Articles | Speaking of China

Join the New Group Blog for Western Women Who Love Asian Men

We’re starting off 2017 with a bam. Or, more specifically, a WWAM Bam!

WWAM Bam — Western Women & Asian Men, Breaking All Molds — is a new group blog for Western women who love Asian men. I’m a part of it, along with a number of writers and bloggers you may already know including Susan Blumberg-Kason (author of Good Chinese Wife), Laura of Our Chinese Wedding, Becky of BeckyAnces.net, Kimberly of Nama Mama, and Susie of the Daily Susily.

Here’s an excerpt from the About Us page:

We are a group of women from a Western background who are dating or married to men from an Asian culture. AMWF (Asian Male Western Female) couples, or WWAMs (Western Women Asian Men) as we prefer to call them, have in the past been few and far between but in this increasingly globalized world are becoming more common every day. Still, there are cultural differences that such couples will face and our site is here to help you navigate them. At the same time, we make it our mission to weed through the racism and stereotypes about Asian men and culture out there. We all know the truth is never just black and white (or yellow for that matter).

Aside from gripping personal experiences of relationships with Asian men and their families, and of raising AMWF children, this site takes a look at the portrayal of Asian men in Western media and reviews AMWF related productions. We furthermore will spotlight the amazing women out there who have made Asia their family; past and present.

If you are interested in contributing or have any questions, send an email to [email protected].

We’re on the lookout for Western women who love Asian men and writing. You could be a regular contributor or even just a one-time guest poster. If you’d like to be a part of our new group blog, email us at [email protected].

And to my fans here at Speaking of China, yes, I’ll continue to blog here at Speaking of China twice every week.

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2017!

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My Best Posts on Speaking of China in 2016

As we say farewell to 2016, I’d like to share the best posts on this site – including the top five by views and my five own personal favorites.

The Top 5 Posts by Views:

#5: 4 Things I’m Embarrassed to Share About Living with My Chinese In-Laws

I bared some of my “dirty laundry” in this post with some of the most embarrassing things about living with my Chinese in-laws. Such as how I’m in my thirties and still enjoy laundry assistance from my mother-in-law whenever we stay at her home in the countryside of Zhejiang Province. 😉

#4: Is Interracial Dating Easier for Asian Men in Non-English-Speaking Countries?

Inspired by a fan who e-mailed me, I explored this question in a post that got a lot of you reading — and commenting!

#3: 4 Hot Asian Male Athletes We’re Watching at the 2016 Olympics

Who doesn’t love a few hot Asian male athletes to make you go humanahumana? If you need a little eye candy, here’s your post.

#2: What a Trump Presidency Means for Interracial Couples

I don’t normally get political here on the blog. But these aren’t normal times.

#1: 5 Unhappy Things I’ve Struggled with as an Expat Married to a Foreigner

When you’re an expat married to a foreigner, it’s not all weekend jaunts to Bali or nights on the town.

My 5 Personal Favorites (In Order of Appearance in 2016):

“We’re Not Fighting, We’re Just Talking!” My Struggle with Cultural Differences in How People Talk in China

Growing up in the Cleveland, Ohio region, I learned pretty quickly that raising your voice was a sign of anger or disrespect. But in my husband’s rural Hangzhou village, people speak loudly all the time about normal, friendly things.

How Loving a “Foreign Enemy” (And Writing About It) Changes Lives

Inspired by our lawyer, who used to consider China the enemy before he came to know Jun and me.

What It Means to Support Your Husband’s Discrimination Lawsuit

I will always consider 2016 the year of the lawsuit (since we were knee deep in litigation and all of the pressure that comes with it). This photo essay captures the ups and downs of fighting for justice in the American legal system from a personal perspective.

An Open Letter to the Girl Whose Interracial Relationship Ended

Inspired by a friend whose heart was unexpectedly broken.

To the Girl Whose Boyfriend’s ￥8,000/Mo Salary “Wasn’t Enough”

My response to a conversation overheard in a restaurant had a LOT of you commenting.

Wishing all of you a Happy New Year!

What would you like to see me write about in 2017?

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3 Ways To Do Christmas, Chinese Style

Christmas is coming! If you’d like to do Christmas like the Chinese do, here are three ideas for the holidays:

(Photo by Tom Gill via https://www.flickr.com/photos/lapstrake/2899950676/)

#1: Eat apples on Christmas Eve

“Isn’t it true you eat apples on Christmas Eve?”

When my sister-in-law asked me this, I remember thinking, huh? Where did she get this idea?

Well, it’s not hard to imagine why Chinese would have this idea. After all, the Chinese for Christmas Eve – Ping’an Ye (平安夜) – has the character ping (平) in it, which means peace. That sounds just like the ping in the Chinese word for apples (pingguo，苹果).

