I Bought It for Love (or How My New Jacket Made My Mother-In-Law Smile)

Ah, the things we do for love.

I wasn’t supposed to buy those new clothes. Even though I knew full and well about the tradition for Chinese New Year – that you should always start the year wearing new clothing.

Call me frugal. I’ve always been the sort of woman who sticks to her budget, who buys things carefully. Especially clothing, like winter jackets and coats. Growing up, we didn’t necessarily buy new ones every year. Instead, we’d just invest in a nice one that could last several years or more and get as much use out of it as we could.

Besides, this year finances were a little tight. I figured, why not save the money instead?

I was all ready to stick to my “no new clothing” plan for Chinese New Year. That is, until that evening at my in-laws’ house, when my mother-in-law pulled out two shiny new jackets for my husband. She had bought them from the local market, and beamed at John once he tried them on. One was a navy blue, the other a nice tan brown. Even I had to agree he looked handsome.

Yet a guilty feeling washed over me because of the money she spent. She shouldn’t have bought them. It’s something I would have rather done myself – except I hadn’t.

Then she said to me, “I could find something for you too.”

Uh oh.

It’s bad enough when your mother-in-law spends her hard-earned cash on the husband you should have bought for, but worse when she does it for you too. I tried to discourage her with the practical realities of buying for me – namely, that she’d never find my size. Not in the countryside markets where she goes.

But her smile and determination wouldn’t budge. “I can find your size.” Pretty soon she was measuring me up and promising to go shopping the following day.

“Really, you don’t need to,” I pleaded with her, thinking she had better things to do with her time and money than shopping for me.

But, no, she wouldn’t hear it. She said that how you dress is important in the village. That people notice if you’re wearing new clothes or the same thing all the time. It reminded me of something she once mentioned during dinner – that what you wear matters more than what you eat.

And more specifically, it mattered to her. Why else would she have bothered to buy my husband clothes or offer to shop for me? How we look reflects on her. And if we make a nice appearance, she’ll look good too. To put it simply, donning a little new clothing for the new year would make her very happy.

It’s hard not to care about the happiness of my mother-in-law when, frankly, she spends so much of her time caring about ours. She always loads the lazy susan up with vegan dishes just for me (really delicious ones, mind you). She’s been known to get up early on weekends to make steamed bread from scratch for us, or stay up late on a Saturday to fry up flatbread that we can bring to Hangzhou to have for lunches. She has done my laundry more times than I’d like to admit, and often hangs my clothing out to sun. She doesn’t really criticize us that much. And let’s not forget how she bought us all of these necessities when we first moved to Hangzhou, things she totally didn’t need to buy.

In short, she is the most amazing, devoted and loving mother-in-law I could ever ask for. So if wearing some new clothes would make her happy, how could I refuse?

So I said, “Okay, you go out shopping for me.”

The next day, she set out with my husband to the market. (I had to stay home – my foreign face would have jacked up all the prices, since it’s all bargaining.) John sent me photos of jacket after jacket that my mother-in-law hoped to buy for me. They were, to put it nicely, not my kind of clothing. I basically cringed at the thought of wearing them or, worse, being photographed in them. My frugal side shuddered. After all, the only thing worse than spending money on a jacket you really don’t need is a jacket you’ll never want to wear. So I vetoed every single one of them.

But that meant I still had nothing to wear – which wouldn’t do for my mother-in-law. After all, I was doing this to make it a good Chinese New Year for her. I’d have to think of another solution, and fast.

I grabbed my computer and immediately started browsing my favorite online clothing stores – the ones that actually have stuff in my size. Sure enough, they had some lovely jackets on sale that would definitely fit me. I liked them and felt certain my mother-in-law would too.

I still can’t believe how quickly I scooped up those jackets into my online shopping cart. I’ve never bought anything so fast in my entire life!

That, my friends, is how I ended up with this powder blue down jacket (which was, thankfully, discounted 50 percent off the original price.)

So, my bank account is now out a few hundred RMB. But that’s okay. When I tried on that powder blue jacket the other night, my mother-in-law also smiled with such pride – and even complimented me on how I had an eye for choosing good clothes.

In short, she loves it. And I don’t think you could ever put a price on that.

