doesn’t get easier!) to how you can cope with repatriation and the struggle with fitting in (Ember suggested creating, I agreed and added that I had actually started up this blog in the US, when I yearned to share my experiences in China).

I met some fantastic people there, including Oda from Chinadoll:

Alejandra:

As well as Yang, and Jack. (Sorry, no pics, guys!)

Someone came up to me after the event and said it was one of the best events they had attended during the literary festival. Wow!

Afterwards, I had a lovely dinner with Rosalie of Rosie in Beijing, along with one of her friends and Alejandra at a delicious Middle Eastern Restaurant called Rumi. Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of that (I was seriously running on pure adrenaline by that time because I hadn’t gotten much sleep during the weekend and when I’m like that, I’m super-forgetful.) But here’s what Rumi looks like from their website:

(Photo from http://rumigrill.com/images/gallery/interior/b/2.jpg)

The following day, I met Charlotte of Chinese Potpourri in the Beijing South Railway Station just before my train took off for Hangzhou. We had Starbucks (which I haven’t drank in a LONG time…boy, was that green tea latte with soy amazing!).

Unfortunately, when you pack in so much into one weekend with so little sleep and travel, it is bound to catch up with you. I caught the flu on Thursday (ugh) and am recovering as a write this. Still, I wouldn’t have changed a single thing — going to Beijing to appear in this literary festival was such an honor, and incredibly life changing.

Can’t wait until I have the chance to do another literary festival in the future!

Share/Save

Chinese Language Learning Game w/ AMWF Love Angle Needs Beta Testers

A reader working on a fantastic new Chinese language learning game — which has a white girl with Asian male love interests in it — needs beta testers! It’s available on Windows, Mac, Linux and Android. Here’s the description for the demo:

It’s Chinese New Year! And we’re celebrating the year of the Yang (sheep) with the first short game of Kaitlyn in Chinaland.

When the self-consumed, all-American prom queen wannabe Kaitlyn gets sent to China as a punishment, she must navigate the waters of the language, the culture shocks… and the boys.

It’s a West meets East romantic comedy about some of the pitfalls of living in China and struggling to belong.

In this short spin-off game you’ll meet the characters of the upcoming Kaitlyn in Chinaland game to learn some Chinese words, celebrate New Year and maybe find sheep along the way.

Here’s a link to the demo (you can also download it on Google Play). For more information, you can visit the Kaitlyn in Chinaland Tumblr or check out this post in a forum that talks about the game.

Share/Save

Why The Walking Dead’s Glenn is the best Asian male character on TV today — and must not die!

The other night, I was on Facebook when I discovered a message in my inbox from a friend: “Jocelyn, you should do a blog about Steven Yeun….All the fans are really concerned about Steven Yeun’s character on the TV show.”

He meant, of course, “The Walking Dead” – one of the most popular TV shows in America.

Sure enough, I headed over to the Facebook page for “The Walking Dead,” and here’s what I discovered:

Yeah, they’re worried Glenn will die in the season finale (which will air only hours after this blog post goes live).

Now, I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t actually watch this show. There’s a good reason for that – I’m incredibly sensitive to violence and, according to everything I’ve heard and read about this show, it’s full of lots of bloody, gory and frightening scenes. The kind of things guaranteed to give me nightmares. (You should have seen me years ago after I watched the Tom Cruise reboot of “War of the Worlds” – I had trouble sleeping for days!)

But “The Walking Dead” remains on my radar for a very simple reason: because Steven Yeun, playing Glenn, is doing more to smash stereotypes about Asian men than any other actor on TV today, as this article by Nerds of Color – titled Glenn of The Walking Dead is the Best Response to Anti-Asian Stereotyping – illustrates:

Glenn is a new class of Asian American character, one that I’m not sure we’ve seen on-screen before.

Unlike previous Asian American characters, Glenn is at once Asian American and incidentally Asian American. Conspicuous among other Asian American characters, Glenn’s racial background does not define or justify his presence. He’s not the computer whiz, the scientist, the intellectual, the geek, the doctor, the technician, or a host of other stereotypical roles typically relegated to the Asian token. Although it is implied that Glenn’s parents were strict, Glenn himself was a pizza boy prior to the zombie apocalypse and assumes the role of forager and fighter — not “medic” or “ninja,” two roles that might be stereotypically Asian yet fulfilled by other members of the group. In short, there’s almost nothing inherently stereotypical about Glenn and his presence in The Walking Dead.

Plus, when has any Asian American male character been hailed as “the beating heart” of a series?

Yeun’s amiable nature is familiar to fans of AMC’s hit zombie series. As Glenn Rhee, he functions as a likable everyman, the closest thing to a romantic hero in an unrelentingly brutal apocalyptic world.

“Steven is the heart of the show,” said Glen Mazzara, the “Walking Dead” executive producer who’s set to leave the series at the end of this season. “Everybody loves that character; everybody’s rooting for that character. He may be tortured and sensitive, but he’s always a hero.”

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned the biggest reason that draws many of you to “The Walking Dead” – his relationship with Maggie, a white Southern Belle.

(Photograph by Williams + Hirakawa, via http://www.lamag.com) — (Photograph by Williams + Hirakawa)

You Offend Me, You Offend My Family nails why this AMWF pairing matters so much:

In the second season, Glenn matured and gained a greater self-confidence, but more importantly, he found love with fellow survivor Maggie (Lauren Cohan). And if it’s rare to see an Asian male engaged in anything romantic or sex-related on American television, it’s even rarer to see him in a nuanced relationship that develops over time. Yes, it’s cool to see a brotha getting to knock boots with a hot white chick, but what’s even cooler is to see that coupling grow into the romantic heart of the series.

Yep, he’s your average Joe who shows courage AND gets the girl. And he just happens to be Asian. For a TV show, this is totally revolutionary.

Steven Yeun as Glenn on “The Walking Dead” – the most-watched drama series ever broadcast on American cable – proves that when you let Asian men step outside of the stereotypes to play great characters who are fascinating, nuanced and real to life, the public will watch.