Last Christmas, I actually saw women selling “Christmas Eve” apples on the street. They promised every buyer a peaceful new year with the fruit.

Truth or fiction? While I doubt an apple on Christmas Eve will keep all the bad luck away, who doesn’t love a little fresh fruit for the holidays? What the heck, why not apples?

And if there’s peace in the end, bonus.

#2: Make it romantic

In China, when Christmas is coming, it’s time to turn on the romance. As I wrote a few years ago:

I’ll never forget one Christmas Eve when I stepped out onto Huaihai Road, Shanghai’s equivalent of Fifth Avenue, and right into a sea of twentysomething and thirtysomething couples, strolling hand-in-hand under strings of soft white led Christmas lights up and down the street. There were so many young people in love all around me, I almost felt like I walked onto a set-in-China romantic holiday movie.

It’s not as if Christmas isn’t romantic in the US, where I grew up. After all, Christmas remains the most popular time for wedding proposals, and often a season when many will surprise their loved ones with “a little sparkle” of jewelry under the tree. Plus, there’s at least one romantic holiday movie every year that squeezes in among all of the Santa Claus and elves at the movies (and often far more made-for-TV romantic movies — yes, Lifetime, I’m thinking of you).

But perhaps all that Christmas romance gets lost behind the Santa Claus and the Christmas story and Christmas Eve at your grandma’s and all of your other holiday and family traditions. I don’t know about you, but in my mind, I still think of family when I think of Christmas, and no amount of romantic movies and “buy your engagement ring” commercials could ever change that.

In China, the story changes. Christmas loses much of the holiday baggage and traditions we know because, well, it’s not traditionally in Chinese culture. At the same time, more young people tend to celebrate, instead of the cross-generational celebrations I remembered growing up. Maybe it’s just inevitable that, when you strip away the traditional meanings of the holiday and populate it with young people, romance is what you get.

In China, a romantic Christmas night out might include dinner for two at a cozy little restaurant. Or walking down the city streets, enjoying the Christmas lights and the crowds. Or even, if you’re lucky, a Christmas proposal. 😉

#3: Enjoy some traditional Chinese Winter Solstice Foods

The closest holiday to Christmas in China is the Winter Solstice. In the north, people ring in the holiday with dumplings (jiaozi). In the south, people eat tangyuan or similar foods (such as the sesame balls or maqiu my mother-in-law prepares). If you want to add some Chinese traditions to your Christmas, why not serve a traditional solstice food during your holiday dinner? Here’s a super-easy recipe for my mother-in-law’s homemade sesame balls.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

What are your plans for the holidays?

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Last Minute Holiday Ideas with Chinese Characteristics

I can’t believe it’s already December 20. As I write this post, I’m still knee deep in preparations for two Christmas parties this week — and, of course, have yet to do a single Christmas card. (At least I can send them out by e-mail – thank you, Hallmark eCards.)

Welcome to my busy December!

Of course, I’m busy in part because I moved a little over a week ago. (We’re still kind of living out of bags!)

But a lot of us get busy this time of year just because of the holidays. Believe me, I’ve been there.

You know – weekends packed with holiday get-togethers or shopping for presents or even just decorating your place. Then comes the big day and you’re schlepping yourself across town to visit all the family. Or you’re at home most of the day preparing dinner for the guests.

I’m exhausted just thinking about it!

But if you need some last minute holiday ideas, I’m here to help.

Are you struggling to decorate your place with a little Chinese flair? How To Make It A Very Chinese Christmas is chock-full of ideas, including a bunch of easy DIY decoration tips.

If you’re still pulling together your holiday menu, sometimes all it takes is a dish to bring a little something Chinese to the table. My husband and I always loved making sesame balls, one of his mom’s signature dishes for the Winter Solstice. Turns out, they’re super easy to prepare and very delicious. Check out the recipe here.

For those of you in desperate need of last-minute gift ideas for your Chinese family and friends, look no further than my Huffington Post article, The Top 6 Gifts Sure to Please Your Chinese Family. (If you want the short version, when in doubt go with a fruit basket!)

Wishing you all a wonderful week – and here’s hoping you get a little rest too. 🙂

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When a White Supremacist Website Links to Your Interracial Love Blog

I remember my curious feeling when I discovered the link in my Google Analytics. What website is that? I figured it was just something new.

So imagine my shock when I clicked on the link and found my blog discussed in vile terms online. They called me, along with every other white woman choosing to marry a Chinese man, a “traitor” and “trash”.

The Southern Poverty Law Center website confirmed my suspicions – that, indeed, a white supremacist website had linked to my blog.

This wasn’t anything new. This was hatred, pure and simple – a hatred older than most of us want to admit.

