Articles | Speaking of China

Strange Food or Not? It’s All Relative

Sandwich wrap with falafel patties, tomato, onion, parsley and tahini sauce. — When I mentioned John once thought sandwich wraps were strange, my friends were surprised (photo by Muy Yum)

“John actually started eating flatbread wraps with me, for the first time.” I mentioned this over tea yesterday at a sidewalk cafe. The way my one friend gaped at me, it was as if I just told him John joined a Satanic cult or something.

“He didn’t eat them before?”

“Of course not, he thought they were strange.”

“Strange? But they eat strange things in China.”

Cue the obligatory dog meat reference, which I nearly rolled my eyes over. Seriously? Continue reading “Strange Food or Not? It’s All Relative”

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From the Archives: Posts on the Military, Japan and Border Disputes

It’s funny how real life and current events collide in interesting ways.

Of course, I’ve followed the recent news of protests in China over Japan’s claims on the Diaoyu/Senkaku islands. But it felt even more tangible when John and I visited the National Museum of the US Air Force in Dayton, Ohio this past weekend, and relived stories of war through its aircraft on display. Every time we found a plane that was involved in Japan or any border conflict, well, you can imagine what my husband had to say about it… 😉

So, while I’m getting caught up from my weekend away, I thought I’d run a few military/Japan-themed posts from the archives. (And don’t worry — I’ll return this Friday with a fresh helping of new content!)

My Chinese Husband, the Military Fan. Beneath my husband’s compassionate exterior lived a “military fan” — and a story of nostalgia surrounding the anti-Japanese films of his childhood.

My Chinese Husband, My China Border Disputes. The closer I got to China, the more I began to see just how fuzzy those “permanent” borders really were.

How My Anti-Japanese Chinese Husband Changed His Mind About Japan. I never thought my staunchly anti-Japanese Chinese husband would ever call anyone from Japan a friend.

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Are Yangxifu (The Western Wives of Chinese Men) More Difficult Wives?

A Godzilla figurine dressed in a white wedding gown — (photo by theresa21)

“It’s hard to have a yangxifu [洋媳妇, the foreign wife of a Chinese man].” I know it seems strange, but every time my husband says this, we both bust up in laughter.

I don’t know when the phrase turned into our running joke, but I know why it makes us laugh. After all, I’ve never been the sort of woman who demanded a brand-spanking-new condo, car, and lots of cash; we’ve always rented, driven secondhand cars, and felt grateful just to pay our bills at the end of the month. I’ve never dragged John to the Apple store and begged him for an iPhone or any other status-gadget; instead I bought us dumb phones at the grocery store for a few bucks, and later lost mine somewhere in my car. And while I want a wedding ring someday from my husband, I’m content to wait for it until John graduates and lands his dream job. In short, if you looked up “demanding wife” or even “bridezilla” in the dictionary, you sure as hell wouldn’t find my photo there.

So today, I happened to nudge John with this phrase, how hard it is to have a yangxifu, while walking through the park. We laughed, as usual. But then I went off script, and asked him, “Do you think there’s any truth in it?” Continue reading “Are Yangxifu (The Western Wives of Chinese Men) More Difficult Wives?”

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From the Archives: On Finding Courage in Love

A sign taped to a Canada Post box saying "Courage - take as much as you need." — (photo by AshtonPal)

So, we moved this past Friday for the second time this year. But different circumstances precipitated this move: someone I know (don’t worry, it’s NOT my husband John!) assaulted me, and it was no longer safe to live where we were. John and I are now settled in a safer place.

The other day, John told me it took courage for us to leave. So, while I get myself readjusted and resettled here, I thought I’d share with you some stories from my archives, all surrounding the idea of finding courage in love.

Three Inches of Separation: On Loving a Shorter Chinese Man. You might say it takes courage to transcend your own expectations of what your dream man “should be.” I never set any limits on race or ethnicity, but always believed I’d marry someone taller. Then I met John.

Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Student Wants to Approach American Brunette. “To hell with inhibitions.” With these four words from a reader’s e-mail, a Chinese guy inspired Asian men everywhere to give interracial love a go.

My Chinese Husband Has Balls. You might say John’s gentle appearance is his secret weapon. Behind that 5’4″ stature and soft voice of his lies the heart of a hero — and some serious balls.

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A Story of Sexism, Chinese Men and Who Should Wash the Dishes

Washing the dishes — (photo by peapod labs)

“Washing dishes? That’s women’s work.”

That’s how Yao, my first Chinese boyfriend, ended one late Saturday night dinner at his apartment.

Up until that moment, he romanced me the entire day like any real gentleman — from running to the hospital for my medicine, to regaling me with a delicious homemade dinner of fried rice. All afternoon he told me to rest, relax, take it easy — I still felt exhausted from my recent illness, and had only just regained my appetite. Didn’t anyone ever tell him that sexist slurs are hard for girlfriends to swallow?