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I Never Expected to End up in China, but It Changed My Life (and Love) Forever (Pub’d on Ninglidating.com)

Ning Li of Ning Li Dating has just published a guest post I wrote for him titled I Never Expected to End up in China, but It Changed My Life (and Love) Forever. Here’s an excerpt from the full post:

China? You want to go to China?

I’ll never forget the way friends and family questioned me back in 1999 when I announced my decision to spend a year teaching English in Zhengzhou, China after my graduation that year. And who could blame them? Nothing about my life suggested all roads lead to China.

I studied environmental biology in college, minored in Spanish and chemistry, and the only foreign country I had ever lived in was Spain (when I studied abroad in Granada for a semester). I hadn’t spent my childhood dreaming of visits to the Great Wall or the Terracotta Warriors. I couldn’t even speak a word of Mandarin Chinese and hadn’t read much about Chinese history since my sophomore year in high school.

It was one of the craziest decisions I had ever made – a total detour from everything I had planned before.

Head on over to Ning Li Dating to read the full post. And if you love it, share it!

P.S.: Ning Li also penned a fantastic guest post for my blog titled She Broke My Heart and Saved My Life – the Cheerio Girl Story. It has attracted a ton of comments and Ning is even planning a part 2 to the story. Check it out!

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Father-In-Law on the Roof? Strange Scenes During Extreme Cold in Southern China

There are things you never expect to see in a lifetime. Like watching a grown man whack snow off the roof with a bamboo pole.

My father-in-law standing on the roof of the house, whacking snow away with his bamboo pole.

I still couldn’t believe it when I caught a glimpse of this. Was that really my father-in-law balancing himself up there, pole in hand? Or was I having a strange hallucination induced by the bitter cold?

Nope, that was him all right. My husband even snapped a photo to prove it.

Then again, I’m still in shock over the thick white blanket of snow covering my husband’s home village these past few days. And the -4 degree temperatures outside my window.

I have to admit, the weather is messing with my head. It’s completely turned upside down my perceptions of winters here in the Hangzhou, China region. Everyone (including my husband) has always assured me that winters here are mild and, generally speaking, that’s what I’ve experienced in all the years I’ve lived here.

But now arctic cold from the North Pole has invaded China as far South as Zhejiang Province – our province – and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced here. Suddenly I feel as if I’m back in Cleveland, Ohio all over again, where I grew up. Except, instead of the things I’m accustomed to having in the face of freezing winter cold and snow (like indoor heating and insulated plumbing), we have to manage without them.

Strange things have happened too – beyond just seeing my father-in-law on the roof of the house. For example, the window in my bedroom won’t budge because it has frozen itself shut. We’ll have to wait until the temperatures rise above zero (which we expect tomorrow, according to the weather forecasts) before we can open them.

Shoveling snow in the front yard with my niece.

I’ve always said I never knew the winter cold until I lived here in Hangzhou – which is ironic for a woman who grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, a city renowned for its bone-chilling winters complete with heavy snowfall and even the occasional blizzard. But in Cleveland, Ohio, we are well-armed against the winter, comfortably tucked behind our insulated walls and indoor heating. Here in Hangzhou, we have none of that – and instead just make do with electric blankets, space heaters and hot coals.

These days of extreme winter cold, however, have felt like an intimate introduction to the most frigid and forbidding side of the season. I’ve never felt more grateful for the warmth of my electric blanket and my sturdy space heater.

We will survive.

And fortunately, the weather forecasts promise a business-as-usual winter to resume in the next few days. The temperatures will once again hover above freezing. We’ll be able to open the windows again. And with the melting snow, my father-in-law will no longer need to visit the roof with his sturdy bamboo pole.

I expect this won’t be the last time we’ll have some unusual winter days here. Global warming is wreaking havoc with weather patterns around the world, which means the season could become as unpredictable as my five-year-old niece’s mood swings.

Still, who’s to say it’ll always be like this in the family home? After all, the family has plans to rebuild the house in the next few years. And just the other day at lunch, while discussing the new home, my husband couldn’t help but ask, “What about adding in a little central heating?”