That’s why we need Steven Yeun out there, playing Glenn to the very end of “The Walking Dead.” That’s why Glenn cannot die! You’re not just killing the heart and soul of the show; you’re killing, as YOMYOMF calls him, the “Most Interesting Asian Male Character on American Television.”

I don’t even watch the show and just the thought of this character getting killed off makes me feel totally outraged!

When AMC broadcasts their season finale for “The Walking Dead,” I’ll be on the Beijing subway, heading for the Beijing South Railway Station – the start of my journey back to Hangzhou (I’ve been in Beijing this past weekend to help promote How Does One Dress to Buy Dragonfruit). But I can guarantee you, when the clock strikes 9am Beijing time (which is also 9pm Eastern time in the US, the start of 90-minute season finale), I’ll be silently wishing and praying that Glenn survives to the next season.

What do you think?

Share/Save

Why It’s a Really Bad Idea to Teach Your Spouse Your Language

John and I have a bilingual relationship, but I've learned that's not the norm (and why it's not a good idea to teach your spouse your language) — John and I have a bilingual relationship, but I’ve learned that’s not the norm (and why it’s not a good idea to teach your spouse your language)

A few years ago, I wrote about the fact that my husband and I happened to fall in love with each other in English and Chinese, facilitating the bilingual relationship we share to this day. We still delight in the joys of playing around with language together (both in English and Chinese) which has only strengthened our relationship (making me once wonder, does the couple that wordplays together stay together?).

Yet after years of meeting countless other international and intercultural couples like us, one thing has become very clear to me – John and I are kind of unusual in the language department. That’s right, most of the couples I’ve encountered usually share only one language amongst themselves, usually either his or her native language (or sometimes, unexpectedly, a second language, which can make for some of the most fascinating how-we-met stories I’ve ever heard).

I was reminded of this recently when Anna of the Lost Panda wrote:

When I met my husband a few years ago my Chinese was already fairly good, and his English was non-existent to be exact. So naturally our language choice to communicate was Chinese….

But there is a downside to this effortless comfort in our language choice. My husband really wants to improve his English. Over the past years he has learned quite a few words from friends, students, the TV, and even books. But I haven’t taught him a single word.

This phenomenon defies what you might think about being married to someone whose native language is not your own. Isn’t “pillow talk” supposed to be one of those secret language learning “hacks”? How could you not learn someone’s language when all of your most intimate moments at home are spent in his or her presence?

Naturally, this line of thinking would then lead you to admonish someone like Anna for having shirked what must surely be one of her most important marital duties. After all, shouldn’t an English speaking wife be teaching her husband, a guy so desperate to learn the language?

Of course, the supposed fault can fall both ways, even on the would-be learner’s shoulders. I should know because many years ago, I was the girlfriend to a local Chinese guy in Henan and our relationship thrived in the one language that was otherwise useless to me outside of his cozy little bedroom – English. Back then, my Chinese was so poor that I even stumbled when I attempted communicating with my phrasebook. I remember turning a shameful shade of red one evening when, in conversation with a friend at my local gym, I admitted that I had learned hardly a word of Mandarin from my boyfriend at the time – as if I should have innately understood that being his girlfriend also meant becoming his language student at the same time.

Or is it really anyone’s fault?

It’s ironic that we believe native speakers have this almost contractual responsibility to pass on their mother tongue on to their spouses – to the point where their “other half” speaks as perfectly as them — lest they create a breach that would even have Mother Nature up in arms.

Yet at the same time, we don’t demand the same of other skills in a relationship. For example, I’m reminded of the marriage between my stepsister Maria and her husband Josh. Josh dishes out such tantalizing meals from the kitchen – the kind of stuff that could give the Food Network chefs a run for their money – while Maria, who was never as gifted as him in the culinary department, happily lets him work his magic. I’ve never heard anyone pressure her to become his sous chef and learn all of his secrets for making gourmet flatbread pizzas or filet mignon. And as far as I know, she’s not keen on being his student either.

Of course not! When you think about it, a marriage is supposed to be a relationship between two equals. It’s about loving and supporting each other through life (at least, in my world it is).

Now that’s TOTALLY different from being a student and teacher, where there’s a power or skill differential involved. All of a sudden, you have one party as the polished expert and the other as the beginner waddling through their first steps and making tons of mistakes in the process. Trust me, this kind of dynamic will wreak havoc in your marriage – and I should know, because I once experienced it when I was forced to teach my husband to drive:

Anyone who has ever listened to the popular NPR show Car Talk knows that many a couple gets into an argument over something as simple as how to drive (and we’re talking about two adults who already have their license). There’s nothing more nervewracking than sitting shotgun as your sweetie is swerving in between lanes and on the verge of clipping someone else’s car – and it’s your job to yell at them and get the car under control.

In the end, I helped my husband successfully earn his US driver’s license. But ask me to do it all over again? Please…no!

Correcting your spouse when they’re starting out in anything – whether it’s driving or linguistic missteps – invariably leads to tension and uncomfortable feelings. Which is the polar opposite to the kind of contentment and love we’re looking for in our marriages.

Even worse, language is a tool for communication, the very tool we use to help foster that connection with our spouses. How can you connect with someone in a language when one of you is blundering his or her way through it? It’s not relaxing, not fun, and not at all the kind of thing you want when you’re in bed with your sweetheart late at night after a very exhausting day.

Can you see why it’s just completely crazy to expect that, say, a wife like Anna could teach her husband English? It’s not wonder that Anna reported in her post: “…I feel so awkward to speak in English with him…. every time I try to talk in English to my husband, the words just get stuck in my throat. I feel incredibly silly.”

Still, if you insist that spouses should teach each other a language, then I suggest sticking only to the most universal language of all – love.

What do you think?

Share/Save

Interview with Yuan Fu, the official translator for Speaking of China – 采访付远，《谈中国》的官方翻译

For the past year, Yuan Fu, a native of Shandong Province, has graciously volunteered his time to help translate a variety of posts on Speaking of China into Chinese. I thought, wouldn’t it be interesting to get to know the guy behind the translations? (I admit, even I was interested in knowing more about this fellow who magically appeared in my e-mail inbox one day, offering his talents to Speaking of China.)