“What do mean, ‘women’s work?’ Are you telling me you won’t do the dishes, ever?” I asked.

“It’s not my job.”

I glowered at him. “So who’s going to do the dishes then?”

“Just leave them for my mom,” he said. He immediately jumped up from his seat and wandered over to the bedroom to start watching Saturday night football games.

How could he say that? Didn’t he realize he was dating a feminist who grew up in a household where both mom and dad were breadwinners, and didn’t believe in things like “women’s work”? I wrestled with these, and many more, questions about the man I was dating, and the future we might face ahead of us. But never, ever did I hold the one thought that all too often gets slapped on a guy like Yao — that he was just another sexist Chinese man I should never have dated in the first place. Continue reading “A Story of Sexism, Chinese Men and Who Should Wash the Dishes”

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Shall We Dance? Yes…But Not in Public

A poster for the Japanese movie, Shall We Dance? — (photo by elycefeliz)

In Japan, ballroom dancing is regarded with much suspicion. For a couple to embrace and dance in front of others is beyond embarrassing. A married couple would never think of going out arm in arm, let alone dancing together! A couple would hardly say, ‘I love you’, out loud. The Japanese rather think that intuitive understanding is everything.

So began “Shall We Dance,” a 1996 Japanese movie that John and I happened to watch a couple of weeks ago. But the moment I read those first few sentences in the subtitles, I realized it was more than just a movie. Continue reading “Shall We Dance? Yes…But Not in Public”

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UK Chinese Studies Student Seeks Chinese/Non-Chinese Couples for Dissertation Survey

Small porcelain dolls showing a Chinese husband and wife in traditional red clothing — (photo from rickz Flickr)

UPDATE: Participants are still needed until January 2013! Please read this message and contact bankslaura (at) hotmail.co.uk.

Want to help scholars with research into Chinese/non-Chinese interracial relationships — in just 30 minutes?

A UK student in Chinese studies is doing her dissertation on Chinese/non-Chinese interracial relationships, and she needs to find couples — both married and non-married — who are willing to complete a survey, which should take about 30 minutes. That includes Chinese men and non-Chinese women, as well as non-Chinese men and Chinese women. See the details below in this letter: Continue reading “UK Chinese Studies Student Seeks Chinese/Non-Chinese Couples for Dissertation Survey”

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One Introvert, Finding Refuge (And Love) in China

A woman covering her eyes, looking shy — (photo from Marie Sanchez @Flickr)

The Hangzhou cabbie smiled into the rearview mirror. “You’re so quiet and gentle,” he said (wénjìng, 文静), the same way someone might say, “You’ve got lovely hair,” or even, “That’s a nice outfit.”

“Who me?”

He laughed. “Really, you’re quiet and gentle, almost like a Chinese girl.”

I blushed and looked away from the mirror, but not his words. That’s because it wasn’t the first time someone in China complimented me for my quieter side. I heard it from John and my two previous Chinese boyfriends, my boss at the time, and countless friends. And no matter how many times someone praised me, a part of me still remained deeply surprised.

Only years before, when I was in college, the words “quiet and gentle” didn’t follow smiles, but scowls and “She’s so…” Continue reading “One Introvert, Finding Refuge (And Love) in China”

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Featured in MetroStyle Beijing August Issue, “Love Is All You Need”

The bilingual MetroStyle Beijing magazine just featured me — as well as fabulous fellow blogger Jo Gan of Life Behind The Wall — in their August cover story titled Love Is All You Need. Here’s a snippet of the article:

Jocelyn is confident that the attitude towards dating Chinese men is changing. “I know we’re probably still nowhere close to closing the cross-cultural relationship gap that exists”, she explains, “(however) I once read a statistic that in 2009, of the 2,400 some marriages between Chinese and foreigners that year, only about 300 of them were made up of a foreign woman and Chinese man. But I really feel like Western women who, say, go to Beijing for a semester or to work, are not necessarily as likely to just write the whole idea off as they might have decades before.”

Read the entire cover story in this PDF version, and if you like it, share it.

Thanks also to Nikki Aaron for reaching out to me for this story!

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I Never Intended To Marry a Chinese Man

“Did you always want to marry an Asian guy?” That’s what a friend of mine asked me the other night, a question that surprised me.

It’s not that I didn’t know what to say. “No, I never really even thought about it until going to China,” I told her. Then I landed in Zhengzhou, and met a super-sexy, sullen James Dean of a guy who just happened to be Chinese. And while I didn’t end up marrying him, he opened my eyes to a new reality — that I could find love with a Chinese man — that eventually led me to John.

Maybe her words shocked me because yellow fever, Asian fetishes — whatever you want to call it — just never entered into my own equation, and I know I’m not alone. Continue reading “I Never Intended To Marry a Chinese Man”

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