So what does it mean when a white supremacist website links to your blog about interracial love? It means you’ve hit a nerve with some of the worst racists on the planet.

I don’t usually write about these things. Like most of you, I would rather live in the light than the dark. I would rather turn my head away from evil.

But the recent alarming uptick in hate crimes, including those by white supremacists, makes me no longer want to keep silent. Whenever we stay silent about these things, we give more power to those who do harm.

No matter what you thought, racism hasn’t ended. It is still here – it always was. The Supreme Court’s 1967 decision in Loving versus Virginia didn’t magically turn America into a country where everyone embraced interracial marriage. A lot of people still don’t.

A lot of people still think interracial love is wrong.

There was a time when I used to think blogging about interracial love was just about promoting diversity and understanding. But now I think it’s so much more – it’s about combating hatred too.

So if you’re blogging about interracial love, just consider that every post you publish is a bold statement in support of interracial couples everywhere. Let’s support love, together.

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Moved To A New Apartment, Please Bear With Me

Who in their right mind would move to a new apartment in the dead of winter, smack dab in the middle of the holiday season?

*raises hand*

So we just moved house and are getting settled in. Please bear with me as I take this week to get things together. I may post something new this Thursday, provided we get our Internet up and running soon. Otherwise I will see you next week!

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Pub’d in the Huffington Post: An Open Letter to the Girl Whose Interracial Relationship Ended

The Huffington Post just ran my piece titled An Open Letter to the Girl Whose Interracial Relationship Ended, which I first published on this blog.

In case you haven’t read it yet, here’s a snippet:

I was shocked to learn your steady Asian boyfriend of several years had left you.

Even though we’ve never met in person, I feel like you’re an old friend. Maybe that’s because we’ve both been in interracial relationships with Asian men. Or because I came to know you through what you shared with me over the years. Or even because you’ve supported me when I needed it most.

So I don’t think it’s enough to just say, “I’m sorry.” Sorry is such a small word, and small comfort. Honestly, I would rather give you hugs, just holding you the way friends have for me when I’ve weathered breakups.

You can read it all at the Huffington Post. And if you love it, share it!

P.S.: I’m in the process of moving this week, so I might be slow to respond to comments. Thanks in advance for your understanding!

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To the Girl Whose Boyfriend’s ￥8,000/Mo Salary “Wasn’t Enough”

130659141_9bed732899_z — (Photo by Thomas Hawk via https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/130659141/)

My husband and I were having dinner the other night at a vegetarian restaurant in Hangzhou. It just so happens that you were dining only a few feet across from us with your girlfriend.

When we first sat down, I saw the both of you enjoying a bowl of the sour and spicy vegetarian “fish” soup with pickled vegetables. I remembered how delicious that dish was, and how I hadn’t ordered it in a long time. I thought to myself, those girls have good taste.

But that was before my husband and I overheard your conversation.

You told your friend about how dissatisfied you were with your boyfriend. You said his salary of “only” 8,000 RMB a month wasn’t good enough. You flicked your expensively dyed long hair aside with great disdain as you said, “He can’t possibly support me.”

Your girlfriend, wearing black faux-leather leggings and stiletto-heeled boots just like you, nodded in agreement.

The two of you went on to belittle this young man, who you fell in love with in college, for another reason. His hometown was somewhere outside of Hangzhou. It was yet another black mark against him. Yet more proof he would never be “rich enough” for you.

I’ve heard this sort of thing before.

Years ago I learned that, for many people in China, marriage is all about having a home, car and money. I understand that women often evaluate men based on these marriage must-haves. I’m aware that there was even a girl on TV who once famously said she’d rather be crying in the back of a BMW than smiling on the back of a bicycle.

There’s a woman in China who once told me, “The purpose of life and marriage is to make money.” On the surface, she has it all. She and her husband own at least five apartments, drive a brand new BMW, have a son, and earn lots of money through the family business.

But privately, she is the saddest woman I have ever met.

She is bitter and constantly complains. Despite her huge bank accounts, she is stingy to the core. Her husband has cheated on her; she fights with him all the time. Her son is on the way to becoming a juvenile delinquent. For a time, things were so bad that she actually threatened to commit suicide.

I would not be surprised if she had cried in the backseat of her shiny new BMW.

Never would I wish to change places with this woman, even though she has so much money. I’ve realized I’m actually happier than she ever will be. There are far more important things in life her money can never buy. A peaceful, happy marriage. Love. Friendship. Kindness. Generosity. The ability to see hope in the darkest hours.

You can’t measure these things in dollars or yuan. I don’t care what that woman once told me – money isn’t everything. It never was.

So if you decide to break up with this guy just because he makes ￥8,000 a month and isn’t from Hangzhou, there’s nothing I can do to stop you.