So I put together this interview with Yuan Fu. As it turns out, Yuan is one fascinating and incredibly funny guy — his answers had me laughing out loud at times. I’ve provided his original Chinese responses below (he answered my English interview in Chinese — for those of you who can read Chinese, his answers are best in his native language); otherwise, you’ll have to forgive me for the simple translation of his answers into English. Trust me, if you can read the Chinese, you’ll understand just why he’s such a whiz with words.

—–

You’ve volunteered your talents to help speakingofchina.com translate many wonderful posts into Chinese. Tell us about how you came to find this website and what motivated you to translate content for it.

I don’t consider myself a “volunteer”; I’m just one shrewd “businessman!” That’s because Speaking of China gave me more than I could possibly offer. So if there’s someone I should thank, it’s Jocelyn and her website!

I’ve always loved words and have been weaker with numbers. From elementary school I’ve been far more passionate about writing, even though only I think the articles read well. In contrast, I could barely pass mathematics by memorizing formulas. I really like feeling as if I’m “flirting” with readers through words. When you know that simply adjusting a word or phrase can completely change the reader’s experience, that feeling is really amazing. Ironically, after I graduated I staggered into profession of auditing, a world of figures 24 hours a day. So working for Speaking of China has become really important for me. After a day of getting “bombed” by worksheets, Speaking of China gives me a thread of breathing space and for the first time, provides me with readers. This is an essential change. I really cherish this opportunity.

Of course I also await the day when I will finally meet a girl who shares my ambitions and outlook on life. Among the girls who visit Speaking of China, if they’re not interested in AMWF then they’re interested in language. That’s perfect for me. In light of the fact that I often feel overwhelmed whenever I’m together with a girl I’m attracted to, I’ve learned to be careful, so I hide behind the computer. If I give it my all, who’s to say one day the perfect girl will actively find me?

Finally and most important, I’ve noticed that a lot of young Chinese guys have this kind of demand, but they don’t have a platform where they can be heard. I hope Speaking of China’s Chinese version will change that a little – that they’re not freaks in the world of love and marriage. Many of us have the same thought. If you love foreign girls then you should confidently go after them! Speaking of China can provide you with suggestions in this respect and even real-life love stories. I look forward to the future when we can receive many more “Double Happiness” stories from young Chinese men!

我不认为自己是“志愿者”，而更像位精明的“生意人”，因为 SOC给我的要远多于我能提供的。所以，如果有谁要感谢，那就是Jocelyn和她的网站。

我一直喜爱文字而弱于数字，自小学起便热衷于写那种自认为“很通顺的”文章，而对于数学则基本靠强记各种公式涉险过关。我很喜欢通过文字与读者“调情”的感觉，当你知道自己只要调整一个词或一句话就可以完全改变读者的阅读体验时，那种感觉真的很棒。讽刺的是，毕业后我却跌跌撞撞入了审计—这一24小时和数字打交道的行业，于是为SOC工作就显得至关重要了。她使我从每天的“报表轰炸”中得到一丝喘息并让我平生第一次有了真正的读者，这是质的变化，我珍惜这一机会。

我当然也期待着结识志同道合的妹子。在这潜水的姑娘如果不是对AMWF有意就是对语言感兴趣，这很对我的口味。鉴于每当和一些来电的姑娘相处时就会overwhelmed，我现在学乖了，躲在电脑这边码字，如果我尽心竭力，说不定哪天妹子就送上门来了呢。

最后也是最重要的，我注意到很多中国小伙子有这样的需求，却没有像样的发声平台。希望SOC中文版的出现能改变这一点—他们并不是情场或婚姻中的怪胎或异类，我们许多人有同样的想法。如果喜欢外国姑娘就大大方方地去追，SOC会在这里提供建议并分享那些真实的浪漫故事，期待着未来能收到更多写自小伙子们的“双喜”（Double-Happiness）故事。

You actually work as an audit trainee for an accounting firm. How do you make time to translate posts?

For that we should thank the horrible traffic situation, the crowded streets and buses – that’s where I’ve finished most of the translations! Just like Ford and his Model T, I “assemble” each article in my mind starting with the easiest and most fascinating parts and then the more challenging parts of the articles. This whole process – starting from nothing to a finished product – is always exciting to me.

“Accuracy, expressiveness, elegance” is the highest standard for translation but I cannot reach it. Instead I strive to preserve a certain amount of character in the articles, (kind of like when, after suffering for a long week at work and finally making it to Friday, you can actually relax). I’m very clear about my own abilities, you don’t even need to mention the enormous gap between me and translation professionals. In front of those readers who are very serious about language, I appear like “Cub Scout” with this hobby of translation. However, with time I will improve.

那我们得感谢这里糟糕的交通状况，拥挤马路上拥挤的公交车，我大多数翻译就是这样完成的。就像福特生产T型车那样，我将文章从脑海中“组装”起来，先从最容易有趣的部分开始，然后是稍显晦涩的语段。这一从无到有的过程总是让我兴奋。

“信、达、雅” 这一翻译的最高境界我现在是做不到的，但我仍力求保持一定的风格，就是那种上班族在煎熬的周五读后能呵呵一笑的感觉。我很清楚自己几斤几两，不要说和专业人士有天上地下的差距，就是在那些对语言真正认真的读者面前也像“童子军”一样业余，不过假以时日，我会进步的。

You studied abroad at Cardiff University in Wales. Could you share with us your most interesting experience or experiences there?

During our graduation trip we went to Loch Ness in Scotland. That sturdy captain of the ship spooked everyone into keeping their eyes glued to the sonar screen, because the Loch Ness Monster could at any time overturn the boat. In reality this was completely unnecessary, as the Loch Ness Monster was in all of the gift shops – just 15 pounds and you can bring one home. If you buy more there’s a discount. And the “Made in China” tag left on each of them would make you realize they were Asian.

Similarly this street of luxury goods in Oxford was completely occupied by Asian merchants. Seeing this in the small village of Oxford made me suddenly feel like I was back in Beijing’s Wangfujing shopping area; I even wondered if there was someone selling fried flatbread. As it turns out the place only had French hot dogs for sale, and the taste only proved that the technique of these young Frenchmen couldn’t compare to those Henan women selling fried flatbread (for one yuan more they’ll add an egg to it).