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4 Favorite Chinese New Year Foods from My Mother-In-Law’s Kitchen

One of the greatest pleasures of Chinese New Year is the food itself. But there’s more than just the delectable dishes that line the family table Chinese New Year’s Eve and throughout the holiday itself.

My Chinese mother-in-law traditionally prepares a number of foods in the days leading up to the Lunar New Year. It’s like a parade of delicacies that lends as much of an excitement to the season as fireworks.

Here are four of my favorite Chinese New Year Foods from my Chinese mother-in-law’s kitchen:

#1: Laba Porridge (腊八粥, làbāzhōu)

The Laba Festival (January 17, 2016 this year) falls on the eighth day of the final month of the lunar year and the official start to the Chinese New Year season.

Every year, my mother-in-law commemorates the day by dishing up the traditional laba porridge for breakfast. This sugary sweet glutinous rice porridge is studded with lots of tasty “treasures” – including goji berries, red beans, mung beans and Chinese jujubes.

It’s lovely to look at, and a delicious way to start the holidays.

#2: Dongmitang (冻米糖, dòngmǐtáng)

At my in-laws’ home, no Chinese New Year is complete without a heaping bag of dongmitang sitting in the corner of our bedroom, ready for snacking at a moment’s notice.

Dongmitang are so reminiscent of the rice krispies treats I grew up with as a child in the US. But I think of them as a tastier, natural version without the marshmallows.

My mother-in-law makes her own puffed rice from scratch, adds rice syrup, pours the mixture into a mold to set, and then cuts it into bite-sized squares. Cool, huh? Sometimes she adds a little black sesame for extra nutrition during the coldest days of the winter. And sometimes, she lets us get in on the fun and help her, like my husband did last year.

But however my mother-in-law makes them, you can be sure she’ll bag them up and insist we take more of them upstairs with us. Even if we tell her we already have three bags of dongmitang in the corner of the room! Sigh…the love of a Chinese mother knows no end when it comes to food. 😉

#3: Savory Turnovers (Migu)

Who doesn’t love sitting around with family during the holidays to make something traditional? Well in our home, that’s savory turnovers that we refer to in the local dialect as migu.

Migu are these scrumptious turnovers handmade from rice-flour dough and stuffed with either veggies (salted bamboo, pickled greens and tofu) or veggies and pork.

We prepare tons of them together, refrigerate (or freeze) for later, and then they become the most incredible snack or dish in a pinch during the holidays. Especially when they’re fried…yum!

#4: Homemade Tofu

I’ve purchased hundreds, even thousands, of packages of creamy white bean curd in the supermarket, floating in water. But I never truly knew tofu until I watched my mother-in-law prepare it from scratch during Chinese New Year, a yearly tradition in the family.

I wish I could describe all of the intricate steps involved in the process, but I’m still learning! Here’s what I do know:

One, it’s complicated enough to require the majority of my mother-in-law’s kitchen.

Two, the whole process produces a tasty by-product I happen to love on its own – soymilk!

And, three, you haven’t lived until you’ve bit into my mother-in-law’s homemade fried tofu fresh from the wok, dipped in soy sauce.

Trust me, if you’re as much of a tofu aficionado as I am, you’ve got to see this in action sometime. Or, if you’re really brave (and talented in the kitchen) try making tofu at home and experience the magic for yourself.

What Chinese New Year foods are your favorites?

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How Chinese New Year Beats the January Blues (Things I’ve Learned From My Chinese Husband)

Growing up in Cleveland, Ohio in America, January was always a great melancholy expanse of a month, as depressingly white as the snow that piled around the house.

Sad little evergreens, once the beloved focal point of the season, would end up tossed unceremoniously beside the road for garbage collection soon after the New Year, while I secretly hoped for a few more weeks with the trees on display. Everyone would pull the plug on their merry Christmas lighting, and its absence on those dark and well-below freezing nights would lend even more of a chill to the neighborhood. And just the thought of another two months or more of winter was often enough to make my head ache, just like a bad after-Christmas hangover.

Sure, I loved that Christmas trailed the Winter Solstice by a few days, entertaining us through the longest nights of the year with family, feasts and fabulous presents. But what would get us through the long and often bitter winter weather ahead of us? (I’m not kidding about the “bitter” part — Cleveland, Ohio actually made the Forbes list of America’s worst winter weather cities).

