Chinese men don't usually celebrate birthdays. But a Western woman may never see her Chinese friend again, and wants to give him something to remember her by. (Photo by Zsuzsanna Kilian)
foreign friend asks:
My 哥哥‘s birthday is coming up in the first week of March, and I want to give him a gift…. And he’s actually leaving soon, to China…next month as well and I want to give him something that he will remember me by. (I’m just kind of worried that in the future, he’ll forget about me…and just move on with our friendship, because he’s not coming back to our city where we attend school at.)
A woman wonders why her Chinese boyfriend is showing less affection when his parents are around. (photo by Dora Mitsonia)
confused asks:
I am dating a Chinese man who has lived in North America for years. He is quite westernized in his daily life, so it’s difficult for me to ascertain which issues may be cultural and which aren’t. We’ve been dating six months, and it got serious quite quickly. His parents are just in for three weeks now, and i’ve met them and spent quite a bit if time with them while they’ve been here. My boyfriend, however, seems to be acting strange. His parents appear to like me a lot, but could his strange behavior ( less texting/phone/ verbal affection ) be an indication that they’ve mentioned to him otherwise?? When I’ve spoken to him about it he gets quite stiff says I’m overreacting and shouldn’t question his feelings ( his general attitude hahaha) but the difference these last couple weeks is notable… Sigh… Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Chinese Boyfriend Changes Around His Parents?”
WHY is there nothing but negative reactions from anyone who hears that my boyfriend is asian? The reactions don’t seem to be specific to the country he is from… they are just so grossed out that anyone can actually date an asian guy. “Yuck! They beat their wives! They are so boring! They have tiny dicks! They are too girly, They look ugly”, etc etc.. I’ve heard it all. Or, if the reaction is not totally negative, they are always INVASIVELY curious about every aspect of our relationship. “Does he speak english? Where did you find him? Is it true they have small dicks?”
Now if I was with literally anyone else, no one would bat an eye. Men of other races seem to be the most disgusted and seem to take it as a personal affront. Women are more polite, but shake their heads as if to say “what a waste.” Even my girlfriends who are Taiwanese don’t like asian men.. a Japanese gay guy I know ONLY dates Black men, but no one criticizes his taste. I also feel like people think I have yelllow fever and it pisses me off – if I decided to exclusively date say, white guys, no one would care.
I seriously feel sorry for Asian guys who are just trying to get dates out there, having to work against this enormous negative image. And I live in NYC! I can only imagine how much worse it is in suburbia.
When my Chinese husband was born, the neighbors wanted to swap him for their baby daughter (photo by Onclebob)
When someone gives birth to a baby boy, you wouldn’t say “can we switch babies?” Unless, of course, you happened to be neighbors to my Chinese husband’s family.
As the third son in the family, John dashed his mother’s hopes of finally giving birth to a girl. Their neighbors had the opposite problem — they had just birthed another girl, the third in their family. So the neighbors came to John’s parents, with a different kind of indecent proposal.
The way my mother-in-law and father-in-law tell it, there was no question what they would do. “He’s our son, we could never give him away,” my mother-in-law declared emphatically at lunch one day, as my father-in-law nodded his head, adding how the neighbors “had a crazy idea.”
In this exclusive interview with Speaking of China, JT Tran offers dating advice for Chinese men on everything from sexuality and confidence to personality and approaching women.
In lieu of the usual Q&A, this week I’m featuring an interview with JT Tran, the number one Asian Dating Coach for Asian men.
JT has been featured on ABC, Chicago TV, VH1’s The Pick Up Artist, Asian Week, D Magazine, Nichi Bei Times, Entrepreneur, Harvard, Rutgers, Wellesley, to name a few. He offers hands-on coaching through his bootcamp seminars with the ABCs of Attraction. And, just recently, he launched the AMWW (Asian Men & White Women) Magazine to provide dating advice for Asian men in every stage of the relationship (in full disclosure, I’ll be writing for the magazine starting this January). Regular readers may also remember I reviewed his free audio dating CD and eBook in December (which are still available for download).
I talked with JT about a variety of subjects, from sexuality and building confidence to having personality and just approaching women. I’m confident you’ll find the conversation as enlightening and enjoyable as I did.
Since this is a monster of an interview, I’ve broken it down into topics, so you can click your way through to the information you want to know most:
When I asked my Chinese husband about why he took out a loan to treat me on our first "official date," the answer -- which said a lot about how he viewed love and money -- surprised me.
On our first official date, John gave me a copy of a Dream of Red Mansions, treated me to a Buddhist vegetarian Chinese feast, and then romanced me beside the West Lake in Hangzhou. An unforgettable night with the man who would become my Chinese husband? Priceless.
Except for John, who not only paid for it, but actually took out a loan to make it happen — from his friend, a guy we call “Lao Da.”
But when I asked John why he went to such great lengths to pay for me, he gave me an answer I never expected: “Our relationship wasn’t settled yet.”