Besides the sights and scenery, England’s good regulations gave me a deep impression. For example, how motorized vehicles must yield to pedestrians or how medical services could really be free (despite the fact they weren’t always the most efficient). Of course everything the English people now enjoy comes from the hard efforts of the previous generations, benefiting from how they became industrialized in the 19^th century. They’ve waded through war, endured a recession and the inhumanity of Imperial England. So we have nothing to envy. Maybe the hard work of this generation of Chinese will give their children a better country, don’t you think? Those of us born in the 1990s should be thankful for the many things we have received from previous generations.

Yes, until this day I still regret that I haven’t dated anyone. This makes me feel as if I spent all of that university tuition for nothing. Ha ha!

毕业旅行我们去了苏格兰的尼斯湖，白白胖胖的船东吓唬大家要紧盯声呐屏幕，因为湖怪随时可能掀翻小艇。事实证明这完全多此一举，因为尼斯湖小怪兽充斥在大大小小的纪念品店中，15镑就能搂一个回家，要是多买还能打折。留意一下铭牌你就会发现甚至它们也是有亚洲血统的—Made in China.

同样被亚裔面孔占领的还有号称奢侈品一条街的比斯特，踏入这个牛津郡的小村子我恍然以为回到了北京的王府井，于是思量着能不能在下一个街角找到卖煎饼果子的。结果是比斯特只提供一种法式热狗，而事实也证明法国小哥的手艺比不上卖煎饼果子的河南大姐，1块钱还可以加个蛋。

除了山水风物，英国良好的秩序让我印象深刻。比如机动车真的会给行人让路，比如医疗真的会是免费的，尽管效率不甚高。当然英国人民现在享有的一切来自他们祖辈的付出，得益于他们在19世纪就完成的工业化，他们也趟过了战争，熬过了衰退与没人性的“镀金时代”。所以没什么可嫉妒的，或许这一代中国人的努力就能使我们的子孙生活在一个更美好的国家，不是吗？应该感恩的是，我们90后已经从前辈身上得到了许多。

是的，我至今对没有谈一场恋爱懊悔不已，这让我感觉自己所有的学费都打了水漂哈哈。

Why did you choose to return to China after your studies?

I think it’s because my visa was going to expire, ha ha! What’s interesting is that in England when I tried really hard to find work there, more than once I heard locals complain “they’ve already had enough” of this country that in my mind appears very well developed. There was even one Londoner who sent me a text message when I was boarding my plane: he is returning to Shanghai, and he persuaded me to quickly leave this “sinking” country. The very concerned tone of his message made me feel as if I had just missed Heathrow’s last “Noah’s Ark”. I think he’s not wrong in what he said. Immigration moves from a place you are tired of to a place someone else is tired of. Still that Londoner doesn’t realize that Shanghai is the eponymous “sinking” place because the ground there cannot handle the massive weight of Pudong’s skyscrapers. Fortunately this process can be controlled!

我想是因为我的签证过期了哈哈。有趣的是当我挖空心思想在英国谋一份差事时，不止一个当地人抱怨 “他们已经受够了”这个在我看来各方面都很成熟的国家。甚至一位伦敦老哥登机前还短信我：他要回上海了，奉劝我也麻利儿离开那个下沉的（sinking）国家，那番语重心长的口气就像我刚刚错过了希斯罗（Heathrow）的最后一班诺亚方舟。看来那句话果真没错–移民就是从你呆烦了的地方跑到别人呆烦的地方去。不过那位老哥有所不知，上海才是名副其实的“下沉”，因为那里的地质无法承受浦东天量的摩天大楼，还好这一进程是可控的!

You’re currently single, but you’ve told me you hope someday you want to marry a Western woman. Why?

First off, because you’re so beautiful. Second…aiya, I think the first reason is enough for me, ha ha! Foreign women have provided many thoughts and ideas that aren’t in my culture and circle of friends – this is something that matters to me. I started to realize that there are some things you shouldn’t care too much about while there are other things worth pursuing. In our lives we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves most of the time – we really can just not worry too much about it and move at a slower pace. Regarding “doing what you’re passionate about” or because you love a specific field so while studying you focus on that area, now it seems this is no big problem. Simply put, I discovered some values that resonated with me. I admit, my initial reason for liking foreign girls is because of their pretty looks, but now I’ve discovered many more reasons that go beyond your appearance.

One of my deepest impressions is the alcohol tolerance of foreign women. Once we went out to drink beer with some very petite German girls. After their “warmup” stage was over, I was already very inebriated. Sorry everyone, I think I just made Shandong men lose face.

第一，因为你们很漂亮。第二，哎呀，好像第一条对我就足够了哈哈。外国姑娘提供了许多我的文化和生活圈子中没有的思路和想法，这是我看重的。我开始知道有些东西不必太在意而有些东西更值得坚持一下。生命中大多数时候我们都不必对自己太狠，真的可以不着急慢慢来。至于“从心所欲”，或者因为喜欢某一领域而在学生时代偏科，现在看来也都不是什么了不起的罪过了。简而言之，我找到了某种价值观上的共鸣。我承认，喜欢外国姑娘的初衷是因为她们俊俏的模样，但现在，我看到了更多超越外貌的理由。

印象深刻的还有她们的酒量，当时我们和几位 “小号的”德国姑娘喝酒，当她们的 “热身”环节结束时，我已经是天旋地转了。对不起大家，我给咱山东爷们丢了脸。

Describe the woman of your dreams!

Actually I’m very interested in Jocelyn, but I don’t know if John will mind. At least China prohibits guns, ha ha!

Just kidding! I mean to say, I hope I can find a foreign girl who is as interested in Chinese culture as Jocelyn is. And if she also loves Mandarin and even wants to become a translator or interpreter, that would be perfect. I can definitely be a big help to her! You see, the fascinating thing about China is that, first it is quite ancient and yet it has changed very quickly. So no matter whether you are a historian with your head buried in the old pages of our history or you want to do something modern or different, you can basically find your place here in China. So to all of the girls living in the first world, if you come over to our third world for a turn you’ll find it’s very fascinating.