Thank god I married a man from China, where January marks the start – not the end – of the holiday season.

Everywhere I go in Hangzhou, there’s a palpable sense of anticipation of what the Chinese consider the most wonderful time of the year. The other night, I caught a glimpse of a raucous end of the year banquet, where everyone wore a festive red scarf printed with Chinese characters around their necks as toasts were made among laughter and smiles. Supermarkets entice shoppers with glossy red Chinese New Year gift bags that shine like beautiful Christmas wrapping paper, each filled with the season’s must-have snacks, herbal remedies and spirits, the perfect gifts for relatives and friends you’ll visit during the holidays. Christmas trees, holiday lights and even Santa Claus himself continue to grace the malls, stores and public squares, a nod to the many Chinese friends who often think of Christmas as Chinese New Year in the West – borrowing those Christmas symbols to imbue the city with even more holiday cheer. My mother-in-law has spoken of how she plans to do another large batch of homemade tofu, and given the way her fried tofu melted in my mouth the first time I tasted it, I’m salivating just thinking about it.

With all of this joy, excitement and holiday spirit buzzing all around me, the January blues I used to know as a child don’t have a chance in the buildup to Chinese New Year.

I love the timing of the Chinese holiday season. We have a holiday to look forward to just when winter is at its worst. Plus, once it’s over, you needn’t wait long for Spring. People here call Chinese New Year “Spring Festival” and in Hangzhou, it actually lives up to its name – not long after the official end of the holidays, the golden rapeseed flowers start to bloom in the countryside.

Even better, all of this gives me an excuse to do the one thing I always wanted to as a child – keep that Christmas tree up through the winter (and, sometimes, a bit longer than anyone ever expected). 😉

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!

Has Chinese New Year helped ease your January blues?

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Surviving Winter in a South China Family Used to Living Without Heating

‘Tis the season to be sneezing. And I should know. I’ve had three cases of common colds/flus last month alone. That’s right – more often than not, you could find me reaching for the Kleenex or a throat lozenge in December (thank you, Golden Throat Lozenges).

Of course, it’s one thing to come down with a cold – and another to be sick when you’re living in a part of China (rural Hangzhou) that doesn’t have heating in the winter. Consider the following comments I heard one evening from my husband and his parents when I was coughing and sneezing at the dinner table:

“You should wear more clothing,” said my mother-in-law, admonishing me for only wearing three layers of clothing and a scarf.

Then my husband, who shot me a disapproving glance, added, “You haven’t been keeping warm enough.”

It was an echo of the way my mother used to warn us not to catch cold when playing outdoors in the snow. But here I was, sitting inside their home and – by their measure – still putting myself at risk for more sickness.

Like myself, everyone else at the dinner table was bundled up in their jackets and multiple layers — something I would have never seen back at my parents’ home in the US.

I grew up in a little white house in the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio, a world where every house had insulation and central heating, including ours. As someone with a particular aversion to the cold, I’m pretty certain I was the biggest fan of our household thermostat (much to my parents’ chagrin, since they had to foot the bills). I recall many a snowy afternoon bounding into the home after school, when I would promptly turn up the thermostat and prop myself up against one of the heating ducts in the living room. This, combined with the occasional hot bath, was what helped me through the long and often bitter winters in Cleveland.

Leave it to me to marry into a family in Southern China, where people are used to winters without heating in their homes.

Rural Hangzhou is below China’s “Mason-Dixon line” for heating — Anhui’s Huai River and the Qinling Mountain Range – which means that while folks North of that line enjoy steam heating in the winter, we don’t. Granted, Hangzhou isn’t that Northern overall. The city sits at the same latitude as New Orleans and Houston, and would never have the kind of winters I knew as a child — plenty of well-below-freezing temperatures, guaranteed snowfall every year, and even the occasional blizzard. But the high humidity of this subtropical climate means that when it gets cold, you feel it deep in your bones. It’s days like that when I pine for a thermostat to turn up or a heating duct of my own.