What's the story on sex and Chinese men? A Western woman wonders when her Chinese boyfriend turns out to be a terrible lover. (photo by Jesse Therrien)
sex in singapore asks:
Any idea why my Singaporean (Chinese) lover is so terrible in bed? He is 35, has had long term relationships, has been exposed to the west as he is a successful producer and has been all over the world, he is exposed to the concept of good sex through films and media… so why is he so clueless? He doesn’t even try. In the past his gfs have been Chinese and Singaporean.. When I asked Chinese friends they say in Chinese culture men are less romantic and more passive and don’t want to give pleasure to women. Others say Asians are just not as passionate as in european countries for example. Again I find this hard to believe, I am sure there are many Asians who know what they are doing.. but I do hear western men talking of their Chinese girlfriends and how they have never had orgasm etc. I am interested to know what you think of Chinese/Asian sexual relationships and whether it is in fact normal for the sex to be so … bad? I think this is unlikely and I think it is simply that my guy for whatever reason is just totally clueless. But can any generalisations be made on this subject? thanks!
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The best sex I’ve ever had has been with Chinese men (including my husband). And that tells me that there are plenty of wonderful lovers to be found among the sons of Han. Continue reading “Ask the Yangxifu: Sex and Chinese Men”
A toast...to the top five most popular posts (by views) in Ask the Yangxifu, for 2010! 😉
I launched Ask the Yangxifu in 2010 as a platform to answer the many questions and conundrums readers sent my way about love, dating, marriage and family. And, as it turns out, it’s been the most popular source of content for this website, hands-down.
So, as I celebrate the holidays and ring in 2011, I thought I’d take a moment to share with you your most favorite Ask the Yangxifu columns, ranked by views:
1. How Western Women Can Meet Chinese Men in China. Chinese men, take heart — if this ranking is any measure, there are a lot more Western women out there looking to meet you than you think. 😉
3. How Can Chinese Men and Western Women Get Along as a Couple? I couldn’t resist answering this question, from a Chinese guy who wondered how two people from such drastically different cultures could make it work. And given that’s one of the top five posts, you couldn’t resist it, either. 😉
4. Change Your Name After Marriage in China? I answered this question for my friend Gerald — erroneously, as it turns out, because the issue in his case was that he wanted to change his own name when he married his Chinese girlfriend (Sorry, Gerald). Still, it was fun to write, and started a whole conversation about how to handle this Western tradition for women in China.
5. What Western Women Think of Chinese Men. My translation of a Xinhua article on a study of Western women and their impressions of Chinese men really got your attention.
Happy New Year (新年快乐), and I’ll see you on January 7, 2011 with a fresh new Ask the Yangxifu column!
P.S.: Quick programming note — just wanted to let readers also know that my column, Travel China with the Yangxifu, will be on hold in 2011 until further notice. Why? Well, it gets pretty tough to write about traveling China when you spend most of the year in the US. 😉 Travel lovers, hope you understand. And don’t worry — I’ll be going to China in summer 2011, so the travel bug might just inspire me to put pen to paper once again. Stay tuned. 😉
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Do you have a question about life, dating, marriage and family in China/Chinese culture (or Western culture)? Every Friday, I answer questions on my blog. Send me your question today.
We look back on 2010, at the top five posts -- by views -- posted in my "China Articles" category
As 2010 comes to a close, I thought it might be cool to look back on your most favorite articles for the year (especially for those of you who have just discovered this blog). The criteria? They must have been posted in the category “China Articles,” and must have been written in 2010.
So, here they are, ranked according to number of views:
1. China Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men. Readers loved this post (so much in fact, that it is the third most popular page overall for 2010!), rounding up all of the extraordinary Western women out there who love Chinese men, and blog about it. (P.S.: My apologies to the new voices I discovered later this year — I promise to revisit this topic in March 2011, and update everyone with the latest list of bloggers out there, which you can always find in my blogroll under “Chinese Men + Foreign Women”)
2. Chinese Men Are Sexy. And, given that this is second most popular post for 2010, my readers agree! 😉
3. Three Inches of Separation: On Loving a Shorter Chinese Man. I wrote this after getting an e-mail from a supportive reader, about how she was taller than her boyfriend. And I never thought so many people would connect with my own tale of overcoming my own prejudices about height, to fall in love with a Chinese man who stands three inches below me.
4. Stereotypes About Couples of Chinese Men and Western Women. This post about the misconceptions surrounding couples of Chinese men and Western women got a lot of readers’ attention. (Thanks to Gerald Zhang-Schmidt, for collaborating with me by doing a post the same day on the stereotypes for the flip scenario — Chinese women and Western men)
5. Western Wives, Chinese Husbands. This article I worked on, for Middle Kingdom Life, covered many of the issues Western women face when dating Chinese men in China. I collaborated with three other American women with Chinese husbands. Susan Chi, Melanie Gao and Jessica Larson-Wang, thanks for helping me make this such a valuable piece. 🙂
A London woman wonders if a Chinese coworker in her Beijing office is interested in her. (photo by Celal Teber)
London Girl asks:
I’ve been in China for 2 months. I’m based in Beijing and work for Chinese company who like to employ a few foreigners.
On my first day I was introduced to a very pleasant Chinese guy. As soon as I met him he told me he has relatives in the UK, studied in US and has travelled in Europe. Since these past 8 weeks we talk nearly every day at work about our interests and whats in the news, etc. He also follows European sport and knows my team.
One day at work he spoke to me in German! Then he said somebody told him I also speak German. So now we converse in German. This makes me feel that he’s been talking about me?
From reading some of your advice it would appear that Chinese men are friendly although would not go out of their way to befriend someone if they weren’t interested.
He’s a little younger than me. I’m in my early thirties and he’s mid twenties. Although everyone thinks I look early twenties…so I know age might not be an issue…
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