Or maybe we ought to talk about what kind of person I am – anyone who loves my kind of personality is also that kind of girl I’m looking for.

I have some really cool friends in my life. These people don’t just live well, they also can bring a lot of happiness to the people around them. What’s even more appealing is that they have this kind of ability to grasp the future. Without exception, they all love to read or at least do according to that saying, “There’s nothing exceptional under the sun,” books provide them with wisdom to understand the world. I also hope for this kind of wisdom. As such reading has gradually become the biggest thing I do outside of work. Of course, this kind of life can be pretty “quiet.” Similarly, my two other biggest pastimes — traveling and making military models – are also “soundless”. One young English guy once told me with a very concerned face, “Yuan, if you want to know the meaning of the word ‘Nerd’, you’d best look in the mirror.” Ha ha, in fact I wasn’t concerned at all about my lifestyle. Ladies, it’s good to find yourself a quiet partner. In this way you’ll always have someone to listen to your stories. Plus, perhaps these guys who are always reticent are in fact the most passionate guys!

Due to the limits of writing, forgive me for not being able to provide more details. But I strongly suggest any interested ladies to come forward and have a try. Based on my understanding of Yuan, I bet I would not disappoint the vast majority of readers. 🙂

其实我对Jocelyn就蛮中意的，但不知道John会不会急眼，还好中国是禁枪的，哈哈。开个玩笑，我是说，我希望能遇到一个像Jocelyn一样对中国文化感兴趣的外国姑娘，如果她还喜欢汉语甚至想成为翻译，那就完美了，我可以帮上很大的忙！你瞧，中国的有趣之处就在于，首先她极其古老，其次她快速变化。所以无论你是埋头于故纸堆的历史学家，还是想做时代的弄潮儿，基本都能在这儿寻到自己的位置。嗨！那些身处第一世界的妹子们，有时来我们第三世界转转也蛮有意思的！

或许我更应该交代一下自己是怎样的人，那些喜欢我这款的八成也是我要找的。

我身边有些很棒的朋友，这些人不但自己活得从容，也总可以为旁人带来欢乐，更令人着迷的是，他们似乎还有某种把握未来的能力。而无一例外，他们都喜欢阅读。或许正应了那句话“太阳底下再无新鲜事”，书赋予了他们洞明世事的睿智。我同样渴望这份智慧，于是阅读正慢慢成为我工作之余的头等大事。当然，这种生活注定比较“安静”。的确如此，俺另两大爱好—旅游与军事模型—同样的“无声无息”，以至于曾经有位英国小哥一脸忧虑地对我说：“远，如果你想知道Nerd是啥意思，就最好去照照镜子。”哈哈，我可一点儿都不为自己的生活状况担心。其实姑娘们，找个安静的伴侣也好，这样你就总能为自己的故事找到倾听者了。再说，那些一直沉默的家伙没准是最有激情的呢！

由于篇幅所限，恕我不能在此提供更多细节，但强烈建议那些有兴趣的姑娘前来试用体验。以我对远的了解，我打赌绝大多数用户是不会失望滴.

There are a lot of Chinese men out there who, like you, have the dream of finding a yangxifu – but not every guy will be successful. What do you think are the biggest barriers for Chinese men to meet and date Western women in China?

First, Chinese men lack opportunities to regularly interact with foreign women. Objectively speaking, the vast majority of Asian men cannot compare to the tall stature of Western men. This is not worth complaining about nor is it racist, this is Darwin’s evolution. Because of this, I ask Chinese men to call upon their “soft power” in more superior areas, such as being more attentive to women or smarter. In this way we can become ideal to girls. Unfortunately this kind of “soft power” is not as easy to see as the huge biceps on a guy’s arm. You have to work long and hard together in order to observe it. And this kind of opportunity to “work long and hard together” is without a doubt in unusually short supply. So it’s very possible that young men here are already excellent enough, but that women just haven’t noticed it yet.

Secondly, you should also blame the spiritual impotence of Chinese men, their sense of inferiority. Whenever I tell someone that I’m interested in finding a foreign girl, the response I receive is, “Gosh, you need lots of money to do that!” As if I don’t have this then I cannot win the battle for a spouse! Another example is when a guy is standing before someone from a developed country, we can be overcautious. Yet when we’re standing before friends from less developed countries than China, we can behave all high and mighty.

首先，中国男人缺少与外国姑娘持续接触的机会。客观地讲，绝大多数亚洲男人不比西方男人生得高大，这既不值得抱怨也不是种族主义，这是达尔文的进化论。因此，这要求中国小伙在其他“软实力”方面技高一筹，比如他更体贴或更聪明，从而赢得中意的姑娘。不幸的是，这些“软实力”不像胳膊上发达的肱二头肌那般显而易见，你们需要共事良久才能有所体察。而这种“共事良久”的机会毫无疑问是异常稀缺的，所以很可能小伙子们已经足够优秀，但就是没有姑娘注意到。

其次，这得归咎于中国男人的精神阳痿—“自卑感”。每当我告诉某人自己有意找一位外国姑娘时，得到的反应一定是“哇塞，那你必须要很有钱！”仿佛没有这个我就无法打赢一场配偶争夺战！另一种表现是当面对来自发达国家的国民时，我们会显得缩手缩脚，而对待那些后发国家的朋友，我们或又表现的趾高气昂。

I hear from Western women out there who are looking to find a good man in China. What advice would you have for them?

To all of those ladies searching for a “good man”, I want to say your search can stop right here. Just choose Yuan. Don’t hesitate. He will become the best decision you ever made for the longest part of your future. Ha ha!

If you’re speaking of the biggest strengths of Chinese men, that’s probably that we’re hardworking. I remember there was an economist at MIT who, when asked why he was so full of confidence about China, this gentleman shrugged and leisurely replied, “Forget about all of those economic models because the Chinese are very hardworking.” Look, whenever people attempt to answer these truly important questions, we often must return to the most essential things. So if I was a woman, I would stay away from those good for nothing laggards or the men who are constantly changing their jobs – the kind of guys who think they can use women because they’re cool and handsome. Just like Lucy Kellaway of the Financial Times once said, “Find a responsible partner, even though that doesn’t sound sexy or romantic.” Then I would choose someone with similar values. For example, my father values frugality; whenever he goes shopping he always picks the cheapest items. But my mother values quality and she absolutely would not compromise her values because of price. You can imagine that this couple of such mismatched people will not live very peacefully together. However, thank the heavens, as long as it’s not time to go to the supermarket, things are fine. But if the two of them cannot agree on what kind of beef to buy, then the two of them are not so well suited for each other.