But I know, central heating just isn’t what people do here, including my family. They’ve adapted to the winter in ways that I’m not accustomed to — such as always wearing a winter jacket, even when you’re indoors. That means that sometimes, we don’t agree on what constitutes being warm enough inside the house, or how many layers you need to wear to prove that common cold wasn’t your fault.

Through my family, I’ve come to accept that this is what people do here to survive the winter. It just works for them.

For me, it’s another story. I’d love to say I’ve completely embraced how people manage the winter here, but I haven’t. I still fear those one or two days of the season when it’s zero degrees Celsius outside, causing the indoor temperatures to plummet.

I have learned, though, that it’s possible even for me to survive with the right preparations, like a good electric mattress pad and a space heater. (In fact, most days in the winter you’ll probably find me tucked in bed under the covers, staying warm!)

And while I’ll never have the same courage before the cold as my mother-in-law, at least she understands that I need extra preparations to make it through. A month ago, she gifted me with another heavy winter quilt that I never asked her to buy for me. Now that’s love.

Meanwhile, my husband is proof that anyone can change their perspective on heating. He may still side with his mom when it comes to whether I’m wearing enough clothing or actually kept myself warm these days. But he always sides with me about the electric mattress pad and the space heater. “Ahhh, a nice, snug, warm bed!” That’s what he always says when he crawls under the perfectly preheated covers.

I think it’s only a matter of time before I convert him to the “dark side” of central heating. 😉

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AMWF Family Needs Help: New Mother with Brain Cancer

One of the greatest joys of blogging has been the opportunity to meet incredible people in the AMWF community around the world and learn their stories. A little over two years ago, I met a wonderful guy named Logan Lo, happily married to a woman named Alison McCarthy. They’re such a lovely couple that if there were a magazine for the AMWF community, they’d look perfect on the cover.

Logan Lo went on to write two of my favorite guest posts for Speaking of China – Why limit yourself? Logan Lo shares his interracial dating story and Did You Know Hollywood’s 1st Sex Symbol Was an Asian Man? I always hoped the best for Logan and his family.

In fact, 2015 was looking like a bright and beautiful year for this couple. On November 3, 2015, Alison gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Nathan. But five days later, tragedy struck Alison – she had a seizure, caused by a very serious brain tumor. Here’s the full story from the family’s YouCaring page:

On November 3rd, my sister Alison gave birth to her first child, a beautiful baby boy named Nathan. Five days later while recuperating at home, Alison suddenly had a seizure and was rushed to the hospital where a CT scan showed a large mass in her brain. Tragically, a biopsy has confirmed that Alison has a high grade glioblastoma brain tumor, a very aggressive form of brain cancer. Alison’s tumor is inoperable and average life expectancy is less than 18 months without treatment.

Because of this, the family is desperately raising funds to help save Alison and support the family during this difficult time. Here’s the explanation:

We are hoping to raise funds for Alison and her husband Logan as unfortunately their insurance is not accepted at leading cancer-centers like Memorial Sloan Kettering or for clinical trials with experimental treatments which are options we would like to have for her. Alison will also not be able to work for the foreseeable future and Logan cannot work full time as he is caring for Alison and their baby. The loss of income and added expenses will be financially devastating for this new family. Your donations will go to help pay for medical treatments, travel expenses, and childcare and are crucial in our fight to save Alison. The Brain Tumor Foundation estimates the cost of treating a brain tumor at more than $450,000 and says costs of treating a brain tumor can reach $700,000 in a lifetime.

This whole situation just breaks my heart. I know what it’s like when someone who means the world to you is fighting for their life – I’ve witnessed it with my own mother, and it is not a situation I would wish on anyone, especially a young couple with a new baby.

It’s been extremely hard on Logan, as you can imagine. Here’s what he first wrote about his wife’s situation:

I once said that all stories end sad; every relationship that matters will always end in tears. That’s the nature of the world. But I think the unexpected tragedies are the hardest. That’s when life knocks you to your knees and you can’t stand up again.

My wife is sick. And on top of the sickness, we have all the bonuses that come with the sickness – the fear, the uncertainty, the loss of control, etc.

Yet I hold out hope that somehow, this isn’t all of our story. That we can find a happy sequel to this news. And in the end, I want what everyone wants when they love someone – for them to stay.