If you end up marrying a wealthier man, maybe you’ll get lucky. Maybe he’ll be a nice guy who just happens to be rich.

But if he isn’t so nice after all, then maybe you’ll discover what it’s really like to have tears in your eyes in the back of your luxury car.

And if that happens, believe me when I say this: I won’t be crying for you.

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Exclusive Black Friday/Cyber Monday Deals Just For You

I’ve got some exclusive Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals just for you on VPN services and gift baskets, including fruit baskets (my #1 suggestion for gifts to your Chinese family):

If you’re in the market for a new VPN provider, Vypr VPN is offering new users 40% off the price of Pro annual account plans ($59.99 – the equivalent of $5.00 per month).

The Pro is Vypr’s most popular plan — it’s also the plan I first tried when I signed up with them. You’ll enjoy 3 unlimited simultaneous connections, great if you need to share your VPN with your family. Also, Vypr’s app gives you the option to connect immediately to the fastest server, saving you the hassle of testing through servers to find the best one.

You can test-drive Vypr VPN through a 3-day free trial. If you like it, why not take advantage of this special 40% off deal for Pro annual accounts?

But act fast – it ends after Cyber Monday.

What should I give to my loved ones/family in China? If you’re not sure what to get, here’s what I always recommend – the fruit basket, or even a well-chosen gift-basket.

Gift Baskets Overseas is offering two special deals – only for Speaking of China readers — for Black Friday/Cyber Monday:

13% off any order (use the checkout code spfchina13)
$15 off any order over $75 (use the checkout code spfchina15)

If you’d like to send a gift basket or fruit basket to China, Gift Baskets Overseas makes it easy. You just choose your basket, pay, and they’ll take care of the rest. No customs hassles. No more worrying about your package getting lost in the mail. Gift Baskets Overseas provides electronic delivery confirmation and they offer 24/7 customer service by e-mail, chat and phone (they have customer service hotlines in most major countries).

Need help choosing a gift basket? You’ll find my handpicked choices from Gift Baskets Overseas at the bottom of this post.

But don’t delay – these special deals from Gift Baskets Overseas are only good through the end of Cyber Monday.

Wishing you all a happy start to your holiday season!

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Your 2016 Holiday Gift & Survival Guide

The holiday season is just around the corner. Whether you’re filled with delightful anticipation or dread, don’t worry. I’ve got you covered with this 2016 holiday gift and survival guide.

Okay, so let’s start with the biggest thing on everyone’s mind – the gifts.

Need some ideas on what to buy your Chinese loved ones? Begin with my 2016 piece for the Huffington Post, The Top 6 Gifts Sure To Please Your Chinese Family. (It was actually inspired by a classic post on my site, which is currently the number one most popular post, Giving Gifts to your Chinese family – A Modest Guide.)

But if you’re doing your shopping outside of China, I recommend reading Gifts to Buy Abroad for Chinese Family and Relatives.

Do you have a loved one who happens to be a Rooster in the Chinese zodiac? Have a look at Great Gifts For Your Chinese Zodiac Year (Ben Ming Nian).

Stumped on what to buy? Repeat after me – fruit basket! It’s the perfect present for your Chinese loved ones when you have absolutely no clue what to get. Check out my 4 Tips for Giving Gift Baskets in China.

Would you like to “deck the halls” with a little Chinese flair? How To Make It A Very Chinese Christmas will show you how.

What do you do if you’re stuck in China during Christmas and missing the holiday spirit? Well I say, if they can’t bring the holidays to you, you can always bring the holidays to them. Here’s How to spend Christmas in China with your Chinese family.

Don’t forget, sometimes it can actually be fun to spend the holidays with someone new to the experience. If that’s you, you’ll enjoy 3 Joys of Celebrating Christmas With Someone Who Didn’t Grow Up With It.

But sometimes, no matter what you do, you’ll still face those holiday blues, especially if you’re spending the holidays in China. You’ll find comfort in my post On Having the Christmas Blues in China.

Finally, a huge thank you to everyone who has been shopping Amazon to help support my husband’s case! If you’d like to join them and support the blog (and my husband) while you shop for the holidays, at NO additional cost to you, here’s how:

If you’re an Amazon shopper, take a look at Shop Amazon? Your Holiday Purchases Could Help #JusticeForJun. I’m an affiliate for Amazon USA, in Canada, in the UK, and in Germany. I’d also be happy to add your country’s Amazon store if you ask me.
I’m also an affiliate for Gift Baskets Overseas. They ship gift baskets for you direct to China, and you can save 5% off your order through my site.
Finally, I’m an affiliate for Vypr VPN, a VPN provider that I started using before I signed up for the affiliate program. I’m currently offering two discounts – three months free OR 50% off your first month.

Wishing you all a great start to your holiday season!

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