However, perhaps the silliest thing in this world is to listen to me, some 24-year-old guy who has yet to find love himself to give some advice to such experienced young women on how to find true love. So I’d best keep my mouth shut!

对于正在物色“好男人”的姑娘，我想说，你们的寻找可以到此为止了，选择远，莫踌躇，他将会是你在未来很长一段时间内做的最正确的决定哈哈。

如果谈中国人最大的优点，那八成是“勤劳”。记得有位麻省理工（MIT）的经济学家在被问到为什么对中国充满信心时，此君耸耸肩，悠悠地说到：“忘记那些经济模型吧，因为他们很勤劳。”你瞧，当人们试图解答一些真正重要的问题时，往往要回到最本质的东西。所以，如果我是姑娘，我会首先远离那些游手好闲或像走马灯一样更换工作的男人，即使他们又酷又帅能耍宝。正如《金融时报》的露西·凯韦拉所说，“找一个负责任的伴侣吧，尽管这可能听上去既不性感也不浪漫”。然后我会在剩下的人中挑一个有相似价值观的，举个反例，我的父亲崇尚节俭，买东西只捡最贱的，而我的母亲注重品质，绝不为价格妥协。可以想见这么一对儿冤家聚到一起生活是不会太平的。不过谢天谢地，在不必去超市的时间里，日子还算过得去。如果两个人连买什么样的牛肉都谈不拢，那他们可能就不合适。不过，这个世上最蠢的事可能就是听一个24岁还在寻找初恋的“男孩”告诉一群“经验丰富”的女人如何寻找真爱，所以我最好还是闭嘴吧。

Finally, you currently reside in Ji’nan, China. Let’s say I’m coming up to visit your hometown. What you suggest I see and do in your city?

Oh, Ji’nan is a very embarrassing provincial capital city. Not only does it have no international recognition, here in China you almost never hear anything from Ji’nan. In fact the most recent thing I’ve heard about Ji’nan is that some guy put his girlfriend on his neck and received some praise for being a “Good Chinese Boyfriend.” Still, just because this place isn’t famous doesn’t mean it’s not fun. You should definitely see the usual sights in the city. Qianfo Mountain, Baotu Springs and Daming Lake are the three best in Ji’nan. Of course if you loathe manmade pools, Ji’nan – which is also known as “little Jiangnan” – also has a number of good places to go swimming, though they’re often hidden in the most inconspicuous places in the city and usually only locals can find them. Of course you totally shouldn’t be worried about those lewd stares, as can assure you there are far too many to count.

If you’re willing to walk a little, then we can also have a look at “the mountain”, “the water”, “the sage” – that’s Taishan, the Yellow River, and Confucius. Yes, in Shandong Province you can find all of these things that are deeply meaningful in Chinese culture. No matter what, don’t worry. Any trip with Yuan will be a happy one.

By the way, now that you mention travel, next year I’m planning on visiting China’s West (Xinjiang and Tibet). Is there anyone willing to come with me? (This is limited to single girls only! 😉 )

嗯，济南是一个很尴尬的省会城市，不仅毫无国际知名度，在国内也鲜有新闻。事实上我最近一次听到济南的消息还是一个男人将他的女友放在了自己的脖子上从而获封 “中国好男友”。但不出名不代表不好玩。常规景点是一定要看的，千佛山、趵突泉和大明湖是济南的三大名胜。当然如果你厌恶了人造泳池，号称“小江南”的济南也有几个游泳的好去处，不过它们通常隐藏在那些最不起眼的小径尽头，只有当地人才能找到。当然你也完全不必在意那些“色眯眯”的眼神，因为我保证那会多的数不过来。

如果愿意走的远一些，我们还可以去看看“一山、一水、一圣人”—“泰山、黄河、孔子”，是的，这些对中华文化意义深远的东西你都可以在山东省找到。无论如何，请不要担心，因为任何有远弟的旅行都会是愉快的旅行。对了，说到了旅游，明年我打算去中国西部（西藏，新疆）转转，有没有人愿意加入？仅限单身妹子哟. 😉

—–

Thank you so much to Yuan Fu for this interview and for all of his generous assistance to Speaking of China! I’ll be posting more of his translations in the next few weeks, so look out!

For any comments or suggestions regarding translations, you’re welcome to contact Yuan at speakingofchina(at)hotmail(dot)com.

Share/Save

Why Spending Chinese New Year With Family Can Be Exhausting (Or How I Ended Up In The Emergency Room)

The last thing I wanted was to end up in the hospital during the Chinese New Year holiday! (No, this is not the exact hospital, but it looks pretty similar.)

You know your holidays have hit a low point when, halfway through, you end up doubled over in a chair in the emergency room with an IV drip, hoping and praying you won’t vomit into that ugly little fluorescent green plastic wastebasket at your feet.

Yep, that was me on the fifth day of the new lunar year. The only thing that would have made the whole situation worse was if the nurse had forced me to get that shot in the butt right there in public. Apparently, it’s what everyone does in the hospital. (Fortunately, she let me take the shot in a private room.)

I was shrouded in a soft white baby blanket printed with roses – a thing of beauty that was quite the foil to my ugly situation, shivering in my chair because I had vomited three times already that afternoon. That included the two instances in the little red VW polo we borrowed from a friend to drive down the Zhejiang coast, forcing me to turn the little plastic bag that was supposed to be for our fruit and other snacks into a makeshift vomit bag.

Between wishing to god that I wouldn’t once again have to anoint the wastebasket with the few remnants in my stomach, a bigger question loomed before me: How in the heck could this have happened to me?