Please stay with us. Please stay with me.

He also blogged about staying with his wife in the hospital, even though it meant sleeping on the floor beside her bed:

When my wife first got sick, I slept on the floor next to her hospital bed for a week. Said I did it because I didn’t want her to be alone, which was true. But equally true was that I didn’t want to be alone either.

Nurse: You can’t sleep here.
Me: (lying down) Let’s find out.

I’m sorry for the lack of updates – especially to those that have so generously donated.

On December 10th, Alison was unresponsive so we rushed her to the hospital. There, the doctors had to remove part of her skull to save her life. They said she might not survive the night. I fell to my knees.

But she survived. Then she had another surgery just a week later. That’s three brain surgeries in a month, just days after giving birth.

To say that my wife is crazy tough is like saying that New York City is a small town. She’s made of steel.

Unfortunately, she’s been in the hospital since the 10th and will be for quite a while. I’m there most days; other days, other relatives are with her.

This is not how we imagined our first Christmas and New Year’s as a family.

Still, I go to the hospital and have bread with her when she’s able. When she’s not, I just sit there. And we dream of home.

He also blogged about his first Christmas with Alison as a family, where Alison called him out of the blue, frightened because she had forgotten why she was in the hospital and what had happened to her:

Dunno how doctors regularly give bad news. Where do they find the strength to tell someone that that their lives are in grave jeopardy on the regular? Do they drink every night at their desk?

Me: …he said you might not wake up. But you did. Then he said you might be permanently damaged…
Her: (horrified)
Me: …but you’re not. And then another doctor said he had to open you again and said you might not come back, but you did. This cancer has been wanting to kill you but you just won’t let it.

Somewhere along the line, the alarms that were going off because of her rapid heartbeat, stopped ringing. And she started breathing normally again. Her voice became stronger.

Her: I can’t believe this is my life.
Me: (sighing) This woman once said, You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding. It’s a ___ hand, but you’ve been playing the hell out of them. We’re all so proud of you.

Then I took her phone and explained everything a third time – this time via a recording on her phone. And I titled it: WATCH ME!

Told her that if she woke up again and didn’t know where she was, she could watch that and wait for me. Because I would always be on my way.

I’m writing about Logan Lo and his wife Alison to ask for your support.

If you can support the family through donations (please donate through their YouCaring page), that’s wonderful.

But even if you cannot donate, you can also support them by simply sharing their story through social media. In doing so you’ll help them garner more support and ultimately more donations.

In the meantime, I’ll be keeping Logan Lo and Alison in my thoughts – and wishing them a Happy New Year that includes a full recovery for Alison.

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My Best Posts on Speaking of China in 2015

As we say farewell to 2015, I’d like to share the best posts on this site – including the top five by views and my five own personal favorites.

The Top 5 Posts by Views:

#5: How could I forget about the cultural differences in my intercultural marriage?
Earlier in 2015, someone asked me during an interview, “Tell me about some cultural differences between you and your husband.” You would have thought I had a million things to say on the topic. But I didn’t — and as it turned out, I realized there was a very important reason why.

#4: Why I’m tired of hearing “you’ll have a hard life” about interracial relationships.
Loving versus Virginia may have paved the way for legal interracial marriage in the US, but it sure didn’t stop people from telling you how “tough” it’s going to be. I shared my reasons why I’m tired of hearing this — and turns out, this post spoke to many of you.

#3: Is Beijing Becoming Dangerous for Couples of Foreign Men and Chinese Women?

This past Christmas, a number of Embassies in Beijing issued warnings of possible attacks on Westerners in the Sanlitun area — prompting many of us to recall how a Chinese woman just married to a French man was stabbed to death in August 2015. I posted about this incident back in August, and it got a lot of you talking.

#2: 3 Challenging Things About Meeting the Parents for People in Intercultural/Interracial Relationships.
When John first told his parents about me, here’s what his father said: “You can be friends with foreign women but not date them.” Yikes.

It’s challenging when you’re meeting the parents and you’re in an intercultural and/or interracial relationship — and these three major challenges I shared resonated with a lot of you.