Granted, I didn’t come into the holiday in the best shape. The night before February 18, Chinese New Year’s Eve this year (the most important day of the year), I had literally just wrapped up a substantial paid project for a client in the US that involved multiple late-night interviews to write up four articles. Just as I had made it to the finish line, hoping for a breather, another one appeared before my weary eyes – the end of the Chinese New Year holiday that stretched before me.

On top of it, I got maybe four hours of sleep that night worrying about all of the horrible things that might happen to me when I sat behind the wheel of that little red VW polo the following morning. It would be my first time driving in China and visions of all the gory tabloid news stories I had watched the year before tugged at my consciousness. You know, the kind of massive, bloody accidents that could make anyone swear off getting behind the wheel in this country.

But ultimately, I could have recovered from all of that – the marathon project before the holiday, the lack of sleep, even the stress of driving itself – with a nice sedate holiday filled with lazy late mornings in bed, curled up with my favorite e-reader devouring a memoir or novel.

Yep, this would have been my perfect kind of holiday -- just reading and enjoying the quiet. (Even better if it had happened in Bali, where this photo was taken years ago!) — Yep, this would have been my perfect kind of holiday — just reading and enjoying the quiet. (Even better if it had happened in Bali, where this photo was taken years ago!)

Unfortunately, “sedate” is not a word you would use to describe my Chinese New Year with the family this year.

Don’t get me wrong – there are things I love about Chinese New Year. My mother-in-law always outdoes herself each year with a feast that could give some of the best restaurants in Hangzhou a run for their money (even the vegetarian ones). The house is overflowing with the best treats of the year –sugary pecans, dulcet green dates, and honeyed black sesame cakes. And I have an excuse to visit some of my favorite relatives – such as John’s grandmother, who still manages to charm us all into laughter despite the fact that I can only understand maybe 50 percent of her speech in the local dialect.

In theory, a day or two of this togetherness works amazingly well.

The problem is, Chinese New Year with my husband’s family lasts at least three or four days (if not more, depending on where you are and how long you’re able to say). It’s all about being with the family day after day…after day…after day. And what sounds great at first soon becomes tiring and even overwhelming.

And if you’re already exhausted coming into the holiday, like I was, you’re at risk for even worse outcomes if you push things a little too much. (Like attempting to drive some six hours in one day to visit a friend in south Zhejiang.)

What about the holiday can wear you down? Here’s my list:

1. Visiting people and/or having guests over every single day

Once the lunar new year arrives, so with it arrives the annual custom of bainian (visiting with relatives during the new year). In my husband’s family, for at least three whole days you’re either hosting family or schlepping your way over to someone else’s house. The thing is, this isn’t a couple of people – we’re talking about 10 or sometimes even 20 people in a house at the same time! And because Chinese love it “renao” (literally “hot and loud”), every house is a boisterous mix of loud chatter, drunken toasts, and a cloud of smoke as people exchange far too many cigarettes around the table.

I’m an introvert myself, so just being around huge crowds of people already makes me nervous (which is tiring). Add to that the concerns that someone might actually light up indoors (I detest smoking and cannot handle secondhand smoke) and the pressure is even worse.

It’s a shame too, because invariably many of these meals dish up some of the most delectable things I’ll eat all year! I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve either wolfed down my rice and dishes or simply passed up a few meals simply because the whole environment was too exhausting.

2. Firecrackers and fireworks

If there’s anything destined to steal away your precious hours of rest – especially the first night of the new year – it’s these traditional holiday explosives.

Imagine me, a shadow of myself that first night, desperate for some much-needed slumber – only to have my ears assaulted in the early morning hours by what must surely be the closest thing to being camped out in a war zone. The neverending blitzkrieg of fireworks, firecrackers and anything else that sparkles or booms happened to occur at 5am to 6am or so (it’s traditional to set them off when you first open your door in the morning of the new year) – coinciding with the time when I was supposed to be in my deepest sleep.

When I finally rolled out of bed sometime around 11am, my husband remarked at how my “panda eyes” – those dark circles I used to have years ago around my eyes – had returned to my worn out face. Ugh.

3. Being asked to eat WAY too much food

It was the afternoon of the first day of the new year, only a couple of hours after we had all polished off enough food to easily feed all the people in the minibuses that zoom through the countryside. John and I were sitting at the dining room table in his home, discussing some business with friends. The sunlight cast lazy, relaxed shadows on the wall as we were all enjoying the conversation and nibbling on pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds.

If only my mother-in-law hadn’t barged into the room with five huge, steaming bowls of dumplings that nobody could have humanly consumed at the hour.

“No, no, we couldn’t possibly eat these!” The protest came from everyone at the table, most of all the friends’ daughter, whose blood seemed to drain from her face at the sight of this food being forced on her. “Please, I can’t!” she squeaked in a pathetic voice that made me feel so sorry for her. After all, the girl said exactly what I was thinking.

This was the middle of the afternoon. We were all expected to eat elsewhere for dinner (surely, yet another gargantuan feast where the relatives would demand you to eat, eat, eat!). How could we make it through with the dumplings in our stomachs? You always have to eat something when visiting someone else’s house.

When did eating suddenly turn into a task, a chore even?

Even worse, when I passed on the dumplings, as did John’s friends, this “responsibility” of cleaning the bowls was transferred to John, as well as John’s dad and mom (his dad actually grumbled a little as he shoveled spoonfuls of dumplings into his mouth).

Just seeing the whole scene tired me out and drained my appetite too. That evening at dinner, I only devoured a fraction of what I had eaten for lunch. Too bad, because John’s aunts fried up one of my favorite Chinese dishes, the silky smooth and fragrant chao liangpi (fried bean starch).

4. Preparing just the right gifts for the family (especially if you’re on a budget)

(Photo via http://www.meilishuo.com/share/836698329)

Experiencing Christmas as an adult has taught me that gift-giving can easily raise your blood pressure a few notches as you agonize over getting someone the elusive “perfect gift” (which almost never really exists anyhow).

Well, in China you can’t do Chinese New Year without giving things too. Every time you visit a relative’s home for the new year, you must arrive with some Chinese New Year gifts – such as organic milk, fine wines, nutritious crackers and cookies, or even fruit (invariably wrapped up in little red giftboxes like the above photo). It’s etiquette…and trying to plan for it all (especially if you have a large extended family like we do) will drain your mental resources as well as your finances.

As I wrote before, my husband and I didn’t have a lot of money in the run-up to this Chinese New Year, which meant this responsibility weighed heavily on our shoulders. In the end, we were fortunate that his parents prepared enough Chinese New Year gifts for us to do bainian (though that also left us with the equally frustrating feeling of utter guilt that we couldn’t afford everything ourselves).

5. Traveling during the busiest (and craziest) holiday season of the year

When I told people I was going to drive in China after getting my license, many responded that they were too scared to do it.

Now I understand why!

Let me tell you, the highways in China during this holiday felt more like a large-scale game of dodgem in real time, with drivers constantly whipping and weaving through the traffic at all times, just barely missing our front bumper. Almost no one uses their turning signal to change lanes; they just change at will, use whatever space they can find, and think nothing of tailgating even at well over 100 kilometers per hour (over 60 miles per hour). Even when it’s a downpour! It’s no wonder we saw a multiple rear-end collision in a tunnel involving four cars (and three horribly crushed bumpers).

Getting behind the wheel while I was already fatigued was the final strike against me – and what ultimately sent me into the emergency room in that little city on the Zhejiang coast.

Here’s what I’ve learned. While I think short distances are manageable, even on a holiday, I would never, ever, drive more than two hours during a vacation time like that. It’s suicide. Even my husband’s friend on the Zhejiang coast said we’d be better off doing the high-speed trains next time around.

Of course, if you’ve got to move around during the holidays and haven’t the luxury of a car, you’re not off the hook. Train and bus stations transform into a suffocating sea of people that make you truly understand why China is the most populated country in the world. You’ll even feel the crush of humanity at the airports. And good luck trying to score tickets for travel when everyone else is trying to hoof it home!

—

In the end, I’m reminded of what my husband’s dear college friend – the friend I first met in that emergency room during the holidays – told me later on: “We usually just spend our holidays traveling instead of visiting family,” including travel out of the country. While I wasn’t in any shape at that moment to attempt international travel, one thought did occur to me: I could definitely use a holiday from this family holiday！

Share/Save

Q&A About “My Intercultural Love” On Madh Mama

I’m psyched that Madh Mama invited me to do a Q&A about my own intercultural relationship for her lovely blog!

Here’s a snippet from the full interview:

Where/how do you feel most inspired?
My husband is a huge inspiration for me in so many ways – from my writing to my blog to even my business. Some of my greatest ideas have come out of conversations with him, often while we’re walking together in the woods or the park. Plus, he has an extraordinary talent for cheering me up when I’m feeling a little down! I feel fortunate to have married someone who inspires me in some way every single day…

Where/how did you meet your spouse?
We started out as an office romance, actually! Once upon a time, we were coworkers in the same company. He was a translator and I used to proofread his work. We collaborated fantastically back then, as we still do now. 😉

….

Have you come across people who disapprove of your intercultural union? If so, how do you deal with them?
When I lived in America, I definitely did, but a lot of it was very subtle. Like when I would speak to my husband in Mandarin Chinese in public places, people might shoot me dirty looks. Or just the way I’d see someone staring at us in the grocery store or something. In these cases, we just had to ignore it and move on with our lives.

The most blatant comments I’ve heard have been through my website, including how a racist hate group once linked to my blog as an example of the “growing threat” to whites. It made me sick to my stomach, but also a little scared to think that I was on their radar, so to speak. I remember discussing it with some of my friends, but ultimately made the decision not to post publicly about it (as I did not wish to give the group any additional attention). I just continue to blog about the AMWF community and interracial/cross-cultural couples, which I think is a great way to fight back.

Read the full interview right here at Madh Mama. And if you love it, share it!

P.S.: Don’t miss Madh Mama’s powerful guest post she did here a few weeks ago titled “I don’t look at my daughter as Indian or Canadian. I look at her soul.”

Share/Save

Meet Me in Beijing March 29 at the Bookworm Literary Festival

Exciting news! I’ll be in Beijing on Sunday March 29 at 2pm to discuss How Does One Dress to Buy Dragonfruit as part of the Bookworm Literary Festival, along with my fabulous fellow contributors Ember Swift and Kaitlin Solimine.

I would love more than anything to see you there!

Here are the details from the Bookworm Literary Festival Events Page:

Book Launch: How Does One Dress to Buy Dragonfruit? True Stories of Expat Women in Asia 2 pm

Jocelyn Eikenburg, Kaitlin Solimine, Ember Swift | iQiyi, Sun March 29, 14:00 | IQ29B 60 RMB

How Does One Dress to Buy Dragonfruit?, edited by Shannon Young, is the first collection to explore in depth the varied and unconventional lives of expat women in East Asia. Their stories go far beyond the stereotypical image of a trailing spouse at brunch, and give voice to a population that is often sidelined. They are artists, filmmakers, singers, teachers, professionals, mothers, wives, and diplomats. Their stories explore love, loss, and identity. Bookworm Literary Festival welcomes three of the contributors who, together, will formally launch this unique anthology in Beijing. This event is at iQiyi.

The 60RMB ticket fee includes a free drink. Tickets are now on sale at the Bookworm in Beijing; you can also e-mail the Bookworm at [email protected] to learn more about getting tickets or the event itself.

FYI, the venue address is: 北京市朝阳区三里屯南路 1 号爱奇艺/iQiyi Cafe 1 Sanlitun South St. (opposite Bookworm) 65008180

Seriously, I would love more than anything to meet any of you out there in person! If you’re attending, please let me know!

I hope to see you in Beijing!

P.S.: To learn more about How Does One Dress to Buy Dragonfruit, you can read this post about my essay Huangshan Honeymoon (which includes actual photos from that trip) and also read about 12 other fantastic essays I highly recommend in this lovely book!

UPDATE: For anyone wondering about the location of the venue (北京市朝阳区三里屯南路 1 号爱奇艺/iQiyi Cafe 1 Sanlitun South St. (opposite Bookworm) 65008180), here’s a handy map included in this PDF version of the Beijing Bookworm Lit Fest:

Share/Save