#1: 4 Habits I’ve Learned from my Chinese Husband.
I had a lot of fun writing this post and sharing some of the things I’ve picked up from my marriage to John — and more of you enjoyed it than any other post in 2015.

My 5 Personal Favorites (In Order of Appearance in 2015):

“What will they think?” The fear of being seen as a failure before family at Chinese New Year.
Chinese New Year is one of those times when it seems like everyone in the family makes it their business to criticize your life. And it’s not always easy.

Why it’s a really bad idea to teach your spouse your language.
Why “pillow talk” is not necessarily one of the secret language learning hacks — and how teaching your spouse your language could wreak havoc in your marriage.

Mom, if only you could have known the person I became after China.
This Mother’s Day tribute to my late mother became the inspiration for a piece I wrote for the Wall Street Journal.

The Courage to Blog Personally About Love, Family and Marriage in China.
When a reader wrote to say she thought I was courageous in sharing my personal stories online, her words inspired this post.

Why Did I Assume I Would Stay Single in China?
After Rosie in Beijing publicly explored some of her own prejudices in a post titled, “Why Did I Assume I’d Never Find a Man to Date in China?”, I realized I had a similar story to share — and ended up writing this post.

What would you like to see me write about in 2016?

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On Having the Christmas Blues in China

Christmas in China might sound cool and exciting -- but sometimes it's not as fun as it seems — Christmas in China might sound cool and exciting — but sometimes it’s not as fun as it seems

This year marks my third consecutive Christmas I will have spent in China since moving back here in November of 2013. I’d love to say it’s all tinsel, glitter and joy — but as I’ve learned over the years, it’s not always easy to spend the holidays in a country that doesn’t celebrate them.

Add to that the fact that I’ve come down with the flu twice this month (maybe three times — my throat is feeling scratchy as a I write this) and you’ve got a holiday season that really doesn’t have much of a holiday feel to me. Sigh.

That said, I know I’m not alone in this feeling.

Last year when I wrote about The Ups and Downs of Spending Christmas Abroad (in a Country That Doesn’t Celebrate It), lots of you wrote in to say how much that post touched you. (And I was touched to see my words resonate with so many others.)

So this year, I’m once again sending you on to The Ups and Downs of Spending Christmas Abroad (in a Country That Doesn’t Celebrate It):

Initially, I had this perfect little holiday-themed post all sketched out to run today. It would snappy, upbeat and fun. Everything Christmas should be, right?

But after I let it sit for a day and revisited it, I realized it didn’t hit the right note with me. The thing is, I wasn’t feeling snappy, upbeat or fun.

I didn’t like the idea of having to force a happy face out there when it wasn’t the truth. The heaviness in my heart that weighed upon me as I stared at the computer screen told me I just couldn’t run that post in good conscience – not when I’m still facing my own share of ups and downs over spending Christmas in China, a country that doesn’t officially celebrate it.

You can read the full post here.

Have yourselves a Merry little Christmas wherever you are in the world — and sending you hugs and understanding from China.

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Photo Essay: Walking in a (China) Winter Wonderland

Okay, don’t hate me for saying this, but…here in China, I actually look forward to the winter.

I know, I know. This is winter after all. The coldest season of the year!

But here in the Hangzhou region, winter happens to be one of the best seasons for hiking. And ever since we’ve discovered a beautiful little hideaway in the mountains, it’s become our own private “winter wonderland” for evening walks.

When John and I happen to stay at his family home in rural Hangzhou, the best part of our afternoon comes when we pull on our fleece (or nowadays, down) jackets and head for the hills.

The first time we discovered this corner of the mountains, I think my heart stopped. I couldn’t believe how utterly beautiful the scenery was. Or how it was literally just a short drive from his parents’ home in the countryside.

It always feels like these hills are filled with treasures, even in the winter. Just look at the Persimmon trees just behind me. They may have lost their leaves long ago, but those ruby-red persimmons still cling to the branches, just daring you to pick them.

Mountain springs flow down the hillside, creating lovely little waterfalls like this one.

There’s even quite the waterfall running straight through this gorge — and it’s best viewed in the wintertime.

Sometimes the clouds even put on a show for us.

Wishing you a a very happy holiday season! And may you too find your own private winter wonderland, wherever you are in the